We were watching So You Think You Can Dance last night — well, I was watching it and JB was manfully commenting on the various boobs and ass-cracks and so on; I wouldn’t want you to think he was legitimately entertained by some dancing show — and towards the end there was this mention of a corporate sponsor, and we had to hit pause because did they just say . . . SNUGGLE with FRESH RELEASE?

Yes, yes they did (do not click that link unless you want to be barraged with ridiculous audio, I include it only to prove the existence of this campaign).

Okay, I know I am twelve years old but COME ON. Snuggle with fresh release? I am having a hard time imagining that at no point during this product’s rollout did one single person tentatively raise their hand and say, hey, I’m really sorry to be the one to take it there, but is anyone else considering the semen-soaked implications of this brand identity?

Maybe it was the best of the bunch, you know? Maybe they nixed Snuggle with Happy Ending, and Snuggle with Nocturnal Emissions, and the immediately-discarded Kleenex/fabric softener cross-marketing concept, Snuggle with Facial Shot.

By the way, apparently for a while there you could even get a TWO LOAD sample of FRESH RELEASE.

:::

Weekly Elsewhere Blogging:

The joy of potty training and the annoyance of those What to Expect books at ParentDish
Arm-toning exercises at Gather.com
Time-saving kitchen products at Work It, Mom!

:::

The weather is supposed to suck all weekend long. I suspect there will be a lot of this going on in our house:

diaperbox.jpg

Except that the box will likely be taped shut. What?

Comments

30 Responses to “Freshly released”

  1. Eric's Mommy on June 6th, 2008 9:59 am

    Oh, I so wish I was watching that last night because my husband and I would have had a blast (get it?) making fun of that one! Fresh release hahahaha

  2. Jen on June 6th, 2008 10:26 am

    I heard that too, and almost shot (!) Dt Pepsi out my nose. My husband has been saying he has a fresh release for me, heh heh, all morning. I’m glad we’re not the only ones cracking ourselves up like a couple of 12 year olds with their first Playboy.

  3. Michelle on June 6th, 2008 10:30 am

    I like how it suggests you “give yourself a lift” to get that fresh release. Maybe you can suggest that to JB if he gets to obsessed with what that increased banana consumption does NOT mean.

  4. daranaco on June 6th, 2008 10:37 am

    That bear always looked a little seedy to me. I knew the “pure and sweet” bit was just an act.

    BTW, my regular visits to your blog have been noticed by my son. Having seen Riley’s photo often enough, he thinks that they are friends.

  5. Kari on June 6th, 2008 10:48 am

    Jesus, that kid is just amazing. Truly and utterly fun to look at and looks like a blast to play with.

  6. Victoria on June 6th, 2008 10:56 am

    Heh.

    Heh.

    Heh.

  7. amber on June 6th, 2008 11:27 am

    Two loads, hehe. I must be 12, too. Or maybe 13.

  8. Marie Green on June 6th, 2008 11:30 am

    Fresh release. heeee!

    Also, thanks for the wonderful idea of what to do with my kids on this rainy afternoon. Would you suggest packing tape or duct? =)

  9. Leah on June 6th, 2008 11:30 am

    I always love it when my snuggles end with a fresh release.

    We published a children’s book last year that starred a cartoon gopher, and in early drafts there were several scenes of the gopher coming out of its hole, surrounded by clumps of dirt represented by curly black lines, in which it looked like, well, A DICK. A fat one. Thank god about fifty percent of us took one look at it and started giggling. Back to the drawing board!

  10. Catherine on June 6th, 2008 11:49 am

    That picture is classic!

  11. Kaire on June 6th, 2008 12:22 pm

    I lead a sheltered life and have never heard it refered to as a fresh release!

  12. Kathy on June 6th, 2008 12:26 pm

    Oh holy hell. I had to click on it. On a mission for upliftment…Just a little movement is all it takes to put an extra spring in your step…Try our 4 week upliftment plan and feel good every day… You can’t tell me that there wasn’t someone laughing their ass off writing all this. The whole website is wrong on many levels.

  13. Emily on June 6th, 2008 12:29 pm

    Snuggle with Happy Ending is AWESOME!

  14. birdgal on June 6th, 2008 12:54 pm

    Heeehheeeheee, snort!

    Our weather is going to suck too, but not the rainy kind of sucky–it’s more the ‘100 degree, (110 heat index!) 100% humidity, stick me in a furnace and it would be cooler’ sucky. This is the time of year that I absolutely hate living in North Carolina…..

  15. Anonymous on June 6th, 2008 1:08 pm

    My son’s favorite toy was the box my vertical air-compressor came in. He played with for a couple of years.

  16. All Adither on June 6th, 2008 1:11 pm

    It took me a while to warm up to Sundry Mourning (too many blogs out there yanking my attention away) but I’ve been hooked for the last few weeks. You’re one of the best. And funniest.

  17. Katie on June 6th, 2008 1:20 pm

    Great picture!!!!!!! Made my week! Have a great weekend!

  18. Andrea on June 6th, 2008 1:34 pm

    Haaaaaa! He fits in the Cruiser’s box! That’s almost as good as watching him thunk into the wall.

  19. Lesley on June 6th, 2008 3:08 pm

    I’m at work so I’ll refrain from commenting on Snuggly Emissions, but yeah, what you said…

    I dare say Riley is up there with cat for the ability to cram self into tiny spaces (otherwise known as caves and lairs).

    Re SYTYCD: I’m so in love with this show and the ability of its contestants, if for no other reason than it inspires me to try harder in my fitness routines.

    I commend you on your fitness progress. Your arms look amazing (as does your tan…*sob* I am so pasty white and afraid to expose myself to the sun anymore…if you have any good self-tanning tips let us know). I appreciate the link to the yoga videos…those rock. I also agree with you on the Turbo Jam vids. I’ve collected most of them and love them all. I’m debating with myself whether to pay the outrageous Amazon rates for her ball workouts. By the by, Bravo’s Work Out show produced a DVD that’s gotten rave reviews and it’s inexpensive.

    P.S. I’d like to comment on your fitness site but the thought of registering with one more web site for commenting privileges gives me gastric cramps.

  20. Erin on June 6th, 2008 3:37 pm

    Fresh Release…Two loads…ha ha! This made me laugh out loud (and possibly snort, though I’m not at liberty to say) at my desk at work. I think my co-workers think i’ve finally lost it!

    Love that picture of Riley…do you think my Colin will fit in there too? You know, kind of like summer camp!

  21. fendel on June 6th, 2008 6:58 pm

    These product names… kinda reminds me of the Aveda hand lotion, “Hand Relief.” (And its kinkier cousin, “Foot Relief.”) You’d think somebody would’ve said something…

  22. Matt on June 6th, 2008 11:37 pm

    Fresh Release, if you think about it, is a brilliant marketing ploy. Who buys tissues? Guys who masturbate and people who have a runny nose. Sure, they could do the usual and market towards the sick people, but WAY more people ejaculate, so, in effect, this company is appealing to a wider audience with their product…

    Who am I kidding, one of their board members must be an internet forum member and is now LOLing his ass off…

  23. Scott on June 7th, 2008 7:21 am

    Kathy and I seem to be the only ones dumb — er, curious — enough to click the link (no offense, Kathy), and I must say I agree with her assessment.

    “On a mission for upliftment”? What the hell does that even mean?

    Putting aside the clearly inappropriate “fresh releaseness” of it all, this “mission for upliftment” malarkey is cause for great concern.

    Unless the whole thing is an ironic statement made by a Gen X or Gen Y (or whatever the hell we’re called) advertising person who worked his or her way up the ladder for 15 years, slowly toiling away, earning clients’ trust, only to someday, somehow, stick it to The Man by creating a superficially-delightful, yet comprehensively-subversive ad campaign for a major household brand.

    Either that, or they’re idiots. You know, one or the other.

  24. Sonia on June 7th, 2008 11:30 am

    Gah….stuck in the house….crappy damn Washington “spring”…..sick kid as of 3am…..Thanks for the idea, I’ll be finding a box for my child to play in promptly. Thanks for the giggle too, my droopy-bad mood-self needed that.

  25. Elizabeth on June 9th, 2008 6:03 am

    There IS a “potty whisperer!” They’re talking about her on the Today show this morning, so I imagine you can get info about her on their website. She even has a potty training camp, apparently.

  26. Carrie on June 9th, 2008 7:06 am

    I can’t believe Riley would have toes left because that picture makes me want to nibble them right off. Too cute!

  27. Emerald on June 9th, 2008 8:50 am

    Oh no! I’m losing my touch! I didn’t even think naughty when I heard “fresh release”! I was too busy thinking “Um, guys? It’s a FABRIC SOFTENER!!! Jeeez!” Other irritating laundry-based commercials include that one where it looks like the woman is diving into a big clear lake and then it turns into her bedsheets. I don’t know about you, but laundry doesn’t thrill me that much…

  28. kalisa on June 9th, 2008 8:57 am

    wow…I just saw that commercial and um – IS THAT A STRIPPER POLE SHE’S SWINGING AROUND???

  29. Jen W. on June 9th, 2008 11:33 am

    Did you cut your hair like the girl on SYTYCD?? Saw a photo on the left and it looks shorter- very cute!

  30. Josh on June 10th, 2008 2:16 pm

    Could be worse. Snuggle could have teamed up with Tampax. How would that go? “Snuggle up with pleasantly pink-stained vag plugs, now spring fresh, re-washable, and shaped like Snuggles the bear.” And instead of the girls in the commercial dancing around with CGI flowers, they could be butterfly’s made of maxi pads, with crimson rain or something. And Snuggles the bear could crumple over with cramps and pain, and get pissed at it’s boyfriend for leaving the toilet seat up, then tell him not to even try tonight. Then Snuggles’ boyfriend would be all cheerful like, “What a bitch, but at least she’s soft and fresh smelling!”

    And as is the case with many of my comments I’m left with the age old dilemma of should I keep going or was that waaaaay too far.

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