January 19, 2007

Oh my god oh my god there has been a terrorist attack on Seattle someone has filled birds with explosive devices and they are killing hundreds of people maybe thousands oh please god save us —

eagle.jpg

Uh…wait. Oh, sorry. God, I’m sorry about that. It turns out there’s just…yeah, there’s just kind of a shitload of eagles hanging out on the Skagit River. Wow, I got that one wrong. Man, it’s almost like the local TV news consistently relies on hilariously worded title graphics for their stories, or something.

(See also: “ARCTIC BLAST REAMS SEATTLE’S CITY-HOLE”.)

So hi! How are you? Apparently I need to inform you that JB’s underwear is not, in fact, a pair of manties, but rather is a beefy, studly, macho pair of boxer-briefs. Why, these boxer-briefs are so goddamn manly, they come with a pack of Malboros and the inability to ask for directions. These boxer-briefs refuse to discuss their feelings, they won’t hold a woman’s purse even for a blow job, and when they’re pissing in a public urinal, they lean over to the guy next to them and say, “Water sure is cold today.”

There. I believe I’ve done my duty.

It’s hard to believe the week is basically over already. The snow has mostly transformed to dirty slush and melted away, at least in my neighborhood, and dashed my hopeful plans of a bucolic sledding activity this weekend. Instead, I imagine JB and I will putter around the house with the boy, take turns letting the other person go do something unfettered and childless (JB’s likely choice: scuba diving; mine: oh, I don’t know, basically anything that doesn’t involve submerging myself in water in the middle of fucking winter and breathing air through a TUBE, jesus), and probably hit the drive-through Starbucks at least twice, because that’s how we roll.

Your turn! For I do so love to live vicariously through you. What do your weekend plans include?

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