I blew the inch-thick coating of dust off my trusty Turbo Jam DVD today and spent about half an hour flailing around in my living room, feeling like a giant clumsy tool. Afterwards, I had that virtuous après-workout feeling that comes with a false sense of optimism and I was sure I’d be able to slip into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but NO. My body has the audacity to continue to be puffy and post-partumy, despite a full 30 minutes of Chalene Johnston’s supportive cries of “You are going to be able to wear whatever you want this summer!” (Really, my motivational needs aren’t so lofty; “Your stomach will look 56% less like a fleshy accordion this summer!” would work just fine.)

The really sucky thing is that the only way I was able to pursue my Return to Sender: Baby Fat goal was that JB was home and able to watch (ie, hold, carry, jiggle, feed, etc) Dylan. The presence of a newborn in the household has officially killed the few hours of free time I had at my disposal each day, especially as he starts to come out of that all-coma-all-the-time stage. I know it’s a big old no-shitter that a toddler + baby = less time to stare off into space dreaming about Torchwood’s Captain Jack Harkness, but damn. It’s kind of a bitter pill to have the intent to do something not particularly fun — like exercising — but being unable to do so because somebody wants to be lifted out of this boppy pillow right the hell NOW, woman, and warm me a bottle while you’re up.

Dylan may be 20 inches of ass-pain (oh god that sounds wrong), but I suppose he has his good points too. I mean, it’s pretty cute how he snorts like a congested pug when he’s upset. The top of his head does smell fairly awesome. And there is the whole incredible business of being a perfectly tiny, perfectly perfect human being who’s part of our little family and all. I’ll keep him, I guess.


He’s a maniac, maniac, oh no!

Dylan, throwing his very first goat.


42 Responses to “I replaced a binkie 395857 times while typing this entry”

  1. samantha jo campen on February 17th, 2008 9:45 pm

    I know you said you’d keep him, but if you ever change your mind. . . .

  2. Mnerva on February 17th, 2008 10:06 pm

    Well I’m amazed that you have time to write an entry, let alone do 30 minutes of exercise. Way to go, keep up the good work!

  3. amykatrina on February 17th, 2008 10:13 pm

    Jeez, Dylan’s appendages are all looking oversized for his tinyness. Not just his feet, but look at his fingers!

    Also, you made me want to try to remember the dance routine I made up when I was 12 to the Flashdance song (“what a feeling!”).

  4. Anonymous on February 17th, 2008 10:16 pm

    dimpled baby!

  5. honeybecke on February 17th, 2008 10:22 pm

    And that dear Linda, is why I stay up half the bloody night just to do ME ME ME ME ME things!
    I also had all my time zapped up when no. 2 arrived (and yes, he is one that NEEDS to be held else the world unravels as does my sanity).
    The whole problem with staying up into the wee hours of the night is, duh, I’m kinda tired the next morning at 6AM when the boys wake up.
    It’s a vicious cycle, really. If I don’t stay up just to chill damnitt, then I tend to turn into a real bitch. But then I pay for it the next day. So, it’s just a balance that I am still fine-tuning I suppose.
    If you come up with any ideas, let us know mmkay?

  6. andrea on February 17th, 2008 10:38 pm

    My goodness, Dylan sure looks a lot like Riley in that photo. You’ve got a gorgeous family!

    Will be singing ‘she’s a maniac’ for the rest of the night…

  7. andi on February 17th, 2008 11:05 pm

    I do hate to be a buzzkill, but my child #2 is already 8 months old and my stomach is still in fleshy accordion mode. I suppose I could give up things like wine and chocolate, but then would would be the point of living?

    Your boys are crazy adorable, by the way.

  8. Melissa on February 17th, 2008 11:41 pm

    Re: Chalene’s well-intended yet misdirected support-

    My workout video features a slender, sinewy woman named Ana Caban who exclaims “don’t forget to smile!” while simultaneously inviting me to balance the weight of my body on my left ankle and my left wrist. I hate it so much that I actually hum a little tune to myself when I know it’s coming so I don’t have to hear it.

    Dylan is ridiculous. LOOK AT THOSE JACK SKELLINGTON LIMBS. He’s going to be so tall.

  9. Zoot on February 18th, 2008 4:25 am

    I rarely comment over here and I can’t believe with all of the insightful things I always want to contribute that this is the one thing I’m going to actually take the time to write:

    Captain Jack Harkness is the Hottest Thing On This (and Any Other) Planet. AMEN.

  10. Beth on February 18th, 2008 4:31 am

    Aw…looka that dimple!

  11. Swistle on February 18th, 2008 5:30 am

    He is SO CUTE.

    I HATE that feeling of JUST NEEDING TEN MINUTES TO CLEAN THE TOILET. It’s bad enough when it’s JUST NEEDING TEN MINUTES TO EAT A BOWL OF ICE CREAM, but not being able to fit in a CHORE is a special torment.

  12. Erin on February 18th, 2008 6:11 am

    Oh, they are BOTH perfect!

    I am perplexed though, at how Dylan can bend his pinkie toe exactly 180 degrees opposite all this other toes. Your boy has MAD SKILLS.

  13. Dawn on February 18th, 2008 6:29 am

    Just nosily wondering– is it safe to start working out so soon after a C-Section? Not trying to be rude, I am honestly curious. I know Turbo Jam is pretty vigorous (thanks to you and your rave reviews making me a TJ addict who now owns every TJ workout!) and wonder if that would cause damage to the incision area?

  14. Lora on February 18th, 2008 6:47 am

    Lol…. I sing that song from Flashdance from your photo caption ALL of the time… but ’round here….”He’s a babyac,babyac…” I’m amazed you are working out again….”maniac” to you also…. I’m so glad you feel good!!! You are almost making me less nervous about TTC #2 this summer.. :)

  15. Zannah on February 18th, 2008 7:12 am

    Hey, gotta keep him, can’t put him back!!!

    Workout videos so soon?! Relax! You’re body will get there, it’s only been two weeks! What’s the old adage? It took you 40weeks to get into that condition, it’ll take you that long to get your body back. Should I tell you it took me 2-3 yrs before I was back in a bikini after both boys?

    I remember (barely) that son#1 and I read a lot of books and played a lot of simple board games when son#2 was born. Good luck figuring out your new world.

  16. JennyM on February 18th, 2008 7:14 am

    Go Bear Patrol!

  17. Jean on February 18th, 2008 7:25 am

    You should NOT BE EXERCISING. Lay the eff down.

  18. Janssen on February 18th, 2008 7:32 am

    I’m dang impressed that you convinced yourself to do Turbo Jam when you clearly had the world’s best excuse not to.

  19. Christina on February 18th, 2008 7:35 am

    First Im amazed you are feeling well enough to try and workout already. My god I would have bleed to death.
    Second, I joked with my husband that if I had a damn dollar for everytime I put that efing bink back in the baby’s mouth I would be recovering my salary!
    He is so-so cute.

  20. Dawn on February 18th, 2008 7:40 am

    For the life of me, I can’t remember if it was your blog that I found “The List of The Day” website or not (if so, thanks!!), but I saw this there today, and it made me think of you. :-) I was cracking up!


  21. mandy on February 18th, 2008 8:26 am

    Yeah, it get’s better. Once they settle into a good routine, you will find your free time.

  22. Nancy on February 18th, 2008 8:26 am

    Dylan is just adorable…. love those crazy toes and fingers! The kid is going to grow into those, right? What a cutiepie. Worth the lack of free time, I say. For now at least.

  23. Becky on February 18th, 2008 8:31 am

    I love the BEAR PATROL shirt!!!!

  24. SemiDesperate Housewife on February 18th, 2008 8:42 am

    First of all- aren’t you like a WEEK postpartum or some such? Dude, I had a VAG birth and didn’t even want to think about doing more than walking for six weeks after. I mean, I know with C-section you don’t have your nether regions all torn up, of course, but you also have a healing incision from major surgery, yes? You’re making me feel very lazy now…
    Also: Look at those long monkey arms and legs! He is going to be TALL! And devastatingly handsome, naturally.

  25. Canadian Coco on February 18th, 2008 9:05 am

    I really remember those days… when #2 arrived and I felt so overwhelmed and frustrated that I couldn’t even go to the bathroom when I wanted. My youngest of 4 is 3 now, and Linda? It does get better. Hang in there and way to go for trying to hang with Chalene for a bit, do keep it up as excercise is such a stress buster! I’ve suffered from depression on and off for a long time (postpartum and beyond) and have just now realized what a saviour my 30 minutes at the gym is turning out to be. Hang in there!

  26. Eric's Mommy on February 18th, 2008 9:41 am

    Riley looks just like you!

  27. sundry on February 18th, 2008 10:01 am

    WORRYWARTS: the c-section recovery went beautifully and my body is SAD from the lack of exercise! Plus, exercise = more energy/less stress, and oh my god do I ever need THAT.

  28. Melissa on February 18th, 2008 10:26 am

    Our #2 is a few weeks older than Dylan and yes, there is not anytime to do anything. Our oldest is 11 and I forgot how much free time was a gift before baboo #2 arrived. I’m having a good day when I get a hot shower and my hair dried. Haven’t worked up to working out yet, but God knows I need it.

  29. Sarah on February 18th, 2008 10:32 am

    Dude, I am IMPRESSED that you feel up to exercise so soon! Even at 4.5 months post-partum my relationship with exercise is touch and go depending on the state of my incision.

    Also, Dylan’s feet are out. of. control!

  30. Alyson on February 18th, 2008 10:42 am

    I KNEW I liked you!……..sweet, sweet baby boys…..no fluffy illusions about motherhood…..and Captain Jack!(sigh!) ‘Course, I’m startin’ to Jones for Ianto, too.

  31. Amy M. on February 18th, 2008 11:57 am

    I’m impressed with the exercise regimen! I wouldn’t even walk the dog for a few weeks after Vic was born, much less subject myself to Turbo Jam! Then my peppy, skinny neighbor has to run a marathon 2 months postpartum & make us all look bad. Hate her. :)

    Adorable photos!

  32. H on February 18th, 2008 12:15 pm

    Craaaazy toe!

    I had one C-section and one VBAC so maybe you get more confident after the second C-section, but when I went for my 6 week check up after the C-section, I was still afraid my uterus was somehow going to plop out of me. I’m impressed you dare jiggle yourself with such vigor!

  33. Val on February 18th, 2008 3:46 pm

    OK – I’ll just say it. Did you not just have a baby some 14 days ago? Are you crazy – exercising?!! I assume you weren’t able to do anything radical. Oh my, I’m hurting just thinking about it.

    Dylan is cute – just like his daddy and big brother!

  34. Gentry on February 18th, 2008 5:09 pm

    The “baby’s first goat throw” caption made *me* snort (like a pug).

  35. Eclecta on February 18th, 2008 5:29 pm

    Dear Lord, that baby has the feet of a six-year-old!!! I thought only Dutch babies had feet that big!!! :)

  36. Caitlin on February 18th, 2008 6:41 pm

    I just want to stick my finger right in his lil dimple and see if it leads all the way to China.
    Then I want to nom nom nom his feet.
    And then I want to take him to a rock concert so he can show ’em how it’s done.

  37. Melanie on February 18th, 2008 9:20 pm

    Dylan could absolutely not be more precious. I’d like to eat his toes. What’s with wanting to eat babies? Is it weird?

  38. misszoot.com » The One Where I Beg For Your Feedback. on February 19th, 2008 5:48 am

    […] I’m Very Insecure About Commenting I only comment on a handful of sites a day. Like, 2-5 total. I read over 100, but I comment rarely. This is mainly because I am very insecure about commenting. I don’t like to comment unless I really feel like I can add something. And usually then, afterward, I realize it’s a really lame addition and wish I hadn’t commented. Evidence: Linda wrote a good entry about beginning the post-baby weight loss challenge with non-existent free time. Yet, what did I comment about? Her one-sentence reference to the hotness of Captain Jack Harkness. WHAT THE HELL? I wish I could delete my comment because several others commiserated or gave their own stories. I’m all like, “OMG. DROOL. JACK IS SEXY.” That is the WORST comment EVER and exactly why I don’t like to comment other places. It took me about 45 minutes to write a comment at Julie’s and it was just a simple question. So – this is obviously something I need to get over. But – I don’t want to be a one-word commenter. I want to actually contribute somehow. I think it’s because I assume that bloggers would rather have an actual comment or none at all. It looks like that may be wrong. […]

  39. ang on February 19th, 2008 7:22 am

    I’m very, very impressed you are working out already. Seriously. Impressed.

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