After all the trips JB has taken over the last several months, this week it’s finally my turn. That’s right, I’m leaving on a plane to go stay in a hotel, in a bed ALL BY MYSELF. Where presumably no one will wake me at 3 AM demanding to be fed. Unfortunately, the occasion is a tradeshow, but whatever. There will be room service, by god.

Also unfortunate: my flight leaves Monday at 7:10 AM. That means I have to set my alarm for . . . well, let’s see, carry the two . . . fuck it, way too early, is the point.

While I ponder what exactly I should pack for the thrilling activity of standing around an overpriced expo booth for a bajillion hours a day talking about productivity software with obnoxious Apple fanboys (shoe inserts? pepper spray?), please enjoy:

The boys, stationed in their trap lair hive pillow fort:


The baby, briefly paused in his endless effort to find every single power cord in this house and wrap it around his torso:


The 3-year-old, watching Wall-E and just the tiniest bit worried about all those robots:


The scintillating visual minutiae of our home life (movie details here; short version: still images captured over a period of time in our living room tonight):

Tell me, if a camera was gathering footage of your typical evening, what would it show?


42 Responses to “Miscellaneous”

  1. mnsm31 on January 3rd, 2009 11:22 pm

    first: I am glad that you upsa date on Sundays.

    2nd. he, I love you said “fuck it”

    3rd. pics.

    4th. video, I can’t believe you actually manage to get your TV turned off during the day, and work out, and and I’m jealous.

    your a great blogger.

  2. SraV on January 3rd, 2009 11:22 pm

    Too scary to share. Suffice it to say that it would include some sweeping and cleaning products.

  3. Marie Green on January 3rd, 2009 11:32 pm

    Ooooo I loved the still shots put together like that… how often did it take a photo? It was very fun to watch.

  4. ang on January 3rd, 2009 11:53 pm

    you’d find my daughter and i dancing like crazy maniacs around the living room. it also doubles as my daily workout, especially when i’m dancing with my son on my hip. i do a lot of kicking and crazy arm movements… you know, to increase my flexibility.

    your video was awesome. i wish i had a prototype device to take photos based on some fancy light/movement algorithm.

  5. vague on January 4th, 2009 1:02 am

    Well, I have a number of things to say about this! First of all, I spent the last week in San Francisco for a conference myself, and my hotel was just across the street from the Moscone. We were in the Intercontinental (5th and Howard), and I can tell you that if that’s where you have the luck to stay, that the rooms are deliciously luxurious, especially the beds.

    If my roommate/colleague and I had had a camera monitoring our typical evenings there, it would have been nothing but a steady stream of us lolling about after long days, waxing on poetically about the sheets, the GLORIOUS SHEETS!

    Also, just if that’s where you’re staying or if it’s at all convenient, their restaurant, Luce, served me one of the best meals of my life, no kidding. Highly recommended.

    Anyway, I really wish JB’s camera were available for sale, because I would LOVE to be able to surveil (surveil?) my cat and dog when I’m gone. That tape would surely include MANY evil antics.

    Hope you have a great trip!

  6. Shannon on January 4th, 2009 3:08 am

    Apparently, it would show me falling asleep after a couple of glasses of wine on the couch and waking up at 2am in horror, yelling, “It’s 2am?!!”

  7. Donna on January 4th, 2009 3:36 am

    Insert dogs instead of kids, and no exercising at all, and lots of eating, and dog toys on the floor instead of kid toys, and it’s the same thing almost, but not really. You know. LOL.
    And had I known you worked for an apple based anything I would have begged you to tell me how to get all my music from my ipod back to my laptop after it crashed, and duh it wasn’t backed up anywhere. I finally used a program I found on the web and I’m good now, I think, haven’t synced it yet. (I do ramble on huh?) Have fun on your trip, order lots of room service, and sleepSleepSleep! Also see if the hotel has a spa, that’s always nice.

  8. Hillary on January 4th, 2009 4:57 am

    Well, between 5:30 and 6:30, the camera would see me getting home from work, taking care of dinner, handing The Boy spice cotainers or pots and pans to keep him from screaming, hoisting The Boy on my legs or tossing him in the air (this = workout) and strewing toys about our living room.

    About 6:30, the husband gets home with a shout of, “The Daddyman!” which always makes The Boy giggle. Dinner together, followed every other night by a bath and then by 7:30 or so, The Boy is in bed and we’re flopped on the couch like slugs to read or watch TV.

  9. Kelly on January 4th, 2009 7:16 am

    The camera would undoubtedly finally catch all the toys migrating on their own accord into the living room and stubbornly camping out in places where they are certain to be tripped over. I’m quite certain that the camera would totally exonerate my child of any wrong doing.

  10. Beth on January 4th, 2009 7:25 am

    I actually blogged about my conference shoes a while back, see post! And it was in your neck of the woods. Most definitely NOT the time to try and look cute in way of shoes.

  11. B on January 4th, 2009 7:41 am

    I just want to know what workout DVD you’re using! lol

  12. kendra! on January 4th, 2009 8:10 am

    The elapsed time video is brilliant. Especially since we’re living parallel lives, tots and toys and exerballs included. I am glad our family room floor is not the only one littered with Playskool detritus.

  13. justmouse (or Chaosmomm..whatever) on January 4th, 2009 8:16 am

    holy crap, you people are BUSY!!! you never seem to stop moving!

    footage in my house would actually not look like much..just several hours of sedentary behavior. ya…maybe i should do something about that?

    oh, and 2 more things; thing 1) pics of your boys are fantastically cute, as always. :D and thing 2) i know it’s a trade show, but ROOM SERVICE! and SLEEPING ALONE!! have fun, and enjoy yourself :)

  14. Eric's Mommy on January 4th, 2009 8:17 am

    That video is awesome!

    My video would be pretty much the same except, only 1 child and my husband does not work out with me. Also, add a big black dog on the couch most of the day.

  15. Lisa V on January 4th, 2009 11:04 am

    Love the video!! Ours would include more trips to the freezer for ice cream and less working out.

  16. tracy on January 4th, 2009 11:08 am

    GREAT VIDEO! Our house would probably be a lot of the same except I would have to postition it where it would catch the computer or my husband my never make an appearance.

  17. Jennifer on January 4th, 2009 11:16 am

    Dylan looks busted with a capital “uh-oh!” in that second picture. So. Cute.

    The movie of our lives would not be that exciting. There is lots of TV watching (him) and even more trying to keep the house clean (me). We are in desperate need of Lives, obvs.

    Have a great trip! Hope you can carve out a little time to do something nice/relaxing/fun for yourself!

  18. Belle on January 4th, 2009 11:58 am

    So happy to hear you have a solo trip planned! (But you will miss your boys, eh?)

    Lots of toys all over the floor reminds me of 25 years ago in our house. Now? If we had a camera set up, it would turn itself off from lack of activity to capture! I am always in the computer room, hubby is on the couch watching TV, and there are only occasional movements toward the fridge. So give me some Grandkids…..please!

  19. Victoria on January 4th, 2009 12:12 pm

    Oh so awesome!

    Um, my evening would look like I was dead or asleep on the couch.


  20. veralynn on January 4th, 2009 12:51 pm

    Mine would involve dinner on the couch, a lot of opening and closing laptops, throwing toys to cat, torturing the cat with forced snuggling, sliding about the wood floors on socks doing random house stuff and probably some time with just me in the living room while my guy holes up in the computer room.

  21. Operation Pink Herring on January 4th, 2009 1:21 pm

    That video made me feel incredibly tired! Maybe it was watching you all move around in fast-forward, or maybe it was seeing all those toys come out and get put away so many times. You guys are adorable and I am very impressed with how uncluttered your living room is… and how much of a workout that exercise ball gets! I have one, but it’s deflated and still in its box. If you took a time-lapse video of our living room for a day, you’d see a lot of us lying on the couch, watching TV… lazy, lazy people, we are.

  22. Carol on January 4th, 2009 1:34 pm

    OK, how did you do the video? Instructions please! LOVE it! Wish I’d had that when I had four kids (including twins) under five!


  23. Harper on January 4th, 2009 2:08 pm

    Have fun at the tradeshow, and pepper spray recommended if not, at least a good stilleto…sharpened.

    Camera would capture a blonde whirling 3year old and me naked from the waist up nursing a 7 week old while the hubby cooks dinner…. toys not included. YUk, huh.

  24. Tammy on January 4th, 2009 2:46 pm

    Gotta love business trips. I complain about them but secretly can’t wait to get out the door and leave McDaddy to deal with the latest teenage drama.
    Good Lord your boys are cute!

  25. H on January 4th, 2009 2:52 pm

    This winter, a video of a typical evening would show nothing at all. My husband’s been traveling, my teenagers are busy and hardly ever home, and I am spending all my time shoveling and snowblowing. Oh, I guess the video would probably catch my dog sleeping and eating paper out of the waste paper baskets.

  26. Carrie on January 4th, 2009 3:54 pm

    I’ll tell you what it wouldn’t include – that much movement. Probably me sitting on the couch. Possibly some remote use. sigh. Working on it, though, with your inspiration.

  27. Jen on January 4th, 2009 4:08 pm

    HA! My house would look similar (minus the exercise) but add a few more kids. Since my boys are older, there are often children from our street mulling in and out on the days we are home (read: the last 7). I have often joked (of late) to my husband that I WISH (sometimes) our life WAS a reality show simply for the fact I could REWIND…I.E. “yes, I DID tell you the boy has a well visit on Monday and YES you did say you would take him!”
    Of course this is the ONLY circumstance by which I would be willing to ‘rewind’. :)Thank you for the insight, and like so may others before me have asked, how DID you do that???? :)

  28. nonsoccermom on January 4th, 2009 5:04 pm

    Adorable pictures! I am SO envious of your time to yourself, tradeshow or no. I could totally use a break, you know? Enjoy!

  29. Amy on January 4th, 2009 5:40 pm

    ’bout the same with no exercising (although I am trying to change that thanks to your inspiration), more animals, more clutter and two boys wrestling/fighting/tearing apart every possible item! Have fun on your trip. I took off today and had a tattoo done. Even though it was loud in the studio, it was amazingly pleasant to be away for a few hours!!

  30. Michelle on January 4th, 2009 5:59 pm

    Well, last night it would have shown me flailing about like an epileptic sea lion while attempting to do level 1 of 30 Day Shred and CURSING YOUR NAME.

    Gratefully, of course. Feel the love. Would air hug you but my body hurts too much.

  31. Jules on January 4th, 2009 7:58 pm

    My favourite part is the toys. How they are spread across the floor and then picked up and miraculously back again. Amazing.

    Mine would probably show all the animals doing their animal things?

  32. danielle on January 4th, 2009 8:28 pm

    I have gadget envy! I want a light and movement sensing photo capture device!

    Our “evening” starts at about 4 pm when I give both kids a bath together. Then the little one is fed and put to bed for the night (by 5 pm! Totally her call, not mine). Big one has TV and play time while I cook dinner. Eat at 6:30. After dinner, I resolve whatever pre-bed crisis the big one is experiencing while Daddy does the dishes. Crisis averted, brush teeth, read books, tell stories, big one asleep at 7:30. Clean up living room, check email, move laundry from washer to dryer. 8:30 pm in bed to watch whatever awful show is available on basic cable at that time (Girls Next Door, Nancy Grace, or House Hunters International). 9:30 off to sleep.

  33. Josh on January 4th, 2009 8:40 pm

    I’ll try to word this as delicately as possible, but for future reference don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. If my typical night were caught on camera, I think normally it would start with me dragging my ass in from work, cracking a beer, removing my pants, and enjoying some good old BBW porn. Pant’s still off I would wander to the fridge three or eight times before I finally decide to stop eating raw ingredients and cook myself something. After eating my burrito or broiled sandwich (convenient and safe for those with little time and less pants) I would half-ass do a load of laundry, kick the mess over to the side of the room, and eventually grab a shower. After that most of the rest of the night is spent either killing people in online games, or spending way too much time in StumbleUpon, whilst blabbing with the woman on the video camera. Throw in about a million smoke breaks, a few more trips to the fridge, a couple more beers, and another appointment with some more classy type adult entertainment and you have yourself a normal Tuesday. Sometimes you would see me yelling at the computer, but that’s only when I research government stuff, which I only let myself do once or twice a week, cause it gets me too mad and makes me all rilecd up and pissy and I can’t sleep.

    Oh yeah, somewhere in there I normally drop a serious log. I’m assuming that would not be on camera, cause it’s in a different room.

  34. ikate on January 4th, 2009 8:55 pm

    I’m married to an Apple fanboy so I can sympathize with what you are facing for the next week. They can be rabid, so be careful.
    My favorite thing about work trips is the fact that I can order room service at 7 then never leave my bed for the rest of the night unless I want to. But for whatever stupid reason I can’t sleep in without the aid of drugs. I’m usually up at 6 AM doing 30DS from my iPod.
    As for that awesome device that captured your evening – in our house it would be similar to yours – a ton of coming and going and hubby and I tag-teaming our way through the night, ending with some sort of workout video. But possibly with ice cream.

  35. Heidi Miller on January 5th, 2009 2:19 am

    Looks like my house. Minus the husband. Love it.

    On another note. My blog starts tomorrow. You’ve inspired me tons. But i think mine will be more about single mother hood. Had a blog and I stopped a year ago. Sister has one and she rocks it!

    On another random note….I used to live in Tigard. Good friends in Klamath. Ex in-laws in Medford. Love Oregon.

    Thanks for the inspiration.

  36. Carrie on January 5th, 2009 6:44 am

    Those still shots done that way were amazing to watch. It would be cool to have set it up for when you are gone so you could watch JB’s evening events when you got back. Have a safe trip!

  37. Carrot Cake on January 5th, 2009 9:11 am

    So glad to know we’re not the only parents with the TV on almost constantly.

    Enjoy your trip!

  38. Michelle on January 5th, 2009 12:55 pm

    That is incredible! Love it.
    My video would be really boring… though I’d love to see what my dog does all day… hmm…

  39. kristylynne on January 5th, 2009 1:16 pm

    My video would be a lot like yours, but with just one boy child, more toys scattered around, and the exercise segment replaced with footage of my husband and I enjoying cocktails and possibly dishes of ice cream while watching the news.

    RE pics: dang, but those are some cute boys you have there.

  40. Joanne on January 5th, 2009 2:48 pm

    Next time you have a go away like this, you should leave on Saturday and get a cheaper flight and then make the company pay for the extra nights in the hotel. It’s so much more pleasant to travel the day before and plus you’d get an extra night away. Love the pictures, they are a-dorable.

  41. Anonymous New York on January 7th, 2009 9:31 am

    That was awesome. I’m impressed at how each activity was CLEANED UP when you and the boys were done playing. Well done, parents. Well done.

  42. Helen on January 8th, 2009 12:37 am

    I want to live in your house because I watched your video more than once and definitely never saw anyone picking up toys but they keep getting put away! You have FAIRIES in your house that pick up the toys and tidy.. I want FAIRIES!!!! Very very cool. In our house it would show that no-one ever throws the toys all over the place and that we definitely don’t have fairies.

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