My friend Jen came over to visit this week with her son Theo — you may remember Theo from his internet fame as the Wii Baby, AKA the Child With the Most Infectious Laugh On the Planet — and the boys promptly went nuts, galloping around the house like very small but enthusiastic ponies. They plunged into the Legos, raced in and out of the play tent, and invented some horrific throwing-themselves-to-their-death game on the couch which involved a lot of high pitched shrieking and giggling and CLIFF DIVING while Jen and I hovered nearby wringing our hands and shouting “BE CAREFUL!” at children who had lost the ability to hear us as well as any sense of self-preservation their crazed little toddler brains may have initially contained.



I loved seeing Riley playing like that, even he did briefly morph into Psycho VonBatshit and earned himself a parental threat (“Do you want to go to your ROOM?” — feh, like that’s even a punishment, I mean what’s in his room? A CRAPLOAD OF TOYS THAT’S WHAT) to which he sullenly replied “No” while shooting me the sort of expression I thought was reserved for pissy teenagers. It looked pretty much like this:


Heh. JB is going to be so thrilled I posted that photo.

(Whenever Riley gives me that look in response to being disciplined for spitting, swatting, kicking, etc, I can’t help but wonder when it is that kids develop some good old fashioned fear of their parents’ wrath. You know what I mean? Not like you’re afraid your parents are going to hit you or abuse you or anything awful, but just that dreadful feeling of uh oh . . . Mom/Dad is going to be pissed. Because having my kid essentially give me a frowny, bratty eye-roll when I’m telling him, in the I-am-not-fucking-around Voice of God no less, that there is NO [INSERT INTOLERABLE BEHAVIOR HERE] ALLOWED, sooooort of makes me want to feed him to wild dingoes.)

Watching Riley and Theo basically jet off and do their own (vaguely suicidal) thing made me a little hopeful for our future with two children in the house. Man, I really hope that Riley and his brother enjoy each other in the years to come — and spend lots of time playing together, and concocting plots against their parents, and of course eventually bailing each other out of jail.

So, I have only one more OB appointment — not this coming Monday, but the following — before Operation STP Removal, which seems insane. I guess because I had Riley at 37 weeks, and this week will be my 37th week with this pregnancy, I feel like I’m in unfamiliar territory where I could suddenly, like, go into labor at any moment oh my god. Not that this will happen, surely, because hello I have a PEDICURE scheduled, among other things.

At this point my belly is large and frightening, and when I sit upright on the couch cross-legged, the bottom of my stomach actually rests on the cushion below me. Only a few of my shirts still fit, everything else is too short to cover the vast expanse of skin. It is truly amazing that the human body can be stretched to such mind-boggling proportions without splitting open like an overripe melon, you know? I might even be able to appreciate the physical miracle of it all someday, when I’m no longer waddling around with a 45-pound backpack strapped to the front of me.


33 Responses to “Two”

  1. Naomi on January 18th, 2008 10:32 pm

    aw, those boys are soooo cute! I love the photo of Riley’s mean face at JB. Totally cute. I love it when kids make faces like that. LOL

  2. Mary O on January 18th, 2008 10:34 pm

    I’m sure your boys will be great friends. I can’t wait for mine to appreciate each other either. I can’t wait to see pictures of your new baby!

  3. Caleal on January 18th, 2008 11:19 pm

    That look is adorable. I would be totally worried for what his teenage years going to bring if he already has that down. :)

  4. andrea on January 18th, 2008 11:22 pm

    We are just getting to the stage where when we are together with kids his age they actually interact and entertain one another. Makes me hopeful that someday I’ll actually be able to have an adult conversation with my friends during these playdates rather then spend the entire time ‘no-ing’ and making sure they don’t steal each others sippy cups.

    May the next few weeks speed by so we all get to meet this new little guy!

  5. Matt on January 19th, 2008 1:37 am

    These are the times that Riley will vaguely remember in his mind with heaps of nostalgia…

    Can’t wait to read the entry entitled “Smalltopus has arrived!”…

  6. mona on January 19th, 2008 2:58 am

    I love how Theo’s and Riley’s outfits match.

  7. thejunebug on January 19th, 2008 4:25 am

    My big brother was my best friend growing up. He still is. :)

    Riley and Theo look like little Target employees!

  8. Joanne on January 19th, 2008 5:14 am

    I hear you, you start to think “how big can I GET?” We are 8 days into Newbornhood and I’m telling you, one of the things that gets me through the long nights is that I’m not pregnant anymore. I’m not back in my old clothes or anything but damn, it’s nice to see my feet again!

  9. ShannonJ on January 19th, 2008 7:10 am

    It really is fun to watch my two play together. It’s even kind of funny to watch them fight, although they’re still little so it’s not that big of a deal. I don’t look forward to when they’re older and seriously get into it. Good luck with the next couple of weeks!

    PS – That post title was a teaser! Thought we were going to get some arrival news! :)

  10. Niki P on January 19th, 2008 7:48 am

    You look amazing. I always think pregnant women are the most beautiful people but you my dear have raised it to an art.
    My boys are 21 months apart and I have to say they have always been best friends. When they were 2 and 4 they would play and fight. Now they are 10 and 12 and they still play and fight. I am blessed.

  11. Eric's Mommy on January 19th, 2008 8:04 am

    Ha Ha

    Operation STP removal!

  12. amber on January 19th, 2008 8:16 am

    I know it’s insane because I don’t actually know you, but I feel like I do, and I’m soooo excited for the little guy’s arrival and what will SURELY be an ungodly amount of photographs! :)

  13. Franny on January 19th, 2008 8:36 am

    I too, can sit with my belly sitting on the couch. Also – driving has become interesting, as I feel that I must spread the legs (yes, I just said that) in order to sit comfortably but oh – the pedals are close together! I feel like a duck while driving.. it’s fun.. Thinking good thoughts for you in the coming weeks!!!

  14. All Adither on January 19th, 2008 8:47 am

    You’ll be so glad to have two of your own. My two are just now getting to the point where they play together. Without my having to participate! It’s amazing.

  15. valeta on January 19th, 2008 9:32 am

    Having two was crazy (for me) at first. Now that my baby is 5 months and starting to laugh at her brother it is getting to be so much fun.

    I imagine your boys with eventually be awesome together. :D

  16. Kristin on January 19th, 2008 9:32 am

    When we didn’t hear from you for a few days, I thought maybe you were off delivering a baby! Pretty soon!

  17. JMH on January 19th, 2008 9:40 am

    My oldest is 6 and my youngest turns 4 on Monday. They will play with each other (nicely) for hours. It is blissful :) However, the first year with the second child was exhausting. BUT, it is great now!!!

  18. Swistle on January 19th, 2008 10:44 am

    I. Can’t. Wait.

  19. Shana on January 19th, 2008 11:05 am

    Hey, so is JB taking any time off to help you with the new baby and Riley?

  20. sundry on January 19th, 2008 12:57 pm

    Shana: yes, he’s taking a couple weeks right when STP is born, then some more family leave later in the year.

  21. Lesley on January 19th, 2008 1:12 pm

    So…….this time next week we might see a new baby in the house? Yippeeeeee.

    It’s truly amazing that skin can stretch and spring back. Still, I think I prefer the kangaroo pouch idea, and even polar bears have a better deal, giving birth to a teeny tiny ball of fluff no bigger than your hand that nestles in mum’s fur until Spring arrives. Mom spends most of that time sleeping while baby nestles and nurses.

  22. Super Sarah on January 19th, 2008 1:18 pm

    Exciting times ahead and just when we are off to London for three weeks. I will have to find a dodgey internet cafe to check for the arrival of the STP! Best wishes!

  23. Jess on January 19th, 2008 1:46 pm

    So fun! You’re kids are going to be best of friends. The first couple months (six for us) will be… well let’s just say interesting. But STP will end up being the best gift outside of your loving nature that you could ever give Riley. I’m so happy for you!

  24. Philos on January 19th, 2008 3:40 pm

    That photo of JB and Riley is *great*. I actually laughed out loud in delight.

  25. Jennifer on January 19th, 2008 11:02 pm

    Maybe kids start getting that “healthy respect for parents’ wrath” when mom or dad can dole out punishment (or threats?) that mean something. Like taking away a favorite evening TV show or “no dessert tonight.” Later on you’ll have the power to take away car privileges or allowance…

    … at which time you’ll be seeing the teenaged-version of that scowly photo again!

  26. Alyson on January 20th, 2008 12:20 pm

    The boys are adorable….I love happy little boys. They are so much fun and hilarious.

    But I have an answer to your question: “I can’t help but wonder when it is that kids develop some good old fashioned fear of their parents’ wrath”

    When you can take away their cell phone, their car and the power cord to their X-box!! You’ve got a long way to go!

  27. Josh on January 20th, 2008 1:07 pm

    If you want to put the healthy fear in your kids you pretty much have to whoop their ass with a big stick every day. My parents made the mistake of using plastic spoons for a long time, and occasionally skipping days. But when they graduated to this gigantic oak slab we started taking spankings much more seriously. I’m sure I’ll be purchasing one in the event I accidentally reproduce.

  28. Kristin C on January 20th, 2008 5:12 pm

    I was sure you were off birthin’ your boy. I was worried for you and your need for a pedicure before the big visit to the hospital!

  29. Marivic on January 21st, 2008 10:27 am

    You can sit cross-legged at 37 weeks?!? You are one nimble mama!

  30. telegirl on January 21st, 2008 11:59 am

    Yeah, when you figure the part out about how to make your kid mind without the pissy look, why don’t you get back to me? I’ll be following in your footsteps shortly. I have a friend who, swear to god, looks at her daughter and calmly says “Please don’t do that. Hannah. 1. 2.” and her daughter STOPS doing whatever it is, right away. I’ve never heard her get past the number 2. I swear she doesn’t beat her daughter. I am always fascinated as her two and a half year-old snaps into shape and I would luuuurve to find out how she does that!

    The pictures were very cute. As always!

  31. Jessica on January 21st, 2008 12:01 pm

    That photo is awesome! My husband and son have a similar expression, which is identical on both of them. We call it Tommy’s “scowly face,” and he first made it when he was 10 minutes old.

    I, too, would like to know when kids develop that parent-dread. Apparently my mother-in-law induced it in her kids by threatening them with a wooden spoon. She never said what she was going to do with it, or actually *did* anything with it, but the mere threat of it was enough to get their little imaginations going. Straightened ’em right up.

  32. Amy on January 21st, 2008 1:58 pm

    Be afraid…be very afraid. Almost 6yo boy and 3 1/2 yo boy. They do play together nicely, sometimes. But they also beat the living crap out of eachother…which is better than them going after me. The dogs seem fairly oblivious, but our 7mo kitten has taken the brunt. Dr. Destructo (3 1/2) coated the kitty in A&D ointment on Saturday. Have you ever bathed a kitten?? not fun. Let me know when that fear of mom kicks in…..I’m still waiting!

  33. Lysandra Ness on January 23rd, 2008 6:51 pm

    I happened by your website after doing a search about Jesse Jones to see if anyone else mocked his enthusiasm (in a kind-hearted way of course). I found myself drawn into your writings. Your children are very lucky to have a mom documenting/journaling life as such!

    Thank you for the entertaining stories and a walk through memory lane of my own daughter’s antics.

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