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Mar
9
What part of a toy shark’s anatomy is this supposed to be, exactly?
What the hell is Maisy doing to this sheep?
Why do babies like to sleep with their hands in the air like they just don’t care?
What made Riley decide I was worthy of receiving THIS expression?
And lastly,
Why can I keep two children alive but not a fucking houseplant?
Comments
62 Responses to “Rhetorical questions”
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I’m glad they are rhetorical questions, for I have no answers.
i too kill plants in droves. it’s something i’m good at, and i’m not good at many things.
My friend Jen says those are the shark’s claspers, which means it’s a boy shark.
Because houseplants don’t throw screaming tantrums.
I have the same type of plant but mine only has 1 vine! I draped it over the window in our kitchen. I’ve tried to make cuttings from it and they never live, just that one vine. It’s about 6 or 7 years old I think.
Wow. Ok so the shark has big vagina lips; Maisy is fucking the sheep (wow, great lesson for all the kids out there! LOL); your kid is SUPER cute sleeping with his arms up in the air like that and OMG Riley has ATTITUDE! Totally great photos. :)
You are one observent twisted individual…and I love it….Dylan is getting cuter by the day!!…throw the plant out….I gave up on house plants years ago….things are supposed to grow outside I say!!!
Also….Riley is a force to be reckoned with…I hope you are still blogging when he is a teen!!!
I am an orchid killer myself. So…I have no answers either. Let me know if you figure something out.
I’ve said for years that I can’t believe god gave me a baby considering how many houseplants I’ve killed.
Riley is working the bershon!
I love Dylan’s little sweater (shirt?)! Maybe they sleep all sprawled out like that because they’re so happy not to be all bunched up in Hotel de Utero any more?
I can’t keep anything green alive either and am thus envious of anyone with a green thumb. You might want to try orchids – I’ve heard they’re hard to kill!
Hahaha! I call it my “black” thumb; houseplants be warned!
It is quite strange that that shark seems to have a vagina. Quite strange.
And my son still sleeps like that at 10 months. I have no answers for that one.
If you figure out the answer to any of these questions, please let me know. Although I think we both know the answer to the shark question – clarabella nailed it in the comment above.
Hilarious … if you figure out how to keep a house plant alive, let me know. I kill them all :)
When we moved into our house 4 years ago, a friend gave me a plant just like that b/c apparently they are impossible to kill.
Actually, they’re quite easy to kill. At least that was my experience. I have to agree with beach that things like that should grow outdoors.
I believe those are remoras, on the bottom of the shark.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remora
The only way I can keep a houseplant alive is to tell my mom I think it’s dying, she takes it home to nurse back to health, but then I don’t have room for it anymore.
Hmm… I think if you trim back the plant a little bit and re-pot it in a larger pot with fresh soil, it might perk up. Although I have this knowledge, I never do it to my own plants and they suffer and/or die. I am ruled by laziness.
god, i love your blog.
Me too, I just love it.
I don’t want to speculate on the Maisy thing, but that part of a shark is its claspers, making it a male shark. I don’t remember why exactly they need TWO penises, since they only use one at a time. Makes for an easy shark menage-trois, I suppose.
Riley: Why is Mom looking at my shark that way?
Hehe. And by the way, that shark is WRONG on many levels.
Aw, who cares about those ole plants anyway? I buy them when they look good, manage to keep them healthy and thriving for about 2 years, then when they’ve had it with me, pitch them and buy new ones. I mean, c’mon! They are disposable, right?
When cats and dogs sleep all sprawled out like that, it’s said they are feeling safe and secure. So, not to compare Dylan to a pet, but perhaps he’s feeling the same way!
Your son Riley has beautiful eyes.
As for the plant, too much water. My theory is ,,,, if you can remember the last time you watered a house plant, you are watering it too much.
I live a thousand miles south of you in the desert but the same holds true. Water a plant when needed, hold a baby all the time.
You, are a wonderful mother.
I’d say Maisy just asked the sheep if it had a proctologist’s exam in the morning and the answer was “no”.
There is a very poignant scene in Planet Earth, the ridiculously awesome nature series, when a shark jumps out of the water to eat a seal and is suspended in the air for ages. Everybody I’ve watched it with had looks of awe and amazement on their faces. I couldn’t stop staring at the great white’s huge flopping penis, just smashing it’s body left and right in bullet time…
Also, that cartoon is probably Welsh…
I’m totally with you on killing plants. Killed the plant I got from my grandmothers funeral. :( ugh
Claspers or no, I say it looks like a vag. VAG SHARK! VAG SHARK!
dylan is so freaking cute that it hurts my feelings.
also – i hate maisey. but have you seen the pissing pants episode? it is by far my favorite.
I am wondering why the bread I am eating tastes like it has cayenne pepper in it. That’s a first for me.
The shark parts…ewwwwwwwww. TMI!
If maisy’s a mouse, shouldn’t she be a lot smaller than the sheep?
Are your kids too cute for school or what????????
Love that expression on Riley.
I was once in church when the pastor pounded the pulpit and said “and this is a rhetorical question that DEMANDS an answer!!!” My husband was mortified when I and my best friend snorted out loud in unison.
Oh, and the plants? I can only speak for my dead botanicals…. it is Because They Don’t Whine. If they did, I’m sure they would also get whatever food and drink they needed to make them quiet.
I third the claspers– glad I wasn’t the only one who thought that!
It’s not a penis (that stays retracted until, er, it’s REALLY time)– it clasps the female when they are getting ready for intercourse, while the penis is getting out and into position. Sharks have it rough, they aren’t really designed for sweet nookie, so they need specialized organs to keep everything going in the right areas.
I checked wiki, but they had no more info (in fact, less!) except that it’s also called a valva. Well… it LOOKS like a vulva, in this shot!
I’ll leave the rest of your problems to other people who can’t resist “rhetorical” questions.
Yep, they’re claspers. All male sharks have them. They are actually both penises, sort of. The spermatophores are contained within the cloaca (both male and female sharks have them) and they are forced out of the male’s cloaca and down a groove of the clasper, which has been inserted into the cloaca of the female. Also, sharks do it missionary. ;)
Riley looks drugged. LOL!
My mother in law keeps telling me I can’t have babies till I’ve proven to her that I can keep a houseplant alive. I told her that houseplants don’t cry when they’re hungry and that if she wants me to keep a houseplant alive, she should make it plastic.
One of my new years resolutions was to keep my damn plant alive! I have been successful so far which surprises me since every other one has died on me.
Riley and Dylan are absolutely adorable!
We have that exact same, half dead vine of some type in our house. I begin to think they’re supposed to look like that.
I think Roseann is right about the shark’s remoras. Also, I have killed many plants and more Betta fish but somehow, my son thrives. Perhaps there’s not a direct connection? Although, I must admit I was worried if I could actually keep a kid live after all that failure. Looks like you’re doing a pretty good job too!
I want to cultivate that look Riley has. It’s the most AWESOME look ever! It conveys so many emotions so clearly, mostly “wow, I’m in awe that YOU can dress yourself …”
That picture of Dylan is absolutely beautiful! He looks so peaceful.
Also, thanks for continuing to write because you not only help me feel normal, but also make me laugh my ass off.
I finally gave up on real plants. If my cats don’t kill them, I do. (This includes several that my mother told me were “impossible” to kill.)
My kids never sleep like that, they’re always batting themselves in the face so I have to swaddle them. It looks so nice and relaxed.
I once killed an aloe vera plant and those things are supposed to never die. Cute, cute pictures of the boys.
Question: Has the time change kicked you in the ass like it has me? Two kids + time change = wailing and gnashing of teeth at our house
Wow, you have some readers who are tres knowledgeable about shark anatomy. Color me impressed. I figured those were remora (remorae?), but clearly I was wrong-o.
In that shot of Riley, it looks to me like he’s thinking, “Thanks a lot for bringing that little squalling *thing* into this house, MOM.” It’s good practice for his displeased look as a teenager when you won’t let him stay out past curfew or go to an R-rated movie.
Your ivy is expending all its energy growing longer and longer. What you want is new growth in the middle. Cut all those long hangy things so that they only reach to the bottom of the pot or so. (You can stick the cuttings into water and they will grow roots, too.) Set it near a sunny window. Give it a little MiracleGro every time you water it — they sell it in small bottles and you put just a few drops in the water each time. It will fill back in.
replant, feed and water, dont put those plants in direct sunlight, mine was beautiful and i put it outside, thought it needed some sun, and i kilt it, kilt it good.
but it came back to life and is thriving wonderfully. if you want more shoots bring some of the shoots and stick them back into the soil, use a paperclip, made into a u shape, to hold it in the soil.
its well worth the trouble, i love my plant, here is a photo at Flickr.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/72889449@N00/2323919221/
Its in between the door and window, no direct sunlight.
the other questions, i have no answers, but the boys; beautiful creatures!
Don’t water the plant. I have to same one on my desk here at work and I think it gets water MAYBE once every 2 weeks. That and the florescent light make the thing grow like crazy. Go figure.
I kill plants, so all mine are fake. Saves a lot of trouble.
I think your commenters are probably right about the claspers thing, but if Riley asks I would def. go with remoras.
If that’s a TV the plant is on. . . it could be why it’s not happy. They tend to be sensitive to emissions from electronics. Honest to God, I’m not making it up.
Definitely not Remoras on the shark. I’ll bet good money against it.
I’ll fifth (or sixth?) the claspers. You have a boy shark there.
I don’t think I want to know what is being done to the sheep.
Because babies don’t care, that’s why.
That looks like a “mom farted” face. I’ve seen them quite a lot in my two boys.
I think the plant may have died from a sunburn? That plant, if it’s what I’m thinking of, doesn’t like direct light.
The plant still looks very much alive to me. I am thinking it is root bound and needs to be repotted into a larger pot.
In my spare time, I kill basil and all other herbs… except cilantro for some reason that shit grows. Yet I can grow a human and remember to feed him and the dog regularly.
GO. FIGURE.
P.S. I took you reccomendation off your other site re: Bare Essentuals (?) and it totally rocks.
I think all babies do the arm thing. It’s the post-in-utero freedom wave. Whoo hoo! Look at me! I can sleep all sprawled out now!! But, that’s just my theory.
I love the arm thing. And could the sharks … nad-like things … be remoras? Yes, that’s it. REMORAS.
I’m pretty sure science can now prove that babies generally “just don’t care” and that leading a lifestyle that pretty much involves nothing but eating and sleeping and pooping, and boobs, well that would make just about nayone throw their hands up. Hollah.
The shark is anatomically correct.
Maisy is a perv
Dylan is surrendering
Riley just figured out what was on the shark’s belly.
See? Easy peasy. ;) LOL
Oh and the plant died due to all of the above.
While I am up and here, I didn’t get to say anything yesterday but the newborn stage? Totally overrated. I was so glad when they quit being little sacks of taters, even though there is sweetness to the new of them, face it, they are boring. ;)
I am a weirdo that really loves the age of 2. So much going on in that one year, you really see them come into their own, for better and for worse.
Kids (and pets) tell you when they need to be fed and watered. Plants just suffer in silence. (I can’t do plants, either. I blame the cats, but, really, I couldn’t keep plants alive in my pre-feline-owning days.)
Claspers? How in the hell do you all know the term “claspers?” I must be sadly lacking in shark knowledge…
Love the baby and Riley photos, though, both are so adorable!
I loooove that they’re called claspers! Man, you learn something awesome every day.
Dylan sleeps like one of my cats did, all stretched out, and (I’m revealing my dorkdom here) Riley totally looks like a little baby Draco Malfoy in that shot. The sneer is *perfect*.
I can’t keep houseplants OR outdoor plants alive. The basil I tried to grow last year turned quickly into two black sticks, and I think the lavender is just heartier than I expected because *I* certainly didn’t have anything to do with it continuing to live.
Poor sheep. :(
oh geez. i’m not sure how happy the sheep is, and i absolutely love how babies sleep, but i gotta say: you had to have forgotten that damn houseplant for a looonnnnnnggggg time, because those suckers are extremely hard to kill!!! :) Poor thing!
Jennifer: re the claspers, hubby and I work 5 min from the Georgia Aquarium and have season passes. The veterinarians are always in the building in the early morning, and if you ask nicely, they’ll tell you anything!! :D
I’m really late, but babies sleep like that when they are totally relaxed. Who knew about sharks… The plant? Cut the dead stuff off, cut it back, water it once a week, get it where it gets some light, and it should be fine.
this is such great information. thanks for the insight.