Comments on: Monday morning

By: Anne

Anne — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 01:34:11 +0000

As it should.

By: LLL

LLL — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 23:41:55 +0000

Okay–I get JB being mad (well maybe) but having him take the kids without the usual goodbye kisses. That’s bullshit, way to use the kids as a weapon.

By: Katie

Katie — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 22:39:10 +0000

I know the 73 comments before mine say the same thing, with out even reading them. But I want to say it too. I have been there. And it feels terrible. But you did the right thing in telling R you were sorry. And he will learn how to tell others he is sorry from it. Thank you for sharing. It really makes me feel so much better that this happens in other homes too.

By: sooboo

sooboo — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:14:39 +0000

Seems like I’m a little late to this. One thing I’m still trying to learn is when I get hot under the collar, to take a breath and walk away. I’m not that good at it and I can’t imagine how it feels to have little eyes on you, holding you accountable. Sheesh! The whole don’t fight in front of the kids thing made me think of this Simpsons episode.

Marge and Homer have an argument in the car. Marge turns on the radio.]
Marge: When I was young, I always hated knowing my parents were fighting!
[Bart, Lisa and Maggie watch from the house.]
Bart: They’re fighting in the car again.
Lisa: That music always sends a chill down my spine.

By: Krissa

Krissa — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 14:55:37 +0000

Chalk one more up for the “power of an apology” camp – I’m not married, not a mother. But in living with people I love, and most recently with my best friend for going the last 3 1/2 years, I have had to learn that my outbursts hurt people. In fact, what I’m *trying* to do is hurt the other person when I lash out. I hate this quality in myself. I have made a conscious decision to apologize when I do this: a true, heartfelt apology about my actions. Yes, this means I eat crow after an argument. I think owning up to my own blame helps me move on and grow from the experience.
Which isn’t to say that the other person is right, and I was wrong – that’s not it. My actions warrant the apology, and hopefully from there we can have a conversation about whatever became a fight, without the blame game.

You’ve posted an update already – I’m really glad the evening was good. I hatehatehate that sinking, lost feeling after an argument. I hope you and JB found some time to make up, too. ;)

By: kristylynne

kristylynne — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 14:28:12 +0000

We fight in front of our kid far too often. Not bad fights, but still. I will say this, though. My parents never once fought in front of me as a child. NEVER. Not that they didn’t fight, they just never let me know about it. And so I grew up with totally unrealistic expectations of relationships and for a very long time I could not deal with conflict.

As a result of that, I went on to date a long series of great men who I immediately dumped as soon as we’d have our first fight. I was well into my 30s before I realized that normal couples fight, and that’s OK. And then I FINALLY was able to commit to a relationship and get married.

So. I think that your kids seeing you fight (occassionally, and then kiss and make up) may actually be beneficial in the long run.

By: Kim

Kim — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 10:56:59 +0000

I hit a high note in my parenting saga as well. My husband was out playing in front with my son when his phone rang. He answered and continued to play, but a couple moments later I heard my son screaming. I went out and grabbed him (since it was hubby’s work on the phone) and when he screamed louder I assumed it was because he was told to come inside and didn’t want to so needed a time out.

Hubby came in once his call was over and told me my son FELL OFF HIS TOY and that is why he was crying. I just made the assumption he was throwing another fit (he just turned two…)and left him to suffer through his ouchie elbow (long sleeved weather you know…could see no wounds)in time out. I am such a douche.

After he calmed down he showed me his ouchie and even asked me put some liquid band aid on it. I can’t wait till communication is better so he can scream less and tell me off more.

By: ivymae

ivymae — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:40:45 +0000

We ALL have these days. We do, and we all stew in our guilty juices, until someone broaches the subject with down cast eyes, and we all break into chorus of “Me too me too me too.”

Which is to say: yes. Yes, you messed up, and yes, you will do better next time, and yes, you have a community of parents here who are thankful for your honesty.

By: Sunny

Sunny — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:39:15 +0000

You’re an awesome Mom and JB is a cool Dad. The fact that you’re worried about the dust-up and feeling guilty proves my point and JB probably felt the same way after he left this morning. When everyone gets home, make a big deal of patching things up in front of Riley. He knows you love JB, Riley knows how much you love him and Dylan, just lay it on extra thick and, if nothing less, you’ll feel a lot better. (Meanwhile, they’ve all moved on to more exciting things and you’re the only one still fretting.) Hang in there. And go for make-up sex!! Heh heh!

By: Shawna

Shawna — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 04:24:36 +0000

You know, I don’t think you did “deserve it”. Taking the kids away without letting them kiss you goodbye wasn’t a nice thing to do to you or to them. I know JB’s normally a good guy and great dad, but this particular action – using the kids to punish you – wasn’t cool.