Naturally, after all my scurrying around like a chicken with its head partially detached from a bad axe blow leaving the gory wound to geyser steady pulses of blood into the air while the body runs hither and yon cut off, things have already gone to hell with regards to Workplace’s booth at the Macworld Expo this week. This is why I hate tradeshows, or any event that requires multiple balls to be thrown in the air and successfully caught by multiple, disassociated entities. Something always take a big greasy dump on the dance floor, no matter how many faxes you send or voicemails you leave. HATE.

The idea that some people actually enjoy events management and sometimes specialize in horrifying things like weddings totally blows my mind. Man, if I had to be even partially responsible for someone’s wedding going off without a . . . well, obviously with a hitch, but without any major problems, I’d flee the country. Spraying a trail of terrified urine behind me like an unbalanced Sheltie.

At any rate, this may not be my finest hour to say a temporary farewell from Workplace (always leave them with a bad taste in their mouth, that’s apparently MY motto!) but the time for doing so is looming. I think next week will be my last, and the final week of the month I’ll reserve for trying to get some R&R before Smalltopus arrives on the 4th. Maybe cook some casseroles. Well, maybe learn how to cook casseroles first, and then—ah, fuck it, who am I kidding: the only thing I’m likely to produce from the kitchen is more cookies, which we will then eat too quickly to freeze for later.

(Side note: I gave Riley part of a brownie the other day for the first time, and I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure of being so utterly delighted by someone else’s facial expression. He put it in his mouth, chewed for a moment thoughtfully, and then it was as though a rich beam of joyful sunlight spread over his entire face and shone out his eyesockets. “Mmmm!” he said, with pure enjoyment. “Chocwate!” Yes, my boy, and I’m proud to see that you are in fact your mother’s son after all.)

In other news, I love my Personalized Google Homepage but I think it’s time to take the headline feeds right the hell off of there. CNN loves to come up with provocative headlines and I think they’ve got an entire creative team working on how many awful ways they can sum up the ongoing search for bodies in that horrible unthinkable murder case in Alabama. Can the words “tossed from bridge” be worked in there? Or does “thrown from bridge” sound even worse? How about “tiny corpses”, have we used that yet? OH GOD CNN STOP IT. I don’t want to know any more about that story unless 1) a child has been found alive, or 2) the father has been sentenced to 59378 consecutive years of being ass-raped on an hourly basis by an entire prison’s worth of sadist disease-infested inmates with ten-foot-long spiked penises.

Uh, moving on from that subject, how about a picture of The Boys, hanging out in this giant crazy tent thing that has taken over our living room:


Riley: “SHHHH. Riwwy hiding.”


46 Responses to “Let us all hide in the tent together”

  1. kalisah on January 14th, 2008 2:39 pm

    I firmly believe that anyone who hurts children should serve life in prison. And anyone who hurts their own children should get the electric chair.

  2. Someone Being Me on January 14th, 2008 2:39 pm

    Too cute. I love the tent.

  3. Teej on January 14th, 2008 2:40 pm

    It gets even worse when you click through to the stories and see another link with a “video” icon and the words, “Watch the mother grieve.”

    Really, CNN? Really?

  4. Tessie on January 14th, 2008 2:47 pm

    How have you made it THIS LONG hanging on to CNN, that’s what I want to know. I kicked those child-torture-loving bastards to the curb about 2 seconds after my daughter was born.

    Great tent! How the hell did JB get in (or out of)there? Or maybe that’s where you’re keeping them both during your pre-Smalltopus R&R?

  5. M.A. on January 14th, 2008 2:54 pm

    “Spraying a trail…” Oh, Linda. Priceless. And I love the tent thingie — reminds me of the colon-thing you can walk through at museums. Only blue. And, well, in your living room.

  6. Judy on January 14th, 2008 2:56 pm

    I remember the face my daughter (now 18) made when she tasted her first brownie too. Pure delight. Thanks for reminding me.

  7. Amy M. on January 14th, 2008 2:56 pm

    I can’t read the CNN website anymore. Too much “OMG this is awful, let’s learn more!” news. What about something less bloody, like the primaries? :)

    That’s a great photo! Be vewwy vewwy quiet. We’re hunting poor, abused Dog. Is that a toddler hive?

  8. Danell on January 14th, 2008 2:56 pm

    “Spraying a trail of terrified urine behind me like an unbalanced Sheltie.”


    or a cocker spaniel

  9. Sunshyn on January 14th, 2008 3:04 pm

    It’s a big bwue woom. And of course it’s out of stock and can’t be ordered. Good thing, too, because there is nowhere in my poor overcrowded existence to put such a thing. Event planning sucks. Getting my boss away to an event sucks. He’s still sending me calendar items to post, and he’s THERE already forpetesake. Put DOWN the crackberry. And “partially detached from a bad axe blow leaving the gory wound to geyser steady pulses of blood into the air while the body runs hither and yon” oh, my…

  10. jonniker on January 14th, 2008 3:12 pm

    I want a tent to hide in, too. SO BAD. Please send me the tent.

  11. daranaco on January 14th, 2008 3:12 pm

    What a precious photo! I really must know what type of camera you use to capture such great indoor photos without using a flash.

  12. Julie on January 14th, 2008 3:14 pm

    We have that tent thing! The only way Charlie is interested in using it, though, is in pretending to be the littlest member of Mumenschantz. And, damn, the critics are MERCILESS.

  13. Artemisia on January 14th, 2008 3:15 pm

    That photo is AMAZING. Seriously. I’d frame that right up. And treasure it. Holy cow.

    I mean, WOW.

    I am sorry about the tradeshow stuff – those kind of “duties as assigned) SUCK.

  14. Alyson on January 14th, 2008 3:18 pm

    The boys are, of course, wonderful. Wait until Riley starts Kindergarten……..I’ll let you guess at the rest.

    If you’ve got freezer space, you might want to consider or

    I’ve used Dream Dinners with good results. A few of the dinners are clunkers, but on the whole they are good. And you can make them into half-portions for your smaller family, so you end up with 24 meals! Dinner’s Ready, I’ve never tried, but it works on the same principle. OR, email me and I will give you some casserole recipes that will keep you sane. If Chinese Hamburger Hash has worked for DH’s family for three generations, it will work for you!

  15. sundry on January 14th, 2008 3:20 pm

    Daranaco: I do use a flash indoors but it’s an external flash (a Speedlight for a Nikon D70) that I always aim up towards the ceiling to bounce the light rather than sending it straight into the faces of my victims. This photo was hard to take because aiming the flash into the tunnel didn’t really work, so I had to futz with the lighting in Photoshop afterwards to bring out the too-dark Boyz in the Tent.

  16. Kristin on January 14th, 2008 3:27 pm

    I saw that CNN headline today also! I was reading The Onion and was trying to decide if it was a true headline or not!

  17. lara on January 14th, 2008 3:40 pm

    Teej, I was horrified by the title on that video link as well. And who are the people who want to “Watch a mother grieve”?

    What a horrible story and what a horrible way to treat it, CNN.

    On a happier note: lovin’ the way JB is looking at Riwwy in the picture.

    I need these wonderful images to balance out the world, I really do. Thanks Linda.

  18. Becky on January 14th, 2008 3:46 pm

    LOVE the picture!

  19. All Adither on January 14th, 2008 3:48 pm

    Stupid CNN.

    Cute Riley.

  20. biscuit on January 14th, 2008 4:12 pm

    I just added the Speedlight for my Nikon D80 to my Amazon wish list. I’ve been looking for the perfect flash + have always wondered what you used.

    You totally should be a photographer.

  21. Naomi the Strange on January 14th, 2008 4:21 pm

    cuuuuute picture! Love it! Also, sounds like you may be leaving for maternity leave at just the right time! (smile!)

  22. JennyM on January 14th, 2008 4:22 pm

    Or is it a Toddler Trap? Looks like he trapped JB pretty easily….

    Arrrgh, CNN.

    Speaking of personalized Google homepages, I really like clicking on mine to see what part of the day the big monster thing has got too in caring for the city. I am not sure why that one delights me so much.

  23. GoingLoopy on January 14th, 2008 4:36 pm

    Riley is the cutest thing ever in that photo.

    And I think I still make that face about brownies.

  24. Kate on January 14th, 2008 4:49 pm

    Ah, the old eat-all-the-cookies-before-they-get-frozen routine. In our house it is second only to the why-is-that-whole-plate-of-brownies-gone-the-next-morning bit.

  25. Jennifer on January 14th, 2008 5:16 pm

    Ohhh, you poor thing. I totally hear you on the event planning, and doesn’t the expo start tomorrow morning? But y’know, this is the time-of-the-event when no one is at his/her best and everyone is trying to scramble and half of the people are being martyrs about what isn’t done and how “I’ll just have to do it myself” and all will be forgiven/forgotten when it’s over. Your co-workers know you’re working hard and they won’t begrudge you taking off post-MacWorld and Pre-Smalltopus.

  26. MRW on January 14th, 2008 5:38 pm

    Yeah, I stopped watching the evening news and really limited my consumption of various “news” websites when my son was about one. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was constantly feeling angry or sad or some other horribly draining emotion. Much happier now.

    My son doesn’t like chocolate. My first though was “Who the hell are you? You can’t be my kid.” I blame my husband and his freaky taste buds. Of course, it means there is more chocolate for me around the house, so, it has worked out . . . for me.

  27. Jennifer on January 14th, 2008 5:43 pm

    I’ve only been reading a few months and this may be my first comment, but I have to say you are an absolute delight to read. Your posts are hilariously descriptive. Good luck with the new baby.

  28. telegirl on January 14th, 2008 5:57 pm

    God! That picture of Riley & JB?! I think my insides completely melted.

    PS) My little man has those PJs… in a littler-guy size. So adorable!

  29. Eric's Mommy on January 14th, 2008 6:24 pm

    That picture is precious.

  30. Swistle on January 14th, 2008 6:38 pm

    I can’t even read the parts of blogs that REFER to headlines of that sort. *shudder*

  31. honeybecke on January 14th, 2008 7:07 pm

    I finally shared a bite of my favorite peanut butter chocolate chip cookies from a local bakery recently and I thought Elliot’s eyes were going to pop out his cute little head.

    And yes, CNN is horrible for it’s sick child-involved news stories. I quite it months ago (for the most part).

  32. Meagan on January 14th, 2008 7:51 pm

    That photo is adorable. I’ve got a similar picture on my flickr page… same layout… hot-air balloon instead of nylon tube… it’s just not as cute without the two year old & dad.

  33. Lindsay on January 14th, 2008 8:05 pm

    Right there with you on the CNN headlines. The only thing I know about that case is what I’ve read from the CNN thing on my Google homepage; I can’t bear to actually click on the links.

    And that picture? Seriously, that is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I love your photos!

  34. Jo on January 14th, 2008 8:33 pm

    Awesome photo, Riley & JB are too cute

  35. breckgirl on January 14th, 2008 8:42 pm

    I am so with you on the news stories, CNN or others. In that quad-murder a few weeks ago involving a woman who had her stupid murderous boyfriend kill her sister, husband, four year old and two year old, the article just HAD to give the details that the two year old boy tried to pick up and put together the pieces of the cellphone that had just been blown to pieces when his mom was shot. Right before he was shot. UH – THANKS for the visual. And I realize I just gave it all to you guys but MY GOD can they just stop with the graphic details? I am still feeling emotional whenever I think about that horrible situation for that little boy, even if only for a moment before his death (probably because I HAVE a two year old) and now,OMG, thinking about those 4 little kids being tossed like trash off that bridge by their dad, imagining the older ones fighting or even worse, the 4 month old just… sinking. I just can’t understand why people do the shit they do and even worse, I hate the way the media feeds on it like a bunch of rabid dogs. Wow – did you hit a chord with me or what? That’s what I would call a damned RANT.

    And you should definitely sock it in – take the time off and enjoy the peace because before you know it, girl, it is all night feeding fests and massive sleep deprivation. Hey – at least you have some Percocet to look forward to.

  36. Scott on January 14th, 2008 9:13 pm

    Please record one more vote for “CNN WTF?” They have been particularly bad lately. I used to enjoy their ridiculousness (actual headline: “Buildings go boom: 2007’s best implosions”), but it’s no longer enough to make up for the horribleness. Consider me unsubscribed, I’ll get my implosions elsewhere.

  37. Sassy on January 14th, 2008 9:14 pm

    I think I just dropped an egg. Too cute!

  38. Josh on January 14th, 2008 9:36 pm

    Brownies sound pretty good. And coffee. And a cheese danish with a little bagel and some smoked nuts. Thanks a lot, now I’ve got the munchies.

    Damn dude, that is one cool tent. That’s like an official legit fort. Just think, one day Riley and Tiny will probably be building forts in that same spot. They make em from couch cushions, and collapse them on each other, and then jump on the cave-in victim. It will be bad ass. And then later they will build a tree fort. Hell, me and my brothers dug out a giant hole in the woods. (fucking huge! We moved boulders and everything) And this other time we built a camouflaged fort in our town park with log walls and vines and whatnot. And you couldn’t see it from the trail, but it was the size of a large bedroom. And we brought in lawn chairs and a bench and a park grill. We had a party fort. Fire pit and everything. Yes ma’am, you’ve probably got a lot of forts in your future. Especially if Tiny is a guy. (I can’t remember if you told us or not. My memory is spotty)

  39. donna on January 14th, 2008 10:14 pm

    Josh, the munchies AND short term memory loss? Dude step away from the bong, lol.
    Riwwy and Daddy. LOVE!
    I agree cnn has gone too far. Watch a mother grieve? What’s next watch a child eaten by wolves? Jeeze.

  40. thejunebug on January 15th, 2008 1:08 am
  41. thejunebug on January 15th, 2008 1:09 am

    Haha, it worked but it broke the box. Sorry! The read is worth it, though. :)

  42. superblondgirl on January 15th, 2008 6:16 am

    With the brownies and the tent, it makes me think (oddly, I’m guessing) of the time E and I went camping and I had made him this fancy-ass chocolate chip brownie, and it started raining and he woke up in the middle of the night yelling “where’s my brownie?” because he was concerned that it might get wet. Though why anyone but me would care about that story, I’m not sure…
    I wish you had a picture of the brownie face – that sounds adorable! Though of course the tent is cute enough, and I don’t need to be tricked into thinking about having more kids by extra pictures of cuteness.

  43. Christina on January 15th, 2008 6:27 am

    I love that toddler look of pleasure as well. They positively beam with excitement over things that make us happy but we do not show on the outside anymore (well you know I mean we do but in different ways…)

    I agree about CNN and other news organizations…

    YEAH to having some quiet time before the babe is born! Enjoy!

  44. Chris on January 15th, 2008 7:38 am

    That picture in the tent is priceless. Reminded me about the time a few summers ago, here in Texas, when it got to the part of summer where it is just unbearable to even go outside, when we set up the full size tent in the den. My Mr. and Boy practically lived in that thing that week

    Enjoy your time off before the baby comes.

  45. beach on January 15th, 2008 11:10 am

    i just pissed myself with laughter!!!
    you are one funny chick!

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    sent abroad, and exchanged for something for which there is a demand at animated christian myspace layouts have taken place, for want of a market to take off the greater jevbuaumpp

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