April 10, 2006

Last week at the office, I watched a bunch of my coworkers stuff themselves into a large cardboard box. It’s kind of a long story–there was this giant box, see, and we wanted to find out how many people could fit inside it at the same time. Hey, I guess it’s not a long story after all.

We had a lot of fun with that box; everyone wanted to wear it on their head, hunker inside it like a prairie dog, scribble “transmogrifier” on the side, or carefully balance one end of it on a flashlight to create a trap using turkey jerky as bait. A big empty cardboard box is second only to the extra poppy kind of bubble wrap in terms of mass appeal.

Imagine my glee when JB and I brought home our newly purchased highchair this weekend, not because we have yet another bleeccch-encrusted baby item cluttering up our decidedly nonspacious kitchen/living room, but because after assembling the chair (a surprisingly easy task, so a tentative thumbs up to the Eddie Bauer highchair for being both semi-attractive and not requiring a degree in particle theory in order to put the damn thing together; minus 25 points though for having a cheesy “EDDIE BAUER” logo festooned on the back of the chair as if anyone gives a moist turd) we had, wait for it, a giant box.

JB had actually started to break down the box for recycling when I grasped his shoulders, shook him briskly, and shouted in his face, “My god, man! Are you blind? Do you not see the rich plethora of possibilities spread before us?”

So we crammed Cat in the box.

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That was all well and good, but kind of boring because Cat likes being in boxes. She can be all sneaky in there and dream up various methods of vomiting in our shoes (Hmm, should I just splash it all over the laces so it dries to a crunchy patina of horror, or should I aim up the toe so it isn’t seen until too late?), plus there’s the nerve-wracking effect of looking into the box to find two barf-plotting eyes burning back at you out of the darkness…

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(Gah.)

…so Cat was eighty-sixed in favor of torturing Dog.

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Now, Dog is not exactly the bravest creature on four legs, so it took some encouraging to get her to approach the box.

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Namely, a biscuit tossed inside.

When that didn’t work, we may have picked her up and heaved her in. I said MAY HAVE.

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Once she was in the box, and JB and I had taken turns slapping our knees and heaving loud brays of laughter at her expense, we realized we weren’t sure how to get her back out. Tip it over? Lift her from the top using some kind of small crane?

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Help meeeeeee.

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Uh oh.

Luckily, the Biscuit Method provided enough motivation for her to spring faunlike from the box’s innards, leaving a festive spray of fur in her wake.

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We tested her short term memory by attempting to lure her back in, but Dog made her preferences clear.

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Now, before you ask, of course I did not put my seven-month-old child in the box, mostly because he started whining when I lowered him in, but also because we have plenty of opportunity to tease him.

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“Hey, I’m crazy washcloth head baby! And I want some candy! I don’t have a normal head, I have a damn washcloth growing out of it!”

Yes indeed, a fun weekend was had by all. Well, except for Dog, maybe.

Comments

31 Responses to “Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around”

  1. Amy on April 10th, 2006 10:13 am

    Ha! Thanks for sharing. Loved this entry.

  2. Anais on April 10th, 2006 10:21 am

    I couldn’t stop laughing when I read what you wrote about scribbling “transmogrifier” on the side of the box. Calvin & Hobbes is my favorite comic strip of all time. =]

  3. Jo on April 10th, 2006 10:28 am

    HA! The ‘uh-oh’ picture of Riley made tea come down my nose! You are all hilarious. And Dog is PRECIOUS!

  4. Jennifer on April 10th, 2006 10:34 am

    Poor Dog. Yay, Cat! My Cat LOVES boxes of all shapes and sizes. Despite the fact that she’s a total lard-o, she prefers wee shoeboxes to most everything else.

  5. Sherbert on April 10th, 2006 11:21 am

    Nice one.

  6. Niki on April 10th, 2006 11:35 am

    Ah, the memories. Actually, I don’t remember being a wee babe, but my mother says she took me to the beach in a large cardboard box. I’m sure she didn’t close the flaps or anything…think of it as a cheap playpen, with better sunblocking abilities.

  7. warcrygirl on April 10th, 2006 11:36 am

    Just wait until the first Christmas Riley is mobile and instead of oooo-ing and aaaaaa-in over the grossly expensive toy you bought for him he plays with the box it came in. Every parent has told this story and every parent was right. Yay for being easily amused!!!

  8. Jenn on April 10th, 2006 11:43 am

    Even before I read the content, I loved this entry simply for the title. Yay for TMBG!

  9. Susie on April 10th, 2006 11:48 am

    Freakin’ hilarious…. “I said *maybe*” bwahahaaha

  10. Sonia(DDM) on April 10th, 2006 12:12 pm

    Ha! You are killing me with the funny yet again. Boxes are my 5 year old son’s favorite toy, hands down. In fact, it may be time to hit up the local appliance store for a new one…..

  11. Niki P. on April 10th, 2006 12:42 pm

    Wow. Your weekend of box’o’fun makes my weekend of cleaning and shopping and cooking look trivial and mundane. DAMN YOU AND YOUR BOXES!!

    ps- i could just rip my ovaries out looking at the cuteness that is the boy!

  12. honeybecke on April 10th, 2006 12:44 pm

    That title got me…I knew I KNEW it…finally, it hit me. TMBG.
    Thanks for taking me back to my “SCHPIDERrrr” days!
    I should break out those albums again. I don’t even think we ogged em on our computer they are so dusty and hidden in storage boxes…somewheres.
    Cute cute washcloth head boy!

  13. crystal on April 10th, 2006 12:59 pm

    ok, that? was funny. boxes have got to be the best toys, ever. for young and old alike. it’s ageless entertainment.

  14. Jessie on April 10th, 2006 1:13 pm

    Hillarious! Also, something my husband and I would totally do, you know, if we had a big box, dog, cat or baby. Which we don’t. Oh, well. Still looks like fun.

  15. victoria on April 10th, 2006 1:30 pm

    Yesterday, my husband was helping me give our 110 lb. lab mix a bath. He grabbed the front end, and I grabbed the hind end, and we were lifting him into the claw-foot bathtub when my grip slipped and I ended up flinging the poor beast on his side into the (water-filled) tub, splashing a tsunami of water & dog shampoo all over the bathroom.

    “Oh my god! You threw that poor dog into the tub! Check him for broken ribs!” said my husband.

    “Stop it,” I said, “you know how much I love that dog.”

    “But you threw the dog! He could be having internal bleeding! You monster!”

    “Aaargh! You’re torturing me! You have to stop,” I pleaded.

    Later that night, I said, “thanks for helping me bathe the dog.”

    “Yeah,” he replied, “the Dog Toss has always been one of my better events.”

  16. Laura on April 10th, 2006 1:40 pm

    ahh, I love boxes! I made forts out of appliance boxes as a kid — cut out windows, put a lamp in there and stocked up with boxes of fruit loops.

    not to plug myself too much here, but if you’re interested, I make custom covers for the high chair you purchased (we have the same one, and detested the brown plaid EB cover). The ones I make come sans EB logo as well :-) e-me if you’re interested.

  17. fifi on April 10th, 2006 1:48 pm

    I endorse putting small children into empty cardboard boxes, especially at Christmas time. It helps them to get over the disappointment of not getting precisely what they asked Santa for.
    Am I a bad person if the last pic of Riley with the washcloth on his head reminds me of Meany’s husband? In a good way, honest… I mean, normally, Riley just reminds me of you and JB. Bad? OK, but you’re the one who tried to tempt your Dog in twice, for a biscuit.

  18. Celine on April 10th, 2006 3:17 pm

    As a fellow owner of a not-so-brave dog – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

  19. Jane on April 10th, 2006 4:26 pm

    Our dogs like to tear apart the boxes. Much fun is had when, after emptying out a carton of something (beer, normally) you call out “Hey Dog! *gasp!* Look, a box!” and shake it a little. The box is then grabbed, shaken (thwacking dog’s self in the head numerous times) and gradually torn to pieces. Hilarity ensues when the two dogs fight over who gets to tear apart the box – by having a tug-o-war over its remains (which usually leds to the remains ripping in half and two dogs skittering in opposite directions).

  20. JennB on April 10th, 2006 4:53 pm

    Ha ha!
    That’s why we HAVE pets and children, duh! To humiliate them, take pictures of it, and tease them to no end. The internet(s) make it all that much better….
    Did you know that the cardboard box just made it into the Toy Hall of Fame? A righteous entry, if I do say so myself.

  21. Pete on April 10th, 2006 5:00 pm

    My older son played with the box my vertical compressor was shipped in for a couple of years. Best investment ever for a toy. I never tried putting my dog in a box, but at 100 pounds it would have to be one big box. He would probably just get excited thinking we were going to the dog park.

  22. tophermo on April 10th, 2006 5:34 pm

    Good clean fun! Well except for the fur

  23. tophermo on April 10th, 2006 5:34 pm

    .

  24. Shannon on April 10th, 2006 11:17 pm

    I canNOT have been the only one to get your Adam Sandler reference! I’d forgotten about that! Thank you.

  25. MH on April 11th, 2006 6:14 am

    I’m crazy pickle arm. I have a pickle for an arm.

  26. kaitlyn on April 11th, 2006 6:49 am

    So I’ve been reading for a while but could never get the comment section to work in your old layout, but here I am, finally delurking. That said, I read your pregnancy entries/birth story because I am due in 8 weeks. Also, nice to see that I’m not the only one who tortures and teases my dog fr my own personal pleasure. They’re just so gullible and willing to please!

  27. Maggie on April 11th, 2006 8:44 am

    You guys are adorable and remind me so much of my husband and me…(ok I wont bring him down w/ me)….just me!

  28. Elizabeth on April 11th, 2006 8:59 am

    My baby enjoys boxes. Enjoys eating them that is. I have not yet discovered the appeal of cardboard and paper, but they seem to be his favorite entrees. Sticking him inside a cardboard box would be a bit like setting me down inside a box made of chocolate.

  29. Reese on April 11th, 2006 12:43 pm

    Funniest blog entry I’ve seen in quite awhile..hee!

  30. doug on April 12th, 2006 12:59 am

    I TOTALLY FORGET TO TELL YOU AND JB I WAS GOING TO BE ON THE RADIO IN YOUR TOWN THIS MORNING!!! I WAS ON THE JACKIE AND BENDER SHOW. I POSTED AN MP3 OF THE APPEARANCE HERE.

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