Dec
18
Yesterday Seattle issued many Dire Warnings about the arctic deluge we were about to experience, and public schools closed for the day with a worried, audible kerslam. All day I kept peering at the sky waiting for the skies to turn white and the snow to start falling in giant, traffic-snarling drifts, but it got sunny and warmer and eventually the leftover bits of frozen slush from last Saturday’s tiny snowfall melted away and I was like, I CALL BULLSHIT.
Today, however, we woke up to this:
It’s been coming down like a sumbitch all day long and while it’s very beautiful and kind of exciting there’s a nontrivial pain-in-the-ass factor about being stuck inside with two small children. We tried for a sled outing earlier, but Dylan became so rage-filled at being stuffed into a snowsuit I thought he was going to attract some sort of mobile, weather-resistant CPS unit, pulling up to our house via plow, shouting into a bullhorn about putting the baby down and backing away with our hands in the air. Riley is a little thrilled about the snow but refuses to wear a hat and is deeply, deeply suspicious of the sled, to the point of asking if we could just go back inside and pretend to be riding it.
There’s not much to do sit around with the heat cranked, trying to keep the kids entertained, and running to the window every now and then to take more photos, but I suppose we’re muddling along:
Switching gears: sooooooo, can we talk about potty training for a second? Here’s what we’re dealing with with Riley, who, for the sake of context, turned 3 last August.
• He won’t poop in the potty. Flat-out refuses, whines and cries if you make him sit on the toilet, won’t articulate why except that he “doesn’t like it”
• He wears underwear all day long, and aside from the typical oops-I-didn’t-realize-I-had-to-pee-THAT-bad accidents, he does just fine.
• He only poops during naps or at night. Mostly at night. So, after a potty visit, we’ll put him in a Pull-up for the night, do our goodnight routine, and 20 minutes later there’s that Unmistakeable Aroma coming from his bedroom.
What to do? We’ve tried everything, it seems, and maybe part of the problem is that we’ve been a little inconsistent with our approach (rewards, cajoling, bribing, talking, explaining, demonstrating, charting, that’s-okaying, tsk-tsking, etc etc ETC) and now both JB and I are feeling low on patience. It’s turning into this unpleasant nightly thing that starts with the potty visit and the pleading to try and poop, Riley’s subsequent whining and crying, then the inevitable messy diaper change.
He’s a smart boy but stubborn as a goddamned mule, and I’m just not sure what to try at this point. I know we shouldn’t be showing him that we’re irritated or disappointed, but it’s awfully hard not to.
Any ideas?
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128 Responses to “Snow day, potty trouble”
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Oh yes. I remember those days. My daughter, who is now 5, did the exact same thing. She would always wait until I had her in a pull-up at bedtime and then call for me 5 minutes after being tucked in. It was like clockwork! All I can say is she stopped that on her own. I don’t remember how long it took, but she did finally just start pooping on the potty.
Ugh, that STINKS. (Shitty pun intended. Whoops there I go again!)
I haven’t reached Potty Training Age yet (and I fear the day) but I did have a nephew who was similar to Riley. His parents tried EVERYTHING and eventually it spread to the extended family: “You can’t sleep at our house if you don’t use the potty,” we’d say.
“Don’t care,” was his consistent reply.
So they waited it out. At four, he was completely, suddenly trained.
No helpful advice, but wanted you to know you’re so not the only one. And those diapers are AWFUL - I feel you there.
I’m joining the wait it out crowd….just keep reminding yourself that he will not be wearing a diaper to bed at 10 years old. :)
I have been reading your blog for a while now, and love it! Our son is 4 and he went through the exact same thing last year right after he turned 3. So frustrating. I don’t remember any specific formula for success, just one day he did poo on the toilet and (like I knew he would!) realized it wasn’t so bad. We used to sit in there per request and read to him, cajole, threaten, bribe…the whole 9 yards. On a funny note, a friend told us a method that had worked for someone she knew, and that is to tell your child that his/her poo is lonely when in a diaper/undies and wants to go to the “poo party” in the toilet with all the other poos. Hard to tell with a straight face, but cool if it works! :-)
Good luck! Enjoy the weather, we are just North of you and not really loving it except for it’s aesthetic value.
It looks like Wisconsin out there! :)
Wow - we have the opposite problem. My almost-3-year-old will poop in the potty, but won’t pee. I’ll never understand it. My MIL told me the potty training schedule for boys is hereditary. My FIL was late, my husband was late, so my son will too. Great.
That video is so cute, I love how dog is just passed out in her bed.
We have about the same amount of snow here, but to us that is just a dusting. We lost power for 2 days over the weekend due to an ice storm. Eric has had no school all week because they have no power. We were actually lucky only losing power for 2 days.
As far as potty training goes, we were in the EXACT same boat as you are. Eric wasn’t poop potty trained until he was 4, he just did not want to do it. He would pee just fine but he would poop in his pants! We ended up putting him in cheapo diapers again hoping that he would realize how much they sucked and stop crapping himself. Not sure how long he stayed in those but it wasn’t long at all, soon after that he pooped in the potty and that was it. I felt weird because all of our friends with kids his age had no problems using the potty, I felt like Eric was the only 3 year old still pooping in his pants.
Riley will be fine, it will happen, like Eric I’m sure he is just taking his time.
No advice on the potty issue, other than to say I have a hard enough time getting my 27 year old boyfriend to aim correctly and not leave sprinkles on the seat for me to sit in later. If I’m having this much trouble with a grown man I can’t imagine what you’re going through with Riley!
Also, that video is priceless. I love how Dylan just totally falls out at the end. Reminds me of my friends and me when we’ve had a bit much to drink but can’t stop laughing at whatever absurdity is hilarious after a case of beer.
We went through that with my oldest (now 7) and are going through new potty issues with the three year old…what worked with the 7yo was just ignoring it until one day (he was nearly four, *deep sigh*) he announced that he didn’t like using pull-ups and…that was it. Just like that.
The 3yo is not there. In fact, if he’s in underwear, he forgets he’s not in his pull-up. With all that entails. He does just fine if we let him run around butt naked all day long, although that means he’s butt… naked… which is not for the weak of heart. Virtually no accidents, however, and he’ll run to the potty for a poop instead of just squeezing it out where he’s standing. But no matter how well he does with the potty as Naked Toddler Extraordinaire, all that gain is lost when he’s in underwear. I’m really quite frustrated. I’m not quite sure how to go forward from here. I’m hoping that one day he has the same epiphany as his older brother…one day in the extremely near future.
Why shouldn’t you show him that you are ‘irritated or disappointed’?
I let my wife have her way with training our first. She went with the ‘kindler, gentler’ approach and ‘he will learn when he’s ready’. Like I had mentioned before, after he turned three and pissed on my floor I let him know in no uncertain terms that he shouldn’t do it again. He never did again. That is until he started wetting his bed when he was six. That’s a funny story I’ll tell if your kids ever start doing that.
Pete: we have. Oh, we definitely have. The school of thought on that, I think, is that by making a Big Unhappy Deal about it, you’re perpetuating whatever Bad Unhappy Potty feelings they have, making the problem worse. But: we have.
Mia does the same thing, but since she has had Other Issues we have chosen to leave well enough alone and ignore it. Sooner or later she’ll have enough, right? Right?
Oh dont you just wanna bottle that laugh! Adorable. My family is in Seattle and snowed in at the moment as well. They thought they had escaped my Midwestern winters by moving West. Suckas!!! : )
We also had pooping reluctance, although my daughter was less than 1 years old, so it wasn’t so much protest as it was uninterest.
We bought several “training underwear”, which are thick cloth underpants sold at JC Penney’s, and that seemed to work better than diapers to identify the need to poop. The other thing you *may* do (I don’t really know) is not change him right away. If it’s an uncomfortable sensation for him, perhaps he’ll want to do something about it?
All in all, the poop reluctance went on for ~3 months, and there were several public episodes (I believe there is still human poop in our neighbor’s yard), but with time, she got the hang of it. So it might just take time.
Ah! I totally feel your pain! I went through this with not one, but two children. What we finally did with both was just to leave them alone. We congratulated them when they used the potty, but didn’t get upset if they used their pull ups. This of course was after months of pleading, begging and bribing to get them to poop in the potty! By dropping the subject we became more relaxed and so did my son and daughter.
One word of warning that we ran into with my daughter - we tired pretty hard with her to poop in the pot - almost a constant battle. She ended up “holding” her poop in for so long that she became constipated - not a situation that you want to end up in.
Oh! You may want to look at getting a soft, padded potty seat that fits on the regular seat. I know that I hate to sit on plastic chairs because they are uncomfortable and we all end up making the kids sit on the potty for awhile to “see if they have to go” and I’m sure his bum is sore.
Good luck and remember that he will not graduate high school in diapers - heck he won’t even graduate kindergarten in them, even though it feels that way.
The video is great. That fucking laugh. Gotta love it!
Oh -we never made a big deal of it or did rewards or anything, by the way. We just sort of sat back and let her figure it out.
The only thing I can suggest is what my parents did with me. Apparently I was the same way, and finally my mother sat me on the toilet and made me stay there until I finally pooped. Apparently there was much wailing, whining, and crying, but eventually I did it, and after I had done it once I never had a problem with it again. But perhaps you’ve already tried this? Or Riley is more stubborn than I am and will just hold it in until the constipation is killing him?
Riley sounds exactly like my nephew, only a year younger. Yes, at 4 years old, my extremely bright, intelligent, stubborn little shit of a nephew was STILL not using the potty. Much like Riley, M would ask for a nap or to go to bed, just so he could have a Pull-Up. He was so damned stubborn, he actually went a full 24-hours without going to the washroom until D panicked that he would do harm to his body and put him in a Pull-Up (at which point he filled two).
They also tried the charts and stickers and prizes and praise and no-more-McDonald’s and examples and talks, all to no avail. Like everyone else has already mentioned, they finally had to wait him out.
At least you’ll have a year on them, though. ;) Good luck!
P.S. Dylan laughing so hard at the end he can’t even stay upright is priceless.
my son did the same thing! he ended up kind of being affraid to poop. He’d hold it for days. I started to get really worried…called the Dr. and everything. He finally let one umm..”slip” in the tub. That freaked him out so bad he never did it again and went in the potty. Kids are weird. I’m going through it again with my daughter who is now 2. She refuses to wear panties to the point of a knock down, drag out fit every time I bring them out. I’m at a loss with her!
We went thru the same thing when our son was 3. We reminded, begged, pleaded, bribed, threatened…you name it, we tried it. Then I told Hubby we needed to just drop it. Sam knew what to do and knew when he had to go. Three days after we shut our mouths and quit pestering him about it, he started going on his own.
I don’t know if it’s our fault or what, but he STILL has issues and he’s almost 6.5. I talked to a friend who was a school nurse and she said it is SO common; it’s a control issue for kids. We finally have just had to bite our tongues because it’s nothing but frustrating for us and who knows what lasting damage we may be doing to him.
Oh do I feel your pain.
My daughter, 3, born in Aug 05. is very similar.
It’s sooo frustrating because she will wear underwear, and pee in the potty no prob and also rarely if ever has accidents. But if she has to poop (and she’s not super regular about it) she will go get a pull up, change into it, go into her room for “privacy” then announce that she is done and could we please change her. soooo frustrating!!!
Clearly, perfectly capable of taking her crap in the toilet but no. flat. out. refuses. no matter what we do. Stubborn that girl is.
If you come up with a solution that works, other than waiting (which I’m trying to do patiently) let me know!
I haven’t read the previous comments - so I’m sorry if this has already been said - but I think it’s a headgame at this point (duh) and you should give him as little emotion as possible… for a while… and *hopefully* whatever fears he has about doing “it” will subside, and you can start again in a really positive reinforced way. I do think any negativity will perpetuate the negativity…. although I can sympathize on how difficult it would be to keep the negativity inside. I don’t think that what he is doing is a rebellious action - I truly think he is scared, for whatever reason… which is really quite common. Unfortunately, I also think that only time and patience will work w/this situation. Sucks, I know.
We are FINALLY getting to the tail end of potty training I think (my son was 3 in Sept.) He didn’t have the EXACT problem you’re dealing with, with him he would do whatever he needed to do if you happened to get him to the potty on time, otherwise he’d just go in his Pull up. FUnny thing though, he’s been completely night trained for almost a year! So I knew he was physically ready and could hold it.
What I finally did was put his little potty right next to the big potty and took him every 30 min and sat down next to him on the toilet like I was going too.
Also, I put him in underpants ALL THE TIME. I threw away all the pull ups and the first day he ASKED for a diaper, and I refused. This went on for about two (MESSY) weeks and finally, he just stopped and only has a couple of accidents a week now.
I don’t call my son potty trained though because he RARELY initiates a potty trip, I usually take him to the potty every two hours or so, but he’s almost always dry in between visits.
Potty training has been SO AWFUL for us. ANd I have a 6 month old son now, I don’t even want to THINK about going through this again!
Oh, this probably makes me an awful parent, using food as reward, but when our son poops on the potty, he gets a cupcake. He tries EVERY DAY. He can’t always do it, but now he wants to try. This was the big problem for us. I know once he does it several times everything will be fine, but he just wouldn’t even attempt.
Also, he hates being wiped after a diaper change, so we tried to impress upon him that there’s much less wiping because pooping on the potty is cleaner than having poo smeared everywhere by the diaper.
He’s done it three or so times now, and he’s starting to become impressed by the size and shape of his poops, so we’ve got that going for us. “Hey, let’s use the potty so we can see what a big poop you make!” Parenting is so dignifying, isn’t it?
My friend’s little boy was at this stage and she just started making him clean himself up. I don’t know if she had him in underpants all the time or what. He started using the potty for pooping shortly thereafter.
Oh, and my dad lives in Seattle, and keeps emailing me about snow, and I was all, “whatever” but these pictures have convinced me to take him seriously!
This may be gross, but when we got to this stage with my daughter I had an epiphany. I took the child (at arm’s length) and put her and her poop filled panties in the bathtub and made her remove her soiled clothes herself. It worked like a charm. She never pooped in her pants again. The best part is you can hose him off when he’s done.
We went through this with my daughter. We had to finally give up and let him take control. It was hard as hell to do this, but once we let up - he did it on his own. He was 4.
I think potty training was more difficult than anything else we have done as parents. He would flat out refuse to do it. No matter what we did, he would not use the potty.
It was so frustrating. We tried everything. People always said we should make him do it. We tried that and he became so constipated that he needed a doctor’s intervention to help him out.
He will eventually get it! I thought that day would never come, but it finally did and it is marvelous.
Well not that I know anything at all but if you left him in his messy diaper all night long rather than change him right away, would that have any sort of effect? I know it would really reek and you’d have a huge mess to change later, but doesn’t he get uncomfortable enough with it to realize he’d rather poop somewhere other than in his sleepers??
On another note, love the endless entertainment value of the peekaboo game… how long can they do that nonstop?
Also love how dog seems rather nonfazed (is that even a word?) about it all.
Jennifer: sadly, no — he doesn’t seem to mind the pooped-in diaper at all.
::Sigh::
If you figure it out, let me know. Peanut will only pee/poop with other people. As in, rarely with me. She will do both with H. Today BFF was over and she asked to go potty with her. Clearly I’m the worst person in the world to advise you on this one, since my kid will go with anyone. but. me.
::throws hands in air in utter defeat::
I’m right there with ya on the “won’t poop on the potty” thing. She pees without an issue and she’s had that part under control for a very long time now. My daughter and Riley are only a few weeks apart, she turned 3 on 8/24.
I can not, to save my life, get her to poop on the potty. She will go in her panties, pull up, whatever. If we try to get her to sit on the potty, major freak out occurs. If we bribe her, she doesn’t want whatever it is. I’ve caught her getting ready to go and run her to the potty - she’ll suck that puppy back up so fast just in refusal of the potty and then hold it for another day or so. She’ll go DAYS without pooping. She has actually gone a couple times (didn’t realize it was gonna happen, I think) and has been rewarded - didn’t help. I’ve made her clean up the mess (as best she can) and that hasn’t helped.
At this point, I just keep telling myself that she’ll eventually get past this. I tell her that if she needs to go, I’ll get a pull up so she at least doesn’t ruin more panties.
So, no help, but we can commiserate together!
Oh, and she even missed a killer opportunity for a preschool this year because of this.
Oh, the potty training drama. Nothing drove me bat-sh*t crazier than the battles over pooping in the potty. It’s also when I felt like the worst mom ever.
My son was the same as yours — only pooping in his Pull-Up — and after a while I just let it go and figured it was saving both of us a lot of stress. I know it’s cold comfort at this point, but not being fully potty trained at 3.5 is really common, especially in boys. Hang in there, pick your battles, and all that other hollow-sounding mom advice. :)
FYI, my son is now 6.5 and STILL wears a diaper at night. Sigh. He’ll get there soon, and so will Riley.
Just to make it clear, my son’s not pooping in his diaper at 6.5! (didn’t mean to scare you.) Riley will get it in the next six months I bet. Best of luck !
A few ideas:
1. comfy little potty seat, with handles, if you don’t already have one. Just in case he’s afraid of falling in.
2. bribery. Promise an immediate trip to Target to get a coveted toy. If he does it, throw him in the car and go, no matter what the hour. Celebrate with candy, cake, whatever it takes.(this worked for us after great resistance).
3. Buy a doll that poops and let him feed it and put it on the potty. I think there’s one called Baby Alive or something.
4. Get the book “Everyone Poops.”
5. Miralax. Good idea if you think that he may have had a painful poop experience that’s stuck in his brain and made him afraid to go again. It’s harmless and tasteless, mixes with juice. You can’t OD a kid on it, it passes right through. Get him going on that for a few days and eventually he’ll forget what it was like to have painful poops. Then try again.
We would sit the boy on the potty when we thought a poop was “on its way.” (like after mealtime, or in your case bedtime)
We would sit with him with a STACK of books. And just read and read and read and read.
Until he pooped.
And then he got a temp tattoo. Every time he freakin pooped. Needless to say, the kid was covered in tattoos.
It worked. He was out of diapers within a week.
Then we had to break the tattoo habit, but thats another story….
My son will never be toilet trained, it feels like. He has major sensory issues and we are just not there yet, I fear. But one thing we do is that once he has his bath and gets changed into his pajamas and we say prayers and sing to him, he is staying in his room until morning. We don’t go in, he doesn’t come out, until morning. I think it might be worth it to try and explain the schedule to Riley and then stick to it. If he goes moments after you put him in his diaper, it sounds like he knows what he’s doing. I would offer the potty every night, let him know that this is his chance, and then let him know he can have another chance to go in the morning. It sucks, I know, I actually miss my son all night but what can you do? We have to make it clear to him that nighttime is for sleeping and this is the only way we have found to do it. Good luck, I hate hate hate thinking about poop and I can’t believe how much I do! That and sleep is all I think about anymore.
It feels so surreal looking at your pictures of snow. I live in Australia and it is supposedly supposed to get up to 37 Degrees Celsius today.
Its good that you are muddling along tho. I miss snow!
Hi! I don’t comment very often, but I thought I would now. I don’t have kids and I’ve never potty trained anyone. BUT, I was wondering if it might help to change the color of the water in the toilet. Like I know you can buy those toilet cleaner balls that turn water blue or green and maybe the novelty would help? Or use food coloring and dye the water purple. I don’t know, but I’d try something weird like that cause I’m nutty.
Also, when I was a kid I was scared of the noisy flush. I know there are training toilets you can buy, that don’t flush obviously, and that would be gross to clean. But maybe if he practices on a toilet that doesn’t have water he’d be less nervous to poo on a toilet with water?
Good luck!
Well, I know with Reeve (also stubborn as a damned mule. I blame his mother’s side…), we were as scattershot in our approach as y’all have been. Finally, we just got sick of it, said “fuck it, he’ll do it when he’s ready.” And lo and behold, he did, not long after. My theory is that when we stopped pushing him, going to the potty became something he took more “ownership” of (basically, he started thinking it was HIS idea to do it). Shortly after making that breakthrough, he also announced to us one night about eight or nine months ago that he was DONE wearing nighttime Pull-ups. And he’s had no accidents that were of his own making in that regard (though I do still grab him about midnight and take him into the bathroom for a still-mostly-asleep pee session).
The only thing that worked with my third son was to have him carry his dirty diaper to the toilet and dump its contents. The very next day he preferred to just sit on the potty than to have to go through the extra steps. He is the only one of mine that Ive had trouble with but this has seemed to cure it.
wait…did you say DEMONSTRATING?? Am I seriously going to have to demonstrate the art of pooping to my son? Because if so, I’m totally leaving that one to the other penis having person in the house.
Damn that laugh is infectious…impossible to watch that video without giggling - and is that DOG snoozing in the background? Too funny!
I’m gonna say forget the pull up, let him poop in his underwear, and make him clean it up himself. Sheets, underwear, his own bottom, everything. Then hem and haw the whole time saying things like “Ah man, that stinks. When I have accidents I have to clean it up too. Don’t forget to wipe!”
It’ll be annoying for 2 or 3 nights, and then he’ll magically poop in the toilet.
I tend not to give advice about potty training, because I kinda sucked at it. But, Riley sounds EXACTLY like my daughter. She wouldn’t poop in the potty, waited for her bed time pull up, and said it was just because she “didn’t like it.” We just waited her out. I changed her poopy ass (and went back and forth betwen tsk-tsking and that’s okaying and even a little IF YOU LIKE TO POOP IN YOUR EFFING DIAPER, THEN YOU CAN SIT IN YOUR POOPY EFFING DIAPER ALL EFFING DAY-ing) and when she was about 3 1/2 I gave up. I just quit asking her to do it. It was probably less than a month after I gave up that she decided that yep, I’v won this battle and then she started pooping on the toilet.
What I’m saying is, hang in there. It really worked for us to just GIVE UP and accept the fact that the kid is going to be going to college with a pack of pull-ups. If Riley is anything like my daughter, he isn’t going to poop in the potty until he knows he’s got you beat. So, just let him beat you. :)
Sorry, no advice here. Just wanted to let you know that we are going through the EXACT same thing with our son, who will turn three a week from Saturday. He is a champ when it comes to peeing and wearing underwear all day, but somehow he manages to hold his poops until he is in a diaper for either nap or nighttime, usually nap. We, too, beg and plead with him to please at least TRY and take a dump before we put a diaper on him, but he just isn’t interested.
Apparently this isn’t uncommon. It’s a real pain in the ass (isn’t it awful to wipe feces from your son’s testicles as you discuss the WEATHER with him?). I’m thinking that maybe we will have to take away the diapers altogether and go through some messy sheets and toss some underwear in the trash, leaving him no choice but to take a dump on the pot like a REAL man.
Do keep us posted. Have you tried giving him a cigarette and a magazine? ;)
I’m still in the just deal with the shit diaper after he goes to bed camp and wait it out. He’ll go eventually. I just wouldn’t stop telling him to try before bed if that is when he mostly goes.
Or you could give him a laxative and….well that’s not such a hot idea.
prune juice or an enema and then sit him on the loo until he goes.
As usual I can relate to EXACTLY what you describe. My son turned 3 in August and can pee no problem in the toilet 24/7 but just keeps on pooping in his underwear. GOOD TIMES! Daycare isn’t willing to use stickers, chocolate or any other reward and quitting my job until he figures it out isn’t an option. Good god, I hope it’s soon!
Um, maybe have JB take him out in the woods for a bonding father-son ‘poofest’? Maybe when he realizes that it nicer when he’s not poo-ing ON himself, he’d dig it?
Ok, I have no kids. Just a thought.
I remember my oldest was 3 years and 6 months (almost to the day)….we tried EVERYTHING….but when he reached that age, it happened….and I don’t know what the difference was….so take heart….also,that video was great….love the laughing Dylan….and how the video ends with the head clunk….hes at the age he needs to be bubblewrapped.
I feel your pain. We wrapped up PT 2 months ago but it took a while for my son to “get” #2. He would do the same exact thing-wait for the nighttime diaper or just hold it which made it worse b/c then he’d be so constipated. I say just let it be and it will click for Riley. Don’t try to push it b/c then it could cause worse issues like constipation and then you’d be dealing with suppositories and other yucky things.
I would ask myself: why does he have the urge to poop at sleep time? How long after eating is this happening? Do you let him eat or drink after dinner, and could this be stimulating his bowels?
My girls were poop trained well before 1.5 because I paid attention to how their bodies worked and, when I knew they were most likely to have the urge, they were on the potty. Go ahead and say I “trained myself,” but the fact is that in very short order, they chose to hold their poops once they knew they would have an opportunity to avoid a poopy diaper. The thing is, they can’t hold it forever; you have to make sure they have the opportunity to go when their body is most ready to go. By extension, if you can change things around so he can’t hold it until after bedtime, he might be more motivated to try the potty versus soiling his underwear right in front of you.
Maybe you could consider moving the time that he eats or goes to bed. Also, consider feeding him foods that will stimulate things, like beans and apples. And temporarily avoid foods that can constipate like bananas and cheese.
OMG, the 2 snow days - GAH! I only have one, but he’s 19mos and still a bit too young to enjoy any crafty indoor activities. He’s literally running around in circles and throwing tantrums every 5 minutes; that I COULD have gone out with him yesterday makes me sooooo pissed.
As for the potty, maybe your pediatrician can recommend some potty training boot camp or witch doctor :)
ok, really starting thinking after my last post….why did my kid finally shit on the toilet….(ok, it was a trip down memory lane since he’s 18 now)….but realized it was my attitude…I think i finally gave up…decided if “you want to shit in your pants….have at it….wallow in it….who cares…hope your kindergarten teacher likes the smell of shit…”,then let it go…voila….potty training shortly thereafter….so in a nutshell….relax, let it be….and it is true….no one goes to kindergarten in diapers!!!
SKL: he goes at night (or sometimes during naptimes) because he holds it until he’s alone in his bedroom, you know? I agree it would be good to figure out how to change his schedule so he CAN’T hold it all day — definitely need to up his fiber intake but oh guess what, EATING is another issue! Good for you on figuring all this out by 18 months, that’s quite impressive.
My 3.5 year old boys had the same issues with pooping in the potty. They would hold it and hold it until they pooped all over the place. We were getting all annoyed but once we stopped making a big deal about pooping in the potty and told them if they did they would get a sticker, but if they had an accident we didn’t react negatively but were like “You’ll get it next time!” They chilled out, dropped the power struggle and pooped on the potty. Also, you may try ditching the pull-ups because lets face it, they are diapers and it is ok to poop in a diaper. Relax, it is not like it will be this way forever and he’s just three, so it really isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Don’t worry about the pooping in the pull-up thing. It is not uncommon at all (according to my pediatrician) for kids to pee train and poop train and different times. They require different muscles that don’t always develop at the same rate. My son easily pee trained at 3 years, but refused to poop in the potty. He wore underwear, but would ask for a pull-up when he had to poop. My pediatrician (a very wise man) said, “Give it to him. This is not something you want to turn into a power struggle. You can’t win it. It’s his body.” He was right. I didn’t make big deal out of it and gave him a pull-up when he wanted to poop for 6 months. Then we went on a trip and I forgot the pull-ups. He had to poop and I said “I don’t have pull-ups” and he said “OK” and went on the potty and that was that. (My son’s name is Riley also, btw.) So don’t sweat it, but don’t fight him about it. I have a friend whose 6 year old still poops in her underwear because they’ve been engaged in a 4 year power struggle. You do NOT want to go there. Your guy will poop in the potty eventually. I’m pretty sure he won’t go to prom in diapers. (Very much enjoy your blog.)
My first family doctor told me that boys, especially, have a problem “letting go” of their poops. Since he was a doctor and a parent, I tended to listen to him pretty attentively. He said that you should make an “event” of saying goodbye to the poop in the potty. Also let them know that “Everyone Poops” (yes it is the name of a book…..author Robert Muench, I believe). Might want to check into that title.
I also potty trained my youngest using his then favorite candy (buttered popcorn jelly bellys). He pooped, he got a jellybean. It worked, although he does associate jellybeans with bowel movements, even to this day……Is that bad?
I didn’t read all the comments above, so I hope I’m not being redundant, but my son was the same damn way. Finally after him requesting a diaper to poop in, or even hiding to crap in his underpants for weeks, I knew it WAS TIME. Then one day I waited until I KNEW he hadn’t pooped all day, gave him a nice WARM cup of cocoa, and stuck his little ass on the pot. I told him (sternly, I guess) “Look dude, you have to poop on the pot.” He proceeded to scream, cry, kick and howl. I just kept calmly telling him he had to poop on the pot. I read him stories for about an hour while sitting on the floor in front of the pot, and finally he couldn’t hold it anymore. He totally freaked out while it was happening, but once it was over I gave him M&M’s, praise and hugs. It took a few nights (and one suppository) but it finally stuck. It’s a pain in the ass, and time consuming, but it really works. Once they realize it’s okay when the poop comes out into the pot they finally relax… and request candy every time they crap. So long story short… Wait it out on the pot.
Maybe try to figure out the reason why he doesn’t like the toilet. Of course you’ve probably already tried, but just a few ideas. Eg: he doesn’t feel steady with his feet dangling? Maybe get one of those little stools (uh, no pun intended) that he can put his feet on, which then gives him something to ‘push’ against if you know what I mean. He doesn’t like the splashing sound? Give him some big boy earmuffs to wear while pooping, or something. Ok, that sounds ridiculous, but… kids are. If he likes the privacy of his own room, maybe give him some ‘private potty time’ before bed and then don’t crow over the results, or lack of. Does he need the pull ups in bed regardless of the poop issue? Is it possible to put him to bed without one, if he doesn’t like to ‘go’ in his regular underwear? I guess you don’t want to risk the mess being even messier, though…
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. Same. Exact. Problem Here.
3 year old will hold #2 for up to FIVE DAYS until she gets a diaper or pull up on. I have tried ALL these suggestions and nothing works. She is REALLy headstrong and stubborn. Our ped said to just give her a diaper. We don’t need her getting so constipated her bowel distends. So, now I’m going with the “don’t say anything” method and just giving her a pull up when she wants. I can’t stand the battling. When I was trying to wait her out and not give her a diaper, she actually stopped PEEING as well. She went ALL DAY one day without doing either. That’s when I gave up. She won.
She seems to be freaked out by all the praise we heap on her when she uses the potty. Because now she tells me not to talk to her afterwards. So, I’m trying to relax and not make a deal out of it at all.Now she at least is peeing on the potty again.
I’m just hoping all these people are right…that if we ignore it, they will eventually do it on their own. *crossing fingers*!
I don’t have kids, but it seems like he wants to be alone and to do it in his bedroom, a comfortable place he’s used to. Is a potty chair in his room an option? He can be left alone to do it, you can see him on the video monitor, and if he goes for it, he may get the opportunity to realize it’s so much better to not have a messy pullup. For easy clean up, you could line the bowl of the chair with a plastic bag.
Kids hang on to pooping in diapers for as long as possible for some reason. If you feed him a lot of fruit it won’t stink as much is all I can suggest while you wait it out. I suppose he has to agree to eating the fruit though. Aaaaaargh. You have my sympathies.
Sounds similar to my experience with my son. We just gave up for a while and for his 4th (!) birthday we told him we’d buy him a jeep kid car to drive if he’d decide once and for all to just use the potty. Worked like a charm. I’m glad he wasn’t holding out for something better!
Ugh, have BEEN THERE. Just ignore it. I know that isn’t easy, but it was the only thing that worked with my son. I honestly think that his logic was “Why should I bother to try and do it on the potty if they’ll clean it out of the diaper for me?” Then one day, just like that, he was poop-trained.
He was about 2 weeks past his 4th birthday. Sorry.
It’s a boundary issue more than a power issue. Toddlers think that poop is ‘part of them’ not something to just flush away. Until they can separate their sense of self from what ‘they leave behind’ they can’t just ‘leave it behind’. Think how you would feel if someone in authority asked you to just ‘leave that arm in that thar bowl and then we’ll just get rid of it’?
So yeah the acknowledging and saying ‘goodbye’ to the poop might work. Almost like a bit of a grieving process.
Hope that perspective helps.
Our son was very resistant to pooping in the potty. He too was peeing in the potty long before he was willing to poop there. We just made it a part of our schedule that he spent at least 5 minutes on the potty before nap and 5 minutes before bedtime. We offered a reward for pooping in the potty (in this case ice cream) that he loved but could not obtain any other way; he only got it if he pooped in the potty. We had several nights of crying that he didn’t need to go and that he wanted to get down, but we set a timer, and he wasn’t allowed to get down until the timer went off. After about 3 weeks, he was consistently pooping in the potty.
I just recently discovered your blog and I am so glad I did, as I can really relate to a lot of your postings. Your pictures made me homesick (I was born and raised in Seattle).
My son Gabriel is almost exactly the same age as Riley and has been fully potty-trained (with the exception of nights and the occasional accident) since he was 2 years 10 months. What worked for us was just putting him in underwear during the day, and constantly asking him if he needed to use the bathroom and then making him sit on the potty every hour.
When he did have accidents in his underwear he realized that he really didn’t like the feeling. We also had a simply training potty that we placed near where he spent most of his time during the day, so it was close and less intimidating.
Maybe a potty (you know one of those training kind at the baby stores) in the bedroom?
I’m pulling at straws since I only have 1 baby Dylan’s age.
LOVE the video. Dog is a mighty heavy sleeper! Lucky bitch! ;)
I agree with those who suggest ditching the pullups and diapers. If he poops in his underpants a few times I bet he’ll figure it out. Especially if they are his favorites and he sees you put them in the trash can afterward. :-)
I also always like the “babies poop in their diapers, but big boys poop in the potty” thing. My son HATES being called a baby.
maybe if u left a small potty chair in his room he would go on his own when u weren’t there at night time?? or maybe have a friend for riley over who is already potty trained and get riley excited to be like his friend. or i think the idea some people had of making him clean himself would be helpful. kids at that age like independence and he would also be taking care of his body himself if he did that. i ask my almost 2 year old if she wants to go and it’s an automatic no on the poop. but she will pee on her own about half the time. don’t know how we are going to tackle the pooping on the potty yet with her. we also do a candy reward of one sweet tart if she pees and two if she poops(which she only did once). and i had her a ‘big girls use the potty book’ which we read and there is one for boys too. i also do a sticker chart and let her choose the sticker and let her put it on the chart. i try to make all the biggest deal out of it being a good thing that i can and try not to say anything about her now going. hope any of this helps.
My son did the same thing, except he would always poop at naptime. One day I just kept him up playing (in underwear) way past naptime and kept telling him if he had to poop, he could go on the potty and he’d get an m&m. He finally pooped in his underwear, which freaked him the F out. OH, the wailing and gnashing of teeth! I thought I’d ruined him and he’d NEVER be potty trained. And cleaning THAT up was no fun either. But once we managed that he got over it pretty fast (he was just over 3 at the time). The next day, we did the same thing, with the same freak out. The third day, same thing except all of a sudden he came running into the bathroom saying, “I want a lollipop! I want a lollipop!” and pooped in the potty. He’s been trained ever since.
My daughter, I had to sit in the bathroom with her, reading, for HOURS, but she needed me there, she was so scared–but again, once she did it and understood it wasn’t as scary as she thought, trained.
Good luck!
30 years ago, our son also was a pants-pooper. He’d hide in the closet, mostly. Since he was an active, competitive, all rough-and-tumble kinda kid, we finally made a game out of the pooing. I took his potty chair, drew a damn big ole bullseye on the bottom of the pot and bet him he couldn’t hit the bullseye…really dramatic statements and laid it on pretty thick.
He did it.
When that excitement wore off after a week or so, I drew a big cartoon face and bet him again. Ha! Bet you cannot get that poop on that guys’ nose! (Gross, eh?)
You get the picture. It worked wonders for our kid because he loved games and couldn’t stand not to be perfect and win…yes, even at that age. He graduated to the regular toilet not too long after that. Whatever works!
Hey - he sounds just like my daughter, who is now 4. She wouldn’t poop on the potty until 1 month before she turned 4. Like you I tried every GD thing in the book and just ended up feeling like a complete failure! Finally, I just let it go and let her continue to do what she needed to do - obviously, just going on blind faith that eventually she’d get there and I’d try to diffuse the control issue we had ramped ourselves into. One week after giving up and letting her just go in her pull-up, she started using the potty and never looked back.
Good luck - just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in your frustration!
Have read some but not all the responses so forgive me if I’m repeating others. My now-five year old did the same thing; our fix was to let him poop in the diaper while sitting on the potty (for which he got a skittle). Then, we eased into opening the diaper a bit, then more… and he could, um, watch the process… which actually helped him be less scared/whatever about it. Eventually the diaper was laid open into the potty bowl, then removed after that. I also had him help dump (heh) the poops into the toilet and he learned dumping it from the bowl was easier than from the diaper.
Oh and ‘Everyone Poops’ is a great book, and subtly points out that animals poop wherever but people do it in the potty or toilet, so yay. That helps, too.
Good luck!
P.S. Dylan. SO CUTE.
Um, and Riley is SO CUTE too. I meant to add. :)
Here’s another vote for do nothing, he’ll just start doing it on his own one day (although it’s a bummer that he waits until naptime or bedtime). My 4.5 year old wouldn’t poop on the potty for some time after he started using the potty to pee. He would ask for a pull up when he wanted to poop. Initially, I tried rewards, bribery, etc., but finally just starting giving him a pull up and not making a big deal of it. Not too long after that, he just starting pooping in the potty.
Not so much looking forward to potty training his younger brother…
Good luck.
Demonstrating? *raised eyebrow* Do tell.
You have too many comments for me to read them all, but I just wanted to share a little bit of advice my Dad gave to me when I was freaking out about potty training.
Look around you, how many adults have you met that failed at potty training? It will happen when he’s ready. So relax and try not to fret.
Sorry, I was worried that you might think that I was talking about how many adults failed to potty train their kids. I’m not. I’m talking about adults who didn’t get potty trained. Not many of them walking around, so don’t worry too much about it. Sure it’s annoying but trust me, he’ll come around.
If my cousin, who had a step Mom threaten to flush him down the toilet as a baby, and would even hold his head over the toilet and dunk his head into the toilet whenever he had an accident could get potty trained (by my Grandma, eventually after he got over his terror of the toilet) than I’m sure Riley can be potty trained.
My boys were the same, and I apologize if I am repeating someone above.
We bought them each A Toy. Something HUGE.
They were AFRAID to poop. Don’t blame them, what with the MYINSIDESAREFALLINGOUTOMG feeling.
They were told that if they pooped ONCE on the toilet, they got The Toy.
Once they did it, they realized that they were not going to DIE.
They’ve been trained ever since.
My girls were the same way about pooping. I TRIED not to worry about it and eventually they got it. Sounds like your boy knows where the poop should go, so eventually he’ll put it there. For me, once my girls got it the first time it was success most always after that. It’s just a looong road until then. Good luck!
Other thing I used to do with my girls. After I started using the potties, I never changed their diapers anywhere but in the bathroom. If they pooped in their diapers, I held them over the toilet while taking off the diapers, then put them on the potty to watch while I emptied the poop from the diaper into the toilet. This was to show them that poop ALWAYS goes in the toilet - it doesn’t belong in the diaper. (And also to ensure our house/garage never smelled like stale crap.) After they were out of diapers, if they had an accident, I did pretty much the same thing - take them to the potty, clean the mess in the toilet with them watching. And I’d let them know I thought it was gross. I never got to the point of making them clean it up, but I do think that’s a good idea too. (When my kid accidentally tipped her potty for the umpteenth time and spilled pee, I made her scrub the floor with me and she’s been remarkably careful since then.)
I also gave (and still give) the girls plenty of time to relax and make a bowel movement. It’s been part of our daily routine that they spend about 15-20 minutes reading/playing on the potties in the bathroom after certain meals. Another thing is that after a certain age, having an adult in the room was a distraction from the “focus.” Are you giving him some privacy and letting him take his time?
I swear I started smelling poop after reading some of the comments.
I’m wondering why you are using pull ups tho…aren’t they messier because you have to pull them down his legs?? Anyway, my only suggestion would be to leave him in the diaper/pullup for as long as you can stand the smell, maybe it will drive him nutty to be “in” it?
I didn’t read all the comments, so I’m sorry if I repeated an idea! :(
we bribed Nick with M n M’s and sang happy birthday and lit a candle and let him blow it out every time he pooped on the potty.
He won’t be pooping when he goes to Kindy. I promise.
Now getting them esp boys to wipe their own asses, that’s another story all together.
Seriously, make him clean himself up. It’s what child psychologists will tell you to do!
How long do you wait before you go in to change Riley? You could try to make it a few minutes longer each time so that he’s uncomfortable sitting in his own poo but not too long, you know? Once he realizes that it’s ICKY to sit in poo he should stop on his own. My youngest was the same way but for the life of me I don’t remember what finally worked. I guess I just blocked out that whole period and moved on to getting reports from preschool about The Captain whizzing on the trees on the playground. FUN!
My plan for my 3rd is to just ask, ‘Do you want to go in the potty?’ and if he says no then I’ll leave it at that. With my first two it was SUCH AN ISSUE that I about went crazy. This time, I don’t care if he is 4 and still wearing diapers, he may be changing himself by then! Just so I don’t have to stress about it. I figure he will want to be like the other kids one day and just decide to do it. (He is 2 now, and I have begun to ask, and so far, he has no interest so we are still in diapers)
Forgive me if this was mentioned already as I didn’t read the other comments. This was suggested to me by two people, and while I didn’t have this problem with my daughter, I still told her this ridiculous tale, and she likes it.
Tell him that his poop WANTS to get flushed down the potty, because there is a party for poop at the end of the tunnel. A poo poo party. My kids asks, “WITH CAKE?” and “Can pee pee come?”
Other than that, I agree with the no stress approach. Let him shit his pants until he realizes - hey! this is gross!
I have the exact opposite problem (which I concede is nowhere near as trying) in that my almost-3-year-old will poop in the potty, but never asks to pee in it. She’s been poop trained for over a year (and there was no magic or cleverness on our parts involved - she just started asking to use the potty), and will pee on the potty on command, but won’t take that final step and ask to pee on the potty. We haven’t started to systematically do anything like rewards or a put-her-on-it-every-1/2-hour system, but we praise her when she keeps her pull-up dry and have shown her that we have underwear for her when she feels ready to wear it. Wish I could help.
Been through this twice and my advice is: just ignore it and Riley will eventually decide - on his own - when he’s had enough of pooping in pull-ups. Not worth the stress to cajole. He’s stubborn like my youngest daughter and the only thing that works with her is just to get over myself and let her figure it out on her own. It will be over before you know it.
We had something really similar with Ella and I was beyond frustrated. Especially with the fact that she could control WHEN she pooped and apparently where, but was refusing to just make that last little step to pooping in the potty. Finally my MIL hit on the magic trick one weekend when she was babysitting. She had Ella wash off her own butt in the bathtub after a naptime poop, and then she asked to use the toilet to poop the next day. When I heard how things had gone down, I went to talk to Ella and explained that we didn’t like touching her poop anymore. If she was going to keep pooping in her panties or Pull-ups, then she was going to have clean up afterwards (which obviously necessitated quite a bit of help, but still). I wasn’t angry about it, I just explained the situation. Every time she did a mess in her pants, I just calmly took her to the bath and started running the water. Honestly, within a week, we were done with diapers and she had started using the toilet all the time. I think that its a very non-confrontational way to shift the responsibility to the child but I think you have to decide if Riley is developed enough to follow the logic, ie understand that he is making his own decision and is not being punished. I think trying this on a child too young would backfire because they would just see it as a punishment.
While annoying, I will echo what others have said here–forget the Pullups. Tell Riley when you get to the end of the next pack that there will be no more pullups, just big boy underwear and that he will have to do ALL his business in the potty. If he holds his poop (what my daughter did) for too long I’d recommend an (whisper)enema(whisper). One time was enough for my stubborn pullups pooper.
Haven’t read through all of your comments, so I’m not sure if this has been said BUT…
For my son I put a handful (yes, literally a big heaping handful) of cheerios in the potty (since ALL kids know what cheerios are), and when he came into the bathroom to see what was going on I looked at him nonchallantly and said “Those are MY cheerios…DO NOT go big stinkies on them…did I mention, they’re MINE?” He laughed at me and thought I was crazy…and the next thing I knew he was sitting on the toilet shouting “MOMMY I DID BIG STINKIES ON YOUR CHEERIOS!” It was a shining moment. I would highly recommend the reverse psychology tactic. (just remember, it’s about acting like you don’t care, but making him think he’d be the cat’s meow if he actually DID go big stinkies on your cheerios…it can be done, I swear :) )
Must go write a thank-you note to Cheerios now. Best of luck!
wish I had advice for you but we are in the same boat. Last night my husband had a talking to with my almost 3 year old boy and they “agreed” to no desserts until Cody started asking to go to the potty. So, now we have a new part of the bedtime stalling routine. Cody gets out of bed and comes downstairs insisting he has to use the potty! At least for a change he is insistent that daddy needs to help!
We are going through the same thing around here. No issues with the peeing, but when he has to poop he goes into the corner of his playroom and if you go into the room it is all “mommy go away”. We offer treats, we praise and we get frustrated. At this point I’ve just decided to just let it go for now, as everyone else said, sooner or later he’ll do it. Might be a pain in the ass for the time being, but eventually they all get it.
Loving the snow pictures. We didn’t get quite as much over on the west side, but enough to satisfy my snow cravings for the year.
Colleen: “poo party….all the other poos!” LOL I’m dying over here!!
I think we should corrall all of our potty-troubled kids into a Survivor-style reality show to see who can hold it the longest, because these kids have some skillz, and someone has to benefit from this, right? Just don’t ask me to be on the judging panel screening the nominee tapes.
Wait a second, did you say they cancelled school BEFORE it even started snowing??? I realize y’all have, like, 1 plow for the whole city, but dang. What midwestern kids wouldn’t give for that.
Those little buggers are so damn cute. There’s the giggle that makes your heart melt. Then there’s the pants-pooping. Sigh.
Our 3-yr-old was the same way. He actually told us, every day, that he would poop on the potty “tomorrow.” And then he changed that to “when I’m bigger. Like Daddy.”
We just asked him if he was ready on occasion, but otherwise didn’t make a fuss about it. And then, like magic, he was ready. He did it completely on his own when neither of us was present. He’s all set now. It’s awesome. But we really didn’t do anything. Lesson I learned: kids will do the thing on their own time. It’s great for the laizzes faire parents like me.
oh riley and his suspiciousness. it is very adorable, but i don’t have to parent the suspiciousness so that probably makes it cuter. at least you know if there is a future ZOMBIE issue, his vigilance will be an asset. i was a late pooper too (jeez, i think it was like kindergarten) and i think it becomes a control thing. it will happen eventually, as frustrating as it is for you now.
I don’t know if you’re even reading these later comments, but I would like to concur with what my hubby said further up about Reeve and also make one suggestion: put him to bed/nap with no pants,underwear or pullup on at all. It seemed to work ok with Reeve b/c he never had an accident when he wasn’t wearing something. It seems like they have an aversion to pooping out in the open or something like that.
On an unrelated note, it’s supposed to be 75 here in SC today and I’m sorta envious of your snow. It’s hard to get in the holiday spirit when one is wearing flip flops.
I’m not there yet with my son, who is two, but our doctor said as soon as they hit three you make them responsible for cleaning themselves up - literally. Seems harsh, but I’m going to try it! The 4.5 year old boy at my sons daycare is just now fully trained, that’s too old in my opinion.
You’re describing our life, seriously. Thank God.
Pee in the potty? No problem. He’s a champ. I don’t even remember his last accident. But we’re still in pull-ups at nap and nighttime, because that’s the only place he’ll poop. And then he’ll immediately open the door and shout that I need to come clean him up. Thanks, kid.
We’re just waiting it out. The more we pushed/cajoled/begged/withheld the pull-up, the more he just HELD IT IN, for DAYS. He’s now on a hefty dose of Miralax and at least now seems to be BOTHERED by the presence of poop in his pants (he used to just sleep with it, all night if we didn’t go in to check). So I’m taking that as progress, and just waiting for him to take the next step when he’s ready.
My experience was with a stubborn boy too! He was completely comfortable peeing in the toilet (and no daytime accidents with that even). But, had no desire to poop in the toilet and was very stubborn about it. We started telling him around 3 1/2 that when he turned 4, the nighttime pullups were going to be gone. And, on his 4th birthday, we had a great day; and then that night, he went to bed without a pullup. We didn’t make a big deal of it…just very matter-of-factly put him to bed like always, except with no pullup. He seemed to accept it (I think it helped that there wasn’t a big hoopla about no pullup being used that night), and started to poop in the potty. Good luck!
Well, Sundry, I have no advice other than wait it out but I have a lot of sympathy for you. I felt some kind of kinship with you when I read this because the theme at our house is “Cold Days, Potty Troubles” and you know why? It is so damn cold here, like never above zero cold, and our dog refuses to shit. He stands and shivers with his tail clamped over his butthole until we get so cold we can’t stand there any longer. I love my dog to death and I would never really hurt him, but I am so DAMN frustrated. I told my husband I don’t care how he gets the shit out of that dog, but he’s getting the shit out of that dog before we have a house full of it. I’m your sister-in-poop-frustration right now.
We did the waiting thing as well, ’cause both boys did it when they were good and ready. And at different ages. One was 2, and one was 3 1/2. But a few things we did while waiting… One of my sons had trouble with constipation. So - during the day (shoot me trolls now) we loaded him on apple juice instead. For a normal child, this would make them sick or give them the runs - for my kid it made things a little… easier. What kid wants to poop if it hurts? And then at certain times of the day (sounds like before bed for you) we took a hard line, and sat on the potty, with me on the floor too, and read books for a full 15 minutes. There was no choice - whine cry all you want. But with the apple juice making things feel more urgent, and yet, less painful, sometimes it would just do it on it’s own and lo the praise was bountiful. Another thing we did was switch where. One child refused the toilet, and the other child refused the potty chair. In the end (heh) overall we had the same philosophy as what we’re doing right now with crawling into bed in the middle of the night. No self-respecting 13 year old is going to be sleeping in bed with his parents (or wearing a diaper.)
There are way too many comments here for me to see if someone has already mentioned this, but my friend was going through the same tihng with her boy. What finally worked for her was giving him some privacy. He didn’t like for her to watch him poop. She sat him down, wakled away and shut the door. He yelled for her when he needed wiped. It’s a long shot, and I have no idea Riley’s personality (for example, I would never ever walk away from my youngest and leave her alone with her poop. no telling what she’d do) but it worked for her…
I’m with the others when they say don’t worry, the pooping on the potty will happen. Both my boys (now 15 and 8) didn’t poop on the potty until they were 4. It will happen.
we put a little potty in the bedroom for just this reason. a stack of books next to it. just ignore the situation and then clean up matter of factly. the more we invest in the situation, the more emotionally loaded and powerful it becomes to our children.
oh, and keeping a child on the potty can really backfire. the position causes swelling and makes it difficult to void.
-mother of 4 and MD
Wow - this sure unleashed a s*&tstorm. Sorry - I could not resist. Good luck - he’ll figure it out.
I know, crazy wasn’t it. And now today it’s blue skies. My parents have two tow comapnies in south east Seattle and it was busier than crap. People think somehow that if they can’t get up a one of the many steep hills around here in their car that just because their hooked to a truck it’ll work. Ha.
I came across your blog and honey your heading stuck with me… Major laughs at the potty trouble… With a 3 year old and 3 week old… I’ve been there and still have yet to succeed…
Love your posts! Love the blog!
Never really had that issue - mine was my second boy who did a good job getting out of diapers but just would not ever attempt to wipe himself after pooping - for a very long time - i think for at least a year after potty training i was still hearing the long drawn out yell from the bathroom “I neeeeeeeeed to wwwwiiiiiiiiiiiipe!” At age near 5 that gets real old! At those moments the boy was lucky I didn’t just punt him out the front door. Here’s to hoping for you that once Riley actually poos in the pot he will also be able to get the hang of wiping as well! Good luck my friend!
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I didn’t read through all the comments to see if anybody has mentioned this but could it be you are paying too much attention the pooping? Pooping is embarrassing for everybody. Maybe he just needs some privacy in the bathroom?
If I had two people coercing me to poop in the bathroom with me, I would refuse to do it too.
I HAVE NO IDEA ON THE POOPING. But I offer a VERY sympathetic shoulder to cry on, as we have been dealing with it for a YEAR. My son turns 4 in Feb. My new plan is to buy him a Leapster that he can ONLY play when sitting on the potty, because he screams, whines, cries, and says it’s boring on the potty.
God, am SO glad to hear from so many of you who have experienced the same thing. It’s always so reassuring to get a few “me too!” responses on stuff like this!
I heard about a woman who runs a potty-training boot camp in Wisconsin, where kids learn how to use the potty in a day. Her philosophy is that at some point, it becomes a decision, not an accident, and that a decision to go in one’s pants is unacceptable. If he goes in his pants at nap or bedtime and you think he could choose to do differently, I believe her suggestion would be to have him clean up the mess.
I don’t have any of my own kids, but I do teach autistic preschoolers. We have potty trained by finding their most most most most beloved toy/food/candy/whatever and ONLY letting them have it when they go on the potty. This only works if you are really consistent about witholding it when they have not gone, but once they realize what they need to do to get it, it doesn’t take long. I’m not sure if this would work as well for a typical kid who doesn’t perseverate on things, but maybe it’s worth a try? Also, I saw a commenter above suggest Miralax… I obviously can’t do this at school, but if you are not opposed to it, it might give him more chances to be successful.
So,that video? Funniest thing ever. I love at the end when Dylan just topples over on the floor, big grin on his face the entire time.
Shawna — I potty trained my neice about 10 years ago, her parents didn’t want to take the time to do it, and I was changing most of her diapers anyway. I think I read the book Toilet Training in Less Than A Day. It was either that one or the three day book. Basically I told her that she was going to learn to go to the bathroom on the potty and start wearing big girl panties (Care bears!) I’m not going to be very helpfull explaning what we did that day, I definitely recommend the book, but the key was after that day she was in big girl panties no matter what. When she had an accident, she cleaned it up and then would need to practice going from wherever she had the accident to the potty three times, and she was responsible for rinsing out her panties in the bathroom sink. This wasn’t framed as punishment at all. She didn’t have more than a handfull of accidents, and after the 3rd day, didn’t have any.
Same trouble with a stubborn boy who is now four. He will go when he’s ready. And just so you know, the first poop was a joyous occasion marked with a parade and new toys and not another poop in the toilet until two months later. So yeah, when he’s ready. Just keep encouraging. Don’t stress.
Alright here’s the deal, home-slice only craps when he sleeps or takes naps, so just combine where he goes with when he goes. Duct tape him on the potty every time he takes a nap or goes to bed. This may not seem like a very child friendly approach, but it beats the hell out of my first idea of punching him in the stomach until he poops in the lawn, and then hosing him off and tossing him through the window onto his bed for some quick naptime. (or else he gets the hose again)
Same deal here, Linda. I think I’ve commented at some point before about this. We have been trying to get Katie to poop on the toilet (regularly) for at least TWO YEARS NOW. And we’re still not there. We’ve had some joyous celebrations over big poops that we’ve coaxed out of her. We’ve had a couple of exciting times when we were putting no pressure on and she went to the bathroom and pooped all on her own. It didn’t stick. Just last month we finally decided no more diapers at all. It was underwear or the toilet. And let me tell you, if that’s the choice? She often has no problem using the underwear. We really don’t want to go back to diapers now, and at least she *tries* on the toilet now with regularity. We have tried every suggestion above plus a lot more, and I’m guessing the final answer is that she just has to be ready. But for crap’s sake, I really, REALLY hope she is ready before she is five. Less than 3 months to go. (Please, please god.)
All I know is that they seem to do it when they are ready. Charlotte has only been consistent with the poop for about 3 months and she will be 5 in January. Not a dumb kid, just a stubborn take your time, I WILL DO THIS WHEN I WANT type of kid. But it was hard as fuck not to be 1) annoyed and 2) patient.
xo
We are going through the EXACT same thing you are. My son is super bright, but for some reason when it gets to the poop in potty he goes all “I have no idea what you want” and “That’s just not happening”. He will wear undies all day (except when my other half forgets to put him in it because we are consistent like that). I figure that when yours is trained i will pull the internet up to him and say “There now stop stalling!”.
Hi there, I am so greatful for this post and all of the responses. We have been going thru this with my second little one. Her brother did not do this. She is just about 2.5 and she waits for either nap time or bed time to go in a pull up. We have tried EVERYTHING!!!! (so I thought) I finally bit the bullet and took them away. Decided that I would deal with the mess. No mess. She just started pooping in the potty for the first time on day one like it was nothing. Day one, nap time.. Dry- no poop. Bed time, 20 min after putting her to bed she called for me and pooped on the toilet. She was so proud. And I did not push her at all. Peice of cake. I may be pulling my hair out in the middle of the night when we are covered in pee… but I hope not!!! Seems like out 6 month problem may be solved in one day just by ditching the pull ups. So thanks to your readers!!! And good luck to you!
Side note, we are in Puyallup.. will this damn snow ever go away???