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Feb
28
I was thinking about posting this photo with the caption “Toddler’s First Goatse” but then I thought to myself, self, just how fast do you want to go to hell anyway?
Hey, how about we have us a photo namin’ contest? I mean, I’ve got this assembly-line brain drain going on from being stuck at home doing the same tasks over and over and over: feed baby, change baby, pry embedded LEGO from the arch of my foot, feed baby, change baby, run a load of 4828951 burp rags through the laundry, feed baby, change baby, fantasize about driving to the hospital in order to locate the nurse who scoldingly informed JB and I that bottle-fed babies should be able to go 4 hours between feedings and punching her in the face, etc, and really, I could use some fun distractions.
The rules are thusly: you post your best title idea in the comments section, and I’ll pick my favorite based on a complicated set of criteria involving a decision grid and Excel pivot table (what? Just because I don’t actually know what a pivot table is doesn’t mean I won’t use one). The winner receives a $50 Amazon gift certificate.
It’s just like Ree’s photo contests, except the prize is way less awesome! And the photo isn’t exactly frameworthy, either!
One entry per person, leave your email address so I know how to get in touch with you, contest ends sometime between tonight and tomorrow. Remember, crude porn references only send the parent to hell, not the impartial, innocent internet reader.
:::
UPDATE: contest now closed!
Comments
134 Responses to “Photo caption contest, ENTR 2 W1N CA$H PR1ZE!”
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I also write here:
Hey, Henry has that same sleeper! Wait, that’s not my caption. Still thinking about the caption.
“No way! You’ll never believe what I just saw Bert and Ernie doing online!!!”
“Hey Mom! Did you know that there are people who like to f**k stuffed animals?!? I better hide my favorite octopus!”
I’m scared that my mind went dirty immediately. :)
Riley caves to preschool pressure and gets first viewing of “2 girls 1 sippy cup”.
“I had no idea that Daddy and Mommy could move in THAT way!!!”
“Why is daddy doing that to Mommy?”
“Hey! I found another venue for Elmo!”
Heh.
who knows.
jennb33 [at] gmail [dot] com
okay so i know the contest just started and all and that i am not even on the judges panel, but Michelle gets my vote…
I didn’t know THAT’S what they meant by a donkey show!
I’m on yur blog…
…statin’ mys pinions…
1- “BRITNEY SPEARS DID WHAT, NOW?!?!?!”
2- “Holy cow, mom! If you take any more pictures of Dylan and I, your hard drive is gonna’ explode!”
Michelle totally ganked my train of thought - I was going right to “2 Girls 1 Cup.” Apparently I am an unoriginal bastard. Give me a moment, I’ll be back.
Mommy, those two girls just ate poo!
Mom! you can buy Legos on Ebay!
Oops, and my e-mail is: anaiscasamayor@gmail.com
“Oooooh Mommy Dora’s biting Diego’s Weenie! Right HERE!!! LOOK!”
“I couldn’t have left that lego there. I was dead at the time!”
Captions, schmaptions. This is a painting emergency. I MUST know what that wall color is! (Because, dude. Seriously. I’ve spent all 4 of my days off staring at paint chips and I STILL haven’t picked a color. I should’ve been done by now!)
“Riley discovers QMov.com is totally FREE”
“I had no idea Mom and Dad were into THAT!”
I IN YR COMPUTR…
DELETIN’ MY SUSSPISHIN
I don’t know if I can beat the goatse one. Here goes:
“You made fun of me on the Internet? You are SO paying for my therapy.”
“There’s no Santa Claus?”
“Oh no, the fed cut interest rates again!”
“I can’t believe you and Daddy fudged the numbers on your capital losses in 2006!”
“Your viral protection hasn’t been updated since November!”
“You told me that Dylan came from the cabbage patch, but that’s not what your website says.”
“What does ‘Dirty Sanchez’ mean, Mommy?”
OMG I am in tears here laughing!! Please stop!!! LOL
Riley discovers his parents are hacks who purchased a NON-MAC KEYBOARD.
Whooooa! Elmo is getting TOO FEAKY!!
“What my blue slide is actually used for THAT?!?”
My husband’s contribution: “Riley discovers that Bert, Ernie, and Mr. Hooper’s ‘lemonparty’ involves much more than cake and Spongebob decorations.”
ewwww, he just broke my brain!
Did you just see what that man did to that dolphin?
“Oooooooooh! That was lubricating jelly on the counter in the bathroom? I thought it tasted like grape!”
And, I apologize for being gross. But it totally fit the expression of suprise.
“How can I ever eat chicken again?!?”
The true author of the witty Sundry Mourning blog is revealed.
“Oh, Mommy’s got a potty mouth! I’m so tellin’ Dad and Mommy’s gonna GET IT!”
Mommy, can you get me a set of these? They are so much bigger than yours!
Dad electrified the keyboard again Mom!
“What these eyes have seen cannot been unseen”
Okay, that’s my caption and I’m sticking to it. I love his expression, though. : )
My mommy has a BLOG!?
“Whoa! The internet IS a big truck!”
Excellent work, Michelle. I was going right for that, too, although your addition of “sippy cup” is way beyond my abilities.
Nuh Uh, its MYspace
“RIWWY TYPE! MOMMMMMMY WOOK! RIWWY TYPE! MOMMMMMEEEE!”
“I wuz buying it for you! Really! Cuz I love you mommy!” myfreshhell at hotmail dot com.
What is that guy doing to that dolphin!?
That looks like one of those perfect - “oooooh I’m telling - you’re gonna get in trouble!!!!!!!” pictures. Just wait till the boys get older…..
MOM! You told me babies come out of your tummy - but this ladies tummy is very low”
Well, since Michelle beat me to the 2 girls reference….
“The End of Innocence”
Toddler discovers e-mail - shocked to learn he, too, can gain three extra inches!
THAT’S WHAT DADDY’S BLUE PILLS DO?!?!
Oh. My. Gawd. Mommy, look at her butt!
“You TOLD them about that? TOO FWEAKY!”
“ZOMG! You been writinz about me on ur blogz?!”
hahaha Leah!
How did you figure out I was a Ninja?! Those weren’t even my ‘good’ ninja eyes!
“I told you I would tell the bloggers about this!”
Whoa! I just found out how we got Dylan!!
I don’t want a prize, but here are two captions anyway:
“Buttons!!!”
“Mom, I can’t believe you posted this photo of me!”
“I just won Scramble!”
“I is on yer internetz, checkin out yer pron bookmarx”
“Oh no he didn’t!”
“Suddenly, the boy understands why what happens after bedtime, stays after bedtime.”
Dear Interwebs, look who’s suspicious now.
“Mommy… did you SEE the size of that whale penis?!? Will that happen to me??”
Hey, Anais! Eddie Izzard FTW!!
Did I leave the gas on? No, I’m a fucking toddler!!
Heh. :)
I’m scarred for life. I didn’t know what goatse was. My life just got a little shorter.
whoa! silly mommy - this ain’t for kids!
“Mommy, you farted!?!?!”
“Riwy wants one, peas! Tis is cool, not feaky!”
So love his expression!
1) Mommy! Mommy! This guy with a twisty name got blowed up and you can get his monies if you help the bank man!
2) I don’t know why that happen! I didn’t do it!*
*(Famously said by my younger brother at approximately 4 after successfully selecting EVERY file and folder in the windows directory of the windows 98 computer, pressing delete, and saying Yes. Turns out you /can/ do that.)
3) MOMMY READ WHAT KITTY SAYING HE SO FUUUUUUNNY!!!
midnightparadox at gmail! Love that look on Riley’s face, btw. (Oh, and I was totally going to make a 2 girls 1 cup reference too.)
“Whoa, since Daddy’s been here, this keyboard is STICKY!”
(I’m sorry.)
Man, are you SURE we’re not all going to hell? YOU GUYS AND YOUR PORN.
The best I can do is: “Mommy! Guess who’s Fucking Matt Damon?”
And for that, I’m sorry. It’s been on my mind.
“Mommy! Look what those people are doing on my slide!”
RIP Liberator…
“I knew that wasn’t a slide”
Referring to the big blue liberator.
Damn! Liz’s comment wasnt up when I posted mine. She wins.
“Thats p0rn? I thought it was an all you could eat buffet for the baby, Whoops”
“Riley new chore is ordering our groceries online”
You guys sure do think dirty!!
here’s mine:
“400 new posts in google reader AGAIN?”
um. michelle owned this one. you should just hand over the cash to her now.
oh my gawd, I just saved 15% on our car insurance!
THAT’s how my baby brother got here!!
Toddler reads mom’s blog, discovers true origin of favorite blue slide.
Oops Mom, you didn’t need that file, did you?
Damn it! I was going to go with
“She’s fucking Matt Damon?!?!”
But I guess I can also submit my runner up:
“Mommy, look! *WE’RE* white and we like all this stuff too!”
Crap. Lizerati at mindspring is me.
“Look Mom! I invented the internet!”
“Mommy! Look at this fun bouncy sing dese people are doing!”
(sing = thing)
lifeinatinytown@gmail.com
Ok, so the above is my official entry, but I toyed with submitting:
“I CANNOT believe some of those Parentdish commenters!”
But I didn’t want any of them to come after me. Oops.
“Why are those people using my SLIDE?!??!”
Of course, the wedge.
My Faves:
Porn-Tastic
Baby’s First Porn
Boy Discovers Porn
Honorable Mentions:
Oh Boy! Free Shipping at Toys ‘R’ Us!
Hey, Lady, you’re not the ONLY blogger in this house!
Oh no you didn’t post that photo of me!
I have nothing and have read everyone else’s submissions. Please tell us that Michelle is taking that loot on this one because no one is going to top that one!!
“Googlin’ boobies”
“Mommy yook! BEE BEES!!”
“Woah, an ERGONOMIC keyboard!”
I agree. Michelle wins! :)
Riley perfects his new porn star impersonation he learned on the internet before he tries it out at daycare.
MOMMY!!!I’ve solved the Twin Prime Conjecture!!
“Out of damp and gloomy days, out of solitude, out of loveless words directed at us, conclusions grow up in us like fungus: one morning they are there, we know not how, and they gaze upon us, morose and gray. Woe to the thinker who is not the gardener but only the soil of the plants that grow in him!”
“HEY! You said that pillow was for your BACK!”
“Look Mommy, I can make my mouth look just like that girl on the internet has hers.”
Oh gosh, now I’m fer-sure gonna go to hell.
“wow, Hillary is a BAD GIRL!”
hillaryismomjeans.com
“Did you seriously think mom does all the blog entries?”
“He’s fucking Ben Affleck?!”
of course I don’t think anything can top Michelle’s caption.
Michelle took mine. Brilliant addition of “sippy”
“My Mom used “Goatse” in a sentence!”
“All this time you’ve been posting embarrassing photos of me on your blog? Et tu, Mommy?”
Not a caption, but if Dylan can’t go 4 or so hours between feedings (most especially at night), might I suggest mixing his bedtime bottle with the smallest amount of rice cereal (think slightly thick formula). You might need to alter a nipple to accomodate the slight chunkiness, but I guarantee it won’t hurt him and might help you. I fed all three of my big, bruising boys thin rice cereal at about a month old at bedtime and none of them have food issues, and no food allergies. 21 year old is 6′6″+, 17 year old is 6′3″, and 10 year old is 5′+ and taller than his teacher from second grade. None of them are overweight either. Well, oldest could lose a little weight, but he’s eating college crap food - that’s not my doing.
Try it, you’ll like it! (don’t tell your pediatrician).
I can has blogs too?
“This Mac is effing awesome.”
“You said THAT about Steve Irwin?!!
:p
WOW MUMMY! did you fart?
(i thought i would post something that has nothing to do with the computer, as he is looking at you… not it. i also get the same reaction from my god sister when her brother farts in front of her)
Loving the pic BTW
You and Daddy have done WHAT on my slide????
Dang. Posted BEFORE I read that everyone else already referenced the slide. Got nuthin’. Returns to cave.
It’s between a minority & a woman?!
(That’s excitement, not disgust!!!)
Mooooommm! Why did you tell the internets all that stuff about me?!
Help! My mommy is really a ZOMBIE!
sunshynsdaydreams at yahoo
Even if she doesn’t get the voucher, Michelle totally wins the internet for that caption.
Well it made me laugh… :)
“Mommy! Did you see Daddy just jump that fence??”
[from the infamous fence-jumping photo, of course]
Mine:
“Ok, bitch, one more joke about me and your blog is gone”
My husband’s:
“HornyStallion05 looks for busty chick under 4″
(that bitch thing is for comedic effect obviously, bitch)
“I can’t believe that Mom just wrote that about me…and I’m supposed to be the favorite son!!!”
louise2dean@telus.net
Heh! I’m glad you checked out that link to Pioneer Woman. It seemed like a site that you would enjoy, too. I don’t know how I didn’t know about it until a few weeks ago.
Um… I’m having a brain fart, so I’ll go caption-free for this contest. Maybe if you have another one in the future (with less entries before mine LOL), I’ll have enough brain power to think up a decent one. All the ones I’ve read are AWESOME, though.
lol
“Ninja baby… feelz less stellthy.”
DAMNIT. As SOON as I posted that, I thought of something better. Please ignore my previous submission and favor this one:
“NINJA BABEEZ COVER:
U BLEW IT.”
“You’re buying me a MacBook Air? You are the coolest Mom EVER!!!!”
naomitree2003@yahoo.com.au
“Hey Mommy!!!! I won I won I won I won!!!!!
I won that really lame photo contest you’re running!!!!
Hey Mom! Killer sale at Toys-R-Us today!!
I am way too unclever to think of a witty caption, but I just wanted to say that Riley has the best. facial. expressions. ever.
“Oh sh!t! I hit reply all!”
dude. Now my photo contests are ranked even lower. Where do you guys GET the money for these prizes? shit.
“Mom, I told you to KNOCK FIRST!!”
‘That girl on my Facebook showed her front bottom!’
1. “Thank Jebus, she came in after I tossed that sock under the desk.”
2. “Why does daddy have so many lady friends on the ‘puter?”
3. “I can haz porn?”
4. “Ooooh, jubblies! (Yelling) Moooom, where’s my baby lotion?”
“KING FIVE LOCAL NEWS HAS A WEBSITE? OHHHHH! I LOVE THE INTERNETS!!”
Mai shokd face, let me show you it.
Oh, no caption here because I will be too busy SCRUBBING MY EYES WITH CLOROX after looking up “goatse”…and I don’t think I want to check any further into the “two girls” reference either…GAH.
“Hey, what does this button do? UH OH!”
Caption: “Holy shit, Mom! Brittney’s wearing panties!!!!”
Oh, snap! Mom put parental controls on my internet!
“I’ll finish your blog so you can relax and have some ice cream.. love you mommy!”
And based on your Love of all things Simpsons:
“I didn’t do it, you didn’t see me do it, you can’t prove anything”
OMG! The are all so funny!
“What is happening in my diaper?”
P.S. I am so not going to google goatse for fear that someone will see my history… so will someone please tell me?! ;)