September 22, 2006

I can’t believe it’s Friday already (Friday fiction? No can do this week). Where did the week go? How is Survivor already back on? And did anyone watch it last night and laugh their ass off when the heavy metal dude confessed his wove, sweet wove for the other tribe member? Also, how great was Probst’s expression?

Anyway. This morning I have chased Riley around the house, ferried him away from various inedible objects, soothed at least seven head-bumps, and peeled his hands away from the front of the television forty-eight times and finally put a “Wedge” Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear sex pillow in front of the whole entertainment center to block him. Which I would view as a sad testament to the erotic collateral damage a small child wreaks upon a relationship, except it works so awesomely I want to buy five more, possibly for the purpose of assembling a fort to cage Riley for bathroom-break lengths of time.

“Oh, that?” I’ll say airily when people stare at the tower of geometrically designed, sensually plush cushions surrounding the boy. “It’s just, you know, sex furniture. But don’t worry, the covers are totally washable.”

Then we read his Dora the Explorer book and for the millionth time I wondered what in hell is up with Dora’s little monkey friend Boots, because his tail has this weird glowing yellow end to it, like he’s been been exposed to a nuclear reactor leak and his skin is peeling back to reveal his radioactive core.

And now it is the glorious time of napping, and I do not know what friendly gods have blessed this household with good fortune lately but Riley’s naps and bedtimes have gone exactly like this:

Put child in crib. Leave room. Child falls asleep.

I hesitate to even mention it because I’m sure it will all change soon enough and we’ll be back to the Howls of Dismay and Betrayal, but jesus it’s been nice.

Tomorrow JB and I plan to take Riley to the Puyallup Fair (this year’s motto, which as Dave Barry says, I am totally not making up: “It’s A Doozy”). This will either be a festive family outing or a horrific public shaming, depending on how Riley feels about carnies. I plan to visit the petting zoo area so I can molest a wallaby, and seek out one of those deep-fried Twinkies everyone’s all het up about. Yee-haw!

:::

Hey! Are you visiting sundrybuzz? Huh huh huh? I posted about the mineral makeup, and a book I enjoyed recently, and there’s this awesome link to a pen spinning video, and today I’ll post an update to the crappy hair issue (thrilling teaser: there has been a vast improvement!).

Now is the end of the pimping. The end of the pimping is now.

:::

Also, would you like a piece of cereal bar?

92206_offer.jpg

It’s been pre-mashed and dampened with infant saliva! Mmmmmm.

Comments

31 Responses to “Naughty pillow barricades”

  1. Erin on September 22nd, 2006 9:39 am

    Forget the twinkies. It’s all about the scones. Especially when they’re all warm with the butter all melted and the yummy jam. MmMmMmm. I’ve actually contemplated going back just for those. Or maybe both! Either way have a great time!

  2. Lisa B on September 22nd, 2006 9:45 am

    Just remember to visit the hand washing booth after the wallaby petting booth. It’s a doozy!

  3. robin on September 22nd, 2006 9:51 am

    The Puyallup Fair! I’m so jealous! Take lots and lots of pictures, ok? That’s kind of a long drive from you, isn’t it? It is a good fair. I always thought Puyallup was pretty…but then the whole state is. Have fun and eat one of those HUGE hamburgers!

  4. Jessie on September 22nd, 2006 10:00 am

    Baby’s First Fair: Let’s Hope Carnies Don’t Freak Him Out edition. I never even thought of that possibility. Hope you guys have a great time!

  5. julia on September 22nd, 2006 10:10 am

    Speaking of updating Sundrybuzz, where’s your product review of the Naughty Pillow?

  6. ZowZow on September 22nd, 2006 10:12 am

    The best part about the fair is the food, for sure, although seeing your little cutie-pie with the animals could edge out the deep-fried goodness that is fair food!

  7. Beth on September 22nd, 2006 10:16 am

    So I googled the sex pillow (oh come on, like I’m the only one) and the link I found features a user review from “J.B.”, which is either a whopping coincidence, or else you should have him write the review at sundrybuzz.

    God, I’m such a stalker. Sorry.

  8. sundry on September 22nd, 2006 10:25 am

    I just looked up that user review, and all I can say is, the JB I know would never use the term “playful adventures”. It’s a great review, though, and look at this: “Throw them down anywhere on the floor and you have an instant play space.” Or a TODDLER CAGE.

  9. Kirsten on September 22nd, 2006 10:47 am

    Forget Fried Twinkies…it’s all about the giant egg roll on a stick….oh yes, and Funnel Cakes.

    I would also like to know what you think about the naughty pillow – my husband is very tempted to get one everytime we see it in a magazine

    also…not meaning this in a bad way – but it seems like alot of mom’s don’t do the playpen thing anymore. Is there a reason why? My mom always said it was great because she could put us in there, throw in some toys…we learned to entertain ourselves, she knew we were safe…and she could take a shit in peace!

  10. biodtl on September 22nd, 2006 11:15 am

    OMG, I was in reality show heaven when Billy professed his love at first sight. And the fact that he somehow thought she felt the same was was pure TV bliss. I’m glad I’m not the only one who enjoyed it!

  11. Tess on September 22nd, 2006 11:26 am

    I hope you really enjoy your deep friend twinkies, just make sure to do it real slow so your heart don’t pallipitate.

  12. Donna on September 22nd, 2006 11:30 am

    Oh hell yes it was reality show gold there, I laughed my ass off. What a freak show he is, but I wish they’d have not voted him out just because of the freakiness that is Billy. It may get really boring now, but I guess we still have Cowboy, “as soon as the mark fades, you will be healed”. That was some funny shit there too.
    Sundrybuzz? You are my hero.

  13. Becky M on September 22nd, 2006 12:18 pm

    Ye gods, that level of cuteness in that picture needs a warning label.

    “Warning: Excessive amount of small child adorability may cause ovaries to spontaneously combust.”

  14. Dawn on September 22nd, 2006 12:19 pm

    Forget the deep fried Twinkies and proceed directly to the deep fried Snickers. Trust me on this one.

  15. Paige on September 22nd, 2006 12:39 pm

    OK, that Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear website is hilarious. Stack, straddle, and ride. Indeed.

  16. Pete on September 22nd, 2006 1:23 pm

    Mineral Makeup??? What’s that? A rock? Guess I will have to go over and look.

  17. angela on September 22nd, 2006 1:26 pm

    my prediction is that deep fried twinkies will not end up on sundry buzz.

    (also, deep fried avocados. i know, i thought it couldn’t get better than that, avocados and crispy batter, but they are GROSS. though, deep fried tomatoes are kinda tasty.)

  18. Scott on September 22nd, 2006 1:59 pm

    You have an empire! When did you get an empire?

    In any event, I am happy to be a part of it. You rock.

  19. Katie on September 22nd, 2006 2:31 pm

    OH MY GOD! Survivor: that girl said to the weird guy, “WE love you.” As in, don’t worry, even though you’re getting voted off you aren’t a total loser….and he said, “I love you too!” And declared himself in LOVE. WHAT A LOSER. I am actually sad he is voted off because I’d like to see where THAT went–the public shame when the girl revealed she does not, in fact, LOVE him.

    We are using bar stools for baby proofing. Lovely use of the drinking apparatus.

  20. Lisa (the girls' Moma) on September 22nd, 2006 4:16 pm

    Must. Not. Stalk. You. At. The. Fair.

    “Do the Puyallup–It’s a Doozy!” Such a strange slogan, yes. But very enthusiastic! And happy!

    We’ve been so many times that the shiny luster of the Krusty Pups and Elephant Ears has almost–almost–worn off. Though I must say the scone Strawberry Shortcakes might be calling my name one last time.

    Hope it’s worth the drive tomorrow. The new kids area is very cool. My 3-yr old loved the boat ride.

  21. Michaela on September 23rd, 2006 7:30 am

    Oh yes, I definitely had to TIVO my ass right back to the “I LOVE YOU” moment.

    XXXXL Scary Skeleton T-shirt – 19.95

    Bamboo and Palm Frond Shelter – 0.00

    Laying on the beach while the rest of your tribe members build said shelter – 0.00

    Jeff Probst’s expression as you declare your “Love at first sight for some girl that sheepishly said ‘We Love You’ for lack of something else to say”……

    P R I C E L E S S

  22. Kristen on September 23rd, 2006 9:52 am

    I hope you’ll do a Sundry Buzz on teeth-whitening products. I remember a long time ago you were a fan of Crest Whitestrips, and I’ve been wondering if you still like them. Yes, I sit around wondering what you think of things. That’s not weird.

  23. HollowSquirrel on September 23rd, 2006 12:29 pm

    Of course we’re reading the Sundry Buzz. I’d read bathroom stall walls if you wrote on them.

  24. Sunshyn on September 24th, 2006 7:24 am

    I don’t know how your TV, etc, is set up, but we were able to buy lucite thingies that go under/in front of various pieces of electronic equpment that kept baby out of the buttons, etc. They even make them for computers. We found them locally at a place called “Goore’s” – a high-end chilcren’s store. Just a suggestion… Eventually, he’ll be pulling the pillows away. You haven’t considered the twoeys yet.

  25. Other blogs on September 24th, 2006 7:58 pm

    Sundrybuzz vouches for mom and baby stuff

    Filed under: Moms , Blogs One of my all time favourite bloggers has started a new website and this one

  26. pippa on September 25th, 2006 10:13 am

    O.M.G.

    Have no sex furniture. Silly us… we’ve been using all the various body pillows bought for pregnancy related griping all this time. Who knew they had lucious bright purple variations?

    Come to think of it, one of them looks rather like the medical thingamabob Bug had to be in for the apnea. Hmmm… and that one is vinyl-covered for easy cleaning….

  27. Lindy on September 26th, 2006 7:30 am

    Haaah, I had to let you know that when I read the following in your post:

    “his tail has this weird glowing yellow end to it, like he’s been exposed to a nuclear reactor leak”

    I totally thought it said nuclear rectal leak, and I have not been able to stop reading it this way.

    You are funny and make me laugh. :)

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