Jun
26
Pros:
• Will not feel like shit in the morning. Handy, as I have a 7 AM event to attend Saturday. SEVEN AY-EM.
• Will not randomly decide to step entirely outside of my normal personal boundaries in order to, say, demonstrate how I can do a handstand. On a table. While wearing a dress.
• Will not have to make awkward conversation with someone the Day After, with only a shamefully vague memory of what we talked about the night before, and did we really make a Taco Bell run at 3 AM, oh god
• Can give my drink tickets to someone else, like the generous bastard I am
• I don’t need to include “That One Totally Shitfaced Chick, Did You See Her?” on my business cards
Cons:
• Cannot self-medicate social anxiety out of existence
• When I inevitably use horrible language in casual conversation (as in, “Yeah, that Ann Coulter really needs to stuff a dicktowel in her bugfuck-crazy-ass cock-holster”), I can’t blame my unprofessional behavior on the seven gin-and-tonics I had earlier
Well, clearly the pros have it, but I do kind of feel like going to BlogHer for me is a little like being a celibate going to a strip club. Not that it’s about temptation — I’m pretty much past that now — but more like, I don’t know, awkward? I mean, technically this is not a conference where drinking is the main purpose but uh, it sort of is, you know? After all, you can choose to bypass the conference-y stuff altogether and just buy a Cocktail Parties Only pass, or get a feisty little “I’m drinking at BlogHer!” button for your website.
(Of course, you can also get a “I’m breastfeeding at BlogHer!” button and I suppose I don’t feel weird that I’m not, like, LACTATING, am I even allowed ENTRY?)
It’s been years now, and I still sometimes feel angry that I’m not someone who can just enjoy a drink or two like a normal fucking person. I wonder how long before I can just let that go altogether?
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57 Responses to “Pros and cons with regards to being a non-drinker at BlogHer”
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You should just get a big-ass button that says “I don’t drink!”
You are an inspiration Linda, I don’t have a drinking problem, but you are an inspiration in many different ways.
I hear you. I don’t have a drinking problem, but I don’t drink. I don’t like it. Maybe 1/2 a glass of wine a few times a yearbut that’s it. And because of that I always feel like an outsider at events like that and it sucks. I mean, feeling awkward for NOT drinking? That’s just so wrong. I wish I were able to go to BlogHer for many reasons, but mostly to be your sober buddy. (Hey, if you wanna foot the bill I’ll TOTALLY go! Just a thought.) :-) Good luck though. You’re a strong person and I know you’ll do fine.
I don’t drink either, so I’ll take one of those buttons too please.
(I’ll be the dorky one in the corner shivering in my blogher newbie-ness. Please stop by and say hi. Thanks)
I hope you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how many people aren’t drinking - I am a drinker but I still wouldn’t have anything to drink if I had to be somewhere at 7:00 in the morning. I’m sure it will be fine. As to your anger because you’re not allowed to drink, of course you’re angry, it sucks! But there are worse things, as you know. I hope it goes great.
oh wow, You had a drinking problem? I’m sure you’ll have a good time, and if you say crazy shit about dicktowels, just ACT Drunk and everyone will forgive you, ha ha. LOL Have fun in SF!
I feel you, Sister (7 years May 31). It’s not that you want it, it’s not that you mind other people doing it, it’s just a scene that doesn’t have a place in your life anymore (I could be out running! Does everyone just want to go for a run instead?)
In these situations, I drink nonalcoholic beer (I know, AA says I’m headed straight for a slip. But no. I’m not. I’m done drinking forever.) I find it puts other people at ease (they don’t notice it’s nonalcoholic) and I feel like I’m participating. Becks makes the one worth drinking. It tastes like beer, which is a taste I miss, so it feels a little wicked and then I find I’m more in the headspace the drinkers are.
BTW, did you see the original Batman movie (the made for tv one from the series?) There’s a scene where BM is running around with a bomb (black round thing with a lit fuse) trying to dispose of it, he goes one direction, nope! women with strollers, he runs into a bar, nope! there are people in there, he finally runs over to a railing and drops it into the ocean. Robin runs up and says “Batman, I can’t believe you didn’t drop it in that bar” Batman: “They may be drinkers, Robin, but they’re people too.” Hilarious!!
I think it is never… as much as that sucks I like that there are almost triple the pros to cons! GO YOU!
Additional Pros:
Order more freely from the room service dessert menu having saved MANY calories by not drinking.
Be coherant enough to regale us with tales of the hysterical & humiliating things the non non-drinkers did while drinking.
And of course, if the zombie invasion begins, your superior reaction time will enable you alone to escape.
Who do you suppose will be feeling awkward then??
That’s the thing that gets me frustrated too. I don’t crave it, and I don’t have a problem with being around other people drinking, but I still get so damn irritated that I can’t be a normal person who can drink normally. I think it has way less to do with the booze than it does with acceptance of our flaws and issues. I hear ya, sister. That said, have a great, dry time at Blogher!
stuff a dicktowel in her bugfuck-crazy-ass cock-holster ……I don’t even have a comment for that one…..
About the drinking…you can always choose to act superior, you know you’ve seen those “non-drinkers” looking down their noses aghast that someone would 1)drink 2)drink that much 3)continue to drink 4)have any fun at all……….
Oh never mind that doesn’t sound like much fun either. I’m sure you will do just fine. There will be other non-drinkers there. Promise.
I’ve really slowed down my drinking recently, for various reasons.
1. I moved out of the city and always have to drive to dinners/parties/bars to meet friends, and, well, it’s not so safe for me to endeavor the ride home with more than a 1/2-glass of wine in my system.
2. I recently trained for a marathon and the 8am Saturday morning runs called for early Friday-night bedtimes and top-of-my-game body treatment.
3. I have such bad reflux, I can barely take a sip of beer without a fire-breathing dragon taking residence in my esophagus.
It’s been a bit hard, socially. It’s been weird for me not to have a glass in my hand and a little buzz in my system. It’s kind of a PIA to “split” dinner bills with people who’ve each had 3 Grey Goose martinis (we don’t split them - I lose). I can’t even remember a party where the hosts weren’t completely obsessed with keeping my Pinot Noir topped-off.
So, I don’t HAVE to not drink, per se, and I can (and still do) grab a drink when I’m up for it, and although it took a lot to get here from my college days (where drinking was part of the culture), I think I’m doing okay.
And so are you.
Different people can’t drink for different reasons. A friend of mine is 28 and on medication for rheumatoid arthritis (I know - 28!) and she can’t drink either. So we’re kind of a tam.
Not sure what I’m trying to get at, but I just wanted to say that you’re doing the best thing for yourself and your family by maintaining your health and well-being, in whatever form that takes.
Bonus on being the sober girl: you get to remind people just how hard they fell/silly they sounded/ugly that dude was last night.
Enjoy BlogHer!
If you had an allergy to strawberries and could never eat them again, would you be angry that you couldn’t eat strawberries LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE?
I’ve been blessed with so much in sobriety that I never could have had when I was drinking - like a great family - that I don’t feel angry or like I’m missing out or ‘abnormal.’ I just feel grateful that I’m sober and happy and productive. You can add the alternatives to your ‘Con’ list.
I didn’t drink at BlogHer last year because I was 6 weeks pregnant, so I also had to make up excuses for WHY I was getting totally ripped…which, I hadn’t planned on doing even if I wasn’t pregnant. There were other people there not drinking, so you won’t be the only one. But honestly, I’m glad I was pregnant and had a built-in excuse because I wouldn’t have wanted the hangovers or added expense. You do not need to have alcohol to have a good time or meet people. I know you know that, but I don’t think most others do. Smile your gorgeous smile and go have fun, girl!
It’s really not as Girls Gone Wild as all that. The drunk pictures are just the ones that get talked about the most on Flickr, and I think that gives the whole conference an air of sloppy drunkenness. (There are also a handful of sober pictures that people regret and so they claim they were soooooo drunk as an excuse for why they are wearing a McDonald’s bag on their head.)
Some people definitely get crazy and out of hand (mostly at afterparties in hotel rooms), but for the most part it’s a pretty moderate and pulled-together group. Plus, there’s always the pregnant and lactating contingent, not to mention the sober-for-whatever-reason club, and besides, no one really cares about that sort of thing the way they seem to do in college.
Someone close to me has been sober for nine months now. She isn’t ready to open up the way you have in this post, but I felt immediately like giving you (and her) a big dorky hug.
Hi, have a big dorky e-hug from a total stranger!
The only conference (true story) I’ve attended in San Francisco was also for mostly-all-women. Except it wasn’t about blogging, it was about pretty gay men in Japanese anime. (Again, with the true story.)
Everyone was still pretty drunk though. Especially my husband.
I just hit the 1 year sobriety mark. And I think if you have not been through it, well, you may not *get* it. There is something about alcohol that makes being an introvert easier. Without the drinks…I now feel less encouraged to talk to people I don’t know, take risks in social situations, try new things. The alcohol was always a way to loosen me up and make me think I belonged even though I was terrified of being around groups of people. It was a fantastic ice breaker, but also an enormous, craptacular time waster. I am better off without it…but I do miss feeling like I was untouchable.
I don’t drink at all either (for religious reasons) and the drinking at BlogHer means I’ll probably never even consider going because I know I’d feel so awkward and out of place. I’m sure it’ll go well - you give me hope!
You go, girl.
Dude, that sucks. There are prescription meds that are not as good but do have a social-anxiety-calming effect. I once got them from my doctor by saying my MIL was coming from a visit and that I was going to have to have a shot per hour or else I was going to shoot her. He got out his prescription pad. The meds made me feel calmer and cooler, though without the pleasant loopiness of alcohol. Better than nothing, though, for an introvert.
Although, you HAVE promised everyone you’ll be a socially-anxious dorktopus. I don’t know if you want to let your fans down.
if it makes you feel better, i drink, but i refuse to get drunk (long story. involves being afraid of vomit…oh, and of making a complete asshole of myself)…so i’ll be drinking a bit…but we can both be non-drunk together ;)
I hear you. The whole time I was pregnant I was all too aware at how much the booze helps me get over my hurdle at social events. Even now I’ve cut way back (since I’m feeding her), and I just wish sometimes I could have a couple extra drinks because I know that it works.
My sister is an alcoholic. Because of her I’ve realized how many social situations that revolve around alcohol.
I drink. Mostly for the reason you say, group of people, I feel uptight, and feel more like one of everyone else after a gin and tonic or two.
Maybe we should all just pull our heads out and go “damn I’m feeling weird here”. But we won’t.
Truly, congratulations to you on maintaining your sobriety. It’s really admirable. I know it’s not easy.
So, am I missing something? Is there no option for drinking in moderation? One cocktail or a glass of wine not because you need the effect of the alcohol, but because you’re free to participate fully in the celebration? Sip that sucker slowly over a couple of hours and follow it up with water (plain or with gas, as they say on the continent).
I am very empathetic for the posters here who have a struggle with alcohol. It does suck to feel on the outside of the group norm. But if you don’t have the disease, I don’t see why you need to forgo a moderate amount that gives you pleasure yet allows you to stay in control of yourself and meet your next-day obligations.
Oh Lawd, I didn’t even touch on the whole social anxiety thing. YES. That was the beginning of my alcoholism. I was so crippled by social anxiety that the don’t-caresies that came along with drinking were the only thing that would get me through a social event. I’m still learning how to be even minimally social now that I’m sober, so…YEAH.
I can understand to a certain extent - I can’t drink because of medication I take. Back at uni, being an 18 year old and not being able to get sloshed with prospective new friends was a bit of a downer. Then I realised that instead, I could laugh at everyone else when *they* did stupid shit. I’ve now gone four years without a drink, reaching the ripe age of 22 and still staying sober (I am in the UK, obv!). I *could* drink, but the results would not be pretty. I miss it sometimes (not that I *ever* drank illegally underage…) but sobriety is far superior to any other option!
Good luck x
While it never became a problem for me, I quit drinking two years ago after the adoption of our second daughter, then 14. Due to the issus both our kids have (mostly from spending most of their lives in foster care), they are on medications that they will always need and that should never be combned with alcohol. I made the decision that, if I expected them to avoid it, I would need to do the same. There are times though (parties, dinner out with friends, reunions, etc) when it would be nice to do a little of that self-medicating of social anxiety you mentioned. I often feel like I hav a big flashing “NON-DRINKER” sign above my head and, I don’t know why, but in social situations like that, that seems like a bad thing - which I KNOW, it isn’t. Anyway, I am proud of you and certainly appreciate how you must feel.
I’m proud of the person you have become through everything you went through. I don’t even know you personally, but through this blog I feel like I have a pretty good idea of at least some stuff…and I just smile when I think about you and your family :)
I’m excited to tell you that while you are at blogher, I will be joining in holy matrimony to the man of my dreams :) I hope my family turns out half as happy as yours.
You still have ice cream! Oh, well, it would mean the Joe’s Jeans might not fit one day, but better than finding pictures posted of you in awkward situations that you can’t remember! So just show off your rock hard abs and say you don’t want to add any empty calories because you’re saving them for Ben & Jerry : )
Girl, I hear you. I just did the math in my head, and I’ve been sober 12 years now, and it still bugs me sometimes, usually in social situations or after an especially hellish day, that I don’t have the option of having a drink of two. I also feel a little jealous pang when I read about wine tastings, or wine pairings at fancy restaurants. When I do attend social gatherings where people are drinking, I sometimes feel like I’m studying a foreign culture, these “normal” drinkers, because I have no personal experience of being a responsible, adult drinker. Anyway, there’s really no point to my rambling other than to say, me too!
You are (sound like, write like) an awesome awesome person. If mind-melding was possible I’d position my fingers, Spock-like, on your temporal lobes and absorb your language and thinking skills. I’m so glad you gave up alcohol because a person like you needs to live a long long time.
On the bright side of not drinking, you get to watch otherwise reasonable people make complete asses of themselves. Enjoy!
P.S. Dylan’s middle name should be Adorable. Dylan Adorable…has a sparkling alliterative quality, no?
Linda, I have been enjoying your blog for quite some time now. I just wanted you to know how awesome I think it is that you aren’t letting your non-drinking stop you from doing the things you want to do. I have a drinking problem and I’ve tried (unsuccessfully) for the past few months to quit drinking. I know my time will come when I can finally do but for now you are a kick ass example!
I’m not a drinker - but I was a smoker and am very familiar with addiction. I also gone through a lot of shit in my childhood that made things difficult as an adult. I used to berate myself all the time, Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I have a cigarette at a bar one night and not end up huddling under an umbrella my back porch in the rain, hiding from the neighbors puffing away while my child waits for me inside by himself? Why can’t I have a normal relationship and not have flashbacks to things that happened when I was a preschooler? It’s so unfair that everyone else doesn’t have to worry about that shit, I would tell myself.
I don’t know what it was, but one day, I just accepted it. I guess I realized that everyone has their own shit - I mean, you have alcohol, Miss Pretty Perfect down the street is probably a raging binger. Smoking and trust issues are my burdens. I will always be fighting the urge to have just one drag every time I smell burning tobacco. I will always have nightmares and flinch at certain touches. That’s just the way it is. I can’t change it - but once I accepted that these things were just 2 components of what makes up who I am, I was able to let it go.
All those chicks are going to be nervous and awkward and uncomfortable. They will use various things to hide their awkwardness - drinking, smoking, bravado. But everyone will get back into their hotel rooms at night and think, “Goddamnit, why did I say such and such to so and so, who is by the way, a way better writer than me.” So many people want to be you, Linda - for your strength, your humor, your talent. Just believe that and you’ll be fine.
I think sometimes you notice you aren’t drinking moreso than other people noticing that you’re not drinking. Anyone who might have the balls to question you should STFU.
You know you’re awesome without all of that, right? Shyness/social anxiety is a hell of a curse. Way too many great people (myself included) lurk in the shadows beacause it’s something that’s so hard to overcome. You are going to be a total star though, I bet you’ll have to beat away all of your fans with a stick!
Oh! You can always do the wacky mocktail thing and carry around a club soda or cranberry juice. That way no one will bat an eye!
The great thing about not drinking…is you get to watch everyone else make asses out of themselves & tell their dark secrets. : )
Seriously, when I’m there and making an ass out of myself because I don’t know what to say to you save for “OMFGOKHIANDBYE!”, then you’ll be thankful that you don’t drink so you’ll have full recollection of me being stupid in the morning. Whereas I will not.
That said, watch me beg you for your drink tickets. I’m classy that way.
The way you feel towards alcohol is the way I feel towards food. It sucks. Some people can just eat a cupcake and enjoy it and move on, but I eat one, then feel like eating four more, then do, then feel like a turd, so I eat two more. Then I want to hide for a day or so. I have often been frustrated by the notion of having a “food issue” every day for the rest of my life and the hardest thing is to watch others who don’t.
Like all the others said, you really are to be admired for your dedication to staying sober, and for all the other healthy choices you are making every day.
Gives the rest of us hope, you know. :)
July will be two years since I could have “one or two drinks”, and can I just tell you, I have two kids nearly the same age as yours, and I honestly think they should warn you first that kids make it really fucking hard to stay sober, so do weddings, birthdays, bastard fucks who can’t drive, jobs, and good food.
I with you, I will never again be able to have just one or two.
You go, lady!
You ARE a normal person!-You made a conscious decision to stop, and you know what is better for you, and you hate it and love it at the same time-that’s about as normal as it gets!
I can’t drink for health reasons (for some reason my body can’t process the alcohol anymore and I get really sick. But used to have no problem
You really start to realize how much drinking is a part of every day culture when you are not drinking. Work events, going out with friends, at a party, everywhere. I hate that everyone always has to comment about it or assumes I’m pregnant.
Since I haven’t been able to drink, I find myself anxious in social situations where I would have been much more relaxed if I could have had a couple.
This weekend I’m going out with some old college friends I haven’t seen in 10 years and I know they can booze. So I’m a little anxious about that. One thing that helps me having a mocktail - something fruity in a pretty glass that keeps the comments to a minimum.
I’m allergic to alcohol- like seriously … I have one sip of wine/beer/spirits and the inside of my mouth swells up, my face turns red, my stomach turns upside down and the vomiting starts. So I haven’t had a drink in 8 years. Figured it wasn’t worth the hassle.
Instead I became the designated driver. But drunk people are annoying so I mostly stopped going out to clubs. And although I sometimes feel a little awkward to be drinking soda when other people are raving about what a great shiraz they are drinking. I go for the old smile n’nod which seems to work.
Try to have fun at BlogHer- I’m certain you’ll be a dorktastic hit :)
could be worse - you could live here in Scotland where drinking is such a part of the culture that having a hangover is actually factored into the corporate “time in lieu” policy (I shit you not) and restaurants will cater your Sunday brunch according to your level of hangover (again, seriously).
I think you’ll be surprised at the number of women there that are NOT drinking, and you’ll have so much fun anyway you might still FEEL hungover in the morning.
My mom has 5+ years and I think she still feels like she wishes she could drink in moderation. We’ll be at a baby shower and she always looks a little wistfully at the mimosas. She’s not tempted, as you say, but I think she feels a bit conspicuous by not drinking and wants to feel a part of the “normal” group.
If I were going to BlogHer I wuldn’t be drinking, either!! I can hold my liquor…but my tummy gets very very angry (as in heartburn, not vomit)!! Even if I eat a 7 course meal before hand my stomach BURNS.
And yeah, no hangovers…and no “What the HELL did I do last night?” have always been my first deterrent to drinking too much…ulcers are just an added incentive :D
Not that I’m thinking anyone would give you trouble for your non-drinker status, but if anyone were to, you know the word: SUCKADICK!
You’ve come a long way, Linda. And while I don’t know what the disease part of alcoholism is like, I do know the outsider feeling of being a mostly non-drinker in a room full of drinkers. It’s a rare occasion that I drink. Most of the time, I just don’t want one. But even friends who know I don’t often partake still glance sideways at me if I’m not sporting a glass of wine or the drink of choice of the night. I often get asked if I’m pregnant again (um, not on your life since my daughter is only 5 months old) or if I’m sick. My most convenient STFU reason is that I’m almost always the designated driver.
There doesn’t always have to be a reason not to drink, but your reason is the best reason of all, and I love your list. And your strength. You really have come a long way.
Me thinks you and the non-drinkers will gravitate towards each other. The chances of you having more meaningful conversations, better networking, and the kind of fun that doesn’t cause guilt are quite high. When you see any drunks haw-hawing and acting stupid you will be glad that you are no longer a part of that.
You will REMEMBER all of the nice people you connected with and the things you talked about. You will probably not reveal anything too personal and your dignity will remain intact. You will wake up the next morning feeling healthy and your thoughts will be clear.
I know I’m just restating the pros of sobriety. Just remember that you will get a whole lot more out of the experience coming into it just the way you are. Social anxiety sucksadick but just try to give yourself a lot of internal pep-talking and you will make it! You are miles ahead of the people going there to get wasted! Have fun!
Pretend you’re pregnant!
Seriously, whenever I have offered someone a drink and they answered “I don’t drink” I have totally respected that and dropped the subject. Just have that in your back pocket.
Back when I drank I would tell myself that I didn’t have to have a drink to have a good time, yet when I would make plans I would also be having a conversation with myself planning on how to make alcohol a part of the plan too . . . it has taken years for me to learn how to have a good time without the drinks. For someone who is SO SHY like me (and you too?) it seemed like a lifesaver at the time. Now I look back and think of all the times I made an ass out of myself, and I am so happy that I won’t be such a stupid mess again. Awkward, yes, jackass, no.
You are so normal. Gosh I love you. :o) Ok, now I’ll share something so embarrassing to me that makes me feel “non-normal” too. I have disgusting gross ugly toe nails. So sickening. I hate to even look at them. So while everyone is wearing cute sandals with pretty toe nail polish, I’m stuck wearing tennis shoes or closed toe shoes…in TEXAS…in the SUMMER…with a million degrees humidity. I just wish I had normal pretty feet. :o(
I had a friend that was a recovered alcoholic that when asked if he wanted a drink, would say that it interfered with his superpowers. There are a lot people that don’t drink for a variety of reasons. You’ll find your peeps. Also, you can do a handstand?
yeah, I feel like that about the ciggies daily. And while I feel AMAZING without them, I miss having that as a break for myself. I also cut down the drinking drastically too because
a) I could see it going down that road and
b) Tummy problems
I will be nervously chattering and covering up my anxiety with excessive vivacity at Blogher. I’ll be sure to harass you with a hello.
kudos to you for keeping away from the open bar. Its true that alcohol can make you more relaxed in social situations, but equally (moreso!) true that it can also make you an ASS in social situations. You’re going to enjoy that conference so much more for not having to come home worried about what you did/said there!
I haven’t had a drink in 20 years, no such thing as one or two for me either :) I have the socially awkward/shy thing going on, have learned ways around it but still sometimes I feel like I’d honestly prefer a root canal to going to a party, you know? I felt the anger for years about why couldn’t I just have one or two, like a normal person, but one day I realized I wasn’t angry about it anymore. I don’t know why, it just went away. You are an inspiration to so many people. My kids are now almost all grown, never knew or remembered me as a drinker, thank God, and as adults they respect the hell out of me for my sobriety. So. Just another gift to give those beautiful sons.
I know this isn’t the same as your situation, but I don’t generally drink either. Just because I feel too tired and/or out of control. BUT, I miss the feeling of invincibility and ego boosting it helps to foster. I’m also a social geek in groups (and sometimes one on one!) and have to fall back on my high school drama experience to “act” my way through it.
Believe me, there are plenty of people you will meet who will absolutely love you for the exact things you think make you a social outcast!
Red Bull any help with the anxietyness? I also like having something in my hand to fiddle with…I like a cranberry juice with club soda and lime so it’s still a spoil-me tasting thing, stops people from offering other drinks and gives me something to hold. I’m not alcoholic myself, but have a family full of them, so I really watch it.
Good for you, and good luck! One of the reasons I’m not going. It’s more of a social conference than anything constructive and I’d rather save my money. Have you ever seen anyone post about anything they LEARNED at BlogHer (besides gossip)? All I’ve ever seen are Look How Drunk We Were! pictures.