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Feb
11
I don’t imagine the majority of you are terribly concerned with what my boobs are doing these days, but for those who have asked: I’m not breastfeeding Dylan. This is not a personal choice I made, but rather a sort of crappy and ongoing medical issue that prevents me from doing so.
I knew it wasn’t a possibility for me to breastfeed before I got pregnant, and I hope you’ll understand when I say I didn’t find that a big enough deterrent to avoid having another baby. I’ve had well-meaning friends ask if I planned to breastfeed this time around and I found myself flat-out lying (”Well, I’m definitely going to try . . .”) instead of just telling the truth, because it makes me feel — well, ashamed, I guess. I feel shitty admitting I can’t do something that nearly every other mother on earth can do; it’s all wrapped up in a weird package of guilt and inadequacy for not having “normal” births or being able to feed my child without my good friend Similac and around and around it goes.
I don’t feel concerned that giving him formula will cause him problems, but I do feel sad that the positive benefits of breastfeeding will never be part of my parenting experience. It is what it is, though, and as long as my boys are healthy and happy the details of how they made their exit from my body and what they ate in their first six months aren’t worth dwelling over. So I tell myself, anyway, but of course it’s often hard to follow your own best advice.
At any rate, he’s eating like a champ (seriously, it’s unreal: at this rate those spindly appendages will be Michelin-sized in no time) and it’s nice that JB is able to feed him too and, you know, silver linings.
To address another recent FAQ, if you’ve made a baby-related purchase lately (from Motherhood Maternity, say), you may have received a coupon brochure from a Large Purveyor of Consumer Goods sporting some familiar images. Specifically, images of your intrepid author shamelessly flaunting her stretched-beyond-belief pink underwear for all the world to see:
That’s right, people, it’s MY ASS on the Huggies brochure. Dear god. Anyway, in case you were concerned they ripped me off Sweetney-style, never fear, the good people at Kimberly-Clark licensed those images fair and square. My butt is officially a marketing vehicle for The Man.
Lastly, BEHOLD:
The scary thing? I still think he’s cute when he’s doing this. Biological programming cannot be denied, even when your child looks like an angry, crumpled-up newspaper.
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117 Responses to “T & A”
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Loving, Lately
JR Watkins Vanilla is my new favorite body lotion. Love the smell, love the way it feels, love the awesome label design.
I may have mentioned it once or twice, but Breaking Bad is the best thing that has ever happened to television EVER. You should watch it right now.
Bob Book Series
Riley has honestly learned to read as a result of these little box sets. Cannot recommend enough.
This applesauce bread from Allrecipes is superfast, supereasy, and the kids love it (I leave out the spices).
He’s adorable, squishy, and furious. All good things.
Congrats on the K-C deal. I hope they’re paying you well in formula!
(Incidently, I remembered that you had a medical condition necessitating the c-sections and no breast feeding and I’m curious but if you choose to keep that information close I certainly respect your decision and won’t inquire further).
How’s life with 2 little boys now?
That is too awesome that your belly, and Riley are famous!
Dylan is the cutest crumpled-up newspaper ever.
Nice ass!!
While I’m sorry that you can’t nurse Dylan, there are silver linings. Nursing my daughter came at a price: my sanity. It was mentally and physically gruelling and while I appreciate that I was able to nurse her, I am sure that I could have been a better mother in other ways if I was well-rested or less stressed. There is always a trade-off.
And he is cute, even when it looks like he is squeezing out a big turd.
He’s freaking adorable, crumply and all. I cannot get over those tiny toes!
so you never said WHY you can’t breastfeed? Why can’t you? I’m curious to know? How’d you get your photos in there? Cool. Pregnant model! :)
Linda- I couldn’t breastfeed either do to a medical issue and Nick was formula bed. He’s a gifted child — for real:) Your little guy looks darling pissed off:)
I love the newspaper look on babies. It makes them look feisty. Congratulations on the picture deal. It looks great!
Look at those monkey toes! NOM NOM NOM…
oh, you are making me want another one!!! He is absolutely adorable!
and now I’m rushing off to find those coupons I got to see your pic!
1) I love angry babies. LOVE. I want to take that one and gnaw on his little limbs.
2) I have already laughed several times about this line: “I hope you’ll understand when I say I didn’t find that a big enough deterrent to avoid having another baby.” I plan to laugh several addition times in the near future.
3) DUDE. Your photos, of your personal self, officially licensed and advertising national products?? That is AWESOME. Awesome enough to bring out the word “dude.”
I think it’s a really good thing that you recogonize the importance of the true point of motherhood (which is not breastfeeding alone, but the bond you create with your child, regardless of what they eat or from which hole they made their first debut).
The picture deal seems like a good opening to ask you about your freelance work. I read your other mommyblog and now read parentdish, but how did you get into freelancing? Specifically, how would you suggest one gets into freelancing blogging? Obviously, you don’t have a ton of time right now, but when you get a free minute or ten (note: ha ha ha), I’d love to hear about your experiences and any tips.
And PS: Squishy face and all, he’s still pretty darn cute.
Wow, that a big load of self-punishment right there, isn’t it? Growing up in a loving home (as yours obviously is) is more than a lot of kids get, even those who are breastfed. Your life is your life, your body is your body, and it should be celebrated, “medical conditions” and all.
Funny. When we saw him Saturday, I don’t remember him looking like an underdone roast.
Angry babies always make me giggle a little. Newborn babies are awesome.
I felt the same way after my first c-section. What the hell is wrong with my body that I can’t have a baby like everyone else? But really it doesn’t matter in the end anyway, since the result is the same.
What Swistle said. I about fell off my chair about the line she cites in item #1.
Linda, you are an amazing mom and you and JB provide a wonderful, loving family for your children. You should not heap any guilt or shame on yourself about…well, about anything, and certainly not about things that biology has decided for you.
Also: “crumpled up newspaper.” I’m DYING. He looks like he is trying to contend with the world’s largest poop. That shot is priceless.
Dylan is very, very cute. As for the breastfeeding issue, I can relate to your guilty feelings. My daughter had serious issues with latching and then I felt like I didn’t have enough milk for her once she did. So she was bottlefeed and breastfed a little until she was three mos old and I threw the towel in. It was so stressful to try breastfeeding, doesn’t work, then give her a bottle, then pump…to only start the whole process over again. (leaving little time for the burping, sleeping, and pooping cycles) Very frustrating and I felt like a failure. Once I gave myself permission to just focus on the bottle, things got so much better. I’m going to try breastfeeding again when my second arrives but I’m not going to let myself get too worked up if it’s not working….I hope. Many women can breastfeed and some just can’t – it’s just the way it is and it doesn’t mean you are less of a mommy. But I hear you. :)
I love angry baby face…It actually makes me laugh..along with the “hissing” my 2 month old does when he is really pissed.
I second all who have said that doesn’t matter where he came from or if you are breastfeeding…it’s the love that counts!
too cute and I think it’s far more important what kind of mom you are than what milk you provide. Anyone who thinks I’d be closer to my mother some how if she breastfed is on crack!
I agree, completely adorable even when it looks like he’s pretty angry/sad/whatever it is that babies cry about. Could just be that I’m anxiously waiting for my own to emerge here in a few months.
I think he looks cute too though; my son was 2.5 weeks early so his little legs had the same wrinkly, muscle-less look to them. And now, he’s all chub.
I couldn’t breastfeed either due to medical issues. I can’t say I’m all that unhappy about it. I would have done it but I’m not heartbroken that I couldn’t. Although I am doing the happy dance now that Bear is transitioning off the formula and on to milk. And your baby is adorable and looks nothing like a crumpled newspaper. He looks like a perfect smooshy baby. Gah, you are going to have to stop with the pictures. My baby fever is going into overdrive. You’re killing me. I bet he even smells delicious.
Oh, that last pic made me giggle! Poor pissed off little guy.
Coming from a crazy hippie chick with a nursing toddler – I think you have a spectacular attitude towards your situation. Seriously, there is no point in feeling mommy guilt about something that is can’t be helped.
Boobs that work are awesome, boobs that don’t work are still very pretty, and your boys seem to be doing pretty darned good with your current parenting choices.
Here’s what I love- that photos that you took at HOME are making it to the Huggies level of approval. You ROCK at photography, as we all know, but now even Huggies says so. That is really cool and really inspiring.
Also, your baby? Your new, angry, squishy, wrinkly baby? I love him.
That is so cool! I always loved that you chose to document your pregnancy in such an interesting way and clearly Huggies agrees with me. Good on ya, Linda. You just keep getting more awesome. :)
Dylan is looking very feisty already, and I cannot get over those long, long fingers. I wonder if it’s like when a puppy has big paws, and you know it’s going to be great dane sized. Who does he get those hands from?
That hat is killing me! He is soooo cute. Congratulations to your a$$ and Riley for being famous. :o)
From a guys perspective I’m sure Breastfeeding is a lot like natural childbirth. Sounds better than it actually is. Personally I liked being able to feed our newborns, I loved that little sucking sound they make.
I don’t even have a baby and I MUST HAVE THAT HAT. Where from? (So cute!)
Why can’t we know what the medical condition is? You mentioned it last time with Riley and now again with Dylan. Not that I’m horrendously curious or anything. :-) I just find it surprising that you–who are so open, honest, and willing to shell out T.M.I. at any time (can I get an amen, J.B.? I’ve seen some of the stuff your woman puts out there about you) is keeping this a secret. And then I laugh at myself because it’s very freaking nosy of me to want to know. Sorry.
Now quit reading the internet and go give that wrinkly little baby a big kiss for me!
He is adorable, biological programming notwithstanding!!
And, baha at the title of this post. My husband, whose name starts with a “T” always insists that my initial (”A”) goes first so that people don’t laugh at us. Baha. Do I look like a total moron when I say that I didn’t know what “T & A” meant until he told me after we got married.
“It is what it is, though, and as long as my boys are healthy and happy the details of how they made their exit from my body and what they ate in their first six months aren’t worth dwelling over. So I tell myself, anyway, but of course it’s often hard to follow your own best advice.”
Sing it sister.
“…even when your child looks like an angry, crumpled-up newspaper.”
You crack my shit up.
Hey, awesome! I want to be in the Hanes brochure, too.
And crumpled newspaper??? He is cute! Really cute! You are not mistaken.
I breastfed son #1 for a short period of time (he was too hungry all the time!)
#2 got a good six months and was my best breashfeeder.
#3 would have nothing to do with it the minute we left the hospital – talk about feeling inadequate!
“They” say that breastfed babies are healthiest, right? Then explain to me why #2 was the sickliest baby between birth and 5 years! He had a persistent a-symptomatic sinus infection for a year when he was four and is now allergic to two antibiotics because of the heavy use when he was little. So breastfeeding? Not always perfect. Besides, bottle feeding means that Dad can take some of the nighttime feedings.
There are valuable coupons inside … your ass! Bwahahaha.
Also, no … He really is cute when he’s doing that.
Dang, Linda, are his feet SUPPOSED to be that big?
If you can’t breastfeed, that’s completely different from choosing not to breastfeed. So don’t worry about it at all. You’ve got to do what’s right for Dylan AND you, and you obviously are.
And that picture? You’ve got yourself an adorable Angry Little Frogman!
Thanks for all the nice words, guys. To those who are nosy/curious: it may be hard to believe, but I don’t share EVERY detail of my personal life here. (You would be surprised, actually.) My blog, my disclosure policy. : )
I am in week 5 of breastfeeding my second and I am here to tell you – it’s OVERRATED. People act like formula is rat poison and it is not – it’s made for babies. If you can’t, you can’t, I sometimes wish I couldn’t, especially three times in the middle of the night, when my husband is snoozing away!
And T&A = ha!
I think it’s great that JB can help feed Dylan. Helps them bond, and gives you a break. I breastfed and I remember how lonely and frustrating it was that I was the only one that got up in the middle of the night, that I had to go off into another room every few hours to nurse (I wasn’t comfortable breastfeeding when there were other people around other than my husband). Breastfeeding was also very hard for me, painful, and I spent my son’s first two months crying during every single feeding.
I’ve always thought it’s something you should try, if you can. If you can’t, or just don’t want to, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. The important thing is that the baby gets fed (and Dylan is), and we are lucky enough now days to have such great formulas on the market to choose from.
As a non-breastfeeding mother of a 3-week old boy, I understand how you are feeling. At one point in my postpartum haze, the baby was rooting around on my shirt in search of a nipple and I tearfully (okay, it was approaching “bawlingly”) apologized to him for my failure to provide him with breast milk.
My little guy was due the day before Dylan, but ended up arriving on Jan. 19th. I feel wistful looking at your photos, as my baby is already outgrowing the scrawny, wrinkly phase and developing into a chubby Gerber baby. Which is good in its own way, but I liked the crumpled-up look.
Um, it’s not just you, that may be the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.
Dude, the whole breastfeeding thing is a big “So what?” to me. I mean, I’m not saying it isn’t wonderful, but I maintain that what’s most important is a loving home and a sane mom, and you are both. I’m so happy for you. (And like Swistle, I’m going to laugh at your statement for DAYS.)
And medical issue or not (to which I say it’s kind of none of our business if you don’t want to tell us), there are choices related to breastfeeding made for many different reasons, and since it’s SUCH a personal choice/decision, they are all, in my humble opinion, valid. A happy mom is a happy, healthy baby (within reason, of course, barring that what makes you happy is taking care of your kid and not, say, running off to have sex with strangers in closets and back alleys while the kid languishes diaperless in his crib — insert bad behavior here).
(Nothing personal Sarah, for I see what you’re saying I just … I hate that people might feel guilty reading that statement, because there are plenty of people who “chose” not to breastfeed because it was stripping them of their will to live and any shred of sanity.)
oh my god. the guilt for not breast feeding. How awful it is. I can remember HIDING to feed my baby in fear of getting the evil eye of strangers in public places. And other mamas? WHY ARE THEY SO MEAN?
My first son was in NICU and wouldn’t latch. We tried for three months. Three VERY LONG MONTHS wherein I’d try to latch him, then bottle feed him the pumped milk and then have to pump again. Only to clean it all up and start it all over again moments (it felt like) later. It was either he got boob juice, or I got my sanity. I chose sanity.
Second son latched like a freaking pro, but screamed and cried all the damn time. One day (after bf’ing him for oh, 34899485 hours straight), I decided I’d give him a bottle of the sample formula we had in the house. He quit crying. For the first time in 3 months. I’m no longer breastfeeding, obviously. ;)
Formula is NOT the debil. My oldest kid is smart and well adjusted and you can’t tell that he was not breastfed. However, had I kept doing what I was doing – I would have lost my sanity (what little I have left) and THAT would have left lasting marks on him.
Whatever works for you and your family, I says. And eff everyone else. That’s my two cents for the day.
congrats, by the way :) baby head smell = love.
(are you trying for a girl, now?!)
ahh, i love those froggy feet! My son had them too. his squishy angry face is undeniably cute. don’t feel bad about laughing at him; he won’t remember.
about the breastfeeding, I can totally relate since I was unable to successfully BF my boy. I pumped diligently for 3 months, and it almost robbed me of my sanity. but i know all about the guilt feelings, and despite everyone’s encouragement, that does of course help ease the guilt, I only felt better once I sort of confronted myself and just dealt with it. Deal with it however you need to, but don’t let the guilty get to you too much. You have a wonderful loving home with two devoted and loving parents. That’s a lot more than many children get. Good luck!
I think it’s cute too! Especially the way that one little pinky toe is curled over.
You take such amazing photos of him that I swear I can smell his baby smell. (I know I’ve said that before but I think it bears repeating.)
Many years ago, I bottle fed both of our babies because I had absolutely no interest in breastfeeding. Yes, none. And, I still wouldn’t want to if they were born today.
I know that some women (not on THIS blog, tho, because you have unusually fair and thoughtful commenters) would be ready to shoot me for that statement but so be it. I agree that it shouldn’t be a guilt-laden trip if you don’t want to or cannot.
Thanks for the great pics!
I’m not sure which comment I like the most – your analogy of him looking like crumpled newspaper, or your aunt’s saying he resembles an undercooked roast! I roared at both!
I gotta say this – don’t beat yourself up about not breastfeeding, and certainly DON’T feel like you need to make excuses to people who ask. We, as mothers, tend to be so freaking hard on one another, and it makes me sick to see how so many mothers are so judgmental of other mothers. Why can’t we just support each other instead, and pat one another on the back for all of our efforts? For crying out loud, none of us are perfect. /stepping off of my soapbox
Where I really have to correct you is with this statement: “I can’t do something that nearly every other mother on earth can do.” So not true. Breastfeeding is hard, and whenever people talk about how natural it is, that’s misunderstood to mean that it will come naturally. There are tons of women on this earth who just can’t breastfeed…and I’m not talking about those with medical limitations or even emotional hang-ups. I have two boys – my first one finally got the hang of nursing, but my second never successfully nursed. There were certain components of his mouth and of my anatomy that just didn’t make for a perfect match. While I tried to work with him to get him to learn to nurse, he lost weight at an alarming pace. So, no, it’s not something that every mother on this earth can do. Please don’t beat yourself up by even thinking things like that. (And take my word for it on the beating yourself up…I did it to myself and lived to regret the amount of time I wasted being upset that he and I couldn’t work out the whole breastfeeding deal.) /ending preachy rant now, really, I swear
Enough about that. Now, about Dylan. I LURVE how it looks in the picture like his toes on his left foot haven’t yet gotten to unfold from being squarshed in the womb. I want to nibble them off of his enormous monkey feet. nom nom nom
I just want to chomp those adorable feet! I love how they sort of fold together, along with his Monty Burns “ehhhhhhxcelent” finger touching. YOM YOM YOM. Mmmmm…..
As for the whole C-section, BF thing — big deal. You CARRIED that gorgeous child to term and brought him into the world healthy and scrunchy. What else matters?!
Also Joanne’s comment made me laugh out loud.
I cannot stand all the “you HAVE to breastfeed!” BS these days. I don’t have children and I made the decision four years ago to have breast reduction surgery knowing that I may not be able to do it IF I ever have kids. Yeah selfish, but it was my decision. Considering what my honking breasts were doing to my body, I feel I made the right decision. Even if I didn’t have the surgery, I still probably would not do it. That is what formula is for!
I think he is beautiful.
As for the whole breastfeeding thing? My mom only gave me formula and there is nothing (really) wrong with me. I don’t think you can blame my kooky-ness on formula.
I had issues with breastfeeding my second child, and my doctor said the best thing to me:
“Breast milk does not affect your mothering skills. You are doing the best that you can, and that is what counts.”
So cute, love the crumpled newspaper comment and good lord he has big feet! He sure doesn’t look like he’s losing sleep about how he came into the world or how he’s being fed ;)
A week after our pediatrician told me that it was in my son’s best interest that I switch to formula, because my milk was apparently drying up (at six months, I always had low milk supply due to PCOS) and my son was not gaining weight, our resident La Leche nazi gave me a lecture on how formula is poison (as I was giving my son a bottle full of said poison). I said, “Yes, but it’s not as bad as starving my kid.” Outwardly brave, but crying inside.
I’m not pregnant yet with my second, but I still don’t know what I will choose to do about breastfeeding. Having a low milk supply was devastating, and difficult.
And your little dude is SO cute and squishy!
Nice ASS!!!!
And don’t feel about bad (i know easier said blah blah blah) about the breastfeeding and birthing thing, when my brother was born (early 70’s) he was ripped outta my mom the natural way even though he was breech, mistake that could have killed both of them but it did make my father pass out on the floor and my mother scream many expletives at the doctors in the room for NOT showing her her son soon enough long story… then she tried to BF and thought she was ok, next doctors visit ” you better switch to formula or you are gonna kill that boy!” yeah just what a first time mommy needs to hear! but all turned out well and he has 2 children himself,( as a side his wife delivered c-section as well, twice, never breastfed, and the whole happy family is by all accounts well adjusted.. well at least the children are cute!) BTW Dylan is beautiful!
Linda,
He is gorgeous even when he is squishy face mad.
There is nothing more rabid than the pro-breastfeeding momma mafia. Don’t get me started. I only breastfed for 4 weeks (this was 13 years ago) and I was made to feel like a criminal then!
My now almost 14 year old is sick about once every three years for about 24 hours.
You are a great mom and your kids are very, very lucky to have you.
Besides, I wasn’t breastfed (early 60s) and look how…oh wait. Not a good argument. Did I mention that my son is doing great?
First of all, because I haven’t commented yet on your previous posts – CONGRATULATIONS! Your pics of him are unbelievable and make me want to scoop him up, kiss those baby soft cheeks and sniff that newborn smell!
And secondly, if you’re a good mom, as I’m pretty sure everyone around here would agree that you are, who gives a shit how they’re being fed! To hell with the over-opinionated fools who think booby milk is the only way to go.
I BF’d all 3 of my kids but supplemented with formula from day one. (Couldn’t be bothered to pump – God bless the women who do!) And I still faced criticism for that decision – you know, the whole, must BF solely blah blah blah crap. Well all 3 turned out quite fine, thank you very much.
Oh – and I sent all 3 of my kids to the nursery at night with instructions to bottle feed (unless they wouldn’t take it of course) just so I could get some sleep for what would be the last time for months – years on end. I know…I must be an awful mommy, right? HA
My point is (and I do have one, though I know I’m rambling here) is that no matter what decision you make, someone wants to pick it apart to prove that you’re doing it wrong or that their way is the right way.
Just keep up the good work and remember that if you are happy and the kids are happy – that’s all that matters right now!
Why lament something that can’t possibly be? You are right to let it go. No big deal. It wasn’t a choice for you. So many women who DO BF, freak the fuck out if you don’t make the same choice as they. I BF all three of my guys but also let my husband bottle feed them when convenient.
I had three cesareans and never felt anything negative about it. It was the only way to safely transport my baby from me to the world.
All breasts are AWESOME, not just breastfeeding ones. I like how they fill out my tee shirts ;)
Great news on the ad too!!!
the whole emotional post partum roller coaster can really suck sometimes. I had medical complications and couldn’t breast feed my second son….I still feel guilty about it sometimes (he’s 3 1/2) but he’s just fine….and as smart and sassy as the first one! Congrats again…you have such a beautiful family….and Similac or not, you rate as one of the world’s great moms in my book!
MONCH MONCH MONCH.
(Dylan, I mean, not your ass, although that’s cool.)
I can’t over parental experience, but for what it’s worth, my sister and I were both bottle-fed exclusively and we are now both (relatively) well-adjusted contributing-to-society adults. S-m-r-t, too!
Okay, that might be what I needed to offset the mooshy stuff! That picture is priceless.
RAISIN BABY
Adorable.
I think it has become a serious need for me to eat those tiny feet. You don’t mind do you??
God Linda, I swear the amount of cuteness that radiates from your boys makes my ovaries kick into overdrive. Love love love!
Linda! Don’t be so hard on yourself when it comes to not breastfeeding! You do what’s best for you and your situation which duh, you are!) and who cares if anyone else has something to say about it. It’s your choice. It’s your baby. It’s YOUR life. For what it’s worth, I support you.
And wow! Your famous! I mean why wouldn’t you be, you are all that and a bag of chips in my book!
That photo is priceless – he’s amazingly adorable! And scrunchy!
I got my Huggies ad today and was disapointed I got the ‘big kid’ ad and you were not in it. :(
I am so amazed at how you can put things into words – crumpled up newspaper – so good.
Oh and I hated every minute of breastfeeding.
I know exactly what you are talking about with breastfeeding. For whatever reason, my milk never came in, no matter what we tried. My hubby, after all of the advice, lactation consultant meetings, herbal teas, and whatever, finally sat me down and told me to stop driving myself crazy with it. I felt like an imperfect mother.
That was then. I know now that I did the best I could as a mom. I am glad you wrote about this, and also mentioning the part about it not mattering how your children made their way into the world, also. My daughter was born via an emergency c-section, and because of past surgeries, when we have another baby, I will not have any other choice but to have a c-section.
Dylan is absolutely beautiful.
I think he’s adorable doing that too and I’m not his Mommy. Congrats to your entire family.
I’d like to throw my support in on this one too. I couldn’t breastfeed through a fault of my own, and I still feel guilt over it. If only my youth was not so reckless… anyway, I say now that it’s not so much whether you’re feeding him breastmilk or formula, it’s the fact that you love him. Of course, he’s too adorable not to love (Is it just me, or does he have some big feet? They’re so cute!).
I’m starting to get baby fever coming here!
I never even wanted to breast feed, and didn’t. My kids were fine. My daughter has breast fed all 4 of her kids, I don’t know why, it seemed like a pain in the ass to me, she got infections, the kids got thrush, and no one else could feed them. I think the only reason she did was because it was cheaper, and she got to go away by herself whenever she wanted. Or not if she didn’t.
I think that shit is highly overated.
Yummy for my tummy toes, I love him! And sly you, not telling us that you were modeling after we all said you should.
And you’ve still not said what the docs said about the henna…..
Don’t feel bad about the bottle-feeding. What’s most important is the quality of mommying and you are grade A!
Hee, in that pic Dylan looks like he’d be a good candidate for Baby Botox (if such a ridiculous thing existed…)
Grumps or no grumps, D’s extremely yummy looking. In a heartbeat would I adopt that kid.
PS. If you can make money selling pix to the man all the more power to you. Raising kids costs a lot of money and it’s hard work, too.
OOOHHHH Yummy little man!! Must kiss kiss!!
While there are undeniable benefits to breastfeeding (and some serious drawbacks such as being tethered like a dog for months on end), don’t you think for a moment that you are losing out. You can be just as close and attentive to a bottle fed baby as you can to a nursing one – paying attention does not necessarily involve a boob. I’ve seen inattentive nursing and bottlefeeding and close loving nursing and bottlefeeding.
Good on you.
ok: thanks for giving me some total hilarity. yuo manage to offset your woes so classically with this humor. i will be laughing for days, like the others about not finding not breastfeeding a big enough deterrent. can i just say, i’m sure it’s great and all, but i have heard it HURTS. and who wants that? i mean, you already did a really hurt-y thing, i think that’s enough of a mommy contribution. also, i was a formula baby and barely was ever sick (besides those blasted baby ear infections) and i did really well in school, and i ended up taller than all the females in my family. so there ya go. it’s not all bad. also, you gotta feel good about a body that’s featured in NATIONAL ADVERTISING.
I also could not breastfeed my son for a medical issue, even after trying. (A medical issue not having to do with breastfeeding.) And I went through the guilt and everything you said. You do feel guilty pouring up a bottle around mamas who breastfeed. It’s almost like you didn’t try “hard enough” – but you have raised one beautiful child already, and are embarking on another. I’m glad you have it in perspective.
So funny. What is that perfectly newborn-sized chair thingy he’s frogging up in? Very cute.
Dude, does he have Riley’s Patented Weird Toe?
Definitely don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed or inadequate for not being able to breastfeed. As someone who can’t get pregnant, I’d be ecstatic to be able to have a baby and just not be able to nurse.
Omigosh – just too adorable (the baby), well, I like your undie too. It’s cute but the baby is much much cuter. :) Don’t you love it when they get so pissed. I always laugh when my kids scream. Their faces always get squashed up and red. Can’t help laughing!
I breastfed my son until 3 months and pumped until 6 months then he was on formula. I nursed my daughter and still do and she’s almost 9 months. I’m not bragging or anything but I wanted to point out that people who nurse also get criticized. My own dad told me to quit nursing so he could get in some bottle time with his grandson. pfft! Nurse or not nurse, it is YOUR choice and others should accept it. period. It does not bother me if someone else nursed or formula-fed. They have their reasons just like you do. :) To be quite honest, 85% of the time, I wish I could put my daughter on the formula and be done with it but she won’t accept the bottle and that’s another story.
Oh my gosh, he is soooo precious, makes me kind of say my baby days are over… okay, maybe not! HA!
Eh, screw it. I breastfed the 1st kid for 1 month and the second for 7.5 months, I was all ‘Go Boob’ beforehand and ‘Dude, this sucks’ afterwards. I hate when people talk about what a rewarding and bonding experience it is. These people probably get ‘high on life’ too.
He looks sort of like he’s plotting to take over the world. Start early kid! You certainly shouldn’t feel guilty about not being able to breast feed… or even not choosing to breast feed if you COULD. All a parent can do is what they feel is the best thing, it’s a shame that parents get so furious about how other parents practice that. I’m sorry you feel ashamed… I hope it doesn’t stick with you too long and I hope no one gives you cause to feel it anymore than you already do (psst, don’t post about it on parentdish).
Birth is such a charged issue that I’m proud of you for not sharing more of whatever the problem “issues” are than you feel comfortable with. The important thing is that you’ve made the best, or perhaps only, decision you could under the circumstances and you STILL get to be mama to two amazing and beautiful boys. So you didn’t get to labor, so you don’t get to breastfeed–plenty of women can’t even be mamas. And you’re a really, really Good mama.
I’m still very new to this whole motherhood business and can’t believe I have my own breastfeeding story to share, but I do.
Before my daughter Kara was born, I was determined to do the best I could in the breastfeeding department. I read books, took classes, selected a pediatrician who had a solid knowledge base in that area, and so on. Once she was here (c-section, thanks to her being an ELEVEN-POUND BABY, OH MY GOD), the first forty-eight hours went well, but after three days she was starving and my milk was still in the transitional stage. She cried for six hours straight before I finally caved and allowed my husband to feed her an ounce of formula. While she slept soundly, I bawled because all The Books said I had just sabotaged my nursing efforts. I sobbed until I couldn’t catch my breath out of fear that I had blown it for us.
Once we got home, the problems continued, and on Christmas Eve morning, one week after she was born, we had another awful night and I said enough. I pumped until she was four weeks, but I couldn’t put her on the boob anymore without losing any confidence I had as a mom.
(I promise, I do have a point.)
During my brief bout with nursing, there were wonderful moments, but I have wonderful moments feeding her with a bottle, too, and don’t think our bond is any less strong than if I were still nursing. (The only reasons I wanted to breastfeed in the first place were for the health benefits and cost of buying formula.) I had gotten myself so worked up about what all the experts were saying that I forgot to enjoy my baby, who already is growing up so fast it scares me. I also forgot that no matter what feeding method you choose, breast milk or formula, it’s really such a small part of the overall parenting experience that I gave it more importance than it deserved. But I suppose that’s normal; it’s much easier to focus on our shortcomings than our strengths, especially since so many people are willing to point them out to us.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is your reasons for using formula don’t matter. What matters is the love you bring to your children every day. In ten years, they won’t remember how they were fed, but they WILL remember how much their momma loved them.
Lastly, Dylan is adorable. :)
Huh, I actually read every single comment for this post. Inneresting.
I had my own boob drama with my first baby that I wasted waaaay to much ‘new mommy time’ on. With my second I was all, OK I’ll try but if he refuses like his brudder than to heck with it. He nursed until last month (6 mos) when he suddenly weaned himself and I have to say I didn’t mind a bit. (He also bottle fed because hello, I am NOT going to be the only one able to feed this bebe.)
Neat about the huggies ad! I wonder if you will score a bunch of Huggies coupons along with your payment? Lord knows two kids in diapers is expen$ive!!! I work the sales and the double coupons to keep my two boys in fresh dipes.
Super super pictures of D!
I probably won’t be able to breastfeed, and guess what? I’m not telling the internet why, EITHER. I think it’s a pretty good indication that you’ve never disclosed why because you don’t want the world to know. Period. :)
Dylan is such a cute baby! Oh, I love all of his faces, and his little frog feet kill me. Showing my husband your baby pics are wearing down his defenses and giving him baby fever… muahahaha.
And I have to say, you make a fabulous pregnant model. :)
Oh, and I should say that the only reason I would be curious as to your reasons would be to see if they are similar to my own. But that would be really difficult, because I’m not disclosing MY reasons. Hah.
I’m breast feeding, but it’s driving me fucking nuts. I know it’s nourishing to the baby, but to me not so much. I’m cranky, I leak + Daddy gets to rest through the night. So not fair. I tried to get her on formula to relieve some of the stress, but she won’t even take a bottle. I even tried giving her a bottle of breast milk + she turned her nose up to that too. I don’t feel like I’m bonding either when I’m feeding her.
The grass is SO not greener on the titty milk front! ACK!
He may be pissed off, but he’s still soooooo adorable!! :o)
I can just imagine that when Riley and Dylan are in their 30’s and bringing home their own little bundles of joy to visit you and JB, I really don’t think you’ll have a second thought about whether you breastfeed or formula fed them, so don’t give it another thought and just enjoy those two beautiful boys….
Don’t worry about the B-feeding issues. Bottle or breast… either one is great. Dylan is just adorable ! Would love to see more pictures of Riley holding his baby bro.
Take care and enjoy these moments. Hugs to all.
They don’t remember their passage into the world, nor what they ate the first years of their life. What they do remember is the love, care, and all the wonderful things you teach them. (like how crawl, walk, talk, play, smile, etc) I do believe the myth of natural childbirth being the best etc, came from a stuck up woman who found out she has ugly kids! And the whole breast feeding thing is practically a cult. I couldn’t breastfeed mine either for medical issues and they grew just fine and were healthy. Don’t sweat it.
I already commented above but found the other comments wonderfully supportive and just wanted to say you’ve got some damn fine readers here! Linda, you are doing all of us some good by sharing SOME of the experiences in your life. As you can see, many of us can relate. I’m also glad that you don’t share everything, especially something so personal as any specific medical issue. I have my own private medical issues that I haven’t even revealed to most of my family and close friends. I really respect that. Hope you’re managing to get some sleep, girl. :)
Breastfeeding’s weird, isn’t it? I planned to with my first and was utterly wrecked when it didn’t work out for us. And then she was colicky, and because I wasn’t nursing I could hand her to somebody and say “you take her” and go sleep for five or six hours. Thinking about what I will do when I have my second, I have no idea–I think not nursing was very very good for my mental health, and to be honest I deep down don’t really want to do it with the second, but I want to give my baby every advantage I can and you KNOW about the cultural pressure.
At any rate, the baby’s warm and fed and loved (and deliciously squishy), and really that’s what counts.
Rock star! How many pregnant women can get a national campaign based on their underwear (or regular women, for that matter)? Congrats!
You are aware that it says “Valuable Coupons Inside” arrow pointing to your bum. Free gift with purchase!
I can’t believe it. How does one manage to be a Huggies model?! That’s awesome!
JB gets to say he’s married to an underwear model, and IT WOULD BE TRUE! You’re such a sexy thang!
I liked what another commenter said when she said, “…those other mothers, WHY ARE THEY SO MEAN?” And also, not everyone can breastfeed (me included) and that’s why we have formula–so our babies can, you know, LIVE.
Oh, and also, those feet on that little guy…I want to eat them up! My ovaries are a’hurtin.
I hope you got a nice check for that a$$. But–does that make you a ho? ;)
I think you’re a wonderful mom. Breastfeeding does not equal perfect parenting, and even medical issues aside, it’s not for everyone. You’re focusing on what’s important–kudos! (oh, and I, too, love the crumpled-newspaper simile!)
I just had to say A-men to Pam:
“It was the only way to safely transport my baby from me to the world.”
After my c-section everyone around me expressed such remorse that I was not a candidate for VBAC and referred me to the iCAN website to talk about the negative feelings and grief many women feel regarding their birth experiences with c-sections. While I recognize that all those around me meant well, I felt terrible for being HAPPY that I wasn’t able to have a VBAC. After the crazy-making of being ridiculously overdue and then the very scary entrance that Elliott made, it feels wonderful to have one thing totally and completely decided for me the next time around. Of course, recovery from a c-section SUCKS ASS, but if it ensures a safe and healthy LIVE baby, then sign me up.
Linda, it’s pretty clear that we think you and your little ones are completely awesome and that you’re a great mom. Congratulations on bringing a scrumptious little STP into the world!
Breastfeeding is great and all, but do you notice every publication has the same BS from the breastfeeding mafia about how it’s best for baby and brain development, blah, blah, blah? As if parenting doesn’t come with enough guilt, they need to lay it on that way, too.
Of course, those words are from the same people who said I wouldn’t have heartburn and/or stretch marksif I had managed to keep my weight in check so they’re clearly full o’crap.
I’m sure everyone has said it, I”m going to say it again anyway. Don’t let yourself trip over this breast feeding thing. Go back and read your own post on stay at home mom’s vs working mom’s. It’s all the same. It’s all true. I think the less confident we are as parents the more we second guess everything we do.
Boob or not, stay home or not, get drunk, do drugs, end up in jail or not. You are the only mommy those boys have, those boys want. don’t let stupid people steal your joy. they really aren’t worth it, seriously. You’re a great mom, you’re boys will vouge for it.
and Dylan, he’s cute, adorable, even when he’s doing that!
Ha! Actually husband and I did comment on the fact that your chest is HUGE!!! I hope your milk dries up quickly and you aren’t too uncomfortable. Try cold from the fridge cabbage leaves to help with heat and for some crazy reason, they dry up milk. Also, they conveniently conform to breasts with their cupped shape. Very refreshing!
Sweet Sundry! Parenting is difficult all the way around without second guessing your choices and decisions. You and JB are doing what is best for your family, that is all that matters. Good luck in the coming weeks and enjoy as the brothers’ relationship blooms.
Damn, I’m sorry!!! I was just being nosy, and not in a hateful judgemental way at all. More along the lines of that ocd friend who constantly rearranges things and needs to analyze every detail. I didn’t mean to imply that Linda was letting down her readers because she didn’t itemize every detail as to why she couldn’t whip out the boob and feed the boy already. I didn’t breastfeed because I was an emotional wreck after childbirth. I figured I had already given the kid my waistline, my fantastic genes, and the next 18 years of my savings. I could keep my boobs to myself.
Pros of c-sections and bottle feeding are
1. Able to plan delivery. No contractions.
2. Dad gets to feed son.
You are doing great. He looks happy and healthy and he is just gorgeous. I miss the little baby phase.
Congrats about your ass on a diaper ad. you must be so proud! :)
I can’t breastfeed either. Mine is also a medical reason, though it’s a result of a breast reduction, which is of course, elective and considered cosmetic. There are still Boob Nazis telling me I should have waited to have the reduction even though the weight of my former breasts was curving my spine unnaturally. Not to mention the possibility that their sheer size would have precluded breastfeeding anyway. I just tell people that I can’t breastfeed, and that I’m happy there’s an alternative on the market that I can use so that my baby doesn’t starve. Because isn’t that the whole point? To feed our babies? Yes, breast is best, but for those of us for whom that isn’t an option, formula is just fine.
I loved the way you described the noises a newborn makes. So dead on, as my own 5 week old Squeaker McWheezyton sleeps on my chest while I type, making her own lip smacking noises. And a fart. Whew!
It’s only the Healthy McShitheads (a term of yours that I have RUTHLESSLY ripped-off) who are so militant about what other people’s children are eating. The people with nothing better to do. Oh, and, people without kids who have grand plans for all the ways that they will be more awesome than everyone else at parenting when they do finally have kids.
You’re doing a great job. Don’t ever doubt it. If you need a reminder just read some of these comments!
I couldn’t breastfeed either, and I was made to feel like PURE crap by a select few people. The guilt, it was horrific. It’s no one else’s damn business whether or not you breastfeed and why. So there! LOL!
Also, having had a ‘normal’ delivery, I would opt for a C-section next time. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, for everyone. In fact, in my case, the vag birth very likely caused my son’s brain malformation. There’s at least one reader of yours out here who is envious of your method of baby delivery. And again, no one else’s damn business! I hope you are healing up VERY well, and thank you for sharing your adorable family with us!!
I’m 20 weeks pregnant and, frankly, I have biiiiig tits. That’s just the way they are and, frankly again, the way my nipples are growing even now makes me wonder if a tiny baby is going to manage to fit the entire nipple and areola area in his / her mouth. I really hope he / she can, but if not, or if for any other reason breastfeeding just doesn’t work in my entirely individual situation, the La Leche nazis can fuck off. My body, my baby. (Of course, I may also find it hard to take my own “fuck off nazis!” advice when the time is truly hear, but oh I hope I can).
You’re a beautiful Mama and those two boys will always, always be clearly well nourished by the security and love you and JB obviously provide.
The picture is beyond priceless! That face is adorable! Congratulations.
Ahem, *here* not *hear*. I might jsut blame that typo on preggers brain ;).
*JUST* Oh fuck.
I just now got to read the all of Dylan’s birth posts from start to finish, and I just wanted to say CONGRATS and he is just beautiful.
I didn’t have guilt about the fact I couldn’t breastfeed but I did find it necessary to act like it was the end of the world – besides my mom who made me feel like a complete failure (and tried to secretly rope my SISTER into breastfeeding MY BABY)- the lactation consultants at the hospital could also be PETA members – they hounded me at home – I worried they would come over to my house to make sure I HAD REALLY TRIED EVERYTHING TO MAKE MY BOOBS WORK…it was a nightmare to deal with the people who thought world peace hinged on my ability to breastfeed. I on the other hand was relieved because it was so much more convenient and I had enough other traumas going on…
kim
WEST SIDE!!!
I had the worst experience with breastfeeding, and the ONLY reason I even tried was because my husband was so convincing and thought I owed it to my baby. I lasted about 5 days – probably the most miserable 5 days of my life. My scheduled c-section was nothing compared to the horror that was breastfeeding for me. When (and if) I have baby #2, I am not even going to try. And I don’t even feel guilty about it. I was too miserable, and i was much more use to my daughter once i stopped being so miserable. You, on the other hand, have an excuse, so you really have no reason to feel guilty.
On another topic your description of the c-section brought back such scary memories – I was sitting in my office crying when I read it. Kind of made me re-think having baby #2 :)
I want to start off with something nice before I get to my real comment cause it could easily be construed as being offensive or mean, so, … uh, I’m glad your ass is all over some huggies shit. I hope they paid you, cause you look totally professional there in your pink striped spandex. Way cooler than that fake smiling dufus on the left in the, what the hell is that? A sports bra? Maternity bra? I don’t know shit about bras, but anyway, she’s dumb and you’re cool.
Now on to other matters. The tiny little green beanie is cool, but am I the only one who thinks that curled up pose makes babies look like tree frogs? Seriously. Or dying bugs maybe. Do they do that cause they’ve been cramped inside you bellah for nine months? What’s the deal. After they’ve aired out do they loosen up and relax into traditional baby pose or what?
Side note: Looking back at the huggies ad, it kind of looks like they are insinuating there are actually coupons growing inside your prego stomach. Like you waddled around for the better part of a year to pop out a baby coupon. Go look, there’s an arrow pointing right at you.
Last side note I swear: Don’t feel bad Linda, I’m not going to breast feed my babies either. Only wimpy babies drink milk. In fact, I’m kind of hoping mine just pop out of the womb with Ron Jeremy wieners and chest hair eating beef jerky and playing electric guitar.
Is there a rule that once you realize you get pregnant you will be faced with guilt until the day you die? Because seriously, is there NOTHING that mothers can/can’t do without feeling like shit?
I’m planning on breastfeeding, but I’m totally realistic in thinking that it MAY not work. Especially since this kid wants out 9 weeks early, he’ll probably be a preemie with some NICU time, I don’t know if I’ll be able to. Pump maybe, but who knows now? I just want to keep him alive, and if formula is the way to do that then so be it. I’d rather breastfeed because it’s cheap though :-)
Sweet ass. I’m jealous!
And I love your little wrinkled old man. Perfect in every way.
P.S. What about mothers who adopt? They can’t breastfeed. Why should people assume those parents just don’t WANT to? You never know someone’s personal situation so all the Nazis just need to chill the hell out.
big hugs from a breastfeeding mom!
We are not all crazy formula haters.
Do not feel bad at all. Being a good mom is what matters most.
This is the 3rd time and I thought it would be cake. Nope- toughest yet. Cracked, bleeding nipples- ow!
It fricking hurts like heck each time all over again. But- it’s cheap and easy after awhile.
Stop the self beatings.
There’s plenty o’ other parenting crapto feel guilty of.
(like did the baby overhear your moans of ecstacy?! Crap!!)
Deanna
You probably won’t read this far down anyway, but I have to ask, Why do you care what other people say or do? I have 4 kids, am a OB nurse, and I had absolutely no desire to breastfeed. Does it mean I don’t love my kids any less? Hell NO!! Why don’t people just mind their own business and worry about their families and leave everybody else alone.. Incidently, I have 2 kids in the “gifted” program at school and nary a illness or ear infection yet.. so there breastfeeding nazis. stick that in your pipe and smoke it!!!