Feb
21
From about 9 AM until 2 PM, I am often feeling utterly overwhelmed and strung out and filled with shameful second thoughts and portents of doom over this whole new-baby thing. Those are the hours during which Dylan does not seem to nap at all, but instead spends his time fussing angrily, eating nonstop, and fussing some more. I am embarrassed to admit I have already asked my 2-week-old just what in the blue FUCK his problem is, and as long as I’m being brutally honest I’ll tell you I didn’t exactly ask this in a soft and gentle whisper.
I feel very very whiny about the current state of things, frankly. I feel like doing some of my own fussing, just lying in the corner of the room emoting over the fact that a 8-lb nuclear bomb has been dropped into the middle of my existence. I don’t know how to say this or explain it without sounding horrible, but maybe some of you can understand: I have learned that it’s possible to simultaneously love someone with all of your heart and know without a doubt that he was meant to be a part of your life, and also sometimes regret the decision to invite him to the party, so to speak.
I knew things were going to be hard, but perhaps not surprisingly it doesn’t actually make things LESS hard to have the heads up in advance. I am struggling, struggling with finding patience and dealing with the soul-crushing boredom and the endlessly unrewarding effort it takes to care for a newborn. Maybe I’ve gotten so used to Riley, a walking, talking, interactive creature, that returning to the primal state of eat-poop-fuss-sleep is harder for me to handle this time around. Maybe I’ve come to relish my tiny amounts of free time so very much that having them unceremoniously ripped away is a bigger challenge than I could have predicted. Maybe Dylan’s more of a pain in the ass than his brother was.
I don’t know. I do know things will get better, and I know I love both my boys and I am so lucky to have them. But still. STILL. This is still rough going, no matter how you cut it.
In less whimpery news:
1) That all-morning fuss routine Dylan’s in could certainly be a lot worse. For instance, it could be from 9 PM to 2 AM. And so far he’s been very good about sleeping at night: I feed him at around 11, 2:30, 5:30, and 7:30 before getting up for the day. It’s not exactly suck-free, that schedule, but it does let us get enough sleep to function.
2) That whole turbo barfing situation? Uh, so it turns out we were basically milk-bonging the kid. Smaller nipple hole = less frantic gulping = no more projectile spitups. God, you’d think I was NEW at this shit, or something.
Mama’s little PITA. Who I love very very much, even if I do complain about him.
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132 Responses to “Flailing but still above water”
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I also write here:
The fact that you are always so open and honest is one of the things your readers love most about you.
I don’t have any kids, but I have a feeling if I did, I’d be feeling a lot like you. It’s only normal to get a little fed up with the situation, no matter how much you love him.
I pleaded with my 3 week old to “shut the fuck up” late last night + like yours, it was no whisper. I’ve been feeling guilty about it all day until I read this post. I’m not the only one! Bless you!
PS: Happy Belated Birthday!
Gosh, Linda, I’m sorry it’s rough going. You probably don’t want to be told (anymore) that it will get better, so I will say this. Maybe it’s time for a father-sons hour or so and you can cash in that spa certificate or retreat to starbucks again for a bit. A break never hurt anyone.
Also, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who has asked my infant what the fuck his problem was. I was feeling a little guilty about that.
Glad you got the horking situation addressed.
Love-hate, gets ‘ya every time. It’s hard when the status quo changes, no matter how or why. Maybe re-reading your archives from when Riley was born will help? I don’t know. I’m not good with finding answers, just silly suggestions.
Yeah for the new nipple! At least it wasn’t something medical, and you did figure it out quite soon, as opposed to three months from now. And milk-bonging? *snort*
I’m a new reader of your blog. A friend recently stumbled upon your site and said it reminded her of me. I am the stay-at-home mom of 2 children born 10 months and 22 days apart. (Crazy, I know! No. 2 was quite a surprise!) They are currently 11 months old and 4 weeks old. I definitely feel your pain and very much appreciate your honesty about your situation! I get myself through the day by constantly repeating “it will get easier”. There will always be new challenges, but these days of tummy aches and constant feedings won’t last forever! Hang in there!!
This too shall pass. I remember chanting to myself during the first six weeks with baby numero 3 - “Life will seem normal and easy by the time she is six months old” over and over again to comfort myself.
I promise.
Milk-bonging? I love it.
I know exactly how you are feeling. I did this with my first who did not sleep at night till she was 3. Did the throwing up with every meal also. Isn’t it amazing the thoughts you have, but this too shall pass. She is now 18. Child #2 way better. I now know why you have children when you are young.
Take heart, your feelings are very normal. I remember when my boys were your kids ages…..the days blended into one and other….and I felt I was losing my mind at times….I remember putting makeup on and getting excited for an errand alone to the grocery store!!! yikes…..just think this too shall pass, but as I say that(with kids ages 15 and 17)…I sometimes long for the simplicity of those days, of caring for babies and being a small little family,….like our own little universe!!!….some time alone(even a drive when jb comes home) helps IMMENSLY!!!… take care!
Been there. SO sorry, there is really no way to sugarcoat it for you, especially when you are in the middle of it. It gets better, you know that. But what about now? valium? Maybe? Talk to your doctor and maybe they can help you with “nerves”?
My favorite was “Go ahead, fuck with me, I know how to make more of you”
I’ve said shut the fuck up a million times in the last six weeks. Easily. It’s horrible - you’re just tired and post partum and tired and tired and - wait for it - TIRED. My girl is actually getting to the point this week where she will SIT in the bouncy seat on her OWN and it’s made a huge difference. Hang in there.
and THIS is precicely why I will never have children. It’s a hard job. I mean, I practically raised my five younger sisters so I knew what it was like, which prompted my decision to have no children. EVER. But anyway. At least you love your kids and like being a mom and all that. I’m also glad you figured out how to make baby D stop throwing up all the time. That’s very good. :)
You are not alone. My son (who is now 7) was 2.5 when his sister came along. I love both of my kids more than I can express. But it doesn’t mean that even to this day, I don’t realize how much easier my life would be if I only had one child. Especially now that I am a single mom.
You know it does get better and I am here to tell you it will .
Been there. Done that! I remembering feeling SO THRILLED to go to the dentist right after my 2nd, very needy child was born. I fell asleep while they were working on my mouth. I almost cried when I had to go home. That was 15 years ago and I still remember how horrible the early days were with a newborn and toddler. It seemed to improve at around 2 months (she was a Feb. baby) and by April I felt like I had my shit together.
As a non-parent, I feel like an asshole even commenting on this post, but I just wanted you to know you have my sympathy as well. As with my Christmas lights ride suggestion, I think sometimes just driving aimlessly around for a little while while listening to violent music helps a lot if this is possible. You posted something the other day about singing loudly alone in your car and I was so glad to read it!
I am currently pregnant with my second who is due in July and my daughter is 21 months old. They will be only 26 months or so apart, and I am scared to death.
Part of me, like you, KNOWS it will be hard. I wanted them close in age. I signed up for this. I mean, it was hard with just one and I wasn’t chasing a toddler trying to stop her from setting the cat on fire.
I read this with a knot in my stomach because I DO remember those early days and some days I find myself thinking “how can I do this?” “How can I handle two of them and a career?” “what for THE LOVE OF GOD were we thinking?”
But, somehow, we do get through it. And know you will and I know I will.
Perhaps with some vodka.
milk bonging - priceless.
Aww he’s so cute….
I hear ya. I yelled at my 3 month old this morning, “RUBY! I cannot do this with you. WHAT THE FUCK?” Can’t say it helped her much, but I felt slightly better afterwards (but only for a few seconds since it hightened her cries from whiney to hysterical).
man, I remember those first few weeks. I call them HELL WEEK. It was so overwhelming and emotional (what w/ all the hormonal shit) and YES! Loving and resenting all at the same time!!!
It’s been 15 years for me, but I just remember it as being so hormone-driven. I’m sure as your body begins to even out you will find your coping skills greatly improved.
This is why I love you. It is so refreshing to read someone being honest about all this. I know EXACTLY how you feel.
My kiddos are 2y9months apart. When the little one was 10 days old or so, we took the older one to a birthday party. We thought it would be good to spend some alone time with her. There were ladies at that party that were pregnant with the same age range as mine. Oh my Lord I complained (whined). “It is soooo hard. Wah wah wah.” Everytime I see those ladies now I still apologize for doing that.
For me, my daughter (the 2 year old) at first was great with everything, then started acting more clingy and whiny. And when you are dealing with little sleep its so hard to deal with. Ah, I have to sigh now thinking about how hard it was.
But now, the baby is 9 months old…and we are more used to the routine and things are soo much better.
Hang in there. I know you know things will get better. And, thanks for being brave enough for writing about this.
…and this is why my children were four years apart. It took that long for me to forget enough so I could venture back into that place again. A friend described it as like falling into a deep dark pit, then after six weeks you get to take the first steps out towards the light. Now they are 12 and 16, pretty much sleep through the night and handle all their own poop =) (although I still occasionally get to clean up vomit, ahh the joys of motherhood NEVER END).
Ick, I’m so sorry. My son (also my second) acted much the same - fussing all day, no naps. It turned out he had severe food allergies - we adjusted his diet (and mine) and he was a new person. I hope it gets better for you. Really so sorry -
Let’s be honest, it can/does S-U-C-K at times with the second one. I feel guilty at times for acting angerly, but if I didn’t I would be worried.
Good Luck!!!
Yes, I hear you so loud and clear. Adjusting to a new baby is a long and not-always-fun process, and one that we shouldn’t have to feel like we are sugar-coating. Being honest about it, like you are in this post, can only help you (for being able to name and claim your emotions) and for others (who’ve felt that way but not had the opportunity or ability or audience to express it to).
It is just a season, which you know, a season full of whacky hormones, post-pardom bods/emotions/adjustments, and lack of sleep.
So it’s with a pat on the back, or a high five, or a hug, or a kiss on the cheek (whichever you are most comfortable with) that I can say, Sister I hear you!
HA! I can sooo relate. I remember telling Squidge to shut the f&%k up when she was about Dylans age. Ya I felt horrible but it made me feel better! It’s a good thing they’re soo darn cute at this age or else…
You’re awesome. That’s really about all I have to say on this matter.
There is a 2-3 weeks growth spurt that babies go through, that could explain his cluster-feeding. It should only last a few days, and then maybe he’ll settle a little? Here’s hoping that you don’t lose your mind before then!
I debated whether to post this anonymously but since you are so brave and honest I feel I owe you some honesty too: you are an awesome mom and human being but even the most awesome get exhausted. When my twins were two weeks old I locked myself in my room and refused to come out to nurse them. I just sat there and cried hysterically. It is hard having two kids, I don’t know what I would have done if one of them could walk around and talk and the other one was a newborn needing to be fed several times a night.
It will get better, I promise. Big hug.
I’m currently on bed rest incubating kiddo number two. So sometime between now and the beginning of May I’ll have a newborn and three year old. I am going to come back and read this entry when I’m ready to turn them both over to grandparents, permanently, and then read your new entries to remind myself that it will get better. Because I’m sure by the time I have two, you’ll be managing and feeling like a pro!
Your honesty is what makes you a good mom! Seriously, those mom’s who don’t lose their temper or patience with a toddler and infant, I want to ask what their prescription is for and can I have some please! There are some days now that I will make sure they’re both safe in their room or chairs eating snacks and I’ll retreat to the bathroom for a sanity break. You have to, or else all good mom feelings go bye-bye!
Also, the milk-bong realization, I did that too. Didn’t realize it until the 3-4 time that he was covered in milk and spit up and finally I looked at the nipple size and instead of 1 we were at a 3. Yeah, bad mom!
My kids are spaced about the same as yours, age-wise, and it’s SO hard to have them both needing attention, in such different ways, at the same time. My daughter stayed in her normal daycare routine so that made the weekdays easier and allowed me to do some one-on-one bonding with my son, which was nice. Not sure if you are still taking Riley to daycare but if not, maybe at least one day a week would be good for some sanity? Oh, and like many others, I dropped the F bomb on my son several times. Parenthood = craziness. “Embrace the Chaos” was the motto I tried to live by, not so successfully sometimes though. Things will get better; you and your boys are beautiful!
I love, love, love how you are so honest. Being a parent isn’t always wonderful.
Also “milk-bonging”, who else would think up something so hilarious!!
I’ll take him. :-)
We all go through that sometimes - mine are 11 and 4 and the only reason I don’t ask them (out loud) what in the blue fuck their problem is is that they’ll in turn ask their friend, or teacher, or the neighbor, or grandma. But lord am I thinking it.
I think we’ve all done that. And I’m pretty sure our babes won’t remember it. You are a good mom. As my mom said, you’d have to be a blithering idiot to enjoy every single last moment. Hang in there.
I feel your pain, just wanted to share like the others have that you are not alone. I remember crying hysterically while my 3 year old batheed in our horrifyingly unkempt bathroom, while I nursed and wondered when I might ever take a shower or tend to my burning c-section scar. I remember many moments of wondering how much more could I actually do…as I read to a 3 year old while nursing baby, while attempting to eat myself. At times I would be required to go running through the house to catch 3 year old while the baby nursed. It was nuts!!!
But… as everyone says it gets much better. Although raising children will never be easy, the infant and toddler stage was most difficult by far.
You have my sympathies. I remember with my son, how resentful I felt of the loss of all my “me” time.
I thought of the first couple of months with a newborn as boot camp - the bugle would go off at any hour of the day or night, and I was on duty, no matter how little sleep I had had. It was like basic training. I don’t miss those days at all. Hang in there - it’ll get better.
Lets see if my keyboard behaves itself this time…yay!
Don’t feel you need to explain how much you love him, inbetween explaining how you struggle, we know :) Any trolls are the judgemental ones who don’t understand that you can feel more than one emotion at once, that you can love someone and be incredibly frustrated. Motherhood sounds incredibly challenging and I think you are doing an amazing job. Hang in there, infant-hood doesn’t last for long and I know one day Riley and Dylan will thank you for what a great job you did :)
Hang in there. *hugs* And thanks for posting this. I think it’s so important for the “other side” of parenting to be out there. It helps us feel not so alone.
FYI: This is totally going to be me in another month. GAH.
It’s okay! It’s okay! My second baby was my most difficult of all my babies: not because of himself (he was a fine baby), but because he was the secondborn, and because of that toddler-infant combination. The first month was like WOOOOOOOOOOOOO-boy, but then every month was easier, and then after awhile the planet stabilized and things felt “normal.”
I recommend the fussing in the corner. Bring a pan of leftover birthday cake.
Thank you for your honesty. Been there, done that (my 2 are 26 mos apart…they are currently 2 1/2 and 5 mos.). Your feelings are totally normal. At times I felt like I just wasn’t as bonded to my 2nd as I had been to my first, but we are getting there. You will too.
P.S. Milk-bonging had me LOL!
When the cake’s gone, I recommend thinking of this whole stage as Survival Mode only. Head down, elbows out, plow through it whatever way leaves everyone alive—and that’s all you have to do to get the Great Job award.
Adding that I think Jem’s comment was great.
Hi Linda - I have 4, and went through this too. It helped me to put the baby in a carrier or a stroller and walk outside more to get some perspective. I would also sometimes go for a drive to nowhere, and maybe walk around a mall for a little bit- got my head out of the fog. Not too far from home, so that I could just go back if I got tired.
Please remember you just had major surgery - you’re not going to feel like yourself for a little while and you need time to recover too.
This is all temporary.
The first six weeks are the worst. I promise. It seems to last forever and then one day all of a sudden you wake up and realize he’s six weeks old and it’s better. And no matter how many kids you have, you always will have to be reminded of that. Heh.
Those Farent Pish people are weirdly negative themselves. Ignore them.
Ah…the newborn stage, how i hated you so. I’m delurking to let you know that you’re only saying what so many moms are thinking and afraid to say aloud. Keep writing about it - it will make you and US feel better.
I want to give you a hug and an ice cream!
I don’t have any sage nuggets of wisdom for you, but I want to thank you for being so honest instead of blowing smoke up my ass and telling me that raising two small children is kittens and rainbows all the time.
As someone who will likely be starting a family soon (HMOG) I am so glad that I can read an honest account of child rearin’ and that it’s OK to feel overwhelmed and that it’s perfectly normal to freak out now and again. I also love to hear from your commenters that it’s GOING to be OK in the not-so-distant future.
So, HUG! ICE CREAM! Hang in there!
I appreciate your honesty about this. I have often felt like that since the birth of #2 6 months ago. It does get better. I found at about month 2-3 I started feeling more confident and somewhat more organized. And the concept of leaving the house with 2 kids under 2 seemed much less daunting.
Hang in there. I think everybody goes through this. And those who don’t are total liars.
I think good thoughts in your general direction.
I second what other commenters have already said: I love your blog BECAUSE you are so honest about motherhood, the good and the bad! I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time. It’s clear you love your boys and you are a good mother to them. I went through a really hard couple of months when my son was born and most days I barely felt like I was keeping my head above water- and that was only with one. I can’t really speak any words of wisdom since I don’t have more than one; but I am sending good thoughts your way.
Can you put Riley in school a couple mornings a week while you’re on maternity leave? I’m pretty sure second children are the reason preschool even exists in the first place.
It does get better. My youngest is 21 months and my oldest is four. It won’t be long before you can tell Riley to go help his brother build a lego tower and that will distract BOTH children for, like, TEN whole minutes. Maybe even long enough to write a blog post!
I don’t have children but can only imagine that this has got to be a hard adjustment period. I love your honesty in this post. I also have to agree whole heartedly with Jennifer; we are trying to start a family now and I can guarantee that when that happens I will feel very stressed and overwhelmed. It’s nice to know that this is normal. Hang in there and take it one day at a time, you will find balance soon.
Let me tell you that as much as I adore my two year old, I **hated** the infant phase so much that I’ll never have another one. So I certainly don’t judge you!! It does freaking suck, and it’s really, really, really hard. But you’ll get past it and have two walking talking cutie pies. OH, and my mom SWEARS that the second is easier, eventually, cause the first one entertains him. SO maybe in a few months you’ll have more time than you think.
I SO remember what you are going through. My 2nd refused (REFUSED!!!!) to be put down w/out screaming, wouldn’t sleep in her own bed, wouldn’t go to her dad w/out screaming. My first was 18 months old at the time. I was sooooo exhausted and so stressed out and I must mention exhausted again but !!!!! I couldn’t think straight! I still remember so vividly one night she was screaming and I had nursed her, both sides, changed her diaper, rocked her, everything and she wouldn’t stop screaming. I put her on my bed and freaked out. Started yelling at her to ‘Shutup!! Just stop screaming and SHUTUP! PLEASE!! I can’t take it anymore! Just stop crying and go to sleep!!!’ Uh, not my finest moment. My husband took pity on me and took her downstairs so I could sleep a little. Those first few weeks/months were the hardest of my life as a mom. But my screamer is going to be 11 next month and the whole thing is a distant memory and she loves me despite my yelling at her at 2am. LOL
You are going through the hardest part and it does get better. Don’t doubt yourself, every mother has her low points and we all know exactly what you are going through. Thank you for being so honest, you say what so many mothers are too ashamed to admit to. I so admire you for that. If I was closer to you I’d come keep an eye on the boys for a few hours for you. But, I live in NC so, it’s not gonna happen. :D
Hugs sweetie.
Is it bad to admit that I am still enjoying living vicariously through your suffering? Yes? Well, never mind then.
I’m sure this will pass- just like the milk-bonging.
It is a joy to watch your buys grow. Don’t tell my mother, but it *almost* makes me want kids. *Almost.*
It sounds like you’re having a really tough time at the moment. Having a newborn in the house can really test your patience. I don’t know what the weather is like in Seattle atm, but many mothers find that getting out and going for a walk can really clear the cobwebs from the mind. Have you thought about putting Dylan in a pram, and taking both boys for a walk to the park? The ride might quieten Dylan down, give Ryley some running time and you some exercise and “fresh” air. It is quite normal to have negative feelings sometimes, if these feelings continue, or outnumber the “good times” on a regular basis, please seek help from your doctor. I’m not saying that you have Post Natal Depression, but you should be aware, that if these feelings don’t go away, that early treatment is soooo important. We are all here with a listening ear when you need it
oh jeeeeez
what a breath of fresh air (or stinky-smells-like-puke air) to actual hear how rough, real and terrible the first few weeks can be. of course you love him to death, but how nice to hear it’s not all unicorns and smushy cute feet.
Oh my, yes. My girls are 23 months apart and I remember spending the better part of last summer barely hanging onto my temper. Sometimes not. I can still see myself sitting on the porch after turning the monitor off, telling the baby to shut the holy fuck up, already. Surprisingly it didn’t work. Go figure.
The good news is it will get better. I promise. Why, just today they caused the latest crop of grey hair. In a most adorable tag-team fashion, instead of the cut your ears off kind.
And isn’t that why you had kids? So when they’re 30 and having their own, you can tell them the horrors they put you through?
You don’t know me from Adam, and I only know you because you make me spit Diet Coke out of my nose, but in my world, we are sisters because we had babies around the same time. We both had breastfeeding issues, and I SO FELT WHAT YOU’RE FEELING RIGHT NOW. And even though you don’t know me and I don’t know you, I want to say that you are loved, and to hang in there, because when things get better, you’ll look back and think, “Man, I am a helluva woman for doing that.” And probably, “Shoulda gotten a restraining order on that Diet Coke woman sooner.”
YES! It is ROUGH! A newborn and a toddler are hard, hard, hard. I have been there and I know what you are going through. I have no magic words that will make you feel better, except to say that I have been there, it will get better and someday you will stop living minute to minute. You are not alone. It sucks. Because really? most of the time you feel alone.
Can I get an amen?! Mine are 13 months apart (oldest 21 months, youngest 8 months) and Lordy Lordy is it a ride. I LOVE (big big love) this blog. You’re just awesome. Thanks for keeping it real.
I have two boys 23 months apart. The first three months suck, no way around it. One of my few clear memories from that time was standing in my kitchen, nursing #2 with one hand/arm while making toast for #1, who was screaming about something. But then, it gets incrementally easier with each passing month. Now they are 6 and 8 and we have SO MUCH FUN.
Take a deep breath (yeah, right, I know), lock yourself in the bathroom with a magazine the minute JB gets home, and try to enjoy the little moments, because in a few years when they are big and smelly you won’t remember the amazing tiny details.
Thank you so much. This is one of the many reasons I read your blog. Now I know, I’m totally normal. Sometimes you just HAVE to use the word “fuck” for your own personal sake…it’s not like they’ll remember (at least I hope not). Mine are 10 months and 2 yrs. 10 months…been there and it’s still not a cake walk, but I lived to tell.
Oh god the newborn stage is awful. Especially when your support goes back to work. Take deep breaths and swear all you want during the day. Dylan won’t remember that along with sweet words there was the occasional what the fuck thrown in.
Have JB take the kids for a drive or something. Seriously, 30 minutes with no one needing you is a huge healer at this stage.
Bill still takes Max out of the house each morning so I can collect my sanity and shower in peace.
Remember, it’s hormonal, it’s lack of sleep, it’s stressful and it’s all completely normal. You’re going to make it through!
And, unless they are paying you a bazillion dollars, dump FarentPish. You do not need to spend one second reading those shitty comments.
Oh I love you Linda! My kids are 26 months apart (now 5 and 3) and that first year just about killed me! It wasn’t because of the tiredness or constant nursing or extra work, no that I handled just fine. It was the feeling of COMPLETE loss of myself that I had to Zen through and shoot out the other side of! The process of keeping yourself in a moment that you don’t necessarily want to be in is the mountain to climb - one day, you just lift your head up and realize you’re at the top. Finally. It will happen soon.
I think Linda needs to bundle up the boys and take a walk in the SUNSHINE. Take advantage of the sunny weather before it turns again. Oh! and deny the urge to wear sunglasses! Studies show that wearing sunglasses cuts down on the beneficial - mood lifting vitamins that are found in sunshine from getting into your body. Seriously. And you never know, Dylan might be a take-a-walk type of kid. If all else fails, I live nearby and am good with boys. Just ask mine. I even have a 17 year old who’s good with toddlers! (Toddlers are otherwise known as “chick magnets” to teenage boys).
Of course we understand. I know I do. The first few months was a living hell (I didn’t think to ask the newborn what the blue fuck was wrong with him, maybe that would have helped? Ha ha) The thought of doing that all over again scares the crap out of me, so I think I’m probably done having babies. And the boredom is crazy-making.
Having said that, I did find that the first few months went faster with #2. Maybe because I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there, mama. It’s not easy, but it will end soon.
You are my hero.
I find myself asking that same question often, about inviting a second one in. And mine is 9…and I still sometimes (okay many times) say horrible things that should get my mom license taken away.
How about a sitter? Maybe even a neighborhood teenager a few days a week, after school for a few hours. S/he can wrangle Riley while you take a more sedate Dylan (he’s cooler after 2pm, right?) on a trip to Starbucks or just a sanity-check stroll around the mall … If nothing less, it’s someone to hang out with until JB comes home. I babysat/nannied for YEARS and I would’ve loved to have hung out with a cool mom like you!
Keep up the good work. You rock. :o)
oy, I so understand. My third was definitely more of a pain in the ass than the first two. Good thing she was the third and not the first or there may have only been one. But she’s five and a half months now and sleeping through the night and her sense of humor kicked in, and it’s so, so much better.
Crap- Boy #2 is on his way come April. Everything you write, I have felt before and know I will feel again.
Keep telling it real. I’ll need your honest take on it, so I won’t feel so alone.
When Jacob was a newborn I remember feeling exhausted and sad. I wondered what the hell I was thinking having a baby and thus ending my easy life. I also remember the first few weeks wondering why it wasn’t instant bliss and love at first sight… and oh, yeah, why the hell I loved my dog more than my baby. After about 5 weeks I realized that I did in fact love my baby more than my dog, and that I just hadn’t connected with Jacob until then. Love at first sight is a romantic myth. Face it. Newborns are time consuming, ungrateful and boring! I think once they can smile at you and appear as if they like you and that you are their loving Mommy it starts to get easier. I also remember thinking of the first few weeks as one long day, with absolutley no night that separates the one one long day. I think that was attributed to the night time naps between feedings. I think I never actually went to bed. Overall, you are in a major adjustment phase. Remember everything changes very quickly, so don’t worry. You’ll be insanely happy very soon. Hang in there. You’re doing great!
I have a 19 month old and a 4 week old. I feel your pain. ;) Hang in there!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!}}}}}}}}}}}
You have my utmost sympathy and don’t feel guilty, Linda. You’re only human.
Would giant earplugs help? :)
Who knows why they fuss sometimes. Perhaps he misses the ease of life in the womb. You are doing your best and if he’s got the grumps sometimes maybe it’s just part of the process of getting used to living on the outside. In other words, there’s nothing to fix and nothing you can fix. I don’t know…just sayin’…perhaps?
It’s unfortunate that our society is structured so that virtually all of the nurturing and care is left to mom and dad. Heaven only knows how single parents cope. Extended families of yore may have been a pain in the ass but they had their benefits.
I’ve always gotten a kick out of elephant families because they are structured so that nieces, daughters, aunts, female grandparents, and sisters hang pretty close together. When babies arrive everyone is involved in the care. There’s a constant supply of eager baby sitters available in the younger females who are anxious to learn. Not only is it way cool and practical, it’s also essential because elephant babies are hugely demanding for the first few years. Males don’t “leave home” until they are between 9 and 19 (some of the males are real mammas’ boys and just hang on) and females stay with their moms for life.
I’m glad you feel supported in this virtual place, though words can only do so much. Keep it real. You know we love ya!
God you’re so honest - so very refreshing. I always feel crap when I even think “why the fuck” kind of stuff - when I get pissed off etc etc at my boys. Love them dearly, but feel I’m losing myself as well as my mind. It is NOT all lovey-dovey this newborn thing - hang in there - you have a great family by the looks of it. Never mind that the insanity may not be temporary ;)
I’m the one over at PD who commented on your early “This is different than with Riley, I’m not panicking!” post with a (hopefully obviously well-intentioned) message that it may get harder, and that you should be gentle with yourself if you feel like you are struggling with two. For me, 4w-8w were so so so hard. I had the opposite problem - taking care of the baby felt so easy, but the toddler I wanted to throw out in the yard, and tell her to walk to grandma’s. Baby is cool with just laying in bed, or walking in circles, or watching hours of sitcoms while I bounce and pat her back. Yeah, she’s a pain, but she is nonmobil and not screaming that she did not WANT orange juice, despite having whined for it for an hour. we are 10weeks in, and my nerves are finally not shreiking every time my toddler asks for another episode of Blue’s Clues. And thus, I’m shreiking at her less, which makes me feel like less of a failure, so win/win. You’re going to wake up in a few months and think “well, that wasn’t so bad”, because our brains are AMAZING at blacking out trauma. In the mean time, hang in there, complain all you want, we like you anyway.
re farentpish, I say fuck ‘em. Seriously. If that messes with your headspace it’s not worth whatever it pays to write there. Slap some advertising on this blog (like Dooce). You’ve got the hits.
I so, so, SO identify. In spades. I will never forget looking at my child and thinking, in that PPD sleep-deprived haze, WHY again was this a good idea? Knowing how much I loved him (and her, it happened with both kids) didn’t alter the feeling, just made me feel guilty about it.
I know you know this, but it gets better.
Oh heck yes. Yes, yes and yes. To everything. You are normal to feel this way. Soooo normal. I agree, it is very very hard. I feel like a god damned maniac some days. Like I’m really only just holding my shit together. It’s scary to realize just how close to the edge I teeter at times. Sometimes at night (especially now with the teething jag we are in) I like to pretend that the baby is not really crying, and no, I do not have to go and put him back to sleep for the sixth time tonight. After that brief moment of faux bliss, I sigh, growl and mutter sleepy cuss words and go see to my baby. My husband would help, but I seem to have a baby who only wants his mama. I hope that changes soon. Some days I wonder if I am going to make it until my husband gets home. I do on occasion make the weepy, desperate call at 3:49: “Get. home. NOW”.
My boys are 2 1/2 and 8 months (whoa, already?) I don’t think my days would be so hard if they would nap. My toddler is starting to not embrace his nap (sob) and my baby never, ever ever has been a napper. Like, he takes maybe a 20 minute nap during the day and that’s it. So, I think the fact that I have 0 time to myself every.day totally sucks and makes me way more crazier.
So, with all that crap having been said, I send warm you vibes of understanding. Hang in there. Scream if you gotta.
The first 2-3 weeks with my first were a nightmare. Week two was the worst. I think I was running on adrenaline the first week, and then the Great Hormone Crash of Aught-Five happened and I was a wreck. On paper, my daughter was an ideal newborn–decent sleeper throughout the day and night, with just a couple of growth-spurty marathon feeding days here and there. That doesn’t make it any easier to cope, though. Aside from making the mental adjustment, you’re still trying to recover physically, and your body is still coming up with new ways to freak you out.
Our daughter is two and a half now, and our next bundle is due March 25…I know things will be more familiar this time, at least, but I still expect a full-on nervous breakdown around week two.
Take care…I’m rooting for you!
You are totally normal! With my first daughter (now 4) the first YEAR was a non-sleeping nightmare. I remember one night in particular when she was probably 3 weeks old, when I just picked her up, kind of roughly I might add, and said “What the eff is your problem. GO TO SLEEP!” Not proud of that one. With daughter #2, the sleeping was/is good (I swear by sheer force of will, because I COULD NOT get another no-sleep baby) but the whole juggling a newborn with a 3 year old was a whole other ballgame.
I remember thinking “What did I do with ALL THAT FREE TIME I had with just the one kid?” But you figure it out in the end. Vent. Cry. Do whatever you have to do to get through the rough patches, one day you will wake up and your shit will magically be together (well, maybe not “together” but “running a bit smoother” might be more realistic).
Your boys are all so, so beautiful!
I’m due in June with the first one and more than a tidgy anxious about what it’s going to be like once we get home from the hospital and realize, “What the hell is this thing and what does it want?.” No one–except you and these posts–really breaks it down. For that, I thank you…
This is STRESSING ME OUT. All the comments about how easy it was with just one because I have just one and I think it is HARD AS SHIT. So, I’m going to be in for something terrible when number 2 comes.
I’m off to go curl into a fetal position and moan.
It is hard no matter what you know and do not know I think. I know it is not going to smooth sailing esp. given my penchant for drama and short temper with everyone when I am tired and my nerves are on end. I know many people have been through these same feelings whether they are willing to admit it or not (in my opinion…) I cannot say much to bolster you other than I understand and I am offering far away cheers! This too shall pass!
As you said, thank goodness he’s not wide awake from 9pm-2am. I remember those early weeks, just waiting for the sun to come up - that at least made the lack of sleep more tolerable. The good part about the early weeks and months is that things change quickly — so next week’ll be different. It might be a different kind of hell, but hey, at least it’s a change.
I get how it feels to have your newly-acquired “me time” ripped away — our 7month old twins have been great sleepers in recent weeks, but it seems like one of them always wakes up crying at 9:15 on Thursday nights, after I specifically said, “No crying during LOST, please!” So we went and got a DVR, which helps a little ;-)
You’re doing fine — and so is your family. Everyone will live through this. It’s ok to lose patience, lose your cool and want things to be different. It happens. Then you just get on with changing the next diaper.
Sending hugs to you (and all you moms who relate!)
It is SOOOO refreshing to hear an honest to goodness REAL mom who can quite happily complain about the squeaky poop machine that has just been deposited into her care. I get so sick of those stepford wife type people who refuse to admit that sometimes it just SUCKS!!
There is no doubt that you love both of them with every cell in your body..but sometimes it does seem like it’s just too hard.
I could reiterate that ‘it will get easier’ but I can also hear you saying ‘WHENNNNN?? For the love of all that is HOLYYYYY??’..in a matter of days weeks..you’ll just find you have things under control. And you probably won’t even notice the transition.
One piece of advice that I never followed: When people offer help..TAKE IT! You know when people say things like ‘If you ever need a babysitter’? Before they even inhale, throw them Riley, the baby, a few diapers and a bottle or two..and run like hell to the nearest nail salon.
Just keep holding on! The good news is that, eventually, your boys will be able to play together and have a great time and you will be grateful that you had your kids close together. I can say this because, as I type this, my 19 month old and 3 year old are in the other room playing happily together. The 19 month old smells like poop but I’m not about to interrupt this peaceful time for mommy!
I remember my only goal when the baby was little was to get both kids to take an afternoon nap at the same time. I was willing to do anything to accomplish that! Once I got it figured out, and got a brief window of time to myself each day, I felt that I came out of the dark tunnel.
You know, I have little memory of when my kiddos were newly two and newborn. I think it was partly the ADs I was on for PPD and the lack of sleep I was experiencing. I remember telling my DH that I was taking 6 weeks to recover - I was slacking on the housework and everything to be able to recuperate and figure out this two kiddos under 2 deal. We have three older children, too and they were involved in football and ballet at the time and my newborn would cry hysterically any time we mentioned getting in the van. And we spent a lot of time in the van carpooling the older kiddos places. I remember turning the radio up REALLY loud on most trips. And he didn’t sleep through the night until 10 months or so and even then he wouldn’t sleep in his crib in the room with his sister. He slept in the playroom in a pack and play. I remember thinking, I must be a horrible mom, but man, getting some sleep was glorious. I think I would have let him sleep in the backyard if it allowed me to get some much needed sleep. And I too sent my daughter to preschool one day a week to get some much needed time with just the newborn, even if it meant we slept until it was time to pick her up from school. I also stopped caring if I picked her up in a baseball hat, no make-up sans shower for the third time that month. I would just shower when my DH got home if I couldn’t fit it in earlier in the day. And somehow I managed to bathe and dress the children properly. And I used to feel guilty that the then 2 yr old spent more time in front of the TV then I liked until she taught herself to read. I think all that Barney, Blue’s Clues and Dora did her some good. Anyway, all of that rambling to say - I love your honesty and your blog. You rock and you will get the hang of this without wanting to hang the kiddos from their toes out the window all the time. ((Hugs))
LMAO @ Katie (The Yap) - I am here reading and thinking the same thing. My little boy is 5 months and we’d like to try again when he’s 3-4. Man, oh man.
As the others have said, thank you for being honest. You’re a great mom and no one with any sense would believe different. Remembering how miserable yet how wonderful those first 10 weeks were, I can offer nothing but understanding and warm thoughts…
Oh sweetie it does suck. I’m glad your so honest about it, Most people don’t have the nerve to be honest about it. We ALL have felt like this, if anyone was to deny it, they are absolute liers.
You’re right, it’s going to get better, and you’ll look back and remember what was your little pain in the ass and the days you regretted his invitation to your life, are a thing in the past. Even now, even when he’s fussing and whining and making you feel incompitent for not knowing exactly how to fix it for him and make him that content baby you want, you’d be absolutely lost without him.
Some tomorrow will be better, maybe just not the one after today. Thinking and praying and sending good baby and toddler vibes your way.
Venting is good. Let it all out, man.
I have no doubt that you’ve got everything you need to handle this phase. Regardless, it might be nice to have a hand every once in a while. Is it possible to have someone come to help out while JB’s at work? My friends who went through midwife training used to get credit for spending a few hours a day helping out mommas with newborns.
Oh, how I remember those days. Er, it was only last year this time that I had my second colicky child in a row, and damn near lost my mind. BUT! It does get better, and a year from now, you will hazily look back upon this time and shudder a bit. :) Hang in there and bitch as much as you need to - because DAMN, this shit is hard.
He is awfully cute.
OMG!! I am so happy to hear that someone feels the same way about their baby that I do about mine. Everyone makes it sound like it’s such a great thing… that the “little bundle of joy” is going to change your world… what they don’t mention is that for the first few weeks, you wish it had a return policy. Thank goodness for blogs like yours or else I would think I was all alone. My daughter is now 3.5 months old, and if not for her recent discovery of smiling and laughing, I’d still be trying to take her back. :-)
Keep up the good work! You truly are an amazing mother, even though you may not feel like it sometimes.
Ah Linda, I know what you are going though. Nikcy wwas 17 months old when his baby brother was born and OHMY GODWHATTHEHELLHAVEIDONE? HELP HELP HELP was the timbre of those first few months. As soon as dad came home I was OUT the door, for a walk with the dog or a trip to the store. Anything, ANYTHING just to regain some control over my life in a small way. It helped. So when JB comes home, hand them over and GET OUT - at least for an hour.
It will get better!
Many of us have been in your current shoes and holy frig does it suck! Thank you for being honest and open with your feelings, you have every right to do so. My kids are almost exactly the same age difference as yours, so I can feel your pain. Now, almost three years after the second was born I have a different perspective and I can see that it was a temporary shitty situation and that it did get better. However, it sucked at the time. Sorry, not being helpful just wanting to let you know that you are not alone. I too asked my three week old “What the F was her problem?” when she would not sleep. Her answer of yawning at me was not very satisfying. Take care, hang in there, it’s almost the weekend when you can exploit your husband and try to get a bit more sleep.
Holy crap, you have balls of steel. And will you just LOOK at how you’ve used said balls to help so, SO many people over the years, and with this entry. Look at these comments. You’re amazing.
So I don’t know anything about this stuff but assuming you DO have the hits, then I’m sure you’ve considered putting ads on this blog and decided against it for some reason. Fair enough. But I will, for one, say that I have been reading you for years and I wouldn’t give a DAMN about ads; I don’t even notice ads. And even if I noticed yours I would NOT CARE, anyway, because 1) you have a marketable skill here, you know, so again with the fair enough, and 2) GAH FarentPish.
Maybe Heather would have some advice? She gets her fair share of shitty comments, but I gather that they’re mostly unrelated to the ads. She’s just got a big, big site, and the trolls found her, which I don’t think is necessarily even correlated with advertising.
Anyway. My unsolicited two cents, just in case what’s holding you back is the way it might affect your readers, of which I am one.
You are so refreshing! I always feel so bad when I tell my husband that our 6 yr old daughter is a raging bitch. Yeah, she hears and understands that stuff now so I can’t say it to her face, at least not until she’s about 15, right?
It makes me feel so much better to read this post, and the comments about it. I have felt guilty countless times since giving birth to my son that I wasn’t feeling more in love, more blissful, and was instead feeling tired and, above all, resentful. Of a BABY! Whom I CHOSE to have!
It’s just hard. I braced myself over and over for how hard it would be to have two kids under three, and, like you said, knowing doesn’t make it less hard.
Eli will be six months old next week, and I am just now feeling like we are full-on bonding. I remember feeling so lovestruck those first few days immediately following his birth, and then going home and all that giddy love getting lost in the sleeplessness and chaos. But it returned with the beginning of his smiles and responsiveness and fish-mouth kisses. So, it will return. The magic of having a little one to cuddle will find you again, I promise.
In the meantime, esp. since you aren’t nursing, I suggest finding yourself a little bottle of chardonnay.
I have four, and frankly there isn’t one of them I haven’t cussed out at least once in the first few weeks, and none of them seem any worse for wear for it now. You have to just go into survival mode really for about 2 months. I promise, promise, promise it gets easier, but I know that is soooooo hard to keep in mind when you are in the depths of it. We’ve all been there - we may not talk about it much, but we’ve ALL been there, and it sucks. You’re not alone and you are completely normal.
And milk-bong? You are a genius. And funny.
I asked my 3 month old the same thing last night…then I begged thru tears for at least one hour of sleep….I love that you can write what I feel!!!!!!
God, have we all been there! Anyone who tells you they haven’t had those same feelings is either a damn liar or a robot. It does get better (although I did want to know how my 11 month old became possesed by the devil yesterday- my love for him was for a moment on a low ebb.) Until then, don’t worry about doing anything but getting through the day and surviving. Hang in there.
I just have one 7-month old, so what do I know, although I certainly can sympathize. When my daughter was a tiny newborn my husband used to call her a “little jerk”. It sounds awful, but it was (mostly) loving. It’s just that the newborn stage can be so awfully frustrating.
Getting in line to say hang in there Linda. And to compliment you on that beautiful boy -him is practically pretty!
They always say you forget the awful stuff and remember the great stuff. Having it forced back into your brain has to be the pits. Hang in there. Soon he will be walking and talking and you will wonder where the time went. . . At least you admit that isn’t not all peaches and cream.
OMG..milk-bonging! I just had a Raider game flashback but not so much with milk.
You have a great support system..hang in there.
I’m 6.5 months pregnant with my first and I’m so relieved to hear someone finally being honest. I know that its not going to be roses and daisies with a newborn. At least I won’t be shocked when I have my little girl and I’m having the same feelings as so many other millions of women.
No assvice or suggestions, just wanted to remark that your site is almost the opposite of most “mommy blogs.” I don’t know how you managed to do that, but you did, and that is quite an accomplishment.
And also that I really admire you for being so honest about the harder side of motherhood, and in such a straightforward manner. You have developed such a unique and engaging voice and I suspect that you have no idea how much people value the style and substance of your words.
We all know you will get through this, of course, and I hope you get a few moments of much needed peace in the interim.
I absolutely LOVE how you write exactly what I feel/think in some situations. I’ve been there, with the whole newborn thing and “why can’t you talk already like your big sister and TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!” It’s not easy, no, but you already know it’s definitely worth it. I feel for you! It’ll get better. Thank you so much for sharing.
I remember feeling so homesick the first month or so with my newborn daughter - not as in “missing my home” but really missing my old life and the way things were. That pit in your stomach. You love your child and all that, but it’s kind of like, “Wait! Wait! I changed my mind! This isn’t what I was expecting!” Because we get used to a situation and when it changes, it takes awhile to adjust. I feel for you! It will definitely get easier (easy for me to say, right?) and more comfortable as time goes on. Good luck and hang in there!
You need an angel. . . . have you got a friend that could come over and tackle some loads of laundry, dishes and other household stuff some afternoon while the boys AND YOU take a nap? Small little victories like that can go a long way right now. Don’t feel shy asking for help. .. . oh and B R E A T H E. . .. seriously. .. do the woo woo bit now and then. .. just stop and take a few TOTAL breaths. It’s crazy how we forget to breathe when things are stressful.
* sends you all the fortitude she can muster*
-Allison
In the trenches right there with you, these days. I’m at home with my second and first daughter (who at least is a preschooler) and the caring for a baby thing is kicking my ass too.
Sounds like you crawled into my head and ripped out a memory! I had such a hard time adjusting to the schedule the second time. I used to look at my husband and ask why he did this to me, we were home free with the first one, he walked, talked, ate, why, why, why did we think this was a good idea. I had such a hard time bonding that I went to see my physician and was diagnosed with severe post partum depression. I felt like a total failure, but with some help I got better. It still wasn’t easy. Maybe it’s so hard so we don’t have #3! Built in population control. Hang in there….and thanks for making us all feel as if we aren’t alone in this crazy trip called parenthood!
I love you, Linda! I cannot tell you how much better your honesty makes young mothers feel! I have a 2.5 year old and another on the way and people are always asking me “are you so excited about the baby coming soon?” WHAT? I mean, I am excited to meet him, yes, and I am excited to get him OUT of my stomach. But, those first couple of months are hell. I keep trying to talk my mom into taking this one until he is 3 months old then giving him back to me. Can you hire people to do stuff like that? Surely…
After 117 comments, I’m sure you’ve gotten all the commiseration and advice you can handle, but I can’t help but foist my opinion on you as well.
YES! Resounding YES! Just last night I begged my daughter, “Goddammit, sleep child!” It is hard. While I was on maternity leave (only back to work this week, and the suckitude of that is more than for the comments section) I took my 4 year old to daycare at least 3 days a week so that his routine would be somewhat intact and that I could get some one-on-one time with the baby (born Jan 3, 7 weeks old today). The days when I didn’t take the boy to the babysitters were the most trying days I can remember in his entire four years of life. The non-stop chatter. The demands and resulting tantrums for not obeying the demands so fast that such acquiescence would have required a rip in the space-time continuum. The sheer and utter lunacy of needing three more pair of hands and another arsenal of eyeballs. It is overwhelming, and my daughter is (for now) one of those mythically easy babies, content to sleep all day and doesn’t cry constantly or need to be held every second. Sure, she has her moments of fussiness and there’ve been crying jags that last a couple hours, but for the most part, she’s an agreeable baby, AND IT’S STILL FUCKING HARD!
I wouldn’t change my mind about kid 2, because I already can’t imagine life without her. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wish for the dinner to cook itself and clean itself up, and the dogs to take themselves outside, and the laundry to wash and fold itself. Part of it is that I feel guilty for not spending as much time with the baby as I was able to spend with the first baby, just because my attention has to be divided between two kids now. Can’t be helped. Doesn’t make it easy. The only thing to do is try not to beat yourself (myself) up because you’re doing your dead level best and it takes some serious adjustment. Months worth.
But like having the first kid, there are moments of utter profound joy that go a long way to canceling out some of the misery and guilt that come into play.
Negotiate sleep time. It is amazing how much easier (okay, more bearable) it is when you occasionally get an adequate amount of sleep. Rent a grandparent or two to come to your place and take a nap whilest the rug rats are entertained and loved lots. Make it a regular thing for as long as you can. It helps. You’re doing a great job and yes, it is crushingly BORING, too. To this day whenever I see one of the Little People figures I start to yawn and have trouble keeping my eyes open.
He’s cuuuute! He looks just like you in that picture! Well, I do understand your conflicting feelings. Just hang in there. Your sanity will come back when your youngest is about 3 1/2. But every hour brings you closer to that goal. Is there perhaps anyone who could stay with you for a while to help you out whilst simultaneously not bugging the everliving fuck out of you? Rare, but possible…Anyway, good job, love your honesty. /Fifi
This is the exactly what keeps me on the fence whether to have or not to have kids. I can see myself doing exactly what you’re doing. I’m sure it’s very rewarding, but you can’t exactly change your mind! Ugh, thank you for being so honest. Nobody tells the childless the real story. Congrats, and keep up the good work! Your fam is gorgeous.. As in life, I’m sure it will get easier- it has to right? ;)
I helped out a family member for a number of weeks. Unfortunately, it was twins. With colic and reflux and problems OH MY. The three year old was nice, but she had bountiful energy supplies.
Good luck, and hope that some quiet comes your way!
Dear Linda,
I’m not a parent but what you’ve written rings with truth. You obviously have many readers who benefit from your honesty. It seems to me that in today’s society there is so much judgment placed on parents that it’s hard for them to be honest about their struggles … and yet you have the courage to do so. You are amazing. :)
I don’t live in the Seattle area, or I would volunteer to bring over a big pot of soup. However, I can always send you cookies! :)
One last observation - one upside of this situation seems to be that Riley seems a lot easier to handle, no? ;-D
Hangeth thou in there - I know you’re going to be all right! :)
Linda, Dooce has a post up that is very timely ;)
http://dooce.com/2008/02/22/yeah-oops-one-too
Hi Linda,
My 3 month old has her screaming routine downpat, and I can only imagine what my upstairs neighbors think when I am at the end of my rope and screaming “WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!” at the top of my lungs. I have learned to tune her out unless there is a change in her pitch and “meditate” ( kind of like sleeping with your eyes open ). It has gotten better, and it will keep
getting better. Taklking with your doc might help. Maybe there is something she can give you to take the edge off. It helped for me.
Good luck :)
I have a 15 month old - and all of the memories of those first few hell months must have been locked away because after reading that post they all came flooding back. And here I was, anxious to get preggers again this year lol. Now you had to go ahead and ruin it for me! ;) JK! My one big fear though…and I know you talked about it before, and I feel like an ass even asking, but is it truly possible to feel the same way about a 2nd one as you do about your 1st? I am so in love with my son, that I’m just feeling almost guilty thinking about bringing another one into the family because it will take away from #1.
Thank you. No, I mean that. THANK YOU. Finally I don’t feel like quite so much of a crazed monster for screaming at my daughter to “Shut the fuck up!” in the middle of an excruciating night when she was a couple of weeks old. And as the umpteen thousand commenters before me have said, it does get better so quickly. She is ten months now, and an absolutely adorable ham. Although with the improvement in attitude and length of sleep with the baby, I am now experiencing the 3yo’s newly discovered independence tantrums. Oh god, kill me now. Gotta love having two, eh?
Thank you, once again, and keep up the honesty.
It took me about two weeks to get to this point. Only for me it ended in ugly blubbery cry, shouting at my husband, a lot of sobbing loudly WHY ME! and consuming an amount of chocolate I will never ever admit to!
Imagine how I felt when number two turned out to be numbers two and three! Surprise! We ended up with twins when my daughter was 5 and although they are now 9 months and super-freaking adorable (identical girls), I still wonder sometimes….this shit is hard!! Life with one was quieter and calmer and more sane. So I’m with you sister. I just close my eyes and imagine the Sunday morning twelve years from now when they will all sleep in and leave me to my paper and breakfast in peace. Until then, my husband and I just try to laugh as much as possible. Keeps you sane.
awww! he is just so damn cute. And really, I get the whole ‘Mother wants to eat her young’ thing. You poor thing!
One of my less-proud memories of when my son was an infant is of him screaming inconsolably while I, tears streaming down my face, screamed back at him to SHUT UP, SHUT UP, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. And then I laid him in his crib, went to my own bed, had a good cry all to myself for about 10 minutes, and then was able to deal again.
If I were there, and if you were okay with it, I’d give you a hug. It will be okay. And you’re doing GREAT, trust me!!
Milk bonging huh. Reminds me of a video I once saw where the band 311 challenged their fans to drink a gallon of milk in ten minutes and they could win $311. Their fans had the same result as your baby. If you ever wondered what happens to adults in that situation, there’s plenty of lovely examples on YouTube.