Yesterday was JB’s first day back to work and my first day alone with both children. Things started off with a bang —or more appropriately, a BLEURGH— at about 6 AM when Dylan horked the entirety of his morning feeding all over our bed, JB’s half-asleep body in particular. After JB left for the office, I managed to get Riley into his clothes and fed before Dylan woke up, at which point I fed the baby and strapped him in the front carrier where he instantly fell asleep. Feeling like SuperMom, I strode confidently down the hall to the living room, where I was assaulted by the reek of toddler poo. I briefly fantasized about a glorious day in the future when at least one kid would start crapping somewhere other than his own pants, and took Riley to his room to change him. Wearing Dylan on my front, I lifted Riley onto his low futon bed and bent over him to deal with his diaper. At some point during this process I felt my back register an Official Complaint, but since I was committed to the task at hand I ignored it, until 5 minutes later back in the living room I tried to pick Riley up to look out the window at a garbage truck outside and my back went, FUCK YOU. (Those of you who issued dire warnings about exercising are probably entitled to at least one loud obnoxious I toooold you so, although I think the problem had more to do with my weak abdominal muscles and overtaxed back.)

My back went out so thoroughly I couldn’t even straighten up. I took Dylan out of the carrier and realized I had another diaper to contend with, so I lurched down to the baby’s changing table while crouched over like Quasimodo. Riley scampered behind, demanding to be put on our bed so he could “sing to Diwwan”. Cute, except I couldn’t lift him, and his reaction to that was to have himself a big old screaming tantrum while I wrestled Dylan’s diaper off. It was only after I had the diaper undone and the baby’s poopy butt exposed that I realized the wipes container was empty, so holding Dylan’s feet in one hand (so he wouldn’t get them covered in poo) I had to flail blindly for the wipes refill package in a drawer, drag it out with one fingernail, and tear it open with my teeth, MEANWHILE Riley had wandered over to the bedroom door and closed it and was now yelling for me to OPEN DA DOOR MOMMY, over and over, and then of course Dylan peed all over everything and in the midst of getting him wiped up and dried and changing his onesie I lunged — still hunched over — to the door for a second to let Riley out, and which point he went to the outside of the door, shut it, and started screaming to be LET BACK IN.

A few minutes later I sent an email S.O.S. to JB, which basically read DOT DOT DOT DASH DASH DASH HALP. And my husband, to whom I do not attribute nearly enough credit on a regular basis, came home from work early to help me, because I was 1) an invalid at that point, thanks to my fubar’d back and 2) halfway to being Britney-level insane.

Today has been better. Which is good, because it is my birthday — 34, my GOD — and all I wanted for my Very Special Day was a little less chaos, thank you very much. Well, that and maybe a dessert containing at least forty thousand calories.


164 Responses to “An inauspicious start”

  1. Felicia on February 19th, 2008 3:01 pm

    Happy Birthday, Linda! Here’s hoping you get that dessert… and that your back feels better soon.

  2. Audrey on February 19th, 2008 3:01 pm

    Yeah for wonderful husbands! Have a wonderful, happy birthday and just skip dinner – fill up on even more high-calorie dessert!! After all, you’ve got two kids to keep up with now.

  3. stephanie brown on February 19th, 2008 3:02 pm

    happy birthday :) and you are doing a great job, you’re a wonderful mother. i cant wait to get advice from you one day

  4. alli on February 19th, 2008 3:02 pm

    WOW! Happy Birthday! Sounds like two kids IS an adventure. I mean, sorry about your back? Good for JB for coming home early, good for you for asking for help.

    BTW, both kids are still incredibly cute.

  5. natalie on February 19th, 2008 3:03 pm

    awesome… and happy birthday!

  6. mona on February 19th, 2008 3:05 pm

    Have a great birthday Linda!

  7. Sabine on February 19th, 2008 3:07 pm

    Happy Birthday, and I hope your back gets better soon!

  8. LJ on February 19th, 2008 3:07 pm

    Happy Birthday! Glad your day was better.

  9. serror on February 19th, 2008 3:07 pm

    Happy Birthday!

  10. Nolita Morgan on February 19th, 2008 3:12 pm

    Happy Birthday, Linda! Have you tried the “Molten Chocolate Cake” from Chili’s on for size? It will leave you blissed out! Promise! Have a good one!

  11. beach on February 19th, 2008 3:13 pm

    Heres to back pain be gone, yummy desserts and less poop and puke!!….Enjoy Linda!!…you will look back on these days with fondness, I promise!!!spoken by a Mom with teenagers!

  12. TinaNZ on February 19th, 2008 3:14 pm

    Your post brings it all shudderingly back even though my boys were four years apart. It will get better but grab all the help you can get in the meantime. Hope you manage to have some sort of birthday celebration – sheesh girl, 34 is NOTHING!

  13. Pete on February 19th, 2008 3:14 pm

    Happy 34th!
    I remember those days with a young’en

    I hated one piece outfits and would usually keep mine in a outfit where the bottom was open like a moo-moo.

    You asked once why people read your blog. It’s because of posts like this where I can remember the past with a little more humor.

  14. Amy M. on February 19th, 2008 3:14 pm

    Happy birthday! Hope you get that dessert & please describe it in scrumptious detail so we can live vicariously!

    Hope your back feels better!

  15. erin on February 19th, 2008 3:15 pm

    OH my Lord that was TOO funny to read. It’s funny because I have had many days like the one you just had. I hope you have a wonderful birthday with your 3 boys. And lots and lots of chocolate. Mmm.

  16. Kristen on February 19th, 2008 3:15 pm

    Happy Birthday Linda!

  17. Zannah on February 19th, 2008 3:15 pm

    Happy Birthday Linda! Mine was last week, 38 for me.

    Hang in there, it really does get easier. Hope the back gets better soon too.

  18. Kirsten on February 19th, 2008 3:19 pm

    oh man – back troubles SUCK ASS. Happy Birthday! You are seriously going to help me feel like one baby is a breeze compared to two :)

  19. Teralyne on February 19th, 2008 3:20 pm

    Happy birthday. Boy you sure do know how to write sorry but you had me laughing out loud now I was NOT laughing at you I was laughing with you AND IN WELL KNOWN SIMPATHY.

  20. Meredith on February 19th, 2008 3:20 pm

    Happy birthday!

  21. Diana on February 19th, 2008 3:24 pm

    Yay!! Happy Birthday!

    And man…you desribed that so well I am sure that I have been there far too many times and I could feel the overwhelmingness (yes, I like that word) in my core.

    Hope its a good one!

  22. julie on February 19th, 2008 3:28 pm

    Have another great year!

  23. Liz on February 19th, 2008 3:30 pm

    Happy birthday! Mine was Saturday and I was 31. Hope yours is as good as mine was!

  24. Brid on February 19th, 2008 3:34 pm

    Happy Birthday!

  25. GoingLoopy on February 19th, 2008 3:36 pm

    Happy birthday, and may your back be healed. I would suggest Icy Hot in the interim….also, a heating pad. And some cake which contains chocolate.

  26. Naomi the Strange on February 19th, 2008 3:42 pm

    Happy Birthday! So you’re a Pisces. I probably could have guessed that one. :) I’m an Aquarius, mine was on Feb 11 and I’m 30 now. How old is Riley? I thought he’d be potty trained by now. Although at this point I can’t imagine potty training a kid AND taking care of a baby, so he’ll probably be in diapers for a few more years. HAHA, then you can just potty train them both together haha.

  27. Becky on February 19th, 2008 3:43 pm

    Happy Birthday!

  28. Chloe on February 19th, 2008 3:48 pm

    Happy birthday!!!!

    I’m an Aries. I have no idea how that relates to your birthday, or being a Pisces, but either way…
    Hope your day is reasonably chaos-free, and you get a massive desert featuring lots of chocolate and possibly cream!

  29. Banana on February 19th, 2008 3:50 pm

    Happy birthday!!! I hope it is puke free-ish and filled with chocolate and quiet.

  30. ShannonJ on February 19th, 2008 3:51 pm

    Happy Birthday! You’re doing better than I did already – I don’t think I was home alone with both kids until my littlest was at least 3 months old. :)

  31. Niki P. on February 19th, 2008 3:53 pm

    Happy Birthday!! It will get better- I promise you!

  32. Sunshyn on February 19th, 2008 3:55 pm

    Happy Birthday. Um, receiving blankets make good puke rags. You might line your bed with those blue chux diaper things they use in the hospital? I’d consider having the doc switch the formula, seriously. We switched the newest grandson to soy, and a lot of the puking went away. And then CPS, in its infinite wisdom, gave him back to The Unfit Mommy, who switched him back to Good Start. He’s been puking for the past week, we’re told. Some women shouldn’t breed, and they’re always the most fertile, it seems. Core body exercises, or your back will be toast forever… Can you put Riley back in daycare, maybe?

  33. Jessica on February 19th, 2008 3:57 pm

    Have a happy 34th! And I hope your back is feeling better soon!

  34. Jamie on February 19th, 2008 4:05 pm

    Happy Birthday!
    I’m sorry about your back, that sucks! I’m trying to potty train my 2.5 year old son before baby #2 arrives in June. Mine will poop in the potty, but it is turning out to be a much more time consuming for me than his pooping in his diaper. The worst is trying to wipe his butt while he’s standing up trying to look at the poo poo he just made.

  35. Janssen on February 19th, 2008 4:05 pm

    Happy Birthday! Good luck with the back, the baby, and the toddler.

    And enjoy the dessert!

  36. Alex on February 19th, 2008 4:05 pm

    HAPPY! So much happy…

  37. kalisah on February 19th, 2008 4:08 pm

    oh geez I’ve had those kind of back problems, but never with TWO babies. Hell’s bells woman. No chance for a week flat on your back in bed, I suppose?

  38. whoorl on February 19th, 2008 4:09 pm

    You deserve the biggest dessert known to man. Happy Birthday!

  39. deanna on February 19th, 2008 4:09 pm

    happy birthday linda! i highly recommend any sweet treats involving hot fudge, ice cream, chocolate and whipped cream. mmmmmm. as a matter of fact, i might use your birthday as an excuse to have a ridiculously delicious cupcake from a local bakery in your honor.

  40. Stacy on February 19th, 2008 4:10 pm

    Oh yeah, the muscle-less torso. I had no idea this happened after giving birth. No one told me! I’m desperately trying to regain the strength to sit up. Let alone wear the Baby Bjorn for more than five minutes. Urgh!

    And I’ll split that 40,000 calorie dessert with you, but make it 80,000 then please. The horrors of pregnancy continue with no muscle tone and the desire to eat every carbohydrate within a fifty mile radius, and cover that carb with chocolate and whip cream please.

  41. honeybecke on February 19th, 2008 4:10 pm

    Happiest of Happy Birthdays! Lots of cake and pressies to you!

    What a first day home alone! God, hope your back gets better soon. Did you laugh? Did you cry?
    I’m pretty sure I called my husband the first day crying about somesuch thing like crying duets or poopy duets or hold me duets or ya know, SOMETHING. You’ll get used to the duets of your young. They’ll drive you nuts but eh.

  42. Yams on February 19th, 2008 4:11 pm

    Happy Birthday Linda! I experienced exactly what you are going through a few months ago. It DOES get better, the first 6 weeks are the hardest.

  43. Melissa on February 19th, 2008 4:12 pm

    Here, have this:

    Sending you Happy Birthday brainwaves!

  44. Steph T on February 19th, 2008 4:14 pm

    Happy Birthday! I hope your back feels better soon and that you get all you wish and more for your special day!

  45. Jo on February 19th, 2008 4:14 pm

    Happy Birthday! Hope you get that calorie-filled dessert :)

  46. Caitlin on February 19th, 2008 4:15 pm

    Happy Birthday!!!!!!

    And…go JB! Snark aside, we knows you haz a gud man.

  47. Alice on February 19th, 2008 4:15 pm

    happy birthday! i hope it was WAY less crazy, with a miraculously cured back and several thousand chocolatey calories.

  48. Bianca on February 19th, 2008 4:17 pm

    Happy Birthday, Linda!

  49. Jess on February 19th, 2008 4:22 pm

    Happy birthday! I’m glad today was better than yesterday.

  50. Carmen on February 19th, 2008 4:25 pm

    Oh Linda, that is quite a horrible story. I wrenched my back putting my son into his car seat in November and so I understand the pain. I cannot imagine how you subsequently dealt with both kids until JB got home. You are a superstar. (And, might I add, so is JB? My husband NEVER EVER would have come home.)

    Happy Birthday!! Enjoy your cake!

  51. Audrey on February 19th, 2008 4:27 pm

    Happy Birthday! I hope your back is better soon!

  52. Keri on February 19th, 2008 4:36 pm

    Happy birthday! =D

  53. Jennifer on February 19th, 2008 4:39 pm

    Oh gosh, your writing is the best, it’s the absolute best. That second paragraph (about the Dylan diaper change and Riley’s attention-seeking antics) so perfectly conveyed the pandemonium and your pain and the whole scene. Wow – I think we were all living it with you, and you painted that picture in only a few words. You’re AWESOME. And it’s sunny today on your birthday – score!!

  54. Kerri on February 19th, 2008 4:41 pm

    Happy birthday, Linda! Sorry about your back. I actually threw mine out yesterday too, and was imagining how miserable I would have been if I had little kids at home and a fubar’d back. My sympathies. Doesn’t it suck how it’s always some little stupid thing that does it. Last time I threw mine out, it was because I was trying to run up the stairs naked after a shower (no towels! eek! owwwww!) and yesterday it was because I dared to stand on one foot while putting a boot on the other one. WTF?

  55. Pocklock on February 19th, 2008 4:42 pm

    Happy Birthday! I hope your back gets better soon.

  56. Melinda on February 19th, 2008 4:49 pm

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! That right there was a super awesome play-by-play. It has to get easier, right?

  57. Lulu on February 19th, 2008 4:50 pm

    Happy, happy birthday!

  58. Jamie :) on February 19th, 2008 4:52 pm

    Happy Birthday, Linda!!! You deserve a break and lots of yummy calories!!

  59. Cari on February 19th, 2008 4:53 pm

    Happy birthday! I hope it is fabulous.

    Also, JB is awesome to come home and help you out.

  60. canknitian on February 19th, 2008 4:54 pm

    happy birthday!

  61. Mnerva on February 19th, 2008 4:59 pm

    Happy Birthday, Linda! My sympathies on the back, I know how painful that is. Just how it affects EVERY.SINGLE.MOVEMENT. Even the slightest, tiniest ones. Hope it feels better soon, that the pukefest ends soon, and that the 40,000 calorie makes its way to your tummy soon.

  62. clarabella on February 19th, 2008 4:59 pm

    Happy Birthday! I’m sorry, but your account of the day made me laugh. I’m sure it wasn’t funny at the time (esp. the back–yikes!), but it’s pretty entertaining anecdotally.
    Hope you get that dessert. Ice Cream cake from DQ or Baskin Robbins always does it for my b-day. Add hot fudge; insert in mouth.

  63. Swistle on February 19th, 2008 5:01 pm

    You are very calm relating these terrible events, which is…a little scary.

    Happy birthday!

  64. Elizabeth on February 19th, 2008 5:04 pm

    Happy Birthday! You deserve at least 40,000 calories, if not more.
    Also, you are singlehandedly setting back my husbands “let’s have another one” campaign by like, years.

  65. Eric's Mommy on February 19th, 2008 5:07 pm


  66. Paine on February 19th, 2008 5:08 pm

    Happy Birthday!

  67. Stephanie on February 19th, 2008 5:09 pm

    Happy Birthday!

  68. Kelli on February 19th, 2008 5:21 pm

    Wishing you a very merry birthday!

  69. Marie Green on February 19th, 2008 5:28 pm

    Mother’s backs are NOT allowed to go out, especially NOT when said mother is recovering from a Csection AND adjusting to life with 2 kids under 3.

    The universe owes you, BIG TIME.

    Happy Birthday dear. Hope it went really smoothly.

  70. lisa-marie on February 19th, 2008 5:41 pm

    Happy Birthday! I hope your back feels better soon!

  71. Erica on February 19th, 2008 5:43 pm

    Dear sweet jebus, I had a panic attack just reading this. All of the sudden, the urge for another baby has completely disappeared.

    On the brighter side, Happy Birthday!

  72. Sarah on February 19th, 2008 5:44 pm

    Happy Birthday!

    I have 3 kids under 4 and I will tell you my mantra – It will get better, It will get better… And you know what it does. My third is 3 months now and it is so much easier.

  73. JAB on February 19th, 2008 5:45 pm

    Happy Birthday, Linda. Let met just assure you that it gets easier! But I’ve got to say, I have 5 & 3 year old sons and am seriously thinking about number 3 and seeing Dylan’s baby pictures made me think “oh yeah, I am so ready for another” but then hearing about the spit up and poop and all that fun is making think “am I crazy??!!!”
    Seriously…it gets easier, I promise!

  74. telegirl on February 19th, 2008 5:46 pm

    Happy birthday!!

  75. heather on February 19th, 2008 5:46 pm

    happy birthday!! welcome to the “34″ club. lordy.

  76. Jem on February 19th, 2008 5:49 pm

    Happy Birthday Sundry!!!

  77. Haley on February 19th, 2008 5:52 pm

    Happy Birthday!

  78. Emily on February 19th, 2008 5:54 pm

    Happy birthday!! Hopefully it all just gets easier from here (too bad they just get heavier from here though!)

  79. liz on February 19th, 2008 6:01 pm

    Happy Birthday!!!

    No wonder I like your blog so much, you Pisces, you! I’m a fellow water sign, a Scorpio. Does that make me a freak for even considering that stuff?

    It’s the abs that are probably killing your back. But you’ve got muscle memory from all that exercise in the past and you’ll hopefully be back to yourself pretty soon. Here’s hoping that your back gets some rest and you’re feeling better soon!

  80. andrea on February 19th, 2008 6:01 pm

    Happy Birthday.

    It will get easier, may take a while but someday you’ll look back on this and have a good laugh (with the exception of the back injury of course).

  81. Scott on February 19th, 2008 6:02 pm

    Happy Birthday! Also: man, do I feel like a wuss for complaining about my kid when I only have one to deal with!

  82. Victoria on February 19th, 2008 6:09 pm

    Happy Birthday! And, oh my lord.

  83. Nikki on February 19th, 2008 6:09 pm

    Happy Birthday!!! I promise, it does get easier. Really. I have three boys and went through the two-in-diapers-at-a-time situation as there’s only 1 yr and 2 mos between the youngest two. I feel ya!

  84. Erica on February 19th, 2008 6:14 pm

    I’m sending best birthday wishes to you, healing prayers for your back, and yummy hopes for lots of chocolate with no annoying birthday candles to get in the way.

  85. Marolyn on February 19th, 2008 6:16 pm

    Happy Birthday!

  86. Claire on February 19th, 2008 6:18 pm

    Happy B-day! Hope it was hork-free.

  87. Teej on February 19th, 2008 6:21 pm

    Happy birthday! Sorry you had to deal with so many bodily fluids (NOT YOURS) on your birthiest of days. Take it easy on the back.

  88. Gentry on February 19th, 2008 6:24 pm

    You need a massage, too.

  89. sooboo on February 19th, 2008 6:36 pm

    Happy Birthday Sundry! Sounds like you got your hands full. I threw my back out a week ago from getting out of a hammock (old person!) and that Ben Gay (old person!) shit helped fo sho.

  90. Kristen on February 19th, 2008 6:54 pm

    Happy Birthday!

  91. jonniker on February 19th, 2008 6:55 pm

    Happy birthday! You deserve all the best.

    And uh, I have to tell you, dude. I know — AH KNOW — that this day was awful, and I’m truly sorry. Except you told it so well that I honestly cannot stop laughing, because I can picture you far too vividly all Quasimodo’d out plucking out the wipes, with Riley at the door (IN OUT IN OUT) and it’s TOO MUCH. I can’t stop. I’m sorry. It’s priceless, and it’s one of your best.

    So there’s that. A little birthday gift from me: utter hysterics at your awful, painful predicament.

    I truly hope you feel better.

  92. Tessa on February 19th, 2008 6:56 pm

    Happy birthday, and chocolate cake to you!

  93. Lesley on February 19th, 2008 7:00 pm

    I hereby declare you a SAINT for not erupting like Mount St. Helen’s yesterday (because I think I might have) and hope you have the best chocolate money can buy tonight and edible candles, too!

    Happy birthday!

  94. Sadie on February 19th, 2008 7:02 pm

    Happy Birthday Linda!

    (and a *cyberpunch* to Naomi the Strange for her HAHA funny! potty-training joke)

  95. Melissa Lutz on February 19th, 2008 7:03 pm

    First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you. Secondly, your post reminded me that I’m not the only one with a screaming infant that wants to be constantly attached to the boob and the older son that wants to know when dinner is coming. Thank you. Hang in there! Enjoy the 40,000 calorie dessert and watch that TurboJam on the couch next time!

  96. Mary on February 19th, 2008 7:25 pm

    Happy birthday! May your back be much better and your days get better quickly. Enjoy the 40,000 calories!

  97. McWriter on February 19th, 2008 7:55 pm

    Happy birthday, Super Mom! You’re rockin’ this 2-kid thing!

  98. Jennifer on February 19th, 2008 7:57 pm

    Aw! Happy birthday! I hope you found a little bit of time to do something nice for yourself!

    Granted I don’t know shit about kids, babies or how to raise them, but I’m sure that like anything, it will get a million times easier once you establish a routine!

  99. Jess on February 19th, 2008 8:03 pm

    Happy happy birthday! Yeah, that back stuff bites after baby arrivals. I saw a physical therapist and it helped immensely. I’ve heard that cheesecake helps too.

  100. Ann on February 19th, 2008 8:06 pm

    As a birthday treat, I will refrain from mentioning poop and chocolate cake in the same post.

  101. mixette on February 19th, 2008 8:17 pm

    Happy Birthday!!!

    And by god, after all you have going on, you STILL manage to keep us all current, laughing, and commiserating.

    And may I suggest a rotation with a Pilates DVD with your turbo jam. Core strength, baby…from a back issues veteran.

  102. Leah on February 19th, 2008 8:30 pm

    Happy Birthday! I want to be like you when I grow up.

  103. leenie on February 19th, 2008 8:37 pm

    happy happy birthday!

    sounds like a rough few days. hoping all gets easier and less, eh, bodily-fluids-filled.

  104. Anais on February 19th, 2008 8:38 pm

    Happy Birthday! May you have many more! Sorry about the insane day. That entry actually made my ovaries cringe a little.

  105. brenna on February 19th, 2008 8:46 pm

    Eeeej, that post made my eye twitch. Brought me back to when I had a newborn and a 2 1/2yo and I was full-on padded-room CR-azy. Now I have a newborn again (well, 5 months. Not so new anymore, I guess), but this time my next youngest is six, and he can make himself a sandwich for dinner and make one for mama while he’s at it. And wipe his own butt, woohoo!

    Just remember that it gets easier. And take a lot of pictures, because you’ll repress a ton of it.

  106. brenna on February 19th, 2008 8:46 pm

    doi, and Happy Birthday!

  107. Kizz on February 19th, 2008 8:49 pm

    I really hope you got that dessert. You deserve that dessert every day until AT LEAST one kid doesn’t need his butt wiped. Glad JB came home.

    Happy Birthday!

  108. squandra on February 19th, 2008 8:58 pm

    Happy Birthday! Get well soon, yo.

  109. Kathryn on February 19th, 2008 9:11 pm

    Aww, happy birthday! Sorry about the sucky day, but at least the boys are cute-tastic. That’s gotta make it a little more bearable, no? :)

  110. marilyn on February 19th, 2008 9:51 pm

    Hope the 40,000 calories of chocolate was everything you dreamed of and more, and your upcoming year is filled with twice as many new and awesome little boy moments as your last one! Happy birthday!!!

  111. Julia on February 19th, 2008 10:16 pm

    Happy Birthday! You’re the third person I know whose birthday is the 19th! No, hold that. 4th! :)

  112. Elaine on February 19th, 2008 10:34 pm

    Happy Birthday! Hope it was at least a little better than yesterday. Today is also my sister’s birthday (as well as Dave Niehaus, announcer for the Mariners). A very important day!

  113. Trina on February 19th, 2008 11:28 pm

    Happy Birthday Linda! I hope you were able to enjoy your day today and I hope you got that dessert!

  114. Philos on February 20th, 2008 12:15 am

    Happy birthday! It’s not like you’re OLD, you’ve still got another year before shifting to a new demographic! :-) Wishing you all the best.

  115. Tess on February 20th, 2008 2:30 am

    Happy bday! After a day like that (ow!) you deserve every one of those 40 thousand calories!

  116. Liz in Australia on February 20th, 2008 4:15 am

    Happy birthday :) We’re just coming out of that newborn insanity and things are settling down. I still have days when I really really want to scream for help though! Hope your back is better tomorrow.

  117. Ter on February 20th, 2008 6:25 am

    Happy (belated,now) birthday!

  118. Christy on February 20th, 2008 6:51 am

    Happy Birthday Linda!!

  119. Jeanette on February 20th, 2008 7:00 am

    Happy Birthday!

  120. Amblus on February 20th, 2008 7:09 am

    Happy birthday!

  121. ang on February 20th, 2008 7:16 am

    May your birthday be free of bodily secretions! (Or at least have them contained properly) Happy 34th!!!

  122. Christina on February 20th, 2008 7:26 am

    Ah I made it to the bottom of the comments! YEAH.

    Happy Birthday! Welcome to the 34 club :)

    I hope the back feels better esp. after that dessert ;)

  123. diane on February 20th, 2008 7:29 am

    Happy Birthday!
    I wish for you enough chocolate and cake to forget about poop, spit up and back pain.

  124. sara on February 20th, 2008 7:34 am

    Happy Happy birthday sweet heart.

    I’m so sorry about your back, though I have to admit I laughed my ass off. You sure can tell a story, even if it was a stressful haired one, hysterically.

  125. Beekeebear on February 20th, 2008 7:38 am


  126. birdgal on February 20th, 2008 7:48 am

    I guess this is a situation where you can ‘laugh’ at it later, because there was quite a few snorfles coming from my end (of course, I didn’t have to live it, but I’m sure MY DAY WILL COME). Anyway, Happy Birthday and I hope your back gets better soon (yay for JB!)!

  127. Ginitag44 on February 20th, 2008 7:49 am

    First off HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you had a special day.

    Secondly – As a mom of 2 I can assure you that it will get better, I PROMISE.

  128. the goddess anna on February 20th, 2008 7:51 am

    Happy Birthday, dear. Here’s a big virtual hug, because I totally feel your pain. (((HUG))) : )

  129. Michelle on February 20th, 2008 7:55 am

    happy birthday!

  130. JennyM on February 20th, 2008 8:04 am

    Happy Birthday!

    Here’s to many more and the successful containment of bodily fluids.

  131. Angharad on February 20th, 2008 8:09 am

    Happy Birthday!
    Hope you had a great day and that your back sorts itself out soon!

  132. Lawyerish on February 20th, 2008 8:16 am

    Happy Birthday, Linda!!

    Your description of trying to change Dylan’s diaper KILLED me. I am sure you’re handling it all like a champ, but at the very least, you’re keeping us all entertained with your battle stories.

  133. Gaby on February 20th, 2008 8:26 am

    Happy birthday, Linda!

    I hope your back feels better soon, and that your boys give you a calm day as your gift.

  134. ie on February 20th, 2008 8:47 am

    Happy Birthday!
    Here’s to more cake and less puke!

  135. Her Ladyship on February 20th, 2008 8:54 am

    Ugh – I am with ya sister. Two weeks ago my back went out and it was all I could do to lie flat on my couch. And all I had to do was lie there – my husband took care of the dog and the cat, no kids to speak of (although the cat’s grassbed went down the drain at that point). I can’t even imagine going through that with two small children to take care of.

    And FWIW, I’m five days younger than you (PISCES IN THE HOUSE) and I do exercise specifically to strenghten my back. Sometimes life just kicks you in the nuts, don’t let those people who’d been pushing for you to do more exercise give you an “I told you so.”

    To sum: Happy birthday!

  136. Her Ladyship on February 20th, 2008 8:58 am

    Sorry for the double comment, but I just thought of this: the one thing that really helped me out was a therapeutic massage. Not the, OMG I’m so relaxed, this is bliss, kind, but the OMG I want to cry why are you hurting me kind. It really works through the muscles and unkinks them, although it tends to be a painful process. Something to think about…

  137. Cobwebs on February 20th, 2008 9:32 am

    Happy birthday!

    I remember trying to wrestle one-handed with wipe refills; I think there should be some sort of law that all products intended for use with babies must be capable of being opened easily with one hand.

    Hope the rest of your day is less stressful. :)

  138. Mary on February 20th, 2008 9:36 am

    Happy Birthday!

  139. FishyGirl on February 20th, 2008 9:37 am

    Happy Birthday. Hope you are back to your strong-backed self with just a little rest – AND that you get your dessert.

  140. Frank on February 20th, 2008 9:50 am

    Happy Birthday Linda! Here’s to many more! Hope your back is better.

  141. Allie on February 20th, 2008 9:57 am

    Happy Birthday a day late Linda!

  142. Brooke on February 20th, 2008 10:14 am

    Oh, my God, you poor thing. I hope today is better and I will also wish you a zillion calorie dessert.

    Happy Birthday!!

  143. Clueless But Hopeful Mama on February 20th, 2008 10:36 am

    This post? This post is why I love you. I have these days (and I only have ONE kid) and I love to read that other moms have days like this too.

    Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Here’s hoping for some back pain relief and a drop in baby barf.

  144. Maxine Dangerous on February 20th, 2008 10:46 am

    Happy birthday! I’m 34 too. Let’s be best friends. :)

  145. Carrie on February 20th, 2008 10:48 am

    My best birthday wishes and most heart-felt condolences go out to you. You are SuperMom!

  146. Carol on February 20th, 2008 10:52 am

    Happy birthday from a fellow “east of Seattle”-ite! Not sure HOW I found your blog, as I’ve been Stumbling a LOT this morning and I’m dizzy!


  147. Alicia on February 20th, 2008 12:02 pm

    Happy Birthday!
    Wish wishes that you get some time to relax and savor those calories you deserve.
    from one of your fans..

  148. Frannie in "O" town on February 20th, 2008 12:50 pm

    Happy Birthday!!! Good times! February birthdays are the best ones. You’ve inspired me to buy a Nikon D70 and take awesome photos. Your new ones are great!

  149. Jennifer on February 20th, 2008 1:10 pm

    Happy Birthday!! (no clever comment but I just had to de-lurk to say that)

  150. laughing mommy on February 20th, 2008 1:16 pm

    Happy Birthday!

    Thank you for writing so honestly about motherhood… I had several experiences similar to this one, and it made me laugh (and also break out in a panicky sweat) to read yours.

  151. Kay on February 20th, 2008 2:07 pm

    Happy Birthday Linda! I hope today goes well. I had this experience recently but it was my grandkids. I never had 2 at once, alone. Boy did I ever have the experience. I truly bow down to the Mom’s that do it daily. Good gravy how are they all not Britney’s?
    My back went out an entire year after having my kid. Pinched something or another. All I know is it sucked when I got down on the floor with the baby and had to go around taking care of him like a cow on all fours the rest of the day.
    Good times.

  152. lilfootsmommy on February 20th, 2008 5:22 pm

    Happy Birthday! I’m glad you had a better day today. My back hasn’t felt okay since before I gave birth over a year ago.

  153. Alyson on February 20th, 2008 5:26 pm

    Happy B-day Linda! Hope the back recovers soon. And that you grow a couple extra hands!

  154. Laurie on February 20th, 2008 7:29 pm

    Hey! Happy birthday – not only do we share being a mom to 2 crazy boys, but b-days, too? Well, must be a great day!

  155. veralynn on February 20th, 2008 8:39 pm

    Hooray! Happy birthday! Good luck with your back!

  156. Donna on February 20th, 2008 8:46 pm

    Happy birthday, Linda! And please describe in loving detail The Cake – all 40,000 calories of it. Bite by bite. Calorie by calorie.

  157. Julie on February 20th, 2008 9:27 pm

    Happy, happy birthday, Linda! When I turned 34, I was in very near the same boat as you… a newborn and a 2 year old. A working husband, guilt over the breast-feeding thing not working out (again) and, added to that, a frightening forway into post-partem depression. My parents drove in to “visit” with me everyday for the first 3 weeks until there was finally a light at the end of depression tunnel. Now I marvel at all the amazing independent things our girls can do, the 12 year old and the 10 year old, that WE taught them! I sometimes have a hard time remembering those early, early days, which were exhausting but joyful. But I do know you get what you give. All this work and time you are spending tending to the tots will pay off in ways you may not yet quite be able to fathom! So hang in there. You are doing a great job!

  158. Josh on March 3rd, 2008 1:41 pm

    Well happy birthday Sundry. Sorry it was full of excrement and bodily harm. Hopefully your 34th year will be much more kick ass than your 34th b-day.

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