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Jan
30
January 30, 2007
Tell me, how can something that’s so spectacularly cute cause so much pain?
High school boyfriends, rabies-infested Angora bunnies, and Steve Madden heels: CRIMES AGAINST NATURE.
They look so benign, too. Low heels, gently rounded toe, there’s nothing there that should make my feet feel like I’ve drunk the Sea Witch’s potion, and yet my every step in these devil-shoes is one of limping agony. I foolishly wore these this morning and even though I traded them in for flats before I left the house, I’m still gimpy.
I am Barbaro. Call the glue farm.
I wore those fucking shoes for one night in San Francisco three weeks ago, and I still have scabs on my toes. My apologies for using the word “scab” in a non-union-focused blog entry because, well, ew, but that’s what the hell they are: SCABS. From an ill-advised three-block journey which left my feet so destroyed I actually walked through the hotel barefoot, despite a vivid mental image of the unseen hotel carpet detritus I was moseying over (Eluviation Layer: Various Bits of Street Filth; Regolith Layer: Dogshit Particles and Human Skin Flakes; Bedrock Foundation: Sputum, Sputum, Sputum). I put them on today because I am apparently so mouth-breathingly stupid I believe that a pair of severely uncomfortable shoes, if given enough time, will magically morph into something tolerable, possibly by rearranging all the bones in my feet.
Other than hurting myself with fashion, it’s been a low-key week so far. JB’s parents left this morning, which means we can turn the heat in our house back down to non-tropical levels, but sadly it also means the built in babysitters are gone and we’ll have to pay attention to our own son. God, what a pain in the ass.
I’m just kidding (sort of), but Riley will surely miss having his grandfather around, because much like he plays favorites with JB, he is completely enamored with JB’s dad – while showing only a cursory interest in JB’s mom. It’s marginally comforting to know I’m not the only female in my son’s life who plays second fiddle to the much-preferred MAN, but really, I’m starting to wonder if it would really be so wrong to sport a strap-on dildo in Riley’s presence. Sure, it sounds bad, but I’m just talking about tipping the scales back in my favor.
Actually, I may have a second shot at becoming the Preferred Parent, although I swear that’s not the reason I finally decided that I was on board with trying for baby numero two-o. It has to do with wanting Riley to have a sibling and having one more chance to smell a newborn’s head and probably being sort of eternally, optimistically foolish (see above re: shoes) and anyway, so yeah, I don’t have any idea how long it will take, but we’re officially going for it. Oh my god.*
* By the way, how disturbing is it that after I posted this, I saw on my referral-tracking-RSS-thingie a search for “regret second child”? If you regret one of your own children, is Google really going to help? I mean, isn’t that what eBay is for?
Comments
91 Responses to “Manufacturing love through strap-on technology”
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I also write here:
good luck on “going for it.” :D
Wow! Congratulations! That’s, like, huge. Should we start volunteering names? I am trying to get someone, anyone, to name their kid “Kosmopolis”. Such a good name. Think about it for a while - it will grow on you.
Did those shoes not hurt your feet at the shoe store, or did they spring it upon you ambush-style? You will not regret baby numero two-o but be sure to take my best friend’s advice: stop there as #3 will push you over the edge. As a mother of three I took her at her word and stopped with Captain Destructo. Good luck and have fun with it!
Have fun!
oh yay!!! numero dos. I am baking #2 in my oven now, and my boy is almost NINE, for crying out loud, what the hell was I thinking?? And we will probably go for #3 quickly after, yikes. Have fun “working” on it!! thats the best part.
I have those shoes, and love the look but HATE how uncomfortable they are. I have worn them exactly 3 times. And had terrible blisters each time. I should return them to Nordstroms just out of spite.
Sooo exciting about future baby #2!
Good luck with that endeavor. Once you make your mind up to do so, it practically becomes an obsession, doesn’t it?
On the other thing: My husband tells me I have an extremely high tolerance for what he calls “fashion pain”. In other words, he’s seen me put on the uncomfortable but cute heels or the awesome but kinda itchy bra one too many times.
!!!
Good luck to you.
Just a warning…….baby #1 took us 18 months to conceive. Baby #2 took ONE month to conceive. Baby #3……well, we were trying NOT to get pregnant. Until my husband had his vascetomy, I lived in fear of getting pregnant a fourth time. Heck, it still makes me nervous sometimes. Our accountant has a post-vasectomy baby…..she’s about 16 now! And if anyone us going to beat the odds, it will be my DH.
Work, work, work.
Ah well, SOMEone’s gotta do it! Good luck to you, sincerely.
my dad had a vasectomy only two weeks AFTER my mom got pregnant with my little sister…. guess what doctor moved the surgery back a month and a half so he could go on vacation? yeah.
Good luck on the trying!
My advise: throw the shoes out. You know you’re just gonna put em back on in a month and regret it once again. As for another spawn of Linda, go for it. I’m just glad to see that there are still people reproducing who are atractive and intelligent. My daily interactions with the world often lead me to believe otherwise.
Good stuff! You and your husband make the most beautiful babies.
Yay! Good luck on the trying!
I have never found a pair of Steve Maddens that did not totally destroy my feet (yet still, STILL, I am stupidly optimistic, and while I’m standing in the shoe store my hatred for Steve Madden fades as I am blinded by the cute.). I am convinced that his shoes are not tried on or walked in by real, human feet before release.
Wow. Good luck. With the heels, that is — Steve Maddens seriously are a bitch, which is why it’s best to buy them for $30 at Burlington coat factory, so that you don’t feel guilty when you put a hex on them and then throw them into the back of your closet.
And, of course, regarding Potential Baby Number Two: great! Soon, you’ll be only one kid and two nationalities away from Jolie-dom! Wheee!
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I was just reading along and you just casually drop a bombshell just like that? This is so, so exciting. So exciting. I need to sit down for a minute.
Oh, my, wow! Good luck!! I love how you casually insert that at the end, after we’re all blinded with dildo-laughter.
People–there will be NO THROWING OUT of the uncomfortable shoes! Haven’t y’all heard of blister strips? Put them on where you know you get a blister–scabs are a good indicator–and voila! Blister free! Or close enough! Bandaid has good ones, but the best ones are the generic kind at my grocery store…they stick on really well, and they’re super cushy.
Please. Do it for the shoes.
Oooh, I’m convinced Steve Madden hires the devil himself to cobble his shoes. I won’t even buy them at the thrift store anymore, because seriously? Not worth it.
Oh geez, you always have to throw the big news in at the end don’t you?
Hubby and I finally decided to surrender and try for #1 - that was 7 months ago…who knows how long it will take - BEST OF LUCK to both of you - if anyone should procreate it’s you two!
Just make sure the strapper matches the Steve Madden shoes. You don’t want any faux pas like that in front of your child, now do you?
Wow, I have those shoes, except with a different bow. They don’t hurt me, which is weird because all my other shoes hurt.
Oh goody! Now I get to watch you do the second baby thing for a while before I decide to try it myself! Good luck with all that….and have fun in the process! :)
The shoes are cute, but I agree you should toss them (I’m not sure giving them to charity is even really an option, because it might just be mean.)
Don’t you remember morning sickness??!?! I’m 8 weeks pregnant with my first right now, and two weeks ago I swore to NEVER get pregnant EVER AGAIN because this SUCKS SO BAD. (I fully expect to forget about this terrible, stupid part of pregnancy and give this baby a sibling at some point.)
Cute shoes! I hate that the cutest cause the most pain, argghh!!
Congrats on deciding to go for number two. We are working on number two ourselves..21 weeks!
Have fun going for #2. The next one will be a Momma’s boy or girl for sure! Good Luck!
Congrats! For some reason I can’t explain I’m thinking girl girl girl…
Nice ploy to get out of staying on your diet! ;)
Nice bait and switch on the title. I was expecting something out of the pilot of ‘Dirt’ ;-)
Congrats and good luck, that will end up be really good spacing between the children.
Congratulations! This is a huge step. I wish you guys the best.
I have sworn off all Steve Madden shoes ever. They lure you in with their cuteness, but I’ve yet to find a single pair that’s actually comfortable.
Have fun with numero two-o! I’m excited for you already!
I’m going to go sit down for a minute with Swistle…because SQUEEEEEEE!!!! OHMYGODOHMYGOD! So exciting!!!
Yay! Perhaps a baby Rilette who will fawn over you and one day STEAL your Steve Madden shoes. BTW, I have a theory about those exact shoes - the cut is too low on the side so it puts a lot of pressure on the side of your foot (which in my case would be pouring fatly and oh-so-attractively over the edge) and the heel, in spite of it’s benign appearance is secretlya torture device. I have one pair of SMs that I adore — they are wood-heeled semi-dress flip flops (with darling buckle) which make so much noise that my friends have come to refer to them as my “Stealth Sandles”. But I love them.
Is it awful that I’m a lot more intrigued by the referrals RSS thing than the baby thing? I mean sure, the baby will be interesting when it happens, but you already have a referrals RSS thing and I really want to know how you do that please.
Beth — I use the tracking software Mint (haveamint.com). It’s got a built in RSS feed everything it tracks. I’m usually only interested in the referrals, so that’s all plugged into my Google homepage. Along with feeds for People.com, because god knows I need to read about Paris Hilton every flipping day of my life.
Whoa! Good luck with that!
How exciting!
I was thinking of you tonight after I ate a whole bag of chips ahoys afer the kids went to bed. MY REWARD! I swear after the superbowl (GO BEARS) I will go back on WW!
Have fun working on #2. :)
How exciting!
I was thinking of you tonight after I ate a whole bag of chips ahoys afer the kids went to bed. MY REWARD! I swear after the superbowl (GO BEARS) I will go back on WW!
Have fun working on #2. :)
P.S. I love the reference to ebay. Pretty crazy about Melissa going on the today show! What is your take on the whole thing?
YaY FOR BABY V 2.0! Finally, jeeez! (Hahah just joking with ya mama.)
I am so happy for you and your little family!
We find out on Friday if we’re having a boy or a girl and oh my am I excited!!!!
I tried to reschedule earlier this week cause Friday seems ages away! Am I impatient or what?
But no go, so we wait till Friday which might as well be the change of the century.
Oh, and also? Hooray for no birth control! Have fun kids!
Too bad about the shoes - they are really cute. Like you, I would probably continue to try and wear them anyway (because I JUST NEVER LEARN).
And good luck trying! My husband and I are planning to give that a go ourselves…
I have the same shoes (the bitches!) and they kill my feet, too. I continue to wear them only because my stupid ass told my husband “it is the price you pay for beauty”. That was before I was rudely made aware they would make me want to chew my foot off at the ankle instead of wearing them one. more. time.
That would violate my rule: never let the husband know you were wrong.
Cool! Good luck with baby #2!
Congratulations on trying for a new little one! How exciting for you.
Awesome all around.
And damn, those shoes are cute.
You’re a brave person to persist in wearing those shoes. It does seem odd that from the outside they look so innocuous. Perhaps they defy normal space and time and the insides are an Escher-like non-reality based shape specially designed for maximum foot discomfort. One can only imagine the brainstorming table banter when this shoe germinated.
Am excited for you and JB. And, of course, Riley. I’d like to order a girl this time, please.
Only you can get away with “shoes from hell, carpet funk, in-laws, strap-ons…oh, by the way I think we’re going to try for another suctopus.” Oh. My. God. I am so excited for you and your little family. I’m waiting for my first one to emerge any day and I can only pray that we make kids half as cute as you guys do. Congratulations!
Oh, you’re killing me. I wish you much luck and comfort in both departments.
aw, yay! good luck!
YAY!!!!! How fun!!
I think you wearing those shoes again was getting you prepared for another pregnancy/birth. Yes? No?
Well good luck with getting knocked up again. You two make really cute kids so I can’t wait to see what the next one is like!
And we’re trying in a few months so maybe you can be my pregnant intenet pal. Even though you don’t know me. But still, it won’t be *that* creepy, I promise!
Good luck! We’re trying for #3 now: I think I’m far enough removed from the experience of whinging and complaining all the way through my last pregnancy that I’ve put my rose-coloured spectacles back on and decided to go through it all again ;-)
Wow, that’s huge! And surprising. It seems so soon but lordy, he’s almost two, isn’t he? Congratulations. I hope Riley gets a little sister!
TOTALLY understand about the shoe issue. I regret spending about a hundred bucks on a pair that’s eerily similar - cute heel! cute round toe! pink insole! Regret set in within about an hour. Now these adorable shoes have spent an enjoyable 6 months taking up space in the hall closet because I can’t bear to throw them out or admit to my husband that they were a COMPLETE waste of money despite all of the legitimizing/rationalizing of the purchase I’d done back on a beautiful August afternoon.
Man, Steve Madden HATES women. That’s the only excuse. I have an adorable pair of Steve Maddens that I got online– from a place with free returns– tried on, but never worn outside– and I won’t return them. I will NEVER wear them, either. They are sooooo uncomfortable. This entry reminded me to just pull them out and return the damn things already– they were designed by EVIL. I always wondered if I just had weird feet that caused the insane amount of pain incorporated into these shoes… He’s the champion of designing comfortable looking shoes that are like needles in the sole (and soul). It’s especially funny because a few days ago I had explained to my boyfriend how much Steve Madden hates feet. Or something. He had no idea…
And congratulations on trying for number 2!!!! I actually had to double back and re-read to make sure I saw what I thought I’d seen… sneaky! *shakes fist* (heh, I originally typed that as *shakes fish*… I shoulda stuck with that, but oh well)
Oh yes! Definitely another baby!!! I’m positively grinning with joy at what we’re going to get to read here :)
We’re on schedule to start trying for #2 this summer…. during our roofing/dormer project. Aren’t we gluttons for punishment? Good luck to you!
First off - the shoes. I have the exact same pair in brown and they completely tear my feet to shreds. They’re so freakin cute though that I actually (gosh this is embarassing) put on a pair of my husband’s socks, STUFFED my feet into those shoes and proceeded to wobble around the house in hopes this would somehow “stretch them out” or something?! Uhhh…needless to say that really didn’t work out for me so well…
Second - yay! for the “trying.” You were the very first blog I ever read and the very first pregnant blogger and I’m just so excited (I hope its a girl! Although I don’t really think that would help your quest for Preferred Parent…this coming from a verified Daddy’s Girl)…good luck and I can’t wait!
Good luck on going plus one! I have my hands full with one two-year-old and grad school. We’re thinking we’ll at least wait until I have my degree and then we’ll see. I really want Harper to have a sibling, but I’m not sure about my capability of handling her plus a new baby. Maybe by then we’ll have won the lottery and I can get a nanny, or at least a housekeeper.
Oh that’s great news! That’s so exciting!
Just, uhm, don’t get too busy with all these babies and quit blogging, okay? Promise?
Why is it that all the really cute shoes are uncomfortable?!?!? It is so not fair!
In case you didn’t read Tomato Nation a few years ago (but I would think you might!), check out the shoe diatribe/rundown here; comparing Kenneth Cole shoes to Ike Turner is genius. (You could replace “Kenneth Cole” with “Steve Madden” and it’ll still work.)
Congrats on the “whew, are we ready to try?” “Yes, we’re ready!” discussion & good luck going for it.
Also, I’m so, so glad to know I’m not the only one in the world who thinks that if I let shoes sit in my closet long enough they will suddenly become comfortable….
Good luck!
SQUEE!!!!
So excited for you guys! Riley will be a great big brother!
One thing to say about the adorable but painful shoes, EBAY.
Aerosoles, 9 West, Bandolino, Enzo. Those are the only shoes that don’t make me want to have double foot amputations after wearing them all day at work and/or all night at the bar.
Have fun “trying”… but you may want to leave the strap on dildo out of the equation. ;)
i ihave those shoes too and they are the WORST!!!! i thought they’d be fine, smaller heel, rounded toe… but they are awful. i stopped wearing them. one thing that does help are those pads you put on the ball or in the toe of the shoe to keep your foot in place, but those shoes are so poorly designed….fashion over function! i do have a pair of maddens that i love, they are kitten heel and pointy toed regular pumps and they are wicked comfortable.
Good luck! You guys are such a cute little family. I hope you have a little girl (if that’s what you want, of course). :)
I am so happy for you!
Add me to the club of “forever to conceive Child 1, one month to conceive Child 2″. My husband was actually disappointed at how long it took - when I showed him the positive test, he had this look like he just missed out on Christmas or something. Bryan will be two and a half when our little girl is born in June - we’ll see what we’re made of then.
I’m the queen of keeping uncomfortable shoes, hoping that they will magically morph into breezy, easy wearing jewels of my shoe collection. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’ll be damned if I’m getting rid of any of them.
I have very similar Steve Madden shoes in brown, and I love them! But maybe that is because I have only worn them in the office, where there is not much walking.
Good luck with that other thing too.
Normally I’m a writ-and-run commenter, but for this topic I was magnetically drawn back to read other people’s comments and bask awhile more in the happy news of Trying. I have SO enjoyed your writing, and it seems crass to refer to this upcoming addition to your family as “fresh blog fodder” but I do see it that way: I’m already looking forward to reading about pregnancy and childbirth and babyhood and so forth. I am so interested in pregnancies and babies and family planning, and the drama of all three.
Yay! More baby pictures. I’m starved for cute in my stark cubical.
I also have those shoes and I find them to be super comfortable. Perhaps you have the wrong size? I usually wear a 6 1/2 but in that shoe I bought a 7 in black and I actually bought the red pair with the slightly higher lift in a 7 1/2.
If you bought them at Nordstrom, take them back.
Woo! Good luck!
Also, don’t give up on my Steve. He gave me kitten heels I loved so much the rubber wore down, and still not a single blister.
First, the shoes. I KNEW there was a reason I own one pair of dress shoes. Wedding/funeral purposes only. Of course, I don’t have to go to an office so that helps a great deal. I’d take em back. But I’m not a shoe person. I wear flip-flops all summer and tennis shoes all winter. Now, a cute purse/bag that hurts? I’d keep it and complain. That’s just me.
And of course, congrats on number two. Good Luck!
Yay! Time to dust off the sex furniture! (I am so 12.) Congrats on your big decision :) Oh yeah, and try Aerosoles because I promise they are actually cute and not Grandma-like and very, very comfortable.
Speaking of sex furniture, what was that link again?
It’s for a friend. Really.
Congrats! Riley’s ADORABLE–hopefully your next will have the same gorgeous eyes!
Steve Madden… hoo boy. Seems like every girl in my graduating class had those black strappy platform sandals that killed our 17-year-old feet, and nothing’s changed! I, the girly-girl with an aversion to high heels, am personally a fan of Target’s shoes. Anything over a kitten heel tends to freak me out (I fall a lot), but the latest Mossimos and Isaac Mizrahi’s? AMAZING. And they’re hot, too–I’m currently wearing rounded black peep-toes :)
We’re trying too. Good luck!!
Hey congrats on the decision to do the trying! We have a wee one almost the same age as Riley, and recently decided to try for the next one. Only problem is, and I never, ever thought I’d say this, but sometimes we’re just too damn tired. Being much more aware of my cycle this time round means the pressure to do the shagging can be great.
Wow, when did this happen to us?!
Congratulations…but….two is way harder than one. Any time you had to yourself with one-instantly vanishes at least at first. I hate to be a kill-joy but you sound a lot like me…liking personal time etc. I wish someone had been straight with me (not that I would have changed my mind) but… Two kicked my ass.
Good luck on trying for number two. Sort of ironic, in a way, but we are trying, too. Could our second children be born on the same day, instead of two days apart? Who knows? Anyway, best of luck!
Oh, this is going to be so much fun. . . for us! Baby #2, I mean. Your writing got better and better with your pregnancy, his birth and then Life with Riley. Frankly, I hope you get pregnant immediately!
Toss the shoes or return them (depending on where you bought them). They won’t fit after pregnancy number 2, anyhow!
Have fun trying…
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, can I be selfish and hope that you and I get pregnant at the same time? it will be my first, and I’m terrified.
Oh, it’s heartbreaking when shoes are mean to your feet. I rarely let my feet go naked inside shoes (unless they’re strappy of course). Instead I wear Hue Hidden Cotton Liners. They’re tiny, inexpensive and they don’t slip off in your shoes. They feel a thousand time better than bare skin stuck to leather (or pleather depending on the shoe.) Also, Foot Pedals are little gifts straight from Santa or the little baby Jebus himself, hard to tell. There are many different cushiony shapes and sizes for all different parts of your shoes. The nice ladies in the Nordstrom hosiery department know their stuff and can help you find what you need.
I have the same problem with Via Spigas - I’ve had to make a resolution NEVER to buy another pair, no matter how cute they look. They always end up killing my feet. Every single pair.
I find that Madden’s shoes run slightly large. Maybe they just don’t fit you correctly? At any rate, throw them out or give them away. Do not be tempted to wear them again b/c I can promise you, you’re just in for more misery. You know what they say about continuing to do the same thing & expecting different results, right?
Yay! That’s such great news! Thanks for letting us in on it!
Just to pile on, (I don’t think I made myself clear enough on Monday), I AM SO EXCITED to see “Squishy 2: Electric Bugaloo”!! And I agree with the others that this one will disagree with Copernicus and think that the moon and the stars revolve around *you*. :)
I too have a similarly sad tale, the star of which is these gorgeous kicks. *sigh* So purdy but SO.FREAKIN’.UNCOMFORTABLE.
What size are those? I’ll trade you for my own personal pair of “maybe this time…” shoes, very cute, with the unfortunate effect of pulverizing my feetsies. I’m serious, someone needs to take them away from me.
Lots of luck with Kidlet: the Sequel!