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Aug
19
I am getting old and cranky, which I suppose is mildly better than old and gaseous like our aging Lab, but now that I think about it I sit around ripping enormous farts delicate emissions every single goddamned time I eat cherries (WTF, cherries? What are they made out of, PURE METHANE?) these days, so great, I’m old and gassy AND cranky. You kids get off my lawn afore I blast you out with mah rump-trumpet.
ANYWAY. I’ve noticed that I am increasingly irritated by certain terms, which are perfectly benign when taken out of Annoying Person context, but once they’re wielded like a self-righteous lightsaber formed entirely of catshit, they’re damn near intolerable. For instance: vegan, organic, attachment.
Hey, I’m all for saving the earth. I like the earth, I totally live here and everything. I think people are awesome for deciding not to eat animals and choosing to use natural cleaning products and reducing their carbon footprints and happily wearing children strapped to their bodies 24/7, I really do.
BUT. If you decide it’s your holy right to give me a raft of crap for using paper towels or putting my kids in their own rooms to sleep or not wetting my pants over ingredient lists or eating a turkey burger, I swear it makes me want to cram a child-labor-produced formaldehyde off-gassing BPA-loaded cow-torturing environmentally-unfriendly bottle-feeding SUV right in your pious piehole.
(And by you I don’t mean you, duh. YOU are super. Are you doing something different with your ass? Because it’s looking so . . . so buoyant. Can I grab it, just a little? Just cup a cheek? One cheek?)
I think some of us are just getting a little hysterical. Seriously, when did admitting that you use fabric softener become a confession on par with “Oh, when I’m not performing unwanted sex acts on minors, I’m usually, you know, clubbing Harbor seal pups or defecating on religious artifacts”? It’s LAUNDRY. SHUT UP. If you’re running your yap in order to criticize, shut it UP about your bicycle, your Starbucks ban, your devotion to raw foods, your aversion to all chemicals, your intolerance for formula feeding, and your sustainably-harvested hand-woven baby sling.
Whew. See? Old, cranky. Someone pass the caffeinated phosporic acid. Also: Gas-X.
Comments
138 Responses to “Green, mean”
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Thank you. If I have to hear “going green” one more time, I might stab myself in the ears. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with it, just shut the fuck up about it already.
Wow. Interesting adjectives
and interesting perspective
Fabric softener set this off?
You better stop using that stuff.
;-)
Oh my– is the Gas making you cranky? I am with you, sister, but goodness something set you off.
Could you please come up here and be a key note speaker? I am banished because I dont use cloth diapers…….
I totally agree with all of this.
My favorite part though? “You kids get off my lawn afore I blast you out with mah rump-trumpet.”
Awesome.
I love the new one about using GLASS baby bottles instead of plastic ones which are now part of the Bad List. Because having a baby rolling around in shards of glass is less dangerous than the chemicals used to make plastic bottles? Hmm.
Wow, did you just cop a cyber feel? I think I kind of liked it.
ok, now i’m totally paranoid that by “YOU” you really did mean ME, cuz i sent you a link for a blueberry shortcake that was totally *VEGAN*. hehehe. but really…is my ass looking more boyant? really…? cuz you know..i’ve been walking more, and these ARE smaller jeans….
Organic, vegan, cloth nappy wearing, recycleable, right-on, planet lovers = smug bastards.
Wow, and this wasn’t even on PD! :-D
Hahahaha! I love your rants! The funniest part about it is that your not old and cranky, you are liberated and capable of saying what so many of us would like to. Of course your rants have a certain level of eloquence that the general public is unable to attain! *Jealous I am* I am giggling over “You kids get off my lawn afore I blast you out with mah rump-trumpet.” I will be quoting you for weeks!
Okay, I have to say, your fourth paragraph might be the best paragraph you’ve ever written. AMEN, SISTAH.
AMEN sister!!!!
Your comments on your Sundry Buzz post cracked me up. Out loud, even.
Maybe I’ll forward this post next time they spout the vegan organic glass bottle ride my bike to work so I’m better than you guilt trip(I’d love to ride my bike to work - I live too damn far away).
Look - I have jumped on the re-usable grocery bag bandwagon, I recycle, I use Method products etc and so on. But I’m totally OK with the fact that I don’t MAKE and WASH and RE-USE my own sanitary pads, so please shut it.
My standard line (apologies to the non-obnoxious vegetarian/vegans): You tell me what else [your god of choice] put chickens on this earth for other than for me to put in my belleh, and we’ll talk.
No, actually we won’t. I eat meat. You don’t. To each their own, tra la la.
ps, apparently I have joined you in Old and Cranky land.
I think it’s much worse for us living out here on the Coast-Of-Moral-Platitudes. If we don’t focus on how to be THE BEST Earth Stewards (loathe that term) we might go insane contemplating all the faultlines, volcanoes and potential tsunamis!
I will give up my fabric softener over my dead, fresh-smelling body. Love this post - you rock!
Seriously, if I never hear anything about going green again for as long as I live it will be too soon. What the heck am I supposed to use to clean up cat hork, I ask you? Washable hemp towels? Oh hells no. Just no.
I figure it is the quest for immortality, if you don’t use fabric softener you WILL live forever, true fact.
It always amazes me the people that are up on their high horse always yap the loudest and try the hardest to convince you that THEY.ARE.RIGHT.DAMNIT.
If the “rest” of us ranted as loudly as the “do-gooders”? Holy moly Batman. We’d be stoned.
whoa! wait! explain to me how having your kids sleep in seperate rooms is bad? that’s a bit much, folks!
I use fabric softener. I eat meat. I have a COSTCO PACK OF PAPER TOWELS.
I’m a rebel without a cause, apparently.
I recently received a misdirected e-mail that was, of all things, a wedding invitation. (I get mail in my gmail account all the time that is meant for someone else.) I don’t know what was up my butt that day, but it struck me as extremely tacky to e-mail your wedding invitations. So, I typed back a snarky reply to the soon-to-be bride. And she wrote back to say that it was just part of their effort to have a “green” wedding. Oh, god. Their wedding Web site has an entire list of things they are doing for their wedding that are designed to save the planet. How about starting with not having a wedding?
I’m holding my sides, I’m laughing so hard. Your rage mirrors my own and I love it. Thank you so much, m’lady. You rock.
Amen. And that mention of “unwanted sex acts on minors” is totally going to get you some GREAT hits. Eeek! Good thing though, THEY won’t give a rats ass about earth-saving or BPA-free or laundry.
how am I supposed to hang my clothes on my green clothesline without fabric softener? I guess I’ll go back clubbing seals.
Thank you, so much, for writing this, Linda. I needed the laughs, and it’s all so true. I try to be as green as possible, but I can do without the judging, thank you.
Yikes!! This post makes me feel bad even with the “You” disclaimer. I hope I am never pushy with people, but I do like to share info on cloth diapering with others if they notice my daughter wearing them. I think that most people don’t realize how easy they are.
Have the Stepford Zombies from Parent Dish taken to following you around on the Intertubes or something?
Paper towels are recyclable so what’s the beef?
My one big downfall, environmentally, is using Huggies/Pampers wipes for myself. They are much cheaper than the brand made specifically for women (which cost an arm and a leg more); but they aren’t biodegradable apparently, so my bad, but I seem to be addicted and can’t imagine not using them now.
Btw, off topic but since so many readers like Jillian’s 30 Day Shred, I thought I’d pass along that her book “Making the Cut” (which I borrowed from the public library) is easy to follow and, unlike a lot of similar books, cuts right to the chase. She doesn’t have a one meal plan fits all approach but puts the reader through a quiz to determine what composition/proportion of fats, lean proteins, and carbs are suitable for your body type. The results for me are bang on and I’m having no trouble sticking to them. I’m also not craving the fat-making foods and I’m never hungry. She provides recipes, lists of foods to buy and avoid, and meal plans. The book is designed for those who are having trouble shedding that last 5-10 lbs (i.e. they’ve plateaued) or a person who has up to 20 lbs to lose and wants results in 30 days. I’ve been on the “program” since last Wednesday and have lost 4.2 lbs already. I’m also exercising every day (every second day I do her Shred routine). I’ve noticed a big difference in my body shape and energy levels already so just thought I’d pass that along.
The book also has a section for those who are in great shape but want to get even more “cut”.
Calorie counting is involved as is tracking proportions of fat/protein/carbs. This can be a pain but fitday.com - a free tool - does it for you. I use it to log my foods and it calculates the proportions and the calories. It also allows you to record your activities, your BMR, your weight changes, and a whole lot of other stuff, and provides reports comparing calories in, calories burned etc.
(Linda, if you’d rather me not post this info on your blog, which is admittedly off topic, let me know. I’d completely understand…just thought I’d follow up on earlier threads where the Shred was mentioned. I’m not a rep or a marketing person…note: I did not buy the book! :)
I would be a vegetarian, but bacon is delicious.
I would use all natural cleaning products, but bleach works best.
I pretty much only do the things that take the least amount of effort on my part (reusable grocery bags, those damn twirly light bulbs) and cut my losses on the rest.
And if I ever have babies… I’ll bottle feed and not use cloth diapers… shhhh… don’t tell.
oh yeah, and can I just put a plug in for the lavendar-vanilla scented fabric softener cuz that’s my favourite. mmmmmmmmm.
Totally get you. . .you see this is why I hate it when people won’t shut up with the preachy preachy. I AM somebody that’s trying to live as organically and sustainably and concientiously as possible but I think the reason that a shitload of people say “to hell with it” is that you can’t win for losing. No matter what you do it isn’t good enough for “those green people” I think, we have to be able to feel good about what we CAN do instead of constantly getting shit rammed down our throats about what we aren’t doing yet.
btw. . . they make some damn good fabric softner without petroleum so whoever let that one rip can just go be self rightious somewhere else!
If you want to get really cranky, read The World Without Us. Actually don’t. Ill sum it up for you: By nature of nothing more than our very existence on this earth, human beings are responsible for every shitty thing that has ever happened to it. Since our first great great great great grand uncle monkey hopped out out of the trees and hunted the first mega mammal, we are responsible… so go ahead and use your fabric softener, we’ve been fucked for millions of years.
Hey wait, and I haven’t even posted here for yonks! ;)
The worst thing about being vegan wasn’t even not being able to eat cheese, it was definitely Other Vegans. Self-righteousness is Bad, even if you are saving the animals. Just shut up and stop making me embarrassed by association to admit why I don’t eat animal products.
I breastfeed and babywear and co-sleep and use cloth nappies (and don’t use fabric softener when I wash them), and I still like reading your blog.
Right on!!
The world could do with a little less judgment, especially when it is over something like paper towels or fabric softener.
I just want to scream, “Wake up, people!”
Wow, where are these Green Crusaders in my city? I can’t even recycle here without having to drive to the recycling center, which probably isn’t worth it considering the gas burned. Send them Green Meanies my way!
Oh God. I’m kind of everything you hate, except I don’t mind fabric softener, so maybe that explains why we get along so well. :-)
AMEN! And another thing - Michael Phelps can go away anytime now.
Man, that feels GOOD!
Dude, that ain’t cranky - that’s the behaviour of a normal adult happy with their own choices ;-)
On a slightly related note: don’t know if this particular range of fabric conditioners is available on your side of the Atlantic but what kind of synesthetic marketing campaign came up with Lenor’s Infusion range? Black diamond? Ruby? WTF?
Hahaha, please avoid my blog! Attachment parent! Vegetarian (and baby is an organic vegan)! Totally eco-friendly (cloth diapering, anti-plastic, elimination communication, all natural cleaning products, no dryer sheets etc etc etc)! And worse- owner of an eco-friendly SLING company! I’m surprised you were able to bring yourself to continue the CIO conversation over at my blog. ;)
Yes. Amen. I agree. Ditto. What she said.
The Green Trolls (hee! Get it?) are more obnoxious on the internet than the Militant Nursing Advocates. And that says a lot.
Hee! Yes. Also: I AM STILL USING PLASTIC IN MY HOUSEHOLD! Yes! Even for CHILDREN’S DISHES! Yes! Call protective services!
“I swear it makes me want to cram a child-labor-produced formaldehyde off-gassing BPA-loaded cow-torturing environmentally-unfriendly bottle-feeding SUV right in your pious piehole.”
This may be the best thing you have ever written.
I love you and I am totally going to grab your ass if I ever get to the Seattle area.
You can totally grab my ass but I’ll warn ya, I’m single and a bit starved for attention. ;)
This post made me so happy. Ever since Al (I invented the internet) Gore started in with the global warming crap (which has since been proven to be a total load of bull), people have gone cuckoo for cocoa puffs. I love the earth too, but all this is is a fad that’s easy to jump on and say a few key words that make you sound hip and with it. It makes me want to turn on every light in the house, but I don’t want my electric bill to be any higher.
Oh god I needed that this morning! So funny!!
Loved this!
Amen, sistah. These must be the same Militant Moms who shove cloth-diapering and breast-feeding till the kid can string whole sentences together down everyone’s throat.
You know, I love the internet, I really do — but sometimes it just seems like one gigantic forum for holier-than-thou assholes.
Oh THANK YOU! Thank you thank you thank you. I am currently forwarding this to pretty much everyone I know.
I so want to make out with you right now. I’ve been reading you for many years, and I must say this is probably one of my favorite posts of all time. Of course, being a petroleum geologist, you can just *imagine* how much crap I get.
PS - Finally got my 30 Day Shred, did it last night (honestly thinking to myself that I am in such great shape a 20 minute workout of ANY kind would be cake HAHAHA), HOLY MOTHER OF GOD I AM IN PAIN.
Linda,
I love you more than ever! Rump trumpet…Bwah!
Earth Stewards?
Frakking awesome post! I’m right there with you on both the annoying self-rightious tools and the gas. Own the gas - much more fun that way. : )
I *heart* this post. And I don’t *heart* much. Well, except for the trans-fat laden, animal-killin’ buscuits and gravy I made this morning. I *heart* that too.
(And I drained the sausage on paper towels, too. Shhhh.)
Ya know.. if it didn’t COST ME MONEY TO RECYCLE.. I’d totally do it. But.. garbage pickup is CHEAPER and I’m a poor college student! A poor ART college student at that!
Also. CHICKEN. om nom nom nom!
Best rant ever.
I totally and completely agree. I do what I can to be green but am rather sick of being preached to all the time. Fortunately, here in Texas it is far less of an issue than it was when I lived in Colorado.
Wait, what’s wrong with fabric softener? I’m not giving that up.
Total jerks over at the buzz. Somebody said it well over there when they said how annoying it is when people come to sites on their own accord and then find nothing to do but complain. GO AWAY THEN!
And don’t worry. Not all environment freaks and vegetarians are assholes. My sister and I are both of the above and clearly still TOTALLY AWESOME.
I thought about adding, HOW YOU LIKE MAH DICK NOW.
but then I didn’t.
but then I just did.
I have neighbors that fit your rant! They preach, preach, preach all day long. Everything to them must be organic, fair trade, anti-corporate and from the earth. They seem to forget all of that when they drive their van back and forth to their business two blocks away about 20 times a day. Seems a little - do as I say, not as I do! That is the worst kind of Green Meanie.
yeah, totally on board with the cranky. So sick of all the debates: CIO, organic, etc etc. It’s so old!
How do I love thee, Let me count the ways…
rump-trumpet…awesome!
I love this rant! I wish I could put it so eloquently… will you marry me? :D
Honestly, sometimes I annoy MYSELF with the whole “oh, whole grains! No HFCS! blah blah blah I’m too good to eat x, y, and z” hypocrisy. Because then I go and cram myself with Starbucks and chocolate croissants and many, many Fla-Vor-Ices. Sometimes, I tell myself to shut up, lug around my stupid green bags, and stop hating on the plastic users and the people with carts full of Doritos and Coke. Hell, self, you LIKE Doritos and Coke sometimes, you’re just jealous that you don’t let yourself have them.
Also, my ass is so un-bouyant, unless we are talking about floating fat. But thanks for the compliment, anyway. Now I feel sort of sexy in these jeans. Boo-yah for generic internet compliments!!
Okay, I totally relate to your rant. I’m sick of the sanctimonious high-horse riding smug fuckers that shove their organic stuff in your face. That being said, I DO nag my friends to recycle. But, if you saw the freakishly large amounts of beer cans they throw in the trash, then I’m sure I’d be forgiven.
But, what IS wrong with fabric softener?
heh. awesome. i luv you.
if i have to live in a world where i can’t use my lavender vanilla fabric softener on my sheets and towels, well then shoot me now. because i can’t. that stuff is sinful. and i use more than you should just because i love the smell so much. so there. am truly horrible person.
did i mention i use plastic ziploc bags way more than a person should? am littering environment with tons of plastic just because its easier to marinate food (and clean up) in a big ziploc bag.
i do recycle whatever possible though. however, i find it incredibly annoying that my town is too cheap to consider anything other than #1 or #2 plastic recyclable (when so much is #5, and the next town will pick that up) and god forbid you fold up a diet coke carton for recycling - they won’t take it. its not CORRUGATED cardboard.
the hell? and thus ends my rant.
linda you can cup a cheek anytime. especially if i can return the favor!
So funny, and so right - everyone has an opinion on everything, yes? We can’t do a thing these days without it offending someone.
We ‘co-sleep’ but it isn’t due to any particular attachment to attachment parenting (heh) - it just sort of happened like that, and it works. But whereas you feel criticized for not doing that, I rarely tell anyone that’s what we do, because *weird* (I admit, I thought that too, until it happened to me!). So yeah, we can’t do anything right these days.
I got the Shred DVD from the library - must try it soon!
I’ll one-up you. I’m going to Belize in Jan and taking 100% DEET repellant. If any dumbass tries to tell me to take SkinSoSoft to ward off sand flies that carry leishmaniasis, I’m going to lose it. I’d like to come back with my face intact.
I buy organic eggs, though. So does that give me an offset?
LOVED this post. I mean, I do what I can, but I sure don’t think I’m in a position to bash other people for not being “green” enough, and I don’t want anyone else judging me for doing what works for me rather than turning my whole life upside down.
Thanks for the cheek-cup, by the way. You made my morning. But beware, as this rump-trumpet goes off without warning sometimes.
Fabric softener? WTF is wrong with fabric softener???? I’m doing the reusable grocery bags and am getting ready to knit my own produce bags but I’m not about to lecture other people about it. I explain to people that I’m trying to reduce my plastic consumption, not save the world singlehandedly.
Feel free to cop a cyber-feel but I’m afraid the last thing my ass would be described as is ‘buoyant’. Hope you like soft and mushy!
Amen, sistah!
OK, you know how when women live together their monthly cycles start getting synchronized. Well, now I’m wondering if it happens to women who blog together? ‘Cause I was SO dang cranky yesterday, too.
Linda Linda Linda. I am even more in love with you now. I’ll just say Amen Sista!!!
I’ll live my life, don’t judge me and you live yours and hey I wont judge you.
Bring that gassy Lab over here for a visit anytime. We love DOG too.
Hahahaha…I read the infamous post the day after taking my son to his 1 month checkup, where the pediatrician went on a wee rant about…fabric softener! It’s a hot topic. Actually, we have stopped using fabric softener because for whatever reason after my C-section, it started to give me a rash. So, you know, in that case, I would say fabric softener is bad! Because rashes are annoying. But otherwise? Eh. Your call.
Of course, I am not a reliable source on the evils of CHEMICALS!! Sure, I’m a smug liberal elitist who drives a Prius and buys organic milk. But, I’m married to a guy who makes his living selling CHEMICALS to golf courses. Eeeevil! Horrible! Now I’m ashamed. heh.
Ok, I use paper towels and I’m afraid I’m addicted to ziplock baggies, but I don’t use fabric softeners because I don’t like how my clothes feel after using them…stopped using them a few years back. But I’ve never used them on my sheets and towels, because of how they work. Fabric softeners work by coating the fibers of the fabric, which makes them less absorbent, which (call me crazy) I don’t like in my bath and hand towels. I make them smell nice in other ways. :)
I would like to see someone hardcore enough to shun toilet paper. The hand is MUCH more environmentally correct, no?
Or cease with the tampons.
Or refuse to use a tissue.
g~
INDEED.
Having just returned to the USA from living elsewhere, I feel like that’s the biggest difference from when I left three years ago. Not only is everything GREEN GREEN GREEN but the greenness, it must be advertised and championed, and talked about, and trumpeted. There are worse things to get excited about, I guess, but can’t everyone just relax a little, and use their Method cleaning products in peace?
HAAA! HA HAA HA HAA! And snort. Love it. Amen.
Umm, yeah, I have the same problems with cherries. I just don’t eat them anymore. It’s that bad.
And yeah, all of these people who are on these self-righteous bandwagons drive me nuts, too. Especially since these methods of living–attachment parenting, in particular–have their own sets of problems as well. When did it become so passe to live and let live?
This post makes me want to marry you….:)
this, this post is why I love you.
Christ. I bet you thought you left this crap behind with PD.
i can’t use fabric softener, it makes me sneeze, but I wholeheartedly support everyone else’s right to do so.
because I? Refuse to use cloth diapers. I breastfeed, so i figure it’s a roughly even swap. when i think about it at all.
Loved it! Forwarding it to everyone. Even the greenies in my circle. Hee hee.
I love you Linda. Grab my ass! :)
A confession: I hate the CFL lightbulbs. Hate them. They are UGLY. The light is UGLY. You cannot SEE to READ by them. I am sticking with my energy-sucking, seal-clubbing, non-organic regular old lightbulbs. And I don’t feel guilty about this.
People love Method products. Method makes fabric softener. Therefore, fabric softener is okay. I admit I have been brainwashed by Method, but they have cute packaging so I don’t care.
Also, I don’t trust people who won’t eat bacon. There’s something fundamentally wrong with that.
I was just telling my boyfriend how annoying the term green is to me! The concept is not new in this area. Curbside recycling bins have been her since the 1980’s and Freddie’s has had a “natural” section since the beginning of time! Shoot, I’m 30 and I wore cloth diapers and drank out of glass bottles when I was a baby, but you don’t hear my parents running around telling everyone how they were trying to be green when they were raising me.
Mostly my annoyance comes from people who throw the term green around in conversation i.e. “We drive the car to work instead of the Suburban because it’s greener.” I call bullshit. You drive the car not because it’s greener but because 28mpg is better than 8mpg! You’re calling it green because of all the tv commercials you’ve seen that tell you how awesome it is to be green! It’s like they have this irritating caption floating above there heads saying “Hi! I’ve recently been marketed to and I no longer think for myself.” URRRRG!
Soooorrrry… guess I’m cranky, needed to rant too but have no blog of my own! Thanks for not laughing and telling me I’m cute when I’m all riled up like my boyfriend did!
Oh, and p.s., sorry about my punctuation. Run on’s and extra commas are my friends!
My God, I friggin’ love you…and yes, you may cup one cheek… :)
I don’t get it! Why is fabric softener bad for the environment?!
I’m so behind on this “going green/carbon footprint” thing because here in Paris, it’s ok to litter. Especially motorcycles and bicyles into the Seine (I’m not kidding).
We recycle our wine bottles, though. (By using them as clubs for the harp seal overpopulation).
Here’s an evil industry secret: a lifetime of fabric softener use dosesn’t come close to the toxic runoff from fabric dye. The minute hemp (or any fabric) is bleached and then dyed anything other than it’s natural mud color, your head would swim at the amount of toxins it took to get that pretty color of blue.
So now you know: colored cloth = *really* bad for the environment.
And yes, black is the worst.
A-fucking-men. Militancy in any form makes me crazy. I hope I didn’t just contradict myself there. Look, I have enough trouble taking care of my own life that it never occured to me to care about the minutae in the lives of others.
Ok, after reading this post I had to go check out what provoked this and yeeeks…!! How could such a seemingly benign piece of advice about making sheets softer provoke such hostile, accusatory responses??? Green or not, vegan or not vegan…whatever- that is just stupid. If you don’t like fabric softener don’t use it. Team Linda!
My very favorite of the “I’m better than you are because I care about sustainability” is the whole hybrid car thing. Did you know that building a brand new car makes so much more emissions and uses up so much more energy and materials than just buying a damn used car?! It’s so stupid. The worst part is, I so badly want to point this out to people who drive those hybrids, but then I would just be the equivalent of them…all sanctimonious in their “greenness”. Instead I just eat a Big Mac at them.
Simmer down, grandma. You’re liable to fall and break your hip.
Werd. All of it. I’m stealing rump-trumpet. You can feel both cheeks, woman, but only if I can feel yours, too.
Hey, not all hybrid car drivers are sanctimonious! Some of us are just dorks. *grin*
The thing about the “green” movement that drives me mad is that common sense dictates that NOBODY is going to be perfect. Some people are going to drive SUVS, some are going to eat meat, some are going to use fabric softener *snerk*. And even the most hardcore vegan bike-to-work person is consuming something. But I think most people are making at least some changes for the better, and no matter how small, those changes do count. The problem is all this judgmentalism does way more harm than good.
It’s kind of like the “mommy wars”, in a way–we are all in this together, so how about being supportive and kind for a change?
Loved this post! My husband says I have “Easily Irritated Syndrome” these days because shit like this gets me all worked up.
I do what I can too, but there are some things I cannot help. I have to drive a *gulp* minivan because I have 2 kids in carseats and a tall 16 year old so I have to have that 3rd row of seating. At least I got a Toyota so it’s more efficient, but STILL.
I used to hang my laundry out to dry, but the neighborhood we live in now doesn’t allow it. WTF?
I recycle everything that we can - even though our city only picks up aluminum, clear glass, paper and #1 and #2 plastic. Everything else I take to a specialty recycling center.
I don’t buy organic stuff because I simply cannot afford it. But I don’t eat meat very often, and even then it’s usually just chicken.
I use as many homemade cleaning products as I can as long as they do the job. I use regular laundry soap and fabric softener because they WORK BETTER.
There is little else more irritating than self-righteous people who think that what you’re doing is just not good enough. And there are a shit ton of people like that in Austin.
omg. killing me! Cherries do it to you? It’s Kashi for me! Kashi cookies and cereal. Shit, I just WALK BY THE PANTRY and I’m letting off delicate emissions!! Awful.
LMAO! I too get sick of people throwing guilt my way because I am not COMPLETELY GREEN or COMPLETELY ORGANIC. I’m doing what I can, people. Lay off!!
i do most of those things but i effing HATE when people talk about it like they are god. AND then they tell you how to live your life?!
its just like anything really. you do your thing and i will do mine. the real problem is the self righteous part of a do-gooder.
love annie
Okay, I love this post–I love all your writing. But just to play devil’s advocate for a moment, I wonder how many times the suffragists and abolitionists were told to shut their pious pie holes? Yes, it’s annoying to have others’ opinions thrust upon you. At the same time, every movement needs a mouthpiece (or several million). And you do set yourself up a teensy bit by putting your opinions out on the internet for all to see and applaud or spit all over. People should play nice and use words constructively, but we all know they don’t (even you don’t sometimes–shocking!). So glory in your moment of crabbiness–everyone gets to have them. Then get over your bouyant ass and join the damn movement of your choice.
I kid, I kid. (MAYBE)
Touche! (I really did set myself up nicely for that one, didn’t I?)
I think I agree with you, Katherine! I’m not a saint and I don’t do anything good for the environment, but it’s totally true that every time some faction of humanity tries, or has ever tried, to do something new, they have to listen to a ration of “THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! YOU WILL NEVER TAKE AWAY MY (x)!” I guess that’s what makes life interesting, though.
I like Silene’s summary the best: …even the most hardcore vegan bike-to-work person is consuming something…. most people are making at least some changes for the better, and no matter how small, those changes do count. The problem is all this judgmentalism does way more harm than good.
So - yeah - do what you can, change where you may, and just worry about that guy on the other side of the mirror.
I needed the laugh. And, suddenly feel the urge to confess that I shop at Walmart, and ENJOY it.
hmmmmmmm are people really making other people feel guilty for using paper towels and fabric softener?
I personally think it isn’t what you can’t do, but what you can do.
When did going green and being a vegan equal each other.
When did attachment parenting become about just wearing your kid and not giving them a bedroom?
funny post… man I was shocked at how many people agree
Gosh, I am not perfect by any means - my child uses plastic plates, I still have some non-natural cleaning agents, etc. - but, I think about how I can change these things often. I give myself goals, “Next month we will no longer use paper towels.” I am actually pretty proud of the progress I have made over the last couple of years.
I guess I just find it sad to see posters say . . . “I am addicted to zip-locks and paper towels and I don’t give a fuck. Aren’t I silly and cute?” Why don’t you want to change if you are admittedly being wasteful? Also, seeing how much money you save over time when you refrain form buying disposable products is very rewarding.
and for “g~”: There are people who use cloth instead of toilet paper (my family not included) although I do use cloth wipes on my toddler, and woman can use a product like the diva cup instead of tampons.
Okay first? Clearly you live in the great Pacific Northwest. Crunchy capital of the world.
Second, I have one word for you…Beano.
Okay, now I have to run to Costco to buy more paper towels and Boca burgers. They cancel each other out, right?
Good point. I have a few crunchy friends, and for a long time when I was around them I never felt like I was doing things quite right as a consumer and a parent. Until I finally realized that they weren’t the ones making me feel guilty. I was making MYSELF feel guilty.
So, I do what I can without unreasonable inconvenience or expense, but I’ll only go so far. I have friends who did not buy a single thing for an entire year. I admire that, but it ain’t for me. Everybody needs to live their own way. It’s kinda like my take on religion: believe what you want, but don’t try to convert others.
Hiya,
Im just letting you know that I LOVE YOUR BLOG!
I have nominated you for an award, and if you would like to have a look i have written a post on it over at my blog.
Congratulations!
I can’t wait for all the cloth diapering moms to have their kids turn around + put them in adult cloth diapers when they’re old! ;)
I’m confused. Are you saying that I am making my child uncomfortable in cloth diapers? You should check out the “new” cloth like bumGenius and fuzzibunz.
Oh god…I use disposable diapers AND fabric softner. Am I in trouble again?
And for the jam….they have a low sugar version (long time no jam…but I think it’s somewhere on the big ‘ol instruction sheet they cram in the tiny pectin box). It’s still a butt load of sugar, but a relatively small and bouyant butt load in comparison to the regular version. Still yummy!
Oh, AMEN from an SUV-driving, paper-towel-using mom of a bottle-fed kid.
Yesterday my neighbor thought it important to tell my four-year-old all about skin cancer. Because she was playing OUTSIDE. IN THE SUN. Then he turned my hose off so we wouldn’t waste any more water. No joke.
So- what about someone who bottle feeds while baby is in sling? OR- disposable diapers, but feeds organic baby food? I tried to make my own, dammit, but that’s to f’ing hard! I want to be green, but the closest I seem to be getting is shopping at Whole Foods… but only for chips and smoothies… I suck, huh? :) I did buy Method soap- it was on sale. My husband drives a Jetta? Ok, I’m done trying…
Wait- I recycle… Oh I’ll never fit in… :)
My funniest experience:
X: “I’m a vegetarian”
Me: “But you eat chicken”
X: “Oh chicken is not meat”
Me: “Okay… if you say so…”
We do recycle in New Zealand and we unintentionally chose a fuel-economical car (which is good for us money-wise), both my girls were fed on formula, we try to eat healthy but do eat meat and so on and yes, it will set me off too if people were trying to find fault with how we do things.
Lea White
http://whitesinnz.blogspot.com
“defecating on religious artifacts” I’m saving that little gem for a rainy day. CRACKING UP!
I think I love you.
Funny stuff! :)
“I guess I just find it sad to see posters say . . . ‘I am addicted to zip-locks and paper towels and I don’t give a fuck. Aren’t I silly and cute?’”
Me too. I’m writing about/suffering through veganism right now, and I try really hard not to be a douche about it because I wasn’t vegan all of five minutes ago and I had my reasons, so whatever. And I fly all over the world and pollute the atmosphere, among other infractions, so I’m not judging.
But that whole “charming irreverence” bit that everyone likes to do is so played out it’s ridiculous. It was funny and fresh online when Dooce did it about Mormonism several years ago, but now it just seems petty and unoriginal. It’s laughable that anyone thinks they’re being edgy when they joke about how bacon is tasty, tasty murder. Eat meat if you want to, but I beg of you, people, get a new shtick already. Do it for the sake of comedy if you can’t do it for the sake of the earth!
HA! And HA HA HA!
And you know what your problem is? You live in Washington, which is full of, well, how do I put this nicely? People who CHARGE MONEY for using plastic grocery bags.
You need to spend more time with the Moderate Majority who don’t drive SUVs, eat a couple of meat-free meals each week, recycle, xeriscape, still buy Comet Cleanser (because it’s CHEAP), still celebrate Halloween, and breast-fed their babies, supplementing with formula the entire time.
You know what makes me fart? Tomato sauce. (Unless there is a whole lot of meat added to it, of course)
Can I just say one thing before I get a hundred and one rubber chickens (bloody, tortured chickens! WOE! WOE!) thrown at my head?
You want sanctimonious high-horse riding smug fuckers? Try being a vegetarian surrounded by defensive meat eaters–even a vegetarian who doesn’t care what anyone else eats. SIGH.
Honestly, I think my family would have been more comfortable if I’d become a stripper. Actually I HAD to become a stripper just to make up for giving up teh sausage. I am wearing my nipple tassles RIGHT NOW. I wish they would stop making me dance for strangers, but I will say the extra money comes in handy.
:)
Okay, if you think THAT’S played out, how about this: MAYBE ALL THOSE NOT-DOGS ARE MAKING YOU A LITTLE FUSSY.
(Disclaimer: I have no idea if you eat Not-Dogs.)
I know, I know. I’m a dicktowel.
The “I would be a better person, but bacon is just so tasty, har har!” thing doesn’t make me mad. It’s just DULL. So hopelessly dull, my God.
Leave it in 1998 where it belongs and find some refreshing new way to burn me. I’ll laugh, I promise. I live for that shit.
Amen sista!
And yes, you can grab a cheek ;)
(And dude, my diet is ABSOLUTELY making me cranky as hell. I really am sorry for that. I would have been nicer. I think.)
There is a 20-year old at my work who comments every time I bring in a Starbucks, and it makes me want to kick her in the shins. Does she know what I eat? Where I shop? How I clean? Um, does she know anything about my consumer habits beyond my once-a-week Starbucks habit? NO.
It makes me LIVID.
OMG thank you for mentioning the cherries. I thought it was just me. I LOVE the dang things (despite their high price this year) and spent the last 3 weeks gorging myself on them, but oh the gas cramps and the, er, releases. It’s bad, yo.
In my neck of the woods, I’m still on the defensive for NOT eating half a hormone-filled cow every day. If I spout my reasons for organics, less meat, etc., it’s because I feel like maybe I’ll get less crap the next time someone hears I’m “forcing” my poor children to drink that disgusting organic milk. I only talk about it if someone else brings it up, though.
Just a side comment - hybrids work out cheaper if you are buying a new car anyway. Especially if you pick one that still gets a tax credit. Personally I still have at least 5 years left on my Ion so I’m not buying a hybrid yet.
I’m good because even though garbage pick up is twice a week we only put out the can once a week.
And no it’s not just because we don’t have kids, we totally recycle too - except when I pull an old can of beans out of the back of the fridge - that goes straight into the once a week garbage can.
Geez, what do people want from us?
Amen, sister. Amen.
i love those bitches who extole the virues of “green” living as they suck on a marlboro red and blow cancerous fumes in my face. i guess they are grumpy because their fabric is too hard!
Linda, you’re awesome when you’re pissed. Can I make you a steak or something? ‘Cause I’m one of those awesome vegetarians who doesn’t give other people shit (uh hello, Josh worships meat) so I don’t feel at all offended at your outrage. Unsolicited life coaches suck ass.
I officially love you. I cordially invite you to NYC to share a transfat-laden cheeseburger and a few (full calorie) beers at a favorite sidewalk cafe with me while my children go ignored in a nearby high chair, wearing diposable diapers and breathing in the fumes from the M5 bus.
Linda, after reading this post I seriously think I have a crush on you. Haha
[…] What I’m always surprised at are the amount of people who rally around other similar people who aren’t very “green” like in this comment section of another one of Sundry’s posts. It’s all “YOU GO GIRL! SCREW THE EARTH! Those lame eco-friendly people are so fucking lame and judgmental!” And by making fun of us- um, aren’t you being judgmental too? Like one charming commenter said: “The Green Trolls (hee! Get it?) are more obnoxious on the internet than the Militant Nursing Advocates. And that says a lot.” […]
I agree, I’m sick of hearing about the green crap… I even more hate how certain people decide that they hate someone for doing something they wouldn’t… it’s rediculous.
I breastfeed because my sister and cousins did, seemed like the way to go.
I cloth diaper because I think it’s cute… but once in a while my husband or MIL buy sposies and I’ll use them all before even considering my cloth diapers (because I use prefolds, snappis, and covers… it just takes so long with a wiggly baby).
I wear my baby, very rarely cuz he’s way too heavy now, and he hates to be held anyways.
My baby sleeps in a crib in our room, but we sleep in the living room, been this way for a month, he’s getting his own room this weekend so we can have our bed back! He sleeps thru the night now without our tossing, coughing, getting up to pee noise.
I still use plastic everything - bottles/sippy cups/grocerie bags/toys…
I use dryer sheets.
I have a clothes line, but I prefer to just toss everything into the dryer, it’s faster.
I never shut my computer off.
We live pretty close to the stores we shop at regularly, but we choose to drive there more often than not.
I buy baby food from walmart or loblaws, I’m too lazy to make it myself.
I don’t care what’s in the food I eat, as long as it tastes good.
and mmmmmmm chicken wings!
I think I love you! And rump-trumpet? Where do you come up with these things? LOL So funny!
So, I was just pointed in your direction today because of today’s post. First of all, I’m with ya on all of this. Apparently those of us who use fabric softener, don’t breastfeed and use disposable diapers are not fit to be parents. I’m not sure how all that correlates, but I’m pretty sure that is what these people think. I’d like these people to go to the store with a 3 year old, a 21 month old and a 7 month old and not have a tantrum, or worry about what detergent to buy. Absolute BS if you ask me and I’m glad I’m not surrounded by pompous and closed minded asses like your former reader. Good for you for standing up for yourself and not putting up with that crap.