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Aug
30
All I ever wanted
Filed Under Uncategorized | 36 Comments
Hello from the Oregon coast, which we travelled to in only five hundred and eleventry-three HOJILLION hours last Thursday. Okay fine, it was more like eight, but eight, jesus, eight hours in a car with a baby and a 3-year-old, it was like some really tedious Twilight Zone episode where the road unfolds endlessly and everyone in the car ages and grows beards and when they finally get to their destination the seats are filled with dusty skeletons, some still gripping the calcified remains of a sippy cup. At one point JB turned to me, his face all haggard and his knuckles whitened around the steering wheel, and said “This drive is really too long,” and I was all BREAKER BREAKER WE’VE GOT A BIG OLD NO-SHITTER FROM THE DRIVER’S SEAT OVER then I brained him with an empty Red Bull can and made him trade me spots so he could experience the joy of sitting in the back with the bored, feral children for a while (hint: you’ll need aspirin!).
The weather has been kind of not-so-summery and I’m not sure I’d describe what we’re doing as a vacation, except we’re taking time off from work so . . . huh. Well, that’s bullshit, I just realized the whole definition of vacation once you have kids boils down to not getting paid. Damn, that’s depressing. Surely vacations get more vacation-y when you’ve progressed past the infant/toddler stage? Yes? Eventually there will be bronze-skinned waiters bearing fruity beverages and cashmere spa robes, and hours of relaxing leisure time?
(Don’t answer that.)
We’re heading to the cabin on the Umpqua River tomorrow to celebrate Riley’s 3rd birthday, which will be a low-key family affair featuring what will surely turn out to be a hoopty-ass cake (I am considering the use of M&Ms as decoration, obviously my talents would fit in nicely here) and — HORRORS — non-decorative paper plates without licensed cartoon characters. I know, I am the Worst Mom Ever. I may as well also confess that although the cake came from a box which called for exactly three ingredients in addition to the supplied mix, I stood there for several minutes this afternoon mouthbreathing down at the bowl of mysteriously cement-textured batter before realizing that duh, I forgot the water.
I hope you’re having a good weekend, whatever you’re doing!
Aug
26
Dylan, six months and counting
Filed Under Uncategorized | 68 Comments