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May
19
So, speaking, um, hypothetically, what would you do if you had a house full of contractors on a Friday when you were home from work and when you went into your one working bathroom you discovered this on the counter next to the sink?
And it wasn’t YOURS? Or your husband’s? Or the dog’s?
(UPDATE: at about 3:30 PM today, the lube mysteriously disappeared.)
(*shudder*)
Comments
110 Responses to “WWJD”
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I also write here:
I would assume two of the contractors were boinking each other in your bathroom that morning. Then I would get a major case of the heebies-jeebies. Not because it’s two guys, but because it’s two strangers boinking in your bathroom. I’d probably check the floor for, um, forensics, as well.
Yikes! WTF? He better have been on break dammit!
I’d be thinking there wasn’t enough bleach in the WORLD to clean my bathroom.
I’d be thinking it was time to install a webcam.
Hmmm, well first and foremost I’d recommend that you don’t shake any of their hands today!
Ew! Ew ew!
And also, what happened to the Glory Hole? (And also, how is that possible, to name ANYTHING the Glory Hole?)
Please, please, please Squandra–
don’t mention the Glory Hole this near to that picture of the lubricant.
Talk about Ew.
I honestly am at a loss for words.
I would wander out to the work area and shout “HEY, WHO LEFT THIS IN MY BATHROOM?”
Just kidding. But I would want to.
OH. SWEET. JEBUS.
I’m pretty sure I would burn said bathroom. And possibly my imagination.
Oh God, it looks like it’s next to your curling iron. Throw that out.
Also, because someone just sent this to me and it seems strangely appropriate, check out the OOZINATOR: http://www.consumerist.com/consumer/oozinator/the-oozinator-delights-children-170588.php
Oh, my eyes! First you get me with the strange lube in the bathroom and then…the Oozinator! I am scarred for life.
I would probably either hide it and wait for someone to ask for it (hoping for some legitmate pipe-laying reason) just to see if anyone did.
Or, I would walk out to where the contractors are working, pretending to be getting ready to load up my toothbrush, waving my brush and “paste” around as I chat with them, waiting to see if someone would speak up about what I was about to put in my mouth.
Hypothetically.
I don’t know if I think it’s hillarious or gross. Maybe there’s some justifiable construction use. I really, really hope there’s some justifiable construction use.
I would start peeing outside from now on.
(Also — reminds me of the Sopranos!)
So far I used some toilet paper to flip it over so the PERSONAL LUBE part isn’t visible. No one has laid claim to it, though.
Oh. My. Gawd. If only you had a black light to shine on their hands…
I work in construction, and I don’t know of ANY justifiable use for Personal Lubricant. I don’t know of any contractor who would swallow his pride and carry that around in his tool box. What you have is some freaky contractors on your hands (and in your bathroom). Might aught to consider calling their supervisor about the matter just to be sure.
I’m sure it’s a justifiable construction use- I just don’t know what it is! I would go out there and ask who left the lube in the BR and if it’s a good brand and would they use it again. Good fun!
Maybe they use it with caulk????
maybe it’s JB’s idea of a REALLY funny joke? Maybe the contractors think that you are one of them and they are initiating you into their world? I’d like to think that because I am so FRIGGIN icked out otherwise.
It’s possible someone has a… medical reason for needing it. Right? *hopes like hell*
heeeee…Sorry! I can’t help it…I am just sitting here thinking of some poor construction guy on his lunchbreak…strokin’ it for all he is worth, obviously getting interrupted mid-ways through, and being so shaken he forgets to load the lube back in the old lunchbox…
Now he knows that you have seen it, and is embarrassed to even be seen in the VICINITY of your bathroom, knowing that YOU know someone has been strokin’ it in there, and will be on the lookout for whoever moooooves the luuuuub….snicker…
If it were me though, unless he was using my wedding picture as inspiration or something scary like that…I would probably make some sort of silly sign for the back of the bathroom door thanking the anonymous luber for the webcam fodder, and mentioning how much your webtraffic at www.watchmepee.com increased with HIS cameo. ;-)
Maybe one of those contractors was using it to clean his … um … drill. Or, fuck, maybe they have wild orgies when you’re not there, and that was just overlooked during cleanup.
Seriously? The possibilities are ENDLESS!
OMG…that is a real website!!! I had no idea!! LMAO
I am so sorry Sundry, hope you don’t get bombarded by porn hounds now!
Maybe one of the workers saw your WARMING MIST laying around and thought he’d offer another option, y’know, one lube consumer to another.
Ok, that was gross. But you made us watch the Oozinator!!!
Do you watch (or did you watch) Six Feet Under? This reminds me of a particular episode. At any rate — nasty! At first I was thinking…maybe it’s for moisurizing…hands? I hope? But really, there’s no excuse. But it’s funny, though, but mostly because it’s not in my bathroom!
I don’t know, but it’s reminding me of the time our plumber told my husband we needed O-ring lubricant for our well filter. When he tried to find it at Home Depot, he was told they don’t carry it because everyone just uses Vaseline. I can’t even type this without snickering, can you imagine having that conversation? So maybe your construction guys needed some O-ring lubricant, and one of them said, Hey, just use my personal lubricant instead?
I keep hoping and hoping that your guys had a legitimate plumbing reason for it. And I’m still snickering.
Is there a chance there was a legit reason, like for one of the tools? At all?
ANY CHANCE?
I’d think that one of the contractors was horny, and cheap!
Oh what a winning combination!
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Poor Son of a bitch! He’s so hard up he’s doing god knows what in your bathroom and he can’t even afford the good lube! :( I feel sort of bad for him… Ha! Noooo!
I work in a hardware store, and we sell all sorts of lubricant. Though I am forced to giggle once someone walks away with some nice, moist, lubricant, because I am a 12 year old boy.
However, there is one type of lubricant that we DO NOT carry.
That is PERSONAL lubricant.
I looked at that label. This is not hardware store lubricant.
This is the lubricant you buy at a store that sells vibrators and blow-up dolls.\
No hardware store lubricant boasts that it is “Safe To Use With Condoms”!
There was at least one contractor doing something… that requires personal lubricant… in your bathroom.
Wow.
Also, possibly the most times I’ve ever typed lubricant, EVER.
Feel the pleasure.
Kind of gives the phrase ‘working on the plumbing’ a whole new meaning.
You have a cat don’t you? You can try replacing some of the lube with a clear deep heat lotion for a joke. As mentioned before, it can be used as an O-Ring lube. It is safe with condoms. Did you have any sinks being worked on? Or it could be used to help pull data cables though a conduit. Shiny smile maybe? This is why I hate to have anyone else work on my house.
I thought the comments after the “tell me about your strangest work experience” entry were interesting — these are better! Only at Sundry’s house, huh? Will this bathroom become the guest bathroom??
Wow. Haha Pete, I like the idea of refilling it with Deep Heat. Or Superglue, and then you’ll be able to tell who’s been working in your bathroom. I’m sad that it has gone now.
The ONLY thing I could think of is maybe to put on your hands after you wash them to make a waterproof seal for your skin to keep you from getting nail fungus, and athletes foot on your hands which can happen if your hands are wet all day from plumbing.
Like a second skin.
Puhleeeze let it be something like that.
I second wicked fun’s idea for a sign for the door though, that’s some funny shit there……..
Or wait I got it, someone is chafed between their legs, or between their cheeks, and needed to be um, slick?
Dear God I’m giving this too much thought.
This WAS the only laugh I’ve had all day though. Thanks for that!
I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation for the contractor’s lube in your bathroom. Isn’t there? I mean, why would a contractor need personal lube on the job, and why would he take it into his clients’ home? Maybe he has a medical condition? Right? Gah. You might as well scrub down the whole room with bleach and never think about it again.
I used to use KY Jelly to snap the metal snaps on the soft top of my Jeep. I didn’t have the hand strength to get the snaps closed. if I used an oil-based lubricant, the snaps would eventually pop back open. With KY, I think it would just dry and the snaps stayed closed.
Hee!!! Maybe it was a not so subtle invitation for YOU from a horny contractor?
oh GROSS. Reading the comments was worse, though - I nearly peed myself laughing.
In all seriousness I second the suggestion of speaking with the foreman or supervisor, or actually of having JB do it. There’s a conversation I bet your hubs is just DYING to have!
Uh? Hmm. Soooo….? Didn’t they bring a Port-O-Potty and put it in your yard somewhere specifically for the workers to use? If not……I think I’d spring for one.
The only reason I can think of besides the seriously nasty ones, is that one of the guys has hemmorhoids. Okay, so that’s nasty too. But less obnoxiously offensive than the other reasons one might use personal lubricant. In your bathroom.
not that this is ANY Better, but maybe the guy has hemorrhoids. one of my good friends has hemorrhoids (he’s also a sick sick bastard for giving me details) and i was googling around trying to find cures for him and i came across an article that said to lube up yer bunghole before you poo (see? reeeeeeally not any better - i’m sorry!!) so it doesn’t hurt as much.
the end.
ewww, but also….BAH HA HA HA HA *snork* BAAAAH HA HA HA HA!
Dude, this entry was worth it (your pain and suffering) just to see the look on my husband’s face when I read it to him. He suggests you move.
Drooly kisses from our baby (Nathan) to yours, Sundry!
– Meghan, your co-worker’s friend who *also* had a baby last year :)
The hemorrhoids suggestion is the least creepy. I go with that one.
Okay - see, here’s the thing. If one of the guys was using it as some kind of substitute lube or genuine on the job product (hee, I bet he was “on the job.”) , why would he take it to the bathroom? Are they doing construction in there? Hmmm? It’s just - Eww, it’s gross. By the way, are there any female contractors in the group? Could it be a joke on one of them?
Ew. Again, Ew.
I’d bleach the whole room.
ewwwwww.
Heh. I thought you were doing your product placement for the new KY Warm Mist.
Are they coming back? You should leave a note in the mirror in lipstick.
“I know what you did in here you dirty bastard(s). And I think I need an addition put on my house. For free.”
Hmm. I think I’d stop hiring my contractors from Brokeback Mountain Construction. Hee! OR….maybe he’s got himself one o’ them thar Ooozinators and he just forgot to put away the ammunition after reloading.
Ew.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. can’t. breathe.
Well it does say “all purpose” on it ….
Maybe he wants to engage in a threesome with you and JB, and that was his first delicate overture. Subtle, no?
I’d be thinking its time to replace everything in the bathroom… including those curling tongs O_o
When I lived in military family housing, some of the old houses were being torn down and replaced with newer, crappier homes by civilian contractors. A friend of mine moved into her brand-new, never-been-lived-in-before house. Wedged into the tracks for the garage door was a turkey baster.
When she moved out a couple of years later, she was more than willing to inform the housing manager that, as her contract stipulated, she was leaving the house EXACTLY the way she found it, turkey baster and all. No amount of cajoling or latex gloves would make her touch that thing.
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