There are a thousand and twelve things I keep meaning to do like paint my toenails go to the post office vacuum out my car but everything takes time and even though it often feels like I have it in spades the hours are actually slippery and ever-moving and there’s never enough in one day. Even the most glacial periods are tricky in that I grit my way through them thinking god is it bedtime yet then scramble because they’re gone.

I feel frantically busy but stationary all at the same time and I crave the feeling of movement. My day is filled with duty and tedium and enjoyment and laughter but no forward momentum: a hamster on a wheel. I turn on DVDs and jump around the living room to banish the sensation of paralyzed limbs, of feet that fell asleep despite the long road beneath them.

My boys are like something enormous and spectacular mined from the depths of the earth, faceted and painfully glorious, heavy and burdensome. This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. This is so hard to carry. We hold them high and march through the days, bearing that which we love beyond all measure. My arms tremble.

I am so much more capable than I have ever been. I am weak and filled with shortcomings. I am a flexing muscle, aching under an indescribable, joyous weight.

Comments

59 Responses to “Strength training”

  1. Anais on April 29th, 2008 10:42 am

    I can’t wait to feel that way.

  2. Review Stew on April 29th, 2008 2:29 pm

    This is my favorite post you’ve ever done. Poetic and heartfelt and lovely. And for the record, it feels just that way for us dads too!

  3. Matt on April 29th, 2008 4:19 pm

    Wow…

    Have you ever considered writing novels or short stories or poems or something..?

    That was gorgeous…

  4. Sara on April 29th, 2008 4:57 pm

    This post was amazing. I’ve followed your blog for a while but this is the first time I’ve replied. Will be sharing this with all of my mommy friends….it summed up motherhood beautifully, I think.

  5. Motherhood, thus far « My Two (cents) on April 29th, 2008 8:45 pm

    […] One of my favorite bloggers described the sensation of motherhood so accurately and creatively in her recent post. Speaking of children, she says “We hold them high and march through the days, bearing that which we love beyond all measure. My arms tremble…I am so much more capable than I have ever been. I am weak and filled with shortcomings. I am a flexing muscle, aching under an indescribable, joyous weight.“ […]

  6. Amy Q on April 29th, 2008 9:21 pm

    this is THE perfect post on having children. beautiful, moving….what my heart feels and can’t find the words to say. thank you so much for sharing yours.

  7. Strength Training: Increase your Metabolic Rate on April 29th, 2008 11:51 pm

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  8. Jessamyn on April 30th, 2008 9:56 am

    I am not joking even slightly when I say I’m trying to figure out the best way to print this out and format it so I could hang it up somewhere. It is a lovely, gorgeous, joyful, heartbreaking poem.

  9. superblondgirl on April 30th, 2008 6:08 pm

    “This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. This is so hard to carry.”

    This, my dear, is fucking gorgeous. A poem. It captures it just perfectly. I really, really wish I’d written this, those lines especially.

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