April 17, 2006

Life with a baby is both predictable and wildly erratic. On one hand, you’ve pretty much got your Friday nights pegged for the next decade (“So, Netflix or Blockbuster tonight?” “Oh, I’m feeling adventurous–let’s do pay-per-view!”), on the other hand, the pendulum is constantly in flux, one minute you’re flitting through a metaphorical field of daisies telling everyone with ears how life is so magically delicious and you simply couldn’t be one iota happier or you would explode in a vanilla-scented hail of love, sweet wove; the next, you find yourself mired in a kind of Bataan Death March as you stagger hollow-eyed to and fro in an attempt to soothe a desperately unhappy child who can’t be put down for one single millisecond without manifesting the sort of noise you imagine plays at top volume in the echoing halls of HELL.

Yeah, so the boy is sick. A feverish, sneezy kind of gunk that I’m sure JB and I will contract all too quickly and convert into something like the Hantavirus.

I’m taking a brief break from my chief duty of suffering like Job praying for death keening softly while repeatedly rocking back and forth caring for the infested child to tell you this:

Yesterday JB and I colored some eggs using one of those cheapo PAAS egg-dyeing kits. The box came with some stickers, and I noticed JB frowningly applying a few, which I thought was sort of odd, as the stickers were all foofy little lambs and flowers and shit. It was only when he proudly held up his decorated egg that I realized the effect he was going for.

easter06.jpg

Now, I don’t know what you see here, but to my eyes the tableau is clearly a naughty one, and the “Happy Easter Sister” text just makes it worse by sprinkling a hint of incest over the backdoor-bunny scene. So of course I thought it was hilarious, and we laughed long and hard (heh) over it, and I took a picture, and he emailed the photo, as a joke, to his brother. Ha ha ha, right?

Except that for some unknown reason he also emailed it to his parents.

Who thought that this was our way of telling them that I was pregnant.

With a girl, apparently.

And got really excited.

*cough*

So. I hope that whatever you’re doing today, you’re neither 1) hoovering an oil freighter full of snot out of a screaming baby’s nose, or 2) explaining to your in-laws why two bunnies fucking on an Easter egg does not mean a second grandchild is on the way.

Comments

32 Responses to “Mucus and misunderstandings”

  1. Misty on April 17th, 2006 11:08 am

    I have to admit, i saw the picture before reading the post, and i thought the exact same thing! oh well, i digress. i hope the babe feels better soon!

  2. Jessamyn on April 17th, 2006 11:10 am

    Ok, I just have to say HA! Ha!

  3. redzils on April 17th, 2006 11:11 am

    Oh, man, that is a misunderstanding. Good luck with the hoovering and the explaining :)

  4. Lori on April 17th, 2006 11:20 am

    Heeeeeeeeeeeeee.

  5. oregoncoastgirl on April 17th, 2006 11:24 am

    excellent.

  6. Kirsten on April 17th, 2006 11:27 am

    BWA! ” two bunnies fucking on an Easter Egg”….SOOOOOO FUNNY

  7. mandy on April 17th, 2006 11:33 am

    At first I thought, “that looks like…! HA” thinking I read something into it that totally wasn’t there,then I realized it totally WAS! I also thought to myself, “I can’t believe that PAAS would print a sticker like that!…Wait a minute…”

    Your clever husband.

  8. laura on April 17th, 2006 11:34 am

    Ooops. That’s funny though. :)

  9. warcrygirl on April 17th, 2006 11:36 am

    I don’t know which I love more; the incest bunnies or the Princess Bride reference. Happy Eassa!

  10. Kaire on April 17th, 2006 11:39 am

    I clearly saw it as back door lovin’ …

  11. Lisa Ann on April 17th, 2006 12:29 pm

    That was pretty funny. Definitely something to share with your wife and sibling. But WHY, oh WHY would he send that to his parents? Did he have to explain to them what exactly that was?

  12. Niki P. on April 17th, 2006 1:21 pm

    JB must have had sniffed some of the easter egg dye huh. Hah. Good one! The joke actually turned out to be on him!

  13. fifi on April 17th, 2006 1:25 pm

    I would have assumed it was JB’s very*ahem* romantic way of bringing up the subject, because, damn, one snot-producing howling littl’un isn’t enough for some couples!

  14. bren on April 17th, 2006 2:32 pm

    This is deserving of the full gamut of Web-friendly acronyms:

    OMG!
    LOL!
    ROFL!

    and so on…

  15. Anne Glamore on April 17th, 2006 2:52 pm

    Loving the bunny fornication. Spicy Easter!

  16. Amalah on April 17th, 2006 3:28 pm

    See, there is something wrong with me, because I cannot fathom anyone looking at that egg and NOT immediately seeing the backdoor-bunny-incest.

  17. Jenn on April 17th, 2006 3:35 pm

    OMG, I am laughing my ass off. An impending child never entered *my* mind when I saw the egg. Too damn funny!

  18. Pete on April 17th, 2006 4:07 pm

    Nice backyard.

  19. Erin on April 17th, 2006 4:15 pm

    Hilarious!
    And, I was going to suggest it but didn’t want to be pushy, but thanks for putting the date at the top of your entries. It’s way more user-friendly that way, I missed it when it was gone.

  20. Donna on April 17th, 2006 4:50 pm

    Holy easter eggs batman, that was funny!
    JB cracks me up.
    Sorry your little egg is sick though, I hate it when their little noses are stuffy cuz they are just miserable…..

  21. Emily on April 17th, 2006 5:15 pm

    I’m with everyone who immediately thought “bunny-style,” and all variants thereof, as soon as they looked at that sticker.I’m glad to know that there is indeed a dirty side to every holiday.

  22. MRW on April 17th, 2006 5:23 pm

    Incest bunnies = hilarious and your opening paragraph so nicely encapsulates why I don’t seem to be able to make up my mind about having a second child. Oh the love, oh the joy . . . oh the exhaustion and desire to run away…

  23. Jem on April 17th, 2006 6:37 pm

    That totally would have been the first thing we would have thought of, too. I can’t believe you have to explain to the parents now – that is incredibly funny!

  24. Kristin on April 17th, 2006 8:41 pm

    Best. Closing. Sentence. Ever.

  25. Lesley on April 17th, 2006 10:54 pm

    Have you seen the Easter Bunny Hates You video? Hilarious slap stick.

  26. Jessie on April 18th, 2006 6:01 am

    Ha!!! The inlaws and babies thing has been driving me nuts since even before I was married. This past Thanksgiving we brought the whole family together for the big dinner. I think my husband’s grandmothers and mother cried when they saw me drink a glass of wine. They thought since we wanted to see everyone that meant we had an announcement. We learned our lesson – no visiting the inlaws without alterior motives. Geez.

  27. RubyLemon on April 18th, 2006 6:51 am

    Wait just a minute, folks. I, for one, am (probably) very close to the age of Sundry’s/JB’s parents. I am not senile or infirm. I can perfectly well understand the visual of 2 bunnies having some back door fun. Sheesh – I sure hope you guys take this same kind of abuse when you’re in your 50’s. It’s really not the end of the world, you know. We don’t get stupid, nor do we forget all the drugs, likker, sex and rock & roll we experienced. I love your site, Sundry (and I get all the jokes). Happy belated Easter.

  28. Jem on April 18th, 2006 7:29 am

    “I took this job because it said Snakes on a Plane. I didn’t have to read the script: You got a plane full of snakes! Thats all I need to know!” – Samuel L. Jackson

  29. wealhtheow on April 18th, 2006 9:09 am

    When I get pregnant, that is EXACTLY how I’m going to break the news to my family. Fornicating bunnies, all the way.

  30. Annie on April 18th, 2006 10:32 am

    Why would he send this to his parents? You’ve got to know you’re asking for trouble.

    I, too, only saw the naughty image. But I agree with wealhtheow that this would be a stellar way to pass on the blessed news of another child.

    So sorry to hear Riley is sick again. I think you deserve an extra chocolate bunny.

  31. Kerri on April 18th, 2006 12:36 pm

    HA. That’s far better than my accidental love note to my boyfriend’s dad (they have the same name). Aren’t parents deliciously ignorant. I hope you let JB explain.

  32. andrea on April 20th, 2006 2:02 pm

    I’m laughing out loud about this one. That’s great. My best easter egg so far was one that I did for one of my older brothers that was a VERY pretty robin’s egg blue with a carefully drawn picture of a hand flipping the bird. It said “FAH-Q.” He loved it.