October 21, 2007

Psst. Hey. Hey, do you hear that noise? Yeah, that noise. I think it’s . . . well, I can’t be sure, but I think it just might be the sound of A THOUSAND FUCKING ANGELS SINGING A GLORY-FILLED HALLELUJAH.


Can I get an amen.


Oh baby, oh baby, that’s right, show me allllllll your storage. Show me how you hold alllllll my pots and pans and boxes of brownie mix. Oh yeah.


Old Kitchen, I’m sorry. We had some okay times. But I’ve moved on. It only took 39281475 months, but I’ve moved on.


How did I spend my weekend? Cooking various fattening things, including Swistle/Quaker’s Oatmeal Scotchies (laptop as recipe book! GENIUS, as long as you don’t get cookie dough on the case. In which case there is nothing to do, you must lick it clean). I never thought I’d be so excited to use an oven, and you don’t even want to know what I did when we turned on the dishwasher for the first time. It may have involved an unfortunate dance move featuring a vigorous ass-slapping manuever.

Oh! As if that’s not enough excitement for one weekend, BEHOLD:


I’m . . . sorry, were you maybe taking a sip of a beverage just now? Sorry about that. Here’s a tissue.

JB’s fancy new hairdo is the result of a very successful fundraising activity his office is doing, where individuals raise money and the company matches dollar for dollar. Thanks to his promise that he’d spend this week sporting a red-dyed mohawk, he and one other coworker raised about $5,000 total. JB’s donating his half to Fred Hutchinson Research Center. Not bad for a guy who appears to be trying really, really hard to look like Chuck Liddell.


100 Responses to “Best weekend ever”

  1. Deanna on October 22nd, 2007 8:18 am

    Holy cook-ery Batman!!! A kitchen so beautiful, I think I’d learn how to cook!!!

    Congrats!!!!! I know it was a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong project.

  2. Becky on October 22nd, 2007 8:36 am

    LOVE the new kitchen…and those cookies in the oven look so YUMMY!!!!!!!!!

  3. Banana on October 22nd, 2007 8:41 am

    I want kitchen. Kitchen is glorious and shiny and new and purty. Nice work!

  4. lil foots mommy on October 22nd, 2007 9:15 am

    The kitchen looks awesome. Congrats on finally having it done and being able to cook all those fall-esque recipes you needed to be able to enjoy. JBs mohawk is awesome!!

  5. jenna on October 22nd, 2007 9:39 am

    I’ll just be dreaming of clean kitchens and the COOKIES that I can SEE in your oven. GIMMEE.

  6. Alley on October 22nd, 2007 9:43 am

    I can’t begin to express how jealous I am of your stove. Congrats on the kitchen finally being functional!

    My first thought at seeing JB was, “Man, I bet Riley would look adorable with the same hair.”

  7. Coleen on October 22nd, 2007 10:04 am

    JB’s kind of naughty-hot with the mohawk. Is Riley asking for a style like his father’s now?

  8. Bianca on October 22nd, 2007 10:08 am

    Your kitchen looks awesome. Like something out of a magazine, no shit. Will you be posting photos of the breakfast nook area? I’m really looking forward to see how that turned out too.

  9. breckgirl on October 22nd, 2007 10:11 am

    JB is such a good sport. The look is actually kind of hot – maybe he should keep it? And as for your kitchen, you are the luckiest person ever. Very nice, although those gorgeous appliances will soon be marred and scarred by sticky fingerprints and dents created by toddler vehicles! Enjoy and have a cookie for me.

  10. LauraH on October 22nd, 2007 10:20 am

    That is a beautiful ktichen. I am so glad you are finally done with the renovation.

  11. victoria on October 22nd, 2007 10:25 am

    Congratulations! It looks beautiful!

  12. Sundry on October 22nd, 2007 11:16 am

    Bianca: there is nothing yet in the nook except piles of debris. Hooray! I mean, SUCK. We are having a hell of a time finding furniture we like.

    Breckgirl: I hesitated about doing stainless for the fingerprint reason, but after you polish it a few times with the special goo (mineral oil?) it sort of builds up a resistance to sticky little hands.

  13. Kim on October 22nd, 2007 11:58 am

    The kitchen looks great!! Congrats! And the granite is really pretty; good choice.

  14. Donna on October 22nd, 2007 12:29 pm

    Oh my god, can you hear me laughing all the way up here in Edmonton? At the hair, not the kitchen (THAT sound was me salivating!). Way to go, JB – you did a good thing!

  15. Erica on October 22nd, 2007 12:52 pm

    Your kitchen makes me feel funny in my pants.

  16. Kayte on October 22nd, 2007 1:19 pm

    Beautiful, Linda, just gorgeous! I am compulsive…I kept scrolling down hoping you had taken that Nikon 70 and opened all those drawers and cabinets so we could see all the configurations…but then I realized that maybe that would be an invasion of privacy…so I will just have to guess what is behind each and every drawer and cabinet…maybe I should have been a kitchen designer! It’s very pretty and sporty looking…I am sure those brownies and scotchies will taste ohsoexcellent coming out of this kitchen! Thanks for sharing! Well worth the wait, right?

  17. missbanshee on October 22nd, 2007 1:36 pm

    Mmm, kitchen! But WAY more importantly? JB and I are BFF now, cause I shaved my fool ass head ALL THE WAY last week for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I kinda love it, but even though she lives 800 miles away, my mother is officially not speaking to me. Hee. Go JB! Bald is Beautiful, Baby!

  18. missbanshee on October 22nd, 2007 1:41 pm

    PS: Does JB love it like he’s looking like he’s loving it? I can see the thought bubble “Chuck Liddell can suck it, suckers. I’M bringing sexy back!!!!”

  19. Josh on October 22nd, 2007 1:52 pm

    Hey yeah cool, a kitchen and all that. But OH MY FUCKING GOD! Just when I think JB can’t any cooler he busts out a mother fucking mohawk! Felate him for me now, I demand it! God damn that is bad ass!

    It is my opinion that mohawks are the most manly hair style a man can possibly sport, with long greasy metal/pirate hair and flat tops coming in a close second and third. Mohawks say not only do I not give a flying fuck what you or anyone else thinks of my fashion dammit, I could also kick the living shit out of you and all your friends. (who are way too pussyfied to ever even think about getting a mohawk) I used to have a mohawk. I loved it. I had to get rid of it when I got locked up because no matter how awesome they are, judges and huge black men hate them. And just cause your hair says you can kick someones ass, doesn’t mean it isn’t lying it’s stupid little white ass off.

    And he kind of does resemble Chuck Liddell. With that freaky smirk he could be Chuck’s evil little brother maybe.

    And it just now struck me, if your kitchen has been out of commission this whole time, how come JB didn’t just force you to switch to a diet solely comprised of items you can grill? Cause you can cook just about everything worth eating on a grill. Trust me, I’ve done it.

  20. Emblita on October 22nd, 2007 2:27 pm

    AWESOME KITCHEN!!! It looks totally yummy and great for cookie making!
    Love the mohawk :p

  21. Jo on October 22nd, 2007 2:57 pm

    Kitchen looks amazing, yay! :)

  22. Anonymous on October 22nd, 2007 3:20 pm

    Below you will find a link to my flickr site…where you will find a photo of my husband and his “fundraising” mohawk. At least, that’s what he told the CEO of his company after he got a wild hair up his ass one weekend this summer and styled his hair so beautifuly. The CEO bought it, and my husband walked around at his sales job, in his suit…..with a mohawk..for over a week.


  23. Kristin on October 22nd, 2007 3:20 pm

    Below you will find a link to my flickr site…where you will find a photo of my husband and his “fundraising” mohawk. At least, that’s what he told the CEO of his company after he got a wild hair up his ass one weekend this summer and styled his hair so beautifuly. The CEO bought it, and my husband walked around at his sales job, in his suit…..with a mohawk..for over a week.


    P.S. your kitchen looks awesome!!

  24. Claire on October 22nd, 2007 3:25 pm

    Yay, kitchen’s finished! I visited my folks in the Carolinas this weekend and conveniently forgot they were redoing the kitchen. I can imagine your plight so much better now, after gaining a bazillion pounds from eating every meal out and lamenting the absence of my dad’s fabulous home cooking.
    Oh, and don’t tell my parents, but I like your finished kitchen way better than their plans. Shhhh!
    Congrats, cook something yummy!

  25. ShannonJ on October 22nd, 2007 5:01 pm

    I think that stainless steel fridge is missing something…. something like the FRIDGE FARM, one of the most annoying toys ever made. Don’t forget to put that back up! HA.

    The kitchen looks great; I am, like everyone else, totally jealous.

    Whoever said Travis Bickle on the hair, I’m with you. But that’s awesome of JB to go mohawk for a good cause.

  26. Melissa on October 22nd, 2007 5:03 pm

    I am so insanely jealous as we are trying to move on from the old kitchen but alas, I do not have the courage!

    Both the kitchen and the husband look scorching by the way!

  27. mothergooseamy on October 22nd, 2007 6:42 pm

    I never thought the day would come… But your kitchen is finally done. I am going to miss your stories of off schedule contractors, port-a-johns and dusty film covering your entire world. Congratulations! Your kitchen is a glorious work of art. Enjoy!

  28. Caitlin on October 22nd, 2007 7:30 pm

    Dude, your former goth self would think JB is so badass.

  29. Alyson on October 22nd, 2007 7:31 pm

    Your Kitchen is BEE-YOU-TEE-FUL!!

    And JB’s hair ROCKS!

  30. Josh on October 22nd, 2007 9:57 pm

    Kristen: your man is hawt! And I say that as a totally heter-o dude! Way to go. And all that good shit.

    Really I just want to support every kick ass dude out there who rockz the mohawk despite his womans rage. (and I know they are many) (I was told many a time time to cut off my own hair, and I said fuck that shit and fuck your vagina ridden opinion) (I won) (I also lost but that’s not the point)

  31. Amber on October 22nd, 2007 10:19 pm

    Amen! Yay, you have earned your ass-slap dance! Plus, your new kitchen looks completely terrific. You guys have good taste. Glad you’re finally getting to bake, too.

    Also: JB manages to make that mohawk look somewhat cool. Weird.

  32. Anonymous on October 22nd, 2007 10:20 pm

    JB’s 5 kinds of naughty-hot with the mohawk…I would totally hit that.

  33. Amity on October 23rd, 2007 6:04 am

    The kitchen is awesome. And I think JB is even more hot with a red mohawk. How can you stand all that good stuff to look at in one house?! :)

  34. H on October 23rd, 2007 6:15 am

    Great kitchen — cute microwave cubby!

  35. superblondgirl on October 23rd, 2007 6:52 am

    a) Hurrah and congrats and yahoo on the kitchen!!!
    b) I am SO JEALOUS of how gorgeous the kitchen is
    c) JB = hot with the red Mohawk. Very stylish. Luckily I wasn’t drinking coffee then.

  36. KT on October 23rd, 2007 6:51 pm

    Mmmmmmmmmm, yummy yummy granite! I just love that color! Gorgeous kitchen!

  37. Lavinia on October 30th, 2007 4:40 pm

    Oh, it’s lovely! (Told you I was behind on blogs…) The granite is particularly fabulous. Way to go!

    (Am I the only one that likes JB’s hair? I didn’t read all 86 comments that preceded mine, but a quick skim suggested that I may be… Maybe I’m just easy to please – and I admire his nerve. :) )

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