I’m typing this while watching Dylan on the video monitor, and the little so-and-so is sitting up in his crib, loudly decrying the indignity of naptime. Sitting up like an angry gorilla, instead of lying there on his back like an angry crab. Huh. That’s new.

Notice that I continue pecking away at my laptop instead of tending to him, because 1) I am a heartless bitch, and 2) what the fuck, Koko, you were half-asleep in the carseat five minutes ago. How is it that a baby can pass out while strapped to a plastic bucket, his head tilted at an alarming sniper-victim angle, but the instant he’s placed on a comfy mattress his eyes fly open like Levelors? What properties does the five-point harness provide that are missing in the crib? Did we inadvertently buy the Graco Sweet Dreams Puff O’ Ether seat?

Motherhood is so cruel. If I’m not tiredly helping a baby fall asleep while wishing mightily for a nap of my own, I’m convincing a 3-year-old to finish the peanut butter sandwich I’d LOVE to be eating for lunch instead of more lowfat goddamned cottage cheese.

Aaaand, he’s out. HOLY SHIT WE HAVE CONCURRENT NAPTIMES REPEAT CONCURRENT NAPTIMES ALERT THE MEDIA. Time to wrap this up, I’ve got a trashy magazine and a sofa ass-dent calling my name.

Elsewhere Blogging this week:

• My workout handicap, which involves mucus
• Favorite shopping blogs at Work It, Mom!

And a silly video of nothing much:

Comments

22 Responses to “Filler content, brought to you by NaBloPoMo”

  1. Lori O on November 7th, 2008 2:00 pm

    oh yes, laughing out loud at my desk at work. I love your descriptions and metaphors!

  2. Jennifer on November 7th, 2008 2:06 pm

    Sweet video. And, before I even read LoriO’s comment, I was thinking the same thing: you are the QUEEN OF METAPHORS. How do you even think up those things?? “eyes fly open like Levolors” and “alarming sniper-victim angle” – perfect. Do you use some sort of Metaphor dictionary (like a thesaurus) or do those stem from within your creative “no wonder you’re so good at marketing” mind???

  3. Serenity Now on November 7th, 2008 2:21 pm

    How is it that you always seem to blog about stuff I’m either experiencing or thinking about? My kid does the same damn thing…you would THINK the comfy mattress would be the bomb, but instead he falls asleep in the backpack with his head in such a position that it almost looks detached from his body.
    Kids are wierd…enjoy your ass dent and trash mag :)

  4. Eric's Mommy on November 7th, 2008 2:27 pm

    Cute video!

    I would like the Sweet Dreams Puff O’Ether for myself.

  5. melanie on November 7th, 2008 2:29 pm

    Moira only falls asleep in her carseat if we are close enough to the house for it to really annoy me. She also only falls asleep in her carrier if we are 2 blocks away from home. As soon as the car is stopped or I put the key in the front door her head snaps up like someone bit her on the ass. Nap time only occurs if I lay on the bed with her and leave my boob in her mouth – which, lets be honest, doesn’t happen that much because it isn’t comfortable.

    This post totally cracked me up!

  6. AndreAnna on November 7th, 2008 2:30 pm

    Don’t even get me started on how a toddler thinks a 5 minute nap in the car is equivalent to a two-hour nap at home.

  7. Lesley on November 7th, 2008 2:36 pm

    What properties are missing? Only one: the soothing hum of the car engine that never fails to put passengers to sleep. I’m surprised crib manufacturers haven’t added this feature (with on/off/volume/extra thrum/Wall-E soundtrack options). The Wall-E soundtrack is delightful, btw.

    Love the video. Riley has the cutest little kid voice. I also like how he’s constantly moving around and realize that if I did that I’d probably kick start my youthful metabolism. Dylan continues to be totally adorable and you look FRICKIN’ AWESOME.

    Speaking of your example, are you still planning on a fitness webby something. I seem to recall you mentioning something about this.

  8. Pete on November 7th, 2008 2:46 pm

    What frustrated me the most was late at night I could get my kids to sleep in my arms if I were standing up. No matter how slowly I tried to sit down they would wake up and cry. Now that they are older I make them clean toilets.

    -Pete

  9. Anais on November 7th, 2008 2:46 pm

    I love how Riley talks! How he exchanges “L” with “W” is sooooo adorable.

    And Dylan’s belly!!! I just want to give him raspberries all day. What a sweetie!

  10. Korinna on November 7th, 2008 2:55 pm

    There’s something about a round baby on a changing table that I just love.

    And apparently they love it too. Ezra goes ape with happiness and giggling on his.

  11. Stephanie on November 7th, 2008 3:31 pm

    You crack me up! I’ll watch the video as soon as MY sleeping lion wakes up :) I just bought my US weekly this morning!

  12. Walker on November 7th, 2008 3:58 pm

    Hold on, isn´t it that song that used to play at videostation.com?! I love it! And you have my entire support if you want to use it in your kid´s birthday…marvelous!
    But don´t forget to play it in dolby sorround 5.1. Increases the emotional feeling in your heart and makes all the guests wanna take their clothes off and go dancing in the rain!!! Huhul!!
    I think i´m gonna heat me up right now!

  13. Victoria on November 7th, 2008 6:44 pm

    That video = adorable! All y’all!

  14. GypsyJr on November 7th, 2008 6:47 pm

    Didn’t know you were doing NaBloPoMo this year (I cannot type that with a straight face) but YAY FILLER.

    Riley has the cutest “little kid” voice I’ve ever heard. I don’t know how you stand it.

  15. Julie on November 7th, 2008 7:34 pm

    Your boys are such cutie pies! Hope you enjoyed your quiet time!

  16. Mary Helen on November 7th, 2008 9:39 pm

    Just wait until he stands up in the crib complaining about his confinement. That’s where we are now. I swear Sydney would crawl out if she could figure it out. Your boys are adorable. Thanks for sharing.

  17. Mel on November 8th, 2008 11:13 am

    Cute video! You and your husband sound very content and happy in that video, too.

  18. Lesley on November 8th, 2008 12:40 pm

    This web site for tots was reported in our local paper
    http://www.totlol.com

    It’s got some great videos.

    “Totlol is a video website designed specifically for children. It is community moderated. It is constantly growing. It is powered by YouTube.

    All videos were submitted, screened and rated by parents. The selection is huge and if you like, you can participate too.”

  19. Barrie on November 8th, 2008 8:00 pm

    LOL Enjoy the little buggers while they’re small – one day they shall be teenagers and you’ll be wishing the worst of their infractions was not napping when you want them to or rolling around on the couch peeling crayons! Cute kiddos, btw!! :)

  20. Katherine on November 10th, 2008 10:29 am

    Hey Linda, don’t want to join gather so I’m commenting on the mucus thing here. Have you ever tried cutting out cow dairy products to see if that changes the sinus problems? Some people (me included) just don’t tolerate cow’s milk and that intollerance shows up not in a digestive way, but in an overproduction of mucus. I suffered from sinus headaches and constant runny nose and ear infections until a doc suggested I cut out dairy for a month just to see what happened. I’ve never gone back–the difference was so dramatic. I can eat goat and sheep’s milk products, but now cow. Just a suggestion…. don’t threaten to aim a bowel movement at my head this time, k?

  21. Dina on November 10th, 2008 2:53 pm

    When my daughter was small I used to leave her in the car seat and let her nap in the car seat in the pack & play. Even though “they” say not too- yes, I try to live on the edge.
    I’m doing NaBloPoMo too- I decided to keep trying different recipes, because my life is so boring, I’d have nothing to write about otherwise.

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