October 16, 2007

Whoorl’s comments section is making me depressed. Fall recipes! Involving squash, and pumpkin, and maybe an overabundance of things baked with cheese! Oh, and how about Swistle’s cookie tutorial, which triggered some sort of Pavlovian salivary response in me, so much so that I actually made a disgusting little slrrrrrp sound while I was reading it? Damn you, Internet.

The reason I’m all bent out of shape over reading recipes, instead of excitedly hitting Print and planning my ingredient-shopping, is because our kitchen is still out of commission. We had every indication that upon returning from vacation, all appliances would be operational, but they’ve hit a few problems. For instance, the counters need to be adjusted before the stove can be installed (thanks to our bumbling project manager accidentally moving one of counters while they were still sealing). Oh, and there’s the little matter of the refrigerator not fitting into its allotted space (thanks to the same project manager mis-measuring how tall the fridge is).

In the meantime, we had to move an enormous, rickety living room bookcase because there will be sanding/staining done to integrate old flooring with new, our front lawn is seeded with something that looks like barfed-up Astroturf, and our driveway is currently being broken up into muddy pieces to prepare for a new cement slab.

Also, Dog has become frightened of leaves. Yes, leaves. From trees. The kind that fall to the ground in gusts of October wind. Every time I put her outside she plasters herself to the door and stares moistly back in, looking like a clubbed Harbor seal. Between the leaves, the Astrobarf, and the driveway demolition, Dog’s little world is in turmoil. I feel for her, I really do. Dog needs doggy Xanax and I need to bake me some goddamn motherhumping cookies.

In other news, I suspect Smalltopus is not actually all that small, and may in fact be some sort of SuperFetus, judging by the level of movements I’ve been feeling recently. Maybe I’m not remembering when Riley’s movements became less “gassy, fluttery” and more “thrashy, sledgehammery” but I thought it was later in pregnancy, during the Trimester of the Whale Shark. This kid can poke me in the side while simultaneously kicking me, Pele-style, in a very sensitive internal organ or two, and I’m just glad we’ve had ultrasounds that confirm he does in fact have only four total appendages and not, you know, SEVENTEEN. Frankly, I’d like to know just what it is he thinks he’s doing in there, because it feels like he’s moving furniture while also performing a few hearty Irish jigs. In steel-toed Doc Martens. I wish he could be convinced to embrace some more sedentary, useful activities, such as reading up on “Sleeping Through the Night: Why Not Start Early?”.


34 Responses to “Baked goods, internal body-slams”

  1. Pete on October 16th, 2007 2:46 pm

    Now I know where our contractor moved to.

  2. beach on October 16th, 2007 2:50 pm

    you are too freaking funny….seriously….i feel for dog,and your crazy upheaval of a home under construction!!….but enjoy the internal kicks….get used to them….as a mom of teens……they continue to beat up on your heart(in a good way)….forever!!!

  3. Someone Being Me on October 16th, 2007 2:57 pm

    Maybe Smalltopus is also lamenting the cookie situation and the unfortunate lack of a kitchen?

    My dog also has been plastering himself to the door lately only mine has a fear of rain. If it is raining he will only run the length of the house under the covering of eaves to do his business before returning himself to the door.

  4. Amy M. on October 16th, 2007 3:00 pm

    I worked for a homebuilder during the summer in college & some of the contractors were horribly inept in the common sense department. Good times.

    Poor Dog. I hope those mean old leaves leave her alone! And perhaps Smalltopus has smuggled in a trampoline or has sprouted several more appendages since the ultrasound (har!)

  5. Audrey on October 16th, 2007 3:02 pm

    Poor Dog! Living with the world’s wussiest dog (exhibit a: he rarely sets more than 2 paws in the kitchen, preferring to stretch as far as he can into the kitchen while still keeping his back paws decidedly in the dining room to retrieve food that has fallen to the floor), I can definitely sympathize. I hope she gets over her fear of leaves soon.

    Poor Your Insides, too! I agree with Someone Being Me that Smalltopus probably just wants cookies.

  6. Elleana on October 16th, 2007 4:17 pm

    My second child moved so much more than the first. By the end of the pregnancy, people across the room could see her move — my stomach would bulge and move, showing various elbows and legs, like some weird alien was going to rip out of me at any minute. It freaked one woman at the obstetrician’s right the hell out, and she stared at my stomach with a mixture of fear and disgust. Oh my… fun times, those were.

  7. Jess on October 16th, 2007 4:24 pm

    Hopefully Dog’s fear of leaves will go the way of Riley’s fear of airplanes, and soon. Poor thing.

  8. Smalltopus on October 16th, 2007 4:32 pm


  9. jen on October 16th, 2007 4:44 pm

    we made your squash soup on sunday. i didnt want to tell you but it was soo good! i hope your back to baking cookies and printing those fall recipes soon! contractors are morons man.

  10. sooboo on October 16th, 2007 5:15 pm

    Dude! Your remodel has seriously gone on too damn long! This is coming from someone who had their toilet in the hallway for a month and a half!

  11. biscuit on October 16th, 2007 5:19 pm

    I wanna cry hearing that Dog is so sad + scared of leaves! :( She would probably be even more petrified if, in trying to solve her problem, you used a leaf blower!

    I’m 26 weeks + 1 day pregs. I think she will be a swimmer, she is excellent @ her kick turns! It started out with popcorn popping like feelings, but now it’s like an achor is dropped in my belly every time she moves.

  12. whoorl on October 16th, 2007 5:41 pm

    If it makes you feel any better, you’re welcome to prepare any of those recipes in my kitchen. Bring the dog – we have no falling leaves by the beach.

  13. Jacquelyn on October 16th, 2007 5:55 pm

    HAHAHA. “clubbed Harbor seal”.

  14. JennyM on October 16th, 2007 5:59 pm

    Smalltopus is leaving comments!

    Yeah, we bought a house from a do-it-yourselfer who had a chronic case of “that’s probably good enough.” Our current fridge, the ancient, ugly thing, is some weird size of Kenmore THING that no refrigerator comes in now, and the cabinets are built around it. Which means that when it dies, which it undoubtedly will one day soon, we will have to either (a) rip out several cabinets to fit in the new one or (b) just leave the carcass where it lies and put the new one in the middle of the kitchen. Arrgggh.

    Here’s to doggy Xanax.

  15. jonniker on October 16th, 2007 7:17 pm

    Oh poor Dog. The leaves! The evil leaves!

  16. SJ on October 16th, 2007 7:23 pm

    Oh Sundry you are one hilarious woman. You have such a way with words, it’s amazing.


    Enough said.

  17. warcrygirl on October 16th, 2007 7:49 pm

    I can bake some cookies in your honor. Doesn’t do you a heckuva lotta good but cookies do sound yummy. Also: my second baby was 6 oz larger than the first PLUS all of his length was in his backbone vs the first-borns long legs that could be folded.

  18. Jennifer on October 16th, 2007 11:43 pm

    Is this the “Guitar Center” project manager? Sigh.
    I just looked at your Flick’r photos and it looks like your remodel started back in MAY??? So you’ve been living in the dust and destruction for 5 months? And it’s not over? Gosh, I feel bad for you, seriously. Hang on, just hang on a little longer.

  19. Kaire on October 17th, 2007 5:27 am

    Monday night while sitting by my almost due niece (5 weeks!) I saw movement out of the corner of my eye … swear to god the little bugger was waving at me from the womb! Of course this turned into a rousing game of “poke the baby!”

    She’s a teacher and she has one little boy who just stares at her bump in awe of the alien inside. He told her it’s freaky and not right.

    Hope you have a kitchen soon!

  20. wilddreemer on October 17th, 2007 5:56 am

    I’m going through the same crap right now. My little one is kicking me so hard I keep examining the outside of my belly looking for bruises because surely if he is kicking me that hard I should at least get a bruise as some sort of battle wound. Also I’m in the last month, you know, the one where the movement is supposed to lessen SO NOT HAPPENING!!!!!!!

  21. Christina on October 17th, 2007 5:57 am

    Ack, I am sorry to hear the kitchen is not ready… esp when pregnant. I did some of my best “stuff” in the kitchen when I was prego. I cooked like a fiend some times. My husband got fat as did I!

    As for the wee tot, omg I remember getting kick so hard it took my breath away like because Mr Matthew was kicking me in the lungs because that is basically where he sat the ENTIRE mother loving pregnancy. Try talking on the phone to clients while getting hammered in the lung every ten seconds. That is really only second to the 11p-3a kicking I received that kept me up from oh say 2nd trimester on!

    Poor pup. Our dogs go through weird stages too. Leaves though… that would be rough esp. in Seattle. this time of year!

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  23. superblondgirl on October 17th, 2007 8:16 am

    Maybe you could insert a copy of that book? Though how you could get it in is something I’m not interested in contemplating too closely, because it could be painful. And also, the octopus name seems very fitting about now, huh?
    A scourge on the contracters!!! (After the kitchen is finally done, though. No scourges until it’s finished, okay?)
    But there’s always the refrigerated cookie dough, eaten straight from the tube. Salmonella, schmalmonella – I live dangerously.

  24. Emily on October 17th, 2007 8:26 am

    My drywall contractor was supposed to come by last night to measure for the finish molding. He didn’t show. Do you suppose he’ll actually show on Saturday when he’s supposed to do the work? Keep your fingers crossed for me.

    Smalltopus leaving a comment is laugh out loud funny!!

  25. Heather B. on October 17th, 2007 8:42 am

    The contractor working on my mother’s house was supposed to build a dresser into the wall. That was just before my 12th birthday and as I type this, there is still a large hole in my mother’s bedroom wall where the dresser should be. Now being just before my 24th birthday.

  26. Brooke on October 17th, 2007 9:19 am

    I’d like to think I’m feeling my fetus kick, but I’m pretty sure it’s just gas.

    Poor Dog! Our dogs are afraid of the vacuum and that is a laugh riot.

    I’d like to be having contractor woes, but alas! my darling husband keeps changing his damn mind about what he wants, so we keep having to tell our architect (his dad) to hold off on the drawings, and our contractor to hold out a little longer so we can have said drawings so the contractor can, you know, make a bid and START THE DAMN JOB! I am 15.5 weeks pregnant and I must have been smoking hash when I thought it could be done by week 40.

  27. karamarie on October 17th, 2007 10:40 am

    I wish my dogs were scared of leaves. Then anytime they did something bad, like get into the trash or lick each other’s genitalia for way longer than is appropriate, I could brandish a LEAF, and WOE to the DOGS! A leaf! Sometimes one of the dogs gets scared of tiled floors, and they both are babies about having to walk on wet grass when it rains, but they’ve never been scared of something so tiny and inanimate as a leaf.

  28. Josh on October 17th, 2007 2:56 pm

    So how come you are so excited your super fetus has only four appendages? I think it would be way cooler than a regular baby if I had some super-baby with eight limbs like a Hindu God. Imagine how bad ass that dude would be growing up. Especially if he/it really did have super powers, like in Heroes. Maybe he could punch really hard, six times at once! Or maybe grow retractable skin flaps between them and fly like a bat! And if he was stupid and flunked out of high school, he could still make a fortune flipping burgers. He’d get thrice the pay rate! I’m just saying, I think it would be awesome.

    Holy shit, genius moment! He could get a job as the world best masseur! Can you even imagine the massage that dude could give! In a totally hetero way of course. I plan on being an evil Genius hell bent on world domination, and those guys always get massages from dudes. Or tiny asian chicks, whatever. People would still pay crazy money for that sort of relaxation.

  29. Swistle on October 17th, 2007 6:02 pm

    I am not sure your Project Manager understands what is involved in project managing.

    Also, is there no one in the Seattle area to take pity on you and bring you baked goods and yummy soups? This is pitiful! I started thinking, “Hm, I’ll bet I could find her address with minimal stalking-like research, and then mail some Oatmeal Scotchies….” but then realized the cookies wouldn’t be much good by the time they got there. And that probably you shouldn’t eat things mailed to you by strangers.

  30. Sundry on October 17th, 2007 8:24 pm

    Well, see, it’s the whole process of cookie-making that I’m craving — sure, the end results are key, but the warm baking smells and the furtive mixing-bowl-slurpings are all part of it too. Damn you, Stupid Guitar Center Guy.

  31. Mychal on October 18th, 2007 1:12 am

    1. I too read Swistle’s yummy recipes, but I actually got out to the grocery store and was able to make the Oatmeal Scotchies. And, yes, they are sooooooooo goood.

    2. Speaking of doggy Xanax, my friend has a cat who takes Prozac. People Prozac.

  32. wilddreemer on October 18th, 2007 5:09 am

    so i know this isn’t the same at all but lean cuisine currently has butternut squash raviolis…they go in the microwave..thats one way to get your squash

  33. Kristie on October 18th, 2007 9:19 am

    If only I had know there was a book for babies on sleeping through the night. I would have purchased that immediately. We just now sleep through the night, at 8.5 months. GAK.

  34. Operation Pink Herring on October 18th, 2007 11:11 am

    The feline version of xanax works like a charm. After reading Mychal’s comment, I’m wondering if I could start swiping some.

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