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September 28, 2006

Not only was Riley nearly rash-free this morning, but he also ate an entire container of yogurt. To say this was a relief is a major understatement; when I saw that last spoonful go down his eager little gullet I did the Cabbage Patch right there in the kitchen.

If that mental picture doesn’t do you in, then let me tell you exactly how I spent our dinner hour last night: performing a complicated dance involving two pairs of men’s boxer-briefs, all in an attempt to amuse and distract the boy long enough so that his father could sneak a bite of food in his mouth.

See, Riley has been super fussy about eating lately – thanks, Mystery Viral SpotFest! – and he kept shoving away his dinner. We found that if he was distracted by something, he’d forget about his whole null-by-mouth stance for a minute and take a bite. So there I was, doing jumping jacks, comically dropping things on the floor, making rooster sounds, and generally being a freak, a super-freak, while JB hovered nearby, spoon at the ready. I had nearly exhausted everyone’s patience when I grabbed two pairs of JB’s underwear from a pile of laundry and began whipping them around and around like a deranged flag majorette, while singing, “Ya ta, ta ta ta TA ta, ta ta ta TA TA, eat-your-food!”

This certainly got his attention, although I don’t really know if it was worth the two bites of mashed potato JB snuck in while I nearly gave myself a groin injury leaping around the living room and singing and whirling a couple pairs of underwear in the air.

Basically, I’m very happy that Riley’s eating again because not only will that hopefully improve his overall disposition, but it should lessen the chances that tonight I’ll find myself trying to incorporate a pair of Hanes into my own special rendition of The Worm. I mean, The Worm’s hard enough on its own, you know?

The things we do to entertain this child, I swear. You should see JB’s “motorbike” routine, where he sticks his tongue between his lips to make that farty “pbbbbblllttth” sound while he revs invisible bike handles and navigates big jumps where he, of course, gets massive air. Or the weird horse gallop – complete with hummed Lone Ranger theme music – I like to do up and down the hallway with Riley bouncing in my arms. Or the team “Mockingbird” routine JB and I do together, a la Dumb and Dumber.

It’s almost like we are ridiculously silly megadorks at heart who were just dying for an excuse to act retarded 24 hours a day. Almost.

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