September 27, 2006

Riley is napping right now, THANK GOD, because seriously, Spotty McRasherton is sapping my will to live. He’s not really sick, exactly, and he’s not itchy – he’s just…querulous. His patience level has dropped to negative eleventy billion, and it’s like living with the world’s most obnoxious drama queen. Bottle not quite within reach? WOE AND MISERY UNTO THE UNIVERSE. Toy dropped off edge of highchair tray? I BRING FIERY DEATH TO YOU ALL. Etc.

I’m glad we were able to get him into the doctor so quickly and rule out all of the exotic diseases I’m sure I would be grimly googling right now (Hmmm, was he somehow exposed to a “lone star” tick, otherwise known as the Amblyomma americanum? My god, I must call the CDC!). According to the doc, it’s just a viral rash, and not, at this point anyway, contagious.

It may not be an uncommon ailment but it sure is spectacularly freaky. His entire torso is covered in little red blotches and he looks like he should be in a special toddler colony on Molokai. I think I should dress him in a revealing, unbuttoned shirt, then lurch through the Bellevue Square Mall today just to watch people blanch and run away.

Touchh himmmmmmm,” I’ll hiss slushily, thrusting Riley, who certainly appears to be teeming with contagion, in their direction. “Become…like…usssssssssss.”

Or maybe I’ll just hang around here making rooster sounds all day in a desperate, unending quest to stave off his angry howls. Yeah. Either one, they both sound pretty awesome.

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(The boy, pre-plague. Ah, he was once so spot-free, just like the No Hands carwash. Sigh.)

Comments

54 Responses to “Short dispatch from Leprosy Central”

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  2. http://insurancebystate.dynddns.us/the_insurance_stop.xml on July 20th, 2016 7:34 am

    אבל זה מה שהיא כתבה!גברים, מהכירות אישית, ברובם אינם בעלי המסמכים וההכרה הרפואית בכך שהם חסרי יכולת להבין תקשורת בלתי מילולית. יש כמה הפרעות, רובן מולדות, שגורמות לזה, אבל רוב הגברים באוכלוסיה בהחלט אינם כאלו. הם בהחלט מודעים ומבינים את שפת הגוף של הזולת, ברמה זו או אחרת.תחזור לדוגמת בית הקפה.

  3. http://www.meltzeraccountingtaxservice.com/ on July 26th, 2016 5:52 am

    "southside still holding,rip Pimp C"UGK in da house. :)Laurel, you are too kind. But I honestly would feel sorry for the publisher (not to mention editors) who would have to deal with me. :( "LOL! I'm sure those "wig-wag" headlights came stock from the Ford factory, too."))))LOL((((

  4. http://www.ltcinsuranceshopper.com/ on July 29th, 2016 7:53 am

    Well done John. It is the duty of all Christians to, as Dennis puts t, ‘counter’ this abomination. The devil has hijacked the wisdom of All Saint+All Souls. Time we took it back.An alternative I discover many Jewish families counter with is to celebrate another Purim ( usually March ) and dress up and take gifts to the elderly and housebound, with prayer.

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