March 26, 2007

I’ve started recording “Inhale”, the Oxygen channel yoga show with relaxed-and-groovy instructor Steve Ross, in order to spend each evening winding myself into complicated, painful bendy-straw positions. After the first workout, I noticed certain parts of my body were sore (“certain parts” meaning “every single muscle fiber between the top of my scalp and the tip of my big toe”), but now I’m really enjoying it. It’s so, so relaxing and my entire body feels tingly and happy afterwards. I even managed to convince JB to give it a try, and while he would like to know what in the hell Steve Ross does with his balls during the “Happy Cow” position because jesus, he’s tried tucking up and he’s tried tucking down and there’s just no way to avoid self-squashing goddamnit, he grudgingly admitted that he felt “very stretchy” afterwards.

My past week has involved multiple Turbo Jam workouts, some challenging yoga routines, and a diet that—excepting Friday’s lustful dalliance with the box of Junior Mints—consisted mainly of greens, fiber, lean protein, fruit, and freaky non-foods such as sugar-free Jello. And yet when I stepped on the scale this morning, its beshitted little digital readout displayed a number two pounds heavier than last Monday.

Do you remember the scene at the end of True Romance when the big gunfight is going on and Michael Rapaport’s character screams this howl of frustration over all the trouble the case of stolen coke has brought into their lives and he violently hurls the case into the air? That is exactly what I wanted to do with my scale this morning, ideally while pumping it full of .223 bullets, their cases falling onto the bathroom floor in a metallic tinkling clatter drowned out by my own rage filled battle cry and the ear-shattering explosive sounds of my Mini-14 rifle releasing round after round of deadly force into its stupid fucking 2-pound-weight-gain FACE.


Or maybe I should just stop weighing myself, because it kind of seems to be working against that whole yoga-relaxation effort.


46 Responses to “Stress relievers”

  1. Julia on March 26th, 2007 11:42 am

    Are you still doing Weightwatchers? What do you think of it so far? For the whole two days I’ve been on it, I’m rather impressed. Not that I’ve lost any weight or anything yet, but still. It makes me feel more proactive than I was on Friday night eating cheesecake at Oceanaire.

  2. Pete on March 26th, 2007 11:55 am

    I had the same problem when I started to bike quite a bit. I kept on gaining weight. I am assuming it is my larger leg muscles. ;-) After a month of gaining or staying the same I am starting to drop pounds. On average I am losing around 1-2 pounds a week.

  3. Leslie on March 26th, 2007 11:56 am

    Don’t forget that muscle weighs more than fat. You’re not fatter, you’re toner-er.

  4. warcrygirl on March 26th, 2007 12:42 pm

    Why am I now having visions of Hans und Franz? Sounds like all this exercise wants to *hand clap* PUMP YOU UP!

  5. Emily on March 26th, 2007 12:48 pm

    I second Leslie’s comment — make it your mantra: Muscle weighs more than fat, muscle weighs more than fat …

    Also, it is so nice to not have even a ball, let alone two balls, which would necessitate an entire tuck. (Sorry, for some reason I’ve been in a Wayne’s World mood tonight.)

  6. serror on March 26th, 2007 1:03 pm

    I LOVE Inhale! And even the bizarro Steve Ross.

    Scales are evil. Maybe even closely related to zombies?

  7. Laurie on March 26th, 2007 1:16 pm

    There is a Tanita body fat/weight scale at Bed Bath & Beyond somewhere between $20 and $30 that has consistently been very on-target for me with the more “official” body composition analysis I get working with a trainer. Don’t weigh yourself more often than once a week either or you’ll be more frustrated. And don’t forget your 20% off BB&B coupon!

    P.S. Love the Bare Escentuals!

  8. Sara on March 26th, 2007 1:25 pm

    Monitor your body fat. It’s the only way to go. If the scale isn’t moving but your body fat is decreasing, you know you’re headed in the right direction. I say we all toss our scales out the window. Let’s make it a National Scale Tossing Day!

  9. Anonymous on March 26th, 2007 1:40 pm

    I love Inhale! He also has a book: Happy Yoga: 7 Reasons Why There’s Nothing to Worry About.

    Skip the scale! They are EVIL!!!

  10. Deanna on March 26th, 2007 1:41 pm

    I love Inhale! He also has a book: Happy Yoga: 7 Reasons Why There’s Nothing to Worry About.

    Skip the scale! They are EVIL!!!

  11. Becky on March 26th, 2007 2:12 pm

    Ok, so it is official…I am now obsessed with Zombies….I thought I could avoid it…but NO…TWICE this weekend I had nightmares that ended with me waking up RIGHT BEFORE THE ZOMBIE BIT ME….talk about waking up in the nick of time. I am seriously considering letting my husband buy a “fishing” boat to increase my chances of survival!!!!

    As for the scale…ICK….go by how the clothes fit….oh and I am going to look for Inhale tonight!!!!

  12. kim on March 26th, 2007 2:18 pm

    Everyone has already expressed my same sentiment. Muscle is more dense than fat therefore weighs more. I also agree with the idea of getting the body fat measuring scale thing, but REMEMBER to be HYDRATED when you weigh for an accurate reading. it makes a huge difference!

  13. Jennifer on March 26th, 2007 2:42 pm

    If the clothes are still fitting looser and looser, that’s the key, that’s what you want. Stay the course!

    Yoga is great. The best thing is the good, deep sleep you get afterward (unless the baby wakes you up!)

  14. Marolyn on March 26th, 2007 2:44 pm

    since everyone else said muscle weighs more than fat I will add my two Zombie cents…. We watched “Children Should’nt Play with Dead Things” (thanks to Netflix) last night.. REALLY BAD 70’s B film( you know.. like Chopper Chicks from Zombie Town)… fast Zombies and Bad over-acting … we loved it!

  15. Ingrid on March 26th, 2007 3:20 pm

    I love Inhale and I thank my tivo every day for recording it at the unholy hour of 6am. Tons of workout videos, plus user reviews. You can also watch clips. That way you don’t end up with something, uh, too stretchy in the wrong areas.
    I gave up sugar for Lent (even though I am not Catholic) and despite my pants fitting better and losing the majority of my muffin top, I have not lost a freaking pound. The scale goes up. The scale goes down. The scale goes up. I kick myself for not measuring… measuring is the true ‘scale’ of how well I am doing (I tell myself that, but you know I don’t believe it!).
    Also? I’m counting down every frigging second until Easter when I can eat sugar! I’m going to have wine and cheesecake! Then, back on the sugar free thing until Memorial day… sigh. Stupid sugar!

  16. Anonymous on March 26th, 2007 4:02 pm

    that’s just water weight, if you’ve been counting calories/points, you know there’s no way you gained. Keep up the good work !

  17. Anais on March 26th, 2007 4:24 pm

    “That is exactly what I wanted to do with my scale this morning, ideally while pumping it full of .223 bullets, their cases falling onto the bathroom floor in a metallic tinkling clatter drowned out by my own rage filled battle cry and the ear-shattering explosive sounds of my Mini-14 rifle releasing round after round of deadly force into its stupid fucking 2-pound-weight-gain FACE.”

    You made water come out of my nose. HA!


  18. Kizz on March 26th, 2007 4:30 pm

    Dude, I weighed in this morning and despite keeping within ALL the parameters I stayed exactly the same. I was SO PISSED and trying not to be. Thank you for expressing the rage. I’m sure it’s muscle weight, you’ll be back on the losing streak soon.

  19. Alyce on March 26th, 2007 4:40 pm

    I vote for stop weighing and start measuring.
    Or… weekly weigh-ins first thing in the morning after you’ve gone pee (hee) and just telling by how your clothes feel.

  20. Mommy Daisy on March 26th, 2007 5:05 pm

    A few suggetions that might make for a happier Linda. 1) Measure your body and keep track of that. You’ll love seeing those results. And 2) My mom recently saw a nutritionist, and she suggested weighing in once a month. She said your weight will go up and down, so it’s must more gratifying to see it after a month. Good luck! We’re trying to lose weight here too, but I don’t weigh in much.

  21. Liz on March 26th, 2007 5:14 pm

    Fuckin’ Junior Mints…. Hahaha, just kidding. I agree with the masses about the body fat/muscle thing.

  22. Josh on March 26th, 2007 5:29 pm

    Somehow my old roomate talked me into joining her for one of her dvd yoga sessions. (booze) Of course, being a pompous jackass, I insisted that I was completely capable of stretching circles around the tiny little instructor lady, and that we had to do the medium difficulty at least, because men just don’t start on easy. Well it turns out that I was so full of shit I believe some of it may have even escaped during the more difficult squat stretches. I spent the next week in the fetal position wondering what sort of evil masochist had invented this most deceptive of exercises. Probably the devil.

    Having said that, I’m glad you are enjoying the yoga. Mad props and all that. Never again for me. I’d rather be fat and gross than feel pain in the places yoga brought it out.

  23. jonniker on March 26th, 2007 5:47 pm

    Not to go all marathon/sprint thing on you, but I agree that the cumulative benefits thing is likely true. I’ve gained and lost, gained and lost since I started the program up again in early February, and while it’s been a bitch a lot of the time (like last week, when I gained three pounds and wanted to kill myself), over the course of the last month and a half-ish, I am down roughly 12 pounds. So don’t sweat the two pounds, is what I’m saying. It all evens out.

    (I might add that I am/was a lot taller and a lot heavier than you, so don’t compare your results to mine. I might also add that when I referred to Christmastime being a “hefty” time for me, Adam replied by saying “HEH. HELL YES YOU WERE,” before he even realized what he was saying, and while he attempted to redact, it didn’t work out so well.)

  24. Alyson on March 26th, 2007 6:10 pm

    If you’re building muscle, you are also gaining weight. But it is GOOD weight. It is weight that by next week will be eating fat cells to beat the band! Keep at it! Also, muscle retains more water, so that is good too…..well, good for the muscles. Don’t quit now.

  25. ivymae on March 26th, 2007 7:29 pm

    I’m sure others have said it, but going by measurements/how you feel is so much more rewarding. I won’t let a scale in the house, and avoid the one @ the gym, mostly because it is so easy to be discouraged.

    Keep it up- Not only are you going to notice a change soon, but you are modeling the kind of eating/lifestyle that will keep Riley out of that growing # of obese kids.

  26. christen on March 26th, 2007 7:37 pm

    Well, muscle doesn’t exactly weigh more than fat… it takes up less room than fat. A pound is a pound is a pound, but a pound of muscle (think a steak) takes up way more room than a pound of fat (think… well, something less compact than Crisco. maybe like oil?). Did you take measurements before you started? That’s the best way to gauge. Also–I had the same problem as you for the first FIVE weeks. Scale would not budge. Started eating all, and I mean ALL of my flex and activity points, and voila–pounds dropped like magic (13 of them so far). And, I wear a HR monitor when I work out, so I know EXACTLY how many exercise points I earn (1 per 100 calories burned). I get 14 or 15 during a spin class, and I eat them ALL, baby.

    Be sure to get those healthy oils too. And the dairy. It makes a huge difference. Nonfat lattes abound!

  27. Annie on March 26th, 2007 8:00 pm

    How many calories, do you reckon, would a rage-fueled fit like that burn? At least a hundred, right?

  28. Lesley on March 26th, 2007 8:51 pm

    Thanks for the tip on Inhale. Will be checking this out.

    Maybe fitness tips is something to add to Sundrybuzz?

    I have a question re your turbo workouts? Do you have to jump up and down and run around or is the cardio more like leg lifts or stuff where you can be stationary in your living room. I have a small apt so jumping up and down and running around isn’t an option. I also hope to avoid dripping sweat on my wool rug :) – I don’t mind perspiring though!

  29. Melanie on March 26th, 2007 9:05 pm

    Remember, muscle weighs more than fat! So in real life you’re actually skinnier. Fuck the scale.
    I love yoga, too, and my husband thinks it’s a sissy thing and not even real exercise, and REFUSES to try it. You’re lucky JB is willing to subject himself to pretzeldom.

  30. Dr. B. on March 26th, 2007 10:38 pm

    Weird. I saw Michael Rappaport on the street on Saturday with a grip of kids — maybe 4 or 5 of them. And he was saying to one of them, “Now, you’re a guy with a good imagination, right? Right?!” And “the guy” was maybe 6. Tops. And in that creepy, hyper-masculine Michael Rappaport voice? It sounded very intimidating.

    Oh. And scales? Forget it. Seriously. Nothing comes between a woman and her actual experience of her own body and mind like a scale. I say chuck it.

  31. Dawn on March 26th, 2007 11:02 pm

    Maybe you should just weigh yourself once a month. That’s what I do. And to echo everybody else, muscle does weigh more than fat, and you’ve been a Turbo Jammin’ machine these past few weeks. Speaking of Turbo Jam, after reading about how great you think it is, I looked for more reviews of it and it seems everybody out there is liking it, so I went ahead and ordered it. Just wanted a little something to alternate my tae bo and treadmill with. I hadn’t seen the informercial since I work nights, but from all I’ve read I think I’ll like it. Thanks for making me aware of it’s existance. (hmmm, maybe I should hold off on the thanks until after I try it–ha ha!!)

  32. Lorelei on March 26th, 2007 11:07 pm

    I always go up 2-3 pounds for about 4 days before the scale drops a few. Usually up 2-3, then down 2-3 from the original weight. Stay the course. The truth will all come out in time. :) x Laura

  33. thejunebug on March 27th, 2007 12:51 am

    Yeah, it’ll take your body awhile to adjust to the new status quo. A few years back when my mom and I were working out together, she lost absolutely NOTHING in the first month- but after that she dropped pounds like crazy.

    Don’t get discouraged. It’s not just about dropping pounds- it’s about being healthy.

  34. Jean on March 27th, 2007 5:36 am

    STOP weighing yourself. Seriously. Just watch your body transform and enjoy feeling healthy. Weigh yourself like, once a month. The scale is EVIL. Stay away!!

  35. Joanne on March 27th, 2007 5:36 am

    I love Inhale. I love the music and the super cute hairstyles that every single woman on that show has. It sounds like you are really doing it right – I’m sure the jeans that used to not fit still fit well right? I’m sure it’s muscle, like everyone else says.

  36. Em on March 27th, 2007 6:10 am

    I have began a boycott of the scale … won’t you join our side?

  37. Swistle on March 27th, 2007 6:16 am

    I would feel like killing somebody. I don’t care if muscle weighs more than fat, I don’t care if what really matters is how healthy I am, I still want those numbers DOWN.

  38. Amity on March 27th, 2007 6:24 am

    I feel your pain on the weightloss thing. Like you, my diet has been consisting “mainly of greens, fiber, lean protein, fruit, and freaky non-foods such as sugar-free Jello,” and I’ve been exercising a lot more than ever before, but the scale keeps mocking me. :( I can physically see a difference, though. (More toned. Losing inches? Clothes fit better.) Every week I think that the scale will finally catch up!

  39. Anne on March 27th, 2007 7:50 am

    I’ve been working out since December, four or five times a week, and moderately watching what I eat. By the scale, I’ve lost only a little, but the truest test is standing naked in front of a mirror, baby. Fuck the scale–I don’t need it to tell me that the bulge at the bottom of my ass is disappearing and that my love handles would be harder to grip these days.

    I avoid the scale, because it can’t weigh confidence, strength, flexibility or improved stamina–only I can do that. I think we can look in the mirror and see results, but if the scale doesn’t reflect that, we’re pissed and discouraged. To hell with that. Fie on you, scale!

  40. wealhtheow on March 27th, 2007 9:33 am

    How are your clothes fitting? That’s a more accurate measure than the scale. You’re probably building lots of muscle, which is why the scale is not showing friendly numbers. But remember! Regardless of what the scale is doing, you are improving your overall health immensely by eating good food and exercising. Plus you’re giving Riley a good model to follow in this area, so you should be doubly proud.

  41. Sara on March 27th, 2007 11:00 am

    Did you eat the Jello in close proximity to weighing? Like with in a day? I only ask because SF Jello and pudding make me retain water like mad. Just a thought!

  42. jen on March 27th, 2007 12:00 pm

    I won’t join everyone in saying muscle weighs more than fat. But one time I gained like 4 lbs and then it turned out I was retaining water for other, even more annoying cyclical reasons.

  43. Erin on March 27th, 2007 12:10 pm

    I just have to chime in that muscle DOESN’T weigh more than fat-that is a crazy misconception A pound of fat will weigh the same as a pound of muscle, except a pound of fat is larger in volume than a pound of muscle. Think: fat=basketball, muscle=baseball and they both weigh the same.

    Losing a pound of fat, and then gaining a pound of muscle won’t change your weight, but it will change your size.

    If you compare the same volume of muscle and fat, than-yes the muscle would weigh more….

    okay…done ranting.

  44. Daily Tragedies on March 27th, 2007 12:25 pm

    Don’t forget the BEST part about being a girl — water retention! Some (all) of those two pounds could easily be explained by water retention, either due to your cycle or recent salt consumption. I second the suggestion of weighing yourself second thing in the morning — use the bathroom first.

    Sucks, but each week is a new adventure in What Do I Weigh Today? for me, so I find that comparing to the same day four weeks ago is the most accurate measure. Not that I can remember anything from four weeks ago, but that’s what the website tracker is for!

  45. clearlydistracted on March 27th, 2007 7:57 pm

    I wondered if you were a True Romance fan when I heard the music to Riley’s one-year video montage.

    I watched that movie so many times in a row that I had some nightmares. So I quit. But I reminisce about it. :)

    About the weight thing – I have a theory that it takes the scale 3 weeks to catch up with how my body feels. no crap.

  46. Fartin Martin on March 28th, 2007 9:50 pm

    Yoga and “inhale”ing can be risky. Especially yoga in a room full of women. Here’s why: Honestly…

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