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Aug
31
August 31, 2006
At first his eyes were blue-grey, although it was hard to tell. They were often narrowed against this strange world. They became hazel, a confusing kaleidoscope of colors, as though he was flipping through his choices: now greenish, now amber, now slate. Now they are brown, like my own.
His hair was red for a while. We shook our heads and grinned with helpless, silly pride (redhead!), then we did the same thing when it turned blonde (towhead!). Maybe it will turn purple and we will smile and say, oh, well, purple, now that’s something.
In a year he has learned to laugh, to clap, to scream, to crawl and stand. He can say “backpack” (ba pa!) and he can give me five and he can stomp down the hall, a mini Godzilla, while holding our hands. Every day there is something new. Every day. It is like peering into a shell, turning it in your hands and following its whorls; it is like some great and glorious flower unfurling before your eyes.
(The everyday things you do, Riley, sometimes make me blink back hot stunned tears of pride. I marvel at it all, because you did not receive the memo that said your development is not unique, that this is not worthy of openmouthed joy. How could we be anything but amazed by you, when you are so amazing?)
In a year I have learned so much. I have been strong and I have been weak. I have been an imperfect mother (is there any other kind?), I have been proud, I have been festooned with guilt.
(Oh, but you can be a misery. You can be a pill, little boy. Sometimes I heave great sighs and pinch the bridge of my nose and I ask no one in particular what your problem is, because damn. You are willful, short-tempered, demanding. You force me to dig within myself for hidden reserves and strength. You are the brightest, most beautiful of challenges.)
I have grown, and my love for my boy has grown; it is a breathtaking thing, holy and fierce. I daydream about him, I moon, I miss him when I cannot see him. I kiss his face and feel as though I could shatter into a thousand pink balloons, just from the touch of his skin. I want a magic wand to wave over his future, I want to whisper promises of a charmed life into his ear.
My thoughts go in dark corners and I think of adults who hurt children and how if that ever happened to him I would break laws and bones I would oh I would how could you not.
I hold him at night when he is tired and we read books together. He burrows his head into my chest. I tickle him and he screams with laughter. I chase him, arms outstretched, while he rides on his dad’s shoulders. I hold my arms out to him and he runs on the tops of his knees, straight into my embrace. He reaches gentle fingers up to touch my hair.
It is so big, this job of being his mother. He is pure, innocent, he embodies a sweetness of life that we humans try to define with gods and myth. Here is my wish for his happiness, and my breath on the candle. Here is the gladness that spills from me. Here is my promise: that I will carry him with me, wherever I go. Here is my plea: that I will do right by him.
In a year so much has happened. It went by so quickly. I say, stop the earth from spinning and time from passing, for just the briefest of moments, for today is my son’s birthday.
(My heart is full, my life is rich. Happy first birthday, little one.)
:::
(Alternate movie link. Music: Carl Orff’s Gassenhauer.)
Comments
142 Responses to “Year of marvel”
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I also write here:
That video is flipping beautiful.
Happy Birthday Riley William–I don’t think you know how lucky you are!
That was beautiful. let me go wipe my eyes and blow my nose now.
Happy Birthday Riley!
I want to know how that kid keeps getting cuter and cuter each day, there has to be a limit yeah?
Happy Birthday Riley!
Sobbing like a ninny at my desk. Happy, happy Birthday to Riley!
Lovely!
Happy Birthday Riley!
Alright, now I’m going to have to explain to my coworkers why I’m crying at my desk.
Happy Birthday, adorable squooshy little boy Riley!
So precious.
Happy Birthday, little man.
At the end of that video I let out this loud, awful, hiccuping sob in an open newsroom. That was awesome. Just. Oh my GOD, that was great.
Happy birthday, Riley.
Gawd, the video made my ovaries ache! Such a sweetie.
Happy Birthday indeed.
I think that Riley is one of the luckiest little boys, and that when he’s 14 and all ‘angsty’ you should hand him this letter.
Truly, this has to be one of the most touching and well written posts that I’ve ever read.
Beautiful, lovely, and so touching. I think my favorite part (other than the movie, which is so great) might be: “I marvel at it all, because you did not receive the memo that said your development is not unique, that this is not worthy of openmouthed joy.” I feel that every time I read some complaint about “mommybloggers” who think they’re something special when really they’re not - I felt that when some troll posted a comment on my site asking whether I thought I was “the first mother in the world.” It doesn’t matter if we are the first - just that they are ours, and we love them, and they are amazed, and they are amazing. And we are allowed to write about it. And I’m so glad you do.
My heart is aching! Great job on the video Sundry…
and Happy Happy Birthday Riley Boy!
I can’t believe it’s been a year already, insanity.
Oh my gosh, do I ever love seeing that baby smile. Happy birthday, Riley!
Awww! Happy birthday Riley!
Happy day Sundry & JB!
Happy oh-God-my-ovaries-and-heart-just-exploded-into-a-million-pieces day to me!
Awwww, Happy Birthday Riley! Great video, too.
Well, between your beautiul writing and the video, my mascara is gone. What an awesome entry, my heart feels all warm and fuzzy. Happy Birthday Riley!!!!!!
Happy Birthday little man! Give your parents extra big smiles today for taking such good care of you!
sweetest. video. ever. cant. stop. sobbing.
So nice I watched it twice–beautiful, beautiful: the writing, the boy, your fierce pride! Add me to the list of desk-cryers…Congrats to you and JB both on this first year!!
That video was beautiful. It made me cry. He’s such a wonderful baby boy! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RILEY!!!!
^_____^
I can’t wait to have children.
that is beautiful!
happy birthday riley!
What a lovely video! You are both so lucky. I have been reading your diary for close to 2 years, I think. Its been an amazing journey. He is a very special little boy!
Sighhh, he is just to cute for words. I’m sitting here with a b.a.g on my face but wishing at the same time I could see my great grandaughter grow like I did her mummy.
Happy Birthday sweet Riley William.
That was beautiful. Happy birthday, dear Riley! And many more.
That video is lovely. Happy Birthday cutie!
Happy birthday to the big boy!!!! (which oddly is the same thing I said to my boyfriend this morning! ha ha! - well, it is his b-day!)
Happy Birthday Riley…. and Happy Riley’s Birthday, Sundry and JB. Your letter made me wish I remembered my first year, because he looks SO happy with you and JB. Beautiful.
AWESOME!
Happy Birthday Riley!
WOW!
Aww. Happy Birthday, Riley!!!
Thanks for the chills up my arms and down my back. You have captured the feeling of motherhood perfectly. And, happy birthing day to you!!!
Congratulations to the three of you - and here’s the next year.
Lovely! And so touching. Happy Birthday, Riley and thanks for letting us share in this wonderful year! Best wishes for the ones to come!
Happy birthday to Riley, and congratulations to Sundry and JB for having a great kid and being great parents. The best to all of you in the next year, and the one after, and the one after…
oh flipping heck…..that video made me cry…..there’s nothing more beautiful than watching a family happen.
Happy Birthday Riley!
OMG! I am in love with that video! I found myself smiling and just enjoying your adorable boy. How your heart must sing everyday with that cuteness!
Happy Birthday Riley…you are one lucky kid.
Happy Birthday Riley. I has been wonderful watching you grow over the past year.
Awww, you made me cry. Happy Birthday, Riley!!!
Must not cry at work.
Must not cry at work.
Must not cry at work.
That was just…awesome. What a lucky little dude.
Happy Birthday Riley!
It’s been such a fun year watching you grow and reading what your mama has to say about you.
(It’s mostly good, don’t worry!) Hehehe. You sure have been a busy little turkey!
Linda, that video was so sweet.
He is so lucky to have parents like you and JB. And, cause you are all techy-geekos, look at the fun videos and such he’ll have to look back on and see his first year. So cool!
Enjoy this special day with you and your famiy, and have a fun trip.
Happy Bday Riley. Welcome to “toddlerhood” now :)
BTW, my 10 month old and 2 yr old wanted to watch that video over and over again. The 2 yr old kept saying “baby, baby, baby!” and my boy kept smiling and trying to grab the screen at Riley’s happy face. Thanks for entertaining my kiddos this morning !
Happiest of Birthdays, Riley. You are a lucky, lucky little boy!
beautiful!
Happy 1st birthday Riley!!
Do you know how some people look so tragically pretty when they cry? Yeah. I don’t. My face is all red, swollen and splotchy from watching Riley’s birthday video.
Is it weird that I love him?
Happy birthday, Riley!
I’m finally delurking to wish Riley a very happy first birthday!!
Linda, your words were so eloquent I was tearing up, and then you topped it off with that video. I enjoy your writing and the large doses of Riley cuteness everyday.
Thanks for allowing us to be a part of this past year.
Oh Man, totally crying. Hard.
Oh man, totally crying. Hard. That was absolutely beautiful.
Damn girl, you are the most amazing writer! Thank you for letting us peek in on your gorgeous family and share your joys (and sorrows) with you. Happy Birthday, Riley!
Yet another good post. Happy B’day Riley.
Beautiful letter. Wonderful video. I agree with mrsgryphon that it is one of the most touching posts that I’ve read, but I think that when Riley is all angsty at 14 instead of handing him that letter to read, you should read it yourself.
My oldest is 12 and I have gone back and read some of the stuff I wrote when he was born when I’ve been full of his moodiness and attitude. Trust me, you will appreciate it then.
Happy birthday Riley.
What a beautiful post.
I am bawling at my desk, that was wonderful. Of course, I’m also 6 months pregnant and my hormones are raging. Still- happy, happy birthday Riley. Can’t wait to see what the next year brings.
That was an amazing post. I think you should give a copy to that beautiful little boy when his first baby turns one. Then he will truely understand. Happy birthday Riley!
You’d think I’d grow a brain and know that I shouldn’t read this at work. I mean, it’s his first birthday, for chrissakes… like I didn’t expect that something beautiful and touching would be posted today?!
Thank you, Linda, for the beautiful post. Watching that video really made our pregnancy hit home for the first time. Soon, we’re going to go through the beautiful and frustrating steps that you have talked about in the past year. Watching Riley in the video made me finally realize–that could be our baby; giggling, laughing, crying, making us fall in love with them. I wish March would get here sooner!
Happy birthday, little man!!
Bravo!
That gave me goosebumps and tears. Beautifully written.
Happy Birthday Riley you cutie! :)
Really really sweet Linda. Happy birthday little Riley!
that was the BEST movie EVER
Happy 1st Birthday Riley!!!!
Really beautiful.
You just made a bitter, old childless bitch cry. Phooey.
Happy B-day, Riley!
The entry itself had me bawling like a baby, then the video… do enjoy making people cry?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RILEY!
A year? Daaamn!
Happy Birthday Riley.
Your mom totally rocks.
Aw shit, make me cry at work why don’t you.
Happy birthday, Riley!
A very Happy First Birthday to Riley, and now please pass the tissue so I can wipe those tears off my face. You’ve made a mom-to-be very, very proud to have the privilege to bring someone into this world. You rock, Sundry! Your video is just amazing. Kisses from Quebec City, Canada.
Happy, happy birthday, Riley! And congratulations to you and JB, Linda, on flourishing in the first year of parenthood, surviving it all, and recognizing just how profound and beautiful and tremendous it all is.
Happy Birthday Riley! It’s been great watching you grow up through your first year!
This is such a beautiful entry. You surprise me every day with your ability to stand back and appreciate each day of being a mom (even the tough ones). Your words today were beautiful and the video was a delicious bonus. Happy birthday Riley. You’re a lucky little boy!!
Happy birthday Riley!
GAH! Thanks for making my mascara run. Awesome!
That was special!
Happy Birthday Riley!!! I love watching you grow up and express yourself, turning from a squirming little baby to a god-honest boy. I can’t wait to be close to you again, so I can see you in person instead of onscreen. You have a wonderful mother, and when you are old enough you will read this entry and you will know that no matter what, you are loved, and there are two people in the world who are your biggest fans. Thanks for making my friend so happy and complete.
Happy Birthday, Riley! You’re a lucky kid. (Also lucky: your parents.)
That was lovely! Can you tell us the name of the CD where the music came from? I clicked on the link, but there were a ton of choices…the music was awesome! (And your babe is super cute too!)
That was wonderful! Such a cutie at all the stages. So, so good!
I don’t even know you and yet I am sobbing! That was so wonderful. You have summarized exactly what every mother feels. I snatched up my 9 month old and sobbed into her hair while watching that. Thank you! Happy Birthday to your sweet family!
That was so cpmpletley amazing, fom your eloquent written entry to the amazing video (I LOVE the music). You are so very talented. Tearing up at work — wow. Happy Birthday Riley!
That entry was so beautiful and made me feel really teary. But the super-cute video at the end cheered me right up :-)
What a gorgeous family! Happy Birthday, Riley, and many more.
I’m just 5 weeks pregnant and reading this post fills me with great anticipation. I look forward to the type of love you describe. Thank you for sharing. Happy Birthday Riley!
okay, you should have a warning posted… making me cry!
beautiful writing.
happy, happy birthday riley! and kudos to a wonderful mom and dad. being a parent must be the most amazing journey of all.
Happy Birthday Riley!
Blessed be.
Happy birthday, Riley! And to Sundry and JB!
Happy Birthday, Mr. Rileypants! That was truly a beautiful video and a heartfelt description of your joy and love for your boy. What a great year :)
Will be a mum in 3 months……I already love this little bean inside me more than anything and you have just made me realise how lucky I am to be joining you soon on the journey of motherhood.
Happy birthday to Riley, I hope his life is filled with happiness and joy forever!
(sniff sniff, where the heck is a tissue when you need it?) A x
Haven’t read the comments yet but I’m guessing that at least three women will seriously stop taking the Pill next month because of that video. ;) Heck, it almost makes me wish I still had a uterus myself.
Happy birthday Riley, and happy first-Riley-birthday Linda and JB. Isn’t it amazing how much more our kids’ birthdays can mean (at this time x number of years ago we were…) than our own?
That video brought laughter and a few tears. So amazing how quickly they grow and change. Thanks for sharing the moments with us, Sundry.
Linda, your entry drew such great pictures in my head, I could absolutely see you whispering into magical words into Riley’s ear. I don’t have any kids myself, and yet this made me weep like a newborn. You made me miss my own mom, in such a good way. Thanks for writing.
Crying. Like. A. Baby.
Thankyou for sharing these special moments, it was wonderful. There just aren’t any words.
Happy Birthday Riley!
Oh god. Can’t stop weeping. Just beautiful. Happy Birthday!!
That video was so sweet! And what a beautifully written tribute to your son! Seriously, this whole entry is so touching.
Happy birthday, Riley!
And happy one year anniversary of becoming Mom and Dad, Linda and JB!
What a great way to end my long day of work. The baby squeals just tug at my heart!!!
holy cow! has it been a YEAR already?!?!
happy birthday, little man!
Happy Birthday little Riley!!! I can’t believe it’s a year…I remember hearing that you were pregnant like it was yesterday!
I haven’t read all your other comments, so please excuse me if I repeat, but…
I cried at your post and your video. It’s amazing how he’s grown. Your journey and family is beautiful. I think my ovaries just got a little hopeful. :)
Thankyouthankyouthankyou for sharing with us.
Happy Birthday Riley! And Happy Birthday Mama Sundry. You got him this far… only bajillions of minutes to go. :)
Also, while I’ve thought he was a mini-JB since, like, the first picture, that LAST blip… that last smile? All you, chica.
Oh, happy first birthday Riley! Jeez, Linda, way to make me all weepy. That was a beautiful post and a truly awesome movie. And congratulations to you and JB on your first year as parents!
Oh wow! Happy birthday little Riley!
That video was awesome.
If I was alive after seeing that cuteness (and hearing that laugh, omg), I would write how if I have a boy and he doesn’t end up looking and acting exactly like Riley, I’ll be sending him back. Because, seriously, how can any other baby compare to that? My God.
Good job setting the bar, Sundry.
Book deal, you seriously need a book deal… I don’t care what you write about, I’d read it! So beautiful! :) -h
Love you, miss you. All of you.
You make me want to have a child. How can I possibly go through life without experiencing emotions like that?
Riley’s like my little friend and I’ve never even met him. I forgot how much he’d grown! Happy Birthday dude.
i’ve been repeatedly visiting all day so i can watch that video..the feel-good video of the year! happy birthday, riley!
Here’s a wish for his good health and happiness too. Happy Birthday, Riley.
That video needs some kind of glee overload warning.
Sundry! Holy god almighty, woman, that was amazing and beautiful and touching and creative and enertaining and oh my word. I’m in tears here, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. I hope this doesn’t sound creepy, ‘cuz it’s sure not meant that way, but I sort of feel like some sort of Internet Auntie (Intertie?) who takes such pride and joy in watching Riley grow. Happy, happy birthday to him.
That was absolutely beautiful and the video was terrific!
Man, and I told myself I wouldn’t cry when I watched the video…
I need to do that with all the millions of videos we have of Starla… And I need to leave out the one of me drugged up at the hospital.
Happy Happy Happy late birthday Riley! I’ve greatly enjoyed your first year. ^_^
I smiled and smiled all the way through, and then I was surprised to have to blink away tears. Sooo amazing. Happy birthday, Riley!
That was simply awesome!
Happy Birthday Riley!
Must. Impregnate. Myself. Now. You can already tell that when Riley’s older, his parents are going to be the “cool parents.”
Amazing video! Happy Birthday Riley!
Happy first birthday Riley! What an awesome video! It’ll be fun to watch it again when he reaches the big milestones (first day of school, graduation, etc.)
Happy Birthday Riley! The video brought tears to my eyes! Sniff.. All the best to you Riley on your special day.
Wonderful post, delightful video, happy birthday Riley, and happy one-year-of-motherhood to you! I still have a week to go, and am terrible at taking pictures let alone editing lovely videos together, but there will be cake.
This was so fantastic. Great editing and the boy, he is delicious and precious and wonderful and his future is so incredibly bright. Congratulations on making in through the year Linda & JB… and Riley, Happy Birthday!
That is probably one of the best “First Year” videos I have ever seen - All I did was have a book put together on Shutterfly. This makes me want to use my video camera more often!! Monkey just turned one also, it’s exciting and sad at the same time.
Happy Birthday Riley! And Linda and JB, congratulations on your first anniversary as parents. You have raised yourself one gorgeous, precious boy. My cheeks hurt from grinning through your wonderful video. That kid is just priceless.
Happy Birthday Riley
Filed under: Blogs I should probably stop gushing about her before she wipes my slimy hands off her sleeve,
Sundry - I started reading your blog just over a year ago, and since then have read all your archives as well as following the progress of your family over the past year. I think Riley’s birthday is a good time to de-lurk to tell you what an amazing woman I think you are. Your writing is gorgeous and moves me to both tears and laughter, sometimes at the same time. I don’t even have the right words to tell you how much I admire you and how much I wish a wonderful life for you, JB and Riley. You are such a caring and loving mother to your little boy - he is lucky, and he is an amazing, beautiful baby.
Happy Birthday to Riley, and to your family.
Oh my. I am actually wiping a tear. I don’t ever get tugged at the heart strings. Thanks for sharing that with us. Makes me wonder about my own life.
PS - Happy Birthday Mr. Riley, fellow Virgo!
Thank you for sharing Riley’s first year. He is beautiful, and the way you write about him brought me to tears. What a wonderfully lucky child, to have parents that love him and celebrate him so very much. May blessings rain down on your family.
Thanks for writing such a beautiful tribute to a year of motherhood, and congrats on surviving it. The video is absolutely adorable! Your boy is gorgeous and he looks like he had a good time this last year.
Blessings and Good Things!!
ndela
Happy Birthday, Riley! You make my heart feel happy, little dude…
Bawling my eyes out. What a beautiful movie. Happy First Birthday RILEY!!!!!
that made my heart feel full.
Happy Birthday Riley!
It sure does go by fast. My little girl will be 1 year on 10/23. i look at her everyday and i am always in amazment of how much she has grown, developed and learned. And this little guys sure is sweet and the video was great good job. Happy Bday little guy.
That is a stunningly beautiful entry. Riley is the luckiest little boy on the entire face of the planet. You made me cry. I hope he has the happiest, most wonderful life anyone ever had. And that all of you have long, incredible lives full of joy. kd
You are an adorable and loving family! So beautiful to see :)
what a great video!!
happy birthday riley!!!
Once again, you have perfectly described the very essence of what motherhood is all about!Beautiful!!!
I applaud you - that movie is absolutley WONDERFUL !!!!!
Beautiful
Lucky kid. Lucky parents. Looks like a wonderful life ahead. Happy birthday, Riley.
Absolutely triumphant, in a quiet, baby way. What a sweetie.
I couldn’t blink back my “stunned hot tears”– for him, for my boys, for you, for me. It’s been a trying week, but it is “the brightest, most beautiful of challenges.” High cheese factor on this comment, but you really got to me today. thanks And happy Riley’s birthday to your family.
[…] This post by Sundry, today, her son’s first birthday, is making my ovaries hurt. Watch the video, it is SO worth it. Posted by Jenny @ 9:00 pm […]
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I’m hella late (discovered both this blog and PIAF recently) but this post made me cry here @ work. Your writing is phenomenal, seriously. It doesn’t help that I’m 6mths pg, anticipating my little man’s arrival. Happy Belated 1st Birthday to Riley! I, too, loved the Video - the newborn stage, the fish face and how he looks like JP until that beautiful smile at the end that is totally you…
oh. just so lovely.
Zootube sex.
Zootube sex.