Jul
31
Dreaming of dentures
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July 31, 2006
JB’s view this weekend:

Mt. Hood, displayed amid in the glory of a mountainous sunset, as JB made camp for the night on the slopes of Mt. Adams.
My view this weekend:

Pardon the crude artistic representation, Photoshop doesn’t quite capture the essence–the je ne sais quoi–of a teething baby, but if you imagine an angry little face that constantly makes a brain-grindingly horrible sound no matter how many Hyland’s tablets you stuff down its wailing, drooling maw, you’d be in the neighborhood.
Let’s compare and contrast, shall we? JB, hiking with a friend out in the wilderness, surrounded by nature’s bounty…

…me, stuck at home with a kid working on his MILLIONTH fang.

When JB was packing on Friday I noticed he had included a hilarious-looking product that’s apparently designed for cyclists. “BUTTr?” I said. “What’s this for?”
“Chafing,” he said defensively. “Long hikes can be, uh, problematic sometimes.” He noticed me going for the camera and shook his head. “No way, I don’t want you posting that online.”
“Even if I say it’s because you have such enormously huge balls, you have to create a smooth, chamois-cream protective area for them to bounce around in?”
“Well, in that case…wait, NO.”
I said fine, I wouldn’t, but that was before I got up at 4 AM, then again at 5, and 6, and 7:15 on Sunday morning to deal with a whimpering baby.

:::
The boy has Darwinism on his side lately, because however much I might fantasize about cramming his teething little rump into a wood chipper, how could I Fargo this level of cuteness?

Maybe the trick is to stuff him in a burlap sack first.
Jul
27
Shagging and carpet-chewing
Filed Under Uncategorized | 59 Comments


