If you don’t hear from me for a few days it’s because I have died. Or possibly I will be in jail for husband-cide, since JB is leaving for over a WEEK on a business trip to China which includes an extra couple of days to hike the Great Wall. I’m very happy for him, except for the part where I sort of hope he gets explosive diarrhea.

Oh, ha ha, not really. Maybe just a bad case of gas.

He’s flying business class, too, which completely erodes any sense of sympathy I might have had about such a long flight. “Northwest doesn’t even have first class,” he told me, all disgusted and woe-is-me. Isn’t that a SHAME, he only gets a Barcalounger, an IV drip of champagne, and caviar shoveled into his mouth by sinewy, cat-eyed flight attendants named Osana — what a HUMAN TRAGEDY it is to fly business class.

I’ll be sure to think sorrowfully on his plight when I’m washing up the aftermath of my seventh shit diaper of the day and eating a sleeve of Saltines over the kitchen sink.

His parents are coming to stay for a few days, which is going to be an enormous help and offload some of the crushing loneliness, and I suppose I can take solace in the fact that I can rent all the zombie movies I want without having someone moan about how these aren’t fast zombies are they oh my god I hate the fast ones (HELLO? Once you go fast, you never go back), but hoo boy, I foresee some long days ahead.

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Oh sure, they LOOK innocent, but you know they are plotting my downfall. Someone’s going to develop an ear infection/barfing disease/painful new tooth this week, don’t you think? LET’S TAKE BETS.

Comments

64 Responses to “Gearing up”

  1. Sharon on September 22nd, 2008 1:25 pm

    Oh I feel your pain! I’m dreading the 2-3 week period my DH is going to Europe in the 1st quarter next year. Let us all know how it goes and how you did it! Also I hate the fact that you feel the need to change your language in your comment to Victoria. You should be able to say “your brain” as in general without the TROLLS coming out! Also I’m afraid of 30DS can a newbie to exercise do it or should I start slower with something else?

  2. laughing mommy on September 22nd, 2008 2:20 pm

    I’m going to put my money on painful new tooth AND a plumbing emergency… either an overflowing toilet or the also popular burst pipe.

    Wait, that is what happened to me when my husband had a business trip.

    Good luck!

  3. Anonymous on September 22nd, 2008 6:21 pm

    A note on traveling by plane: tell your husband to buy a lot of liquids for the plane trip over and he should NOT DRINK any coffee or tea or plain water on the plane because he WILL become ill from the water, it tends to be contaminated with E.Coli, the airlines do not treat their water dispensing systems for drinking water AND if that is not charming enough the bathrooms are not well cleaned either, so use Purell or other hand sanitizer after using the facilities, that will at least get him to the Mainland safely.

  4. Russo on September 22nd, 2008 6:22 pm

    N29QML Hello
    I am Russo

  5. Josh on September 22nd, 2008 8:39 pm

    Business class sounds like it rocks. I hope I get to see it one day. And I’m so with you on the fast zombies thing. They are waaaaaaay cooler than slow ones. I mean, I still love your classic zombie film, but it’s just proven fact that fast things are scarier than slow things. For instance, what’s scarier to you, a rabid Kenyan or a rabid paraplegic? Polar bears or koala bears? Ninjas or that old guy from Kung Fu: the Legend Continues? I rest my case.

  6. Eric's Mommy on September 23rd, 2008 4:54 am

    Fast zombies are awesome.

    When JB gets back, you owe yourself a trip to the spa!

  7. Melanie on September 23rd, 2008 7:14 am

    I need my daily Sundry fix…JB has to come back!!!

    Does this mean I actually have to work??? At work! Cruel and unusual I say!!

    All kidding aside. I have 6 days of single momdom coming in November. I’m shivering just thinking about it.

  8. Renee Rushing on September 23rd, 2008 8:45 am

    Sooo funny!

  9. Lori on September 23rd, 2008 8:53 am

    Just got back from over 3 weeks in China, including hiking the Great Wall. Well not just back, back a few weeks. It’s hard work. I speak a bit of Mandarin which helped when I could get folks to stick to the script. (3 blocks turn left, one block turn right NOT well… let me see, perhaps you should cut through the train station…) Might be easier for your hubby with a group and probable tour guide. Much easier for men as the squat toilet isn’t as scary. I’m trying to say it won’t be all fun and games for him but I am not succeeding.

  10. Lori on September 23rd, 2008 9:12 am

    Another thought: when I lived in Asia, I travelled all around for business. I said to a guy on a plane once that all of us from Hong Kong were getting off the plane in Taiwan and all the Taiwan people were getting on the plane to HK. Couldn’t we work it out that we all worked in our own country? He was horrified. I realise now he was horrified at the thought of being home with poopy diapers instead of at a 5 star hotel with maid service and free liquor.

  11. Sara on September 23rd, 2008 12:05 pm

    Hang in there! I… I am sending vibes of SEDATION your way. How long does this mean we have to wait for another post? HUH? HOW LONG? (What selfish, horrible readers we are, only thinking about OURSELVES.)

    You could always make the kids watch a zombie movie and then tell them that the fast zombies are a’comin’ for them IF THEY DO NOT BEHAVE.

  12. samantha jo campen on September 23rd, 2008 12:39 pm

    Good healthy thoughts your way. I was gone for 2 1/2 days and Theo decided to cut a new tooth. Apparently it wasn’t very fun for Bryan. Sigh. Kids have it planned don’t they?

    Oh and BTW I LOVE DYLAN’S JAMMIES! Where did you get them? *swoon*

  13. Lesley on September 23rd, 2008 8:52 pm

    Just checking in and hope you’re doing ok. A whole week on your own with one toddler and one baby cannot be easy.

    PS. Cookies are permitted.

  14. Lori on October 6th, 2008 6:08 am

    I thank you for the fast/ slow zombie lesson. As a non-zombie watcher myself, I had no idea there was a distinction. However, thanks to you, my too cool for his shoes, 25 y/o cousin thinks I am in the know, as I was able to ask about his preference for fast or slow zombies. (can’t now remember the context of the conversation, only that I came out with points scored.)

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