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Feb
23
I mentioned that I borked up my back on Monday, right? The first day JB went back to work and I was alone with two small children in the house and about two hours into my morning I managed to render myself a complete invalid? I would tell you how much that sucked, except we definitely need a stronger word to better express the complete and utter thoroughness of the suckiness. It was like black-hole suckage. Dyson suction. Heidi-and-Spencer level sucktasticness. Worse than the initial C-section recovery, and of course I had run through all my good drugs, and I can tell you from experience that trying to get a refill on any decent — ie, abusable — pain medication is pretty much like asking for a brick of white China to be ferried to your house along with a bag of clean needles, which is to say your friendly neighborhood doctors would much rather suggest you use something else, like have you tried ibuprofen? (PS. SHOVE YOUR ADVIL UP YOUR CONSERVATIVE DOSE-HOLE, MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT.)
My back is almost completely better now but I feel like I am going through my activities in a tentative, suspicious manner, because I’m so paranoid it’s going to give out again. It’s like the time my toilet suddenly and inexplicably clogged and then, oh my god, overflowed — once a previously benign, utilitarian object has betrayed you in such a dramatic and unpleasant manner, it can never truly be trusted again.
In other physical-annoyance news that is surely more information than you ever wanted to hear from me, I had a Mirena IUD put in during my C-section and although my OB gave me lots of information ahead of time on possible side effects she neglected to mention the strings. The strings attach to the IUD and, you know, are there so that the device may be painfully yoinked from your lady parts when the time comes — but no one told me they would be, uh, clear and present and accounted for after the birth. Like, not demurely hidden away and only there in some theoretical but not obvious manner, but rather rudely INTRUSIVE, or perhaps I should say EXTRUSIVE. Apparently the strings need to be trimmed, which is . . . well. Perhaps you can imagine just how fun that sounds. I mean, what can I say, I’m sort of shy about people with sharp scissors rooting around in my nether-regions.
However, I’m ready to allow an entire pit crew in there if that’s what it takes, because as my friend Sarah perfectly described these goddamned strings, they are hostile. You may be thinking of a nice cotton string or maybe a soft grosgrain ribbon but you would be WRONG. No, it’s more like the sort of industrial fishing tackle you’d use to catch a 100-lb marlin, and I won’t get into any (further) details but I’ll just say this: AIIIEEEEE.
Well. Am I a sparkling conversationalist today or what? Good lord. Quick subject change: JB is off diving this morning, which as far as I’m concerned means I get the afternoon to do whatever in hell I want. Would you escape the house and children in order to go out and do something for yourself — buy some shoes or some shit — or would you take, like, a 4-hour nap?
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72 Responses to “Sensitive subjects”
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I suggest you spend 20 minutes shoe-shopping online and then take a nap :)
I hope your back is better. Also, I didn’t know the IUD was so upkeep-intensive. A friend of mine just got one put in too. I had no idea about the cutting of the strings. that does NOT sound fun. Is Depo-Provera not good? I dunno, if I popped out kids and wasn’t gonna have anymore, I’d make my husband get his stuff snippy-snipped. I’m just sayin’…
So if JB is out and you’re wanting to escape, who’s gonna watch the kids?!? LOL
Strings?!?! Are you KIDDING me? I had no idea. So, like, do they get in the way of, um. . .DOING things? Like, a horrible tampon string gone awry?
I’m just in awe. Good luck with the trimmings.
Jeebus you got a lot to contend with. Here I was feeling sorry for myself with a sore throat. I’d say two hour nap, two hours of leaving the house.
There is no debate about this one whatsoever - YOU SLEEP (with the absolute proviso that JB takes the children out of the house for the entire time or it doesn’t count and you are still owed an afternoon!).
Go out to get me time, definitely. If you stay in, it will be impossible to block out all the noises of motherhood, and will not be able to sleep more than an hour or two. Then you will be sucked back in to the family fray. Don’t get me wrong, the family fray can be wonderful, but completly counter productive to you doing “whatever the hell you want.”
I never had an IUD but I will say that the best present hubby ever gave me was a vasectomy when 2nd child was 6 months old. Yay! Saved me years of perplexing birth control choices, and none of them back then were that great. This string stuff sounds about as gross as the old diaphragm. Ick. And I, too, want to know where those strings go when you “resume activity”!
nap. I’d oh so go for the nap!
I’m with sooboo - 2 hour nap and then 2 hours out by yourself for something indulgent.
I like the idea of a quick shopping trip followed by a 3 hour nap. Enjoy your time however you spend it.
I’ve heard others talk about having to have the strings trimmed on an iud, sounds like one hell of an inconvenience to me. Although I suppose better than the alternative, another baby.
Ah, yes, the strings. Trimming isn’t as bad as it sounds. Had to have it done myself after I almost stabbed myself to death by doing such dangerous activities as sitting and standing.
Look outside - it is our annual spring fever teaser. Absolutely gorgeous. Go get some much needed Vitamin D (U-Village, not Pacific Place) and remind yourself how fantastic things will be this summer.
I had NO idea that they could place a Mirena IUD during the c-section. My c-section was sort of “surprise” so there was no discussion of BC prior to the delivery, so I had mine placed 8 weeks after delivery (which is sort of a story in and of itself, since I had a little extra bleeding during the procedure, so my OB had to sit there for about 20 minutes with her had in my va-jay-jay and make small talk while she got the bleeding to stop). I have to ask - do they place it through the c-section incision or the normal way? My string has never bothered me (why did they leave it long?), and I have to tell you, the IUD is the BEST BC I have ever been on. After a bit of spotting for a month of two, I really never have a period. WHICH IS AWESOME. Three years with the IUD and no problems. I probably have 5 friends who have them and they haven’t had any issues either.
JB will appreciate the string trimming, believe me. I know whereof I speak.
Get the hell out of the house, even if it means taking a nap in your car.
If it were me, I’d take a POWER NAP then get the freak out of the house for a while.
Shopping online is fun, but I can not shop for shoes online. I have a hard enough time shopping for shoes when I can try them on :]
Also, if it were me, I would include some kind of chocolate in my outting. mmm
Both! You deserve the nap AND the aimless wandering/shopping, I say. Are you feeling physically good enough, post C-section, to go out and about? Superwoman!
I’m totally squicked out by the IUD anyway, but now that I know there are obnoxious strings involved? Double. Squicked. And I just gagged. You are a brave woman.
Also, HOLY CRAP it’s beautiful outside today!! If you do escape for the shopping, I agree with Kari, do it at U Village so you can get some sun on your face!
The string trimming takes about 0.5 seconds and there’s nothing uncomfortable or painful about it. I can’t believe they didn’t do it when it was placed.
I’ve had the Mirena for over a year and it’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole life. That may be exaggerating a bit, but it’s definitely the easiest and most awesome birth control method I’ve ever used.
RE: The Strings. They get softer over time. I’ve had the Mirena for about 3 years now and the strings are barely noticeable. At first they totally felt like fishing line/wire, but after awhile they became very soft. Warning! Slightly TMI ahead! The strings now just kind of curl up around the opening to the cervix and no one notices them. (You’re welcome!)
Granted, they shouldn’t be too long, but also you don’t want them to be too short. I think they probably left them longer to give your body time to adjust the IUD. You don’t want to start off with the string being too short and the IUD to move up and then the strings go missing. That would suck.
I just have to say though. I love, love, love the Mirena. It pretty much makes your period non-existent and it’s nice not to have to worry about BC at all (except every month when you have to check the strings).
Oh, I’d take the nap, hands down.
I was hoping you’d talk about the mirena because i’m thinking of getting one after #2 is born in June. I’m 99% sure I’m done having babies, but not quite ready to make it permanent yet.
I’d take the nap. I mean, you can always shop later but sleep? It may never come. I just got back on the Pill and I CANNOT wait until I start my second pack, especially since my previous method of birth control was OMG DON’T TOUCH ME THIS ISN’T THE “SAFE” WEEK! Latex allergies suck but hey, now my BC has no strings attached. HAAAAA!
Feel free to punch me now.
My strings were cut before she inserted it. I wonder why they didn’t cut yours beforehand?
Next time put out a request on your blog for pain killers. I’ve got a nice supply in my cabinet.
Ideally I would take a nap on the ob-gyn table while they trimmed those damn strings! More likely, though, I’d drive to a mall or coffee shop with good intentions and take a four hour nap in the car wherever I parked.
I’ve heard mirena is awesome. Once you get the string trimmed, of course.
I have Implanon which is good for 3 years– they stick a giant needle in your arm (with local anasthetic, you don’t feel a thing), and shoot a piece of flexible plastic– the stuff they use for artifical joints, I think– (about the size of a matchstick) into your arm. It’s impregnated with synthetic progesterone, which slowly releases into the system. You can breastfeed while you’re on it, but luckily that’s not an issue for me.
I’ve had it for about a month, and I did a lot of reading, so I knew for the first few months, spotting is extremely common. Unfortunately, for me, spotting = 10 day period. In fact, it’s still going on. :(
I’m hoping eventually I’ll stop having my period altogether (about 20% of people on the implant do), but for now, I just want my period to end already. Please? No cramps, though. I still don’t regret the decision… but if this turns into a 20 day period, I’m going to have to have a talk with my uterus.
And I definitely vote for the nap!
You might kill me for this and I might deserve it, but…
Mine are now 18, 18, 21 and 23 which means that, at one time I had four under the age of five. I remember wanting nothing more that to have one hour (hell, 5 minutes!) to myself. I couldn’t wait for them to grow up enough so that I didn’t feel like a lint roller ball — them just clinging to me no matter where I went.
And now? Today? I HOPE my 23-year-old wants to come home after a long biz trip (and maybe go wine tasting at the Woodinville wineries?!), and we’ll probably go the whole weekend without seeing our 21-year-old, and the twins are so busy being seniors in HS and having boyfriends and girlfriends and working and playing like that age does. So hubby and I may or may not see ANY of them for more than that hour I so wanted ALONE back then!
And here’s what you might hate me for, but it’s true: I’d love to have back some of that time when they were all infants and toddlers and pre-schoolers. Tell ya what? Just for this weekend, we can trade. I have GREAT kids — they are wonderful and a blast to spend time with… but they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing: BEIN’ GONE. And I’m not ready for that. So I’ll take your adorable, cuddly kidlets for a few hours and you can sleep THEN shop. Kay?!
Yeah, I know — this is more a post than a comment. Sorry ’bout that!
Carol
i would so go shopping even though it makes more sense to sleep. i’d shop til i couldn’ stand it anymore, then come home and sleep. hopefully that will be before JB arrives, and when he comes home he’ll feel bad you’re sleeping and let you keep on sleeping. but, um, i hope you got a babysitter or something…
How about a 2-hour nap, then taking off for some shopping?
I STILL remember what you said—I think it was after Riley was born–about WAY TO FIGHT THE WAR ON DRUGS WITH A POST C-SECTION WOMAN. My mom had non-c-section abdominal surgery and got, like, four weeks’ worth of painkillers. After my c-sections, I get a 2-day supply. I can see why people hide medicine under their tongues and smuggle it out.
You had that Mirena conversation a few months back on your journal and it got me really thinking. I did a bunch of reasearch and decided to go with it I had it “installed” a month ago. I bled for 18 days but I had/have no string issues. I now have my first period since the “istallation” and it’s much lighter than normal. I asked the BF if he could feel the strings (because I can’t) and he said no. He is just tickled not to be using condoms. So far the Mirena gets two (or four) big thumbs up. One little thing- my chin is broke out a little bit- I think the small amount of hormones in the Mirena have caused that. No big deal.
Thank you for mentioning the Mirena; I have an appointment on the 29th of March to have one installed. (Installed? Put in? What is the right terminology for birth control?) Anyway, had no idea that there were external anythings involved. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of the INTERNAL Uterine Device?
Anyway, if it curls and softens, like one of your readers commented, I’m fine. I’m italian. It would just get lost in the surround brush anyhow.
(I see your TMI and raise you Italian pubic hair.)
The docs really messed up with the IUD there. That should never have happened. Ugh. The strings are supposed to be cut at the top of your cervix. (I hope this isn’t TMI, but JB might feel them even when they’re cut.)
Btw, having used various IUDs - including the dreadful Lippes Loop which was eventually banned - for five consecutive years in the eighties, I’m emphatically not a fan. After the insertion of the first one I developed endometriosis. Although the doctors claimed for five long years that the IUDs had nothing to do with it, the endometriosis disappeared shortly after I had the last one removed. (Endometriosis is where parts of the uterine lining leave the uterus and attaches to other organs like one’s bladder and bleeds. It’s extremely painful and debilitating.) My periods were also excruciatingly long and heavy. I suspected the IUDs were irritating my uterus and that my uterus was doing its utmost to expel the damn things but the doctors told me this was incorrect. All I know is that when I had the last one taken out and was IUD free my uterus returned to normal, the endo disappeared, and my periods became regular again.
The fact that you’ve been pregnant may make them more comfortable and wearable. See how it goes.
re strings. I messed up in my description. they’re supposed to be cut at the very top of your vagina so they poke just outside the cervix. Ok, will stop with the TMI. I’m sure I’m giving somebody the heebiejeebies. :)
My back went out last July, and I spent a day in the ER. They gave me about 3 days’ worth of muscle relaxers and pain killers. After that, I had to take prescription-strength Advil (800 mgs). Once that Rx ran out, I figured out that I had 800 mg doses of Advil RIGHT THERE IN MY VERY OWN MEDICINE CABINET. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Feel better!
What has helped me over the long term are my regular visits to the chiropractor.
Go out for 2 hours, then go home and take a nap. But let JB know when you come through the door you are STILL off duty and there shall be no disturbing mommy during her nap.
Re the string situation: YIKES! This confirms our decision to just keep on using condoms. I hope it all works out for you and you don’t have any, uhh, issues.
Ditto what Jean said - put out a call for help while you still need the painkillers. :) I’m a walking pharmacy over here in Kirkland, what with multitudes of back problems, hip problems, and all.
So glad your back is feeling better. So glad.
As for the free time today…Go out, any other day I would say, nap nap nap. But it is so beautiful out side. Go for a walk or something similar then the nap.
**heading back out to work in yard**
Can’t commiserate with the IUD issue - we opted for the method wherein my husband’s sperm will run into a dead end. Wow, that sounded bad. I guess I should have just said vasectomy.
I vote for leaving the house, but go somewhere relaxing and get a little rest. It’s too hard to nap when everyone is in the house. Unless you can get JB to take the boys out somewhere. Or, there is also the nap-with-iPod option. If you can sleep with music in your ears, it does block out most of the other household noise. Whatever you do, enjoy the break!
Had the same problem with the strings poking my tender lady bits, had them trimmed and was no big deal. She told me that she ‘tucked them behind your cervix’ (YUCK) but it solved the problem.
Also, Tylenol PM + Sucky Advil at night make a nice faux opiate.
Also? take a nap!
Poor Linda. I had the Mirena put in the standard way and OUCH. Having never had children let me repeat OUCH.
It’s good though. They trimmed that day and I never had a problem. Really. I swear. Once trimmed all is well. And after a while you won’t get a period anymore which is fabu.
But, I can imagine after everything else you’ve put up with this week, those strings are more like giant ice picks, eh?
And no - they do not get in the way of “things.” After a while they get softer and kind of… how did my doctor describe them… wind up in a circle under your cervix. Pleasant, I know, but you need one less thing to worry about, I think.
And PS - make JB get the snip when the 5 years are up. :)
To the people that sound slightly confused - the strings don’t poke OUTSIDE of your lady bits. Oh dear lord no. No no no no no. They are well inside your body. Eeks! That’d be like walking around with a tampon hanging out every day and NO thank you.
BTW - no more braided strings for IUDs = much less chance of all those infections in the 70s and 80s. FYI to the readers who are now completely skeeved out about the IUD. It really is a good choice! Best decision I ever made. No falling out like the Nuva Ring (well, I guess it could, if I was, um, loose or something… eew) and no potential breakage like condoms. No monthly craziness like pills, either.
Yay! IUD good! :)
Wow, very cool post and definitely cool comments. I never knew about any of this Mirena stuff, this is fascinating!
You gotta GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! It’s a sunny day, get away get away. If you’re right there in the house taking a nap, you know there will be interruptions. OMG, open the car window, breathe the fresh air, take the opportunity to wear your SUNGLASSES!!!!
I hope JB had a good dive. I heard on the radio that divers are supposed to report octopus sightings around Seattle waters this month - did he see any?
The strings. OH, THE STRINGS! They sound totally, utterly, completely little-shiver-up-your-lady-parts-y (and not the good kind) DREADFUL.
You are a trooper. Thanks for the deets. Now I’ll stop wondering …
For your afternoon off? I stay start at Starbucks for a little Linda-style zen. Then take a little stroll - the fresh air in Boston is gorgeous today (post-big snowstorm) - maybe Seattle is the same. Then a mani/pedi might be in order, if your pre-Dylan application is getting chippy. Then … a movie all by yourself! Have you seen The Diving Bell and the Butterfly? It will really get you thinking - in an inspirational way.
Have the best afternoon!
I thought they felt like guitar strings (think the high E) myself. But then they were… gone. Oh yes. The IUD perforated my uterus and went traveling the galaxy of my abdomen, adhering to my bladder and necessitating laparoscopic surgery to remove it. I went back on the pill. I hear IUDs are much better than they were in the days of the old CU7. Be glad you can FIND the strings! And do core body exercises to keep from reinjuring your back.
your doctor fucked up. The strings are supposed to be trimmed when it’s inserted. You should be able to feel them if you really, really TRY but your husband shouldn’t even notice them during sex.
I had the Marina put in a couple months ago which has been great except that going off the pill after 20 years suddenly caused my face to break out like a teenager. That’s another side effect they may have failed to mention to you.
What an informative post! While I am completely freaked out by what sounds like weed eater spool dangling around down in Ladytown, I feel like I learned something! Huzzah!
I do hope your back feels better. Back pain is so nagging and miserable - especially with two kiddos to tow around!
I think you should definitely grab a nap and seek out a little time in the sunshine -spring is just around the corner!
I would read blogs (like mine) then go buy donuts fresh and eat them right there in my car, and then go buy shoes!
Maybe you can get a NEW prescription for your back pain? May I recommend Percocet?
Take the nap, absolutely. And make hubby take the kids OUT of the house, otherwise, you’ll just keep getting “accidentally” bothered. Take Nyquil if you think you’ll have trouble falling asleep initially. Sleep is IMPERATIVE.
holy jebus.
I concur with Jean and Lisa B. All you have to do is say the word whenever you need serious pain relief! You have enough fans so the odds are pretty good for scoring. Ahem. I didn’t mean for that to sound so druggie. But I just turned 39 and now have an arsenal in my medicine cabinet. I’m not proud of this.
I hope you had a great afternoon!
Re back pain. Whenever mine acts up I haul out these miracle balls. The exercises are quite effective and relaxing.
Both. Nap and shop. Shop then nap actually.
Another “Yay!” here for the IUD. I didn’t have the Mirena, but the one I did have worked great. Agree with others above that they probably had to leave your strings long in order to give your body time to get back to normal. (Or at least closer to it.) Once you get the strings trimmed you should have no problems. Those things work like a charm. Enjoy your day of me time, no matter how you spend it.
They cut the strings of my IUD too short, so now whenever The Boy and I “have deep relations”, he says it pokes him.
That said, I’m not going back to have a new one inserted; because I have not had children, insertion hurts like a son of a bitch, and all they suggest for me is ibuprofen. Which, yes Sundry, they can shove in their dose-holes.
I can’t use hormonal birth control for medical reasons, so I have the copper IUD and I love love it, although I don’t exactly trust it. I think it’s like 98% effective, but after more than a decade on the pill, it still seems too good to be true. And while I trust that the string is there, I’ve never felt or seen it.
And it’s instantly reversible! So if I ever recover from the trauma of having my first baby, I can easily decide to have a second.
I second what Erin said above, that the strings do soften after a few days or so and then kind of curl up round the cervix. I did have to go back to my local family planning nurse to have my strings trimmed after the first time I had my IUD inserted but after that, no problems at all. That was until I had my second one inserted 3 months post a vaginal birth… it only stayed put another 6 months (with not much sex to be honest! What? I had a new baby to take care of!) and then it dislodged during sex. Now that was a bugger. Anyway, it turns out having a baby did more than change my life, it changed my uterus too so now I am not such a good candidate for another IUD. I am gutted, its a fabulous form of contraceptive and being back on condoms is like being a teenager all over again!
i chickened out on my scheduled iud insertion appointment. i googled my way into a real freak-out about it. pshaw. me stoopid.
i wish i had one, but don’t know if i can ever do it. i had heard about the strings and their tendency to poke your partner’s one member boy band. poke poke. ouch.
hope it all works out, oh brave one.
also- alone time? COOL. hope you had fun!
oh, and commenter sarah the italian up yonder? hilarious! so funny.
Holy crap, am I ever glad my mom found this particular blog and told me about it. I’m going in tomorrow to get my Mirena put in and now I can drive my gp crazy with all sorts of annoying questions about string trimming, breaking out and boy bit poking. Evidently it shouldn’t hurt too much because I’m breastfeeding and it makes your cervix stretchier? And I thought this form of bc was only for people who had already had at least one baby??
IUD stuff = Yikes! & Monday morning OB call ASAP. Love the floppy uterus comment. Ha!
As for today… I can never rest well with a husband taking care of an infant ALL WRONG within my range of hearing. So I say, make Daddy take small children AWAY for a few hours, pull up a lounge chair in your backyard to enjoy your wonderful weather and sleep in the sun like a cozy cat.
Seriously, you have to ask? NAP! Nothing out by yourself with two children under the age of teenagers is fun!
This post has all the elements of exactly why I love you and keep obsessively reading you Sundry. You said all the things I thought about daily when I had an infant and toddler - I just didn’t have anybody in my life who could understand! Thank God for all your incredible readers and commenters.
I had to laugh at all the comments that sounded exactly like what I thought you should do too - shop then take a nap anywhere but at home! Hope you had a great time and regained a tiny bit of sanity in that insane world you’re living in right now.
Come on over and visit my blog sometime and say hi. I’m not above shamelessly plugging myself and my giant readership of 2.
a trip to a bookstore, where you can get something to drink or nibble on…..relax in comfy chair…..perhaps read a book….or just zen out and people watch
I suggest a nap in a nice, close, fresh-clean-sheeted bed at a hotel. It does cost a a few bucks, but you deserve it! Then there is no chance that you will get disturbed or hear cries that you feel you must check out. Top that nap off with room service and a nice, long, hot, undisturbed bath, and then head back home refreshed.
Once they’re trimmed, the IUD is awesome. Totally unnoticable, and you really aren’t going to get pregnant again unless you want to. I’ve never had a baby, and while having it put in wasn’t a pleasant experience, it’s worth not having to deal with all that other preventative crap.
I hope they had a reason for not trimming at the time. It sounds like that’s an exception to the norm.
Enjoy your relaxation time! Hopefully time off will be a regular thing, so you don’t have to cram in every fun thing you want to do into these few hours.
Shoes first, OUT of the house. Not online. Then take a nap. That’s my personal choice.
No comment on the IUD thing. My doc mentioned something about my previous ectopic pregnancy and an IUD might cause a repeat performance so…. I’ll opt for bc for now. Although I’d love a method of birth control that enhanced the libido and made you instantly lose ten pounds. I’d pay big bucks for that stuff!!!
I went to the mall yesterday, for some Me time, and the whole time I was walking around thinking “I wish I was napping.” What did you wind up doing?
Thank goodness they can trim those things. I’ve never heard of an IUD “side effect” like that.
And the visual imagery now stuck in my head: priceless. Thankyousomuch.
Another no-child-havin’ Mirena person here. I’m 35 and a smoker with a family history of things that makes the pill not the best option.
I love that little plastic do-hickey. LOVE. In there in less than a minute (the subsequent string trimming was an additional 30 seconds … don’t fear having that done, it’s easy!), and some spotting for a few weeks. Two years later, non-existent periods and no babies. Thumbs up!
I will say that the first time I had to check that everything was still in place by feeling for the strings, it was … interesting. There were some acrobatics and yoga moves in the shower, but finally I found the stupid things. I will admit to a few moments of panic, as well as some cursing. I’ve never had a guy complain of being poked. I know about 10 people with it, and only one of them had string issues.
Good luck, and also: Team NAP!!
Have them trimmed SHORT. I have the Paragard and it doesn’t bother me in the least, but my dear fiance would like to rip the pointy little mutherfockers right out of my nether regions. I said go for it, I’d love to have a baby. He is less comfortable with that than a few pokes in the tip.
You see, people don’t understand that a plunger needs to be sitting directly next to every toilet in your home at all times. Women think it’s better to hide this device in some back closet, or at least under the sink, but I assure you, in the moment of panic you will need every second you have available to avoid a flood of fresh turds large enough to clog a toilet. I’m not joking, they’re important.
Sorry about the godzilla tampon string thing. I don’t know what an IUD is, and honestly after the girly facts filled day I’ve had so far (thank you very much little ms UTI talker abouter) I don’t even care. But sorry you have some wretched medical device shoved up your baby hole for later painful removal.
If I had a few hours to do whatever I want, I would spend it talking. I’ve got a person I wouldn’t mind talking to for a while. But alas, time does not permit. So I guess I’d take a nap. Or go burn some shit. Or blow something up. Or maybe shoot my gun. Or steal music off the old webz. I don’t know, I don’t have a few hours to spare so why do you tease me?