THRILLING UPDATE* ON THE HAIR QUESTION:

(*Update not actually thrilling. Contents may have shifted during shipping. The amount of shit you give on this boring topic may vary.)

I decided to get the de-volumizing trim instead of hacking it back to my former uber-short bob, mostly because I weep at the idea of not being able to pull it back into pigtails on my extra-greasy no-time-for-personal-hygiene days. We’ll see how the prep time goes now that it’s thinned out and not like a giant YETI PELT on top of my head.

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How’s that for a flattering, informative self portrait? Also, black bra under semi see-through shirt, CLASSY. Anyway, it’s a little shorter, a lot less heavy, and about five shades lighter. Relief!

While I was at the salon I ended up flipping through about twenty fashion magazines while various things were happening to my hair, and I couldn’t help noticing that while I had arrived feeling fairly okay about my appearance and not particularly caring a whole lot about the texture of my skin or the length of my eyelashes, by the time I’d finished my stack of Marie Claire, Glamour, Allure, etc, I felt in dire need of a total body makeover, including nail bed implants and nostril pumicing. My face had suddenly become saggy, lined, dry, oily, and disproportional; my clothes were ill-fitting, unfashionable, and I couldn’t decide if I should have been concentrating on dressing a Pear or a Busty shape; and my shoes, having cost less than $100, were completely unacceptable.

I know it’s not exactly breaking news that beauty magazines aren’t really designed to make you feel good about yourself, but I’ve never been so cognizant of their effect before. Each page made me more and more desirous of various skin unguents and hair treatments and cosmetic products, while I became more and more mired in a lather of self-criticism: why didn’t I have invisible pores, why don’t I own any purses not formed from pleather, why am I not doing Pilates, WHY?

I ended up detoxing with a Star magazine by staring at a picture of Madonna’s creepy new face and reminding myself that too much self-improvement can be a bad, bad thing.

In other news, it’s supposed to rain all damn week long, so I’m extra glad we got out and spent some time in the sun yesterday. Even if it was at a playground with weird plaster whales stuck in the ground.

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Comments

39 Responses to “Appearances”

  1. Sharla on February 22nd, 2009 3:47 pm

    Yay! First comment! I love the hair! Looks great on you!

  2. Jennifer Mincey on February 22nd, 2009 3:51 pm

    The hair is awesome! And I totally understand about the magazines. I much prefer to look at celebrities without makeup and when they are fat. And you are right on, Madonna does look creepy.

  3. Eric's Mommy on February 22nd, 2009 4:06 pm

    You look great! Love the hair.

    Weird plastic whales stuck in the ground………um (????)

  4. Angella on February 22nd, 2009 4:08 pm

    I got my hair done yesterday and KNEW that the beauty magazines would do me in.

    I brought my laptop instead and Twittered. Fruitless, yes, but I have no desire for Botox.

    That’s something, right?

  5. Christine Brandel on February 22nd, 2009 4:08 pm

    I totally dig the new hair! Very flattering!

    I gave up reading “fashion” and “women’s” magazines years ago, when I realized that not only was I starting to feel horrible about myself and my limited fashion sense and cheap clothes (that I could afford), but I seemed to also spent inordinate amounts of time worrying about “the secret disease your gynecologist won’t tell you about” or “You might have heart disease — check your risk NOW!”. I couldn’t take it.

    Even now, I cannot bring myself to spend $100 on *one* pair of jeans or *one* blouse…

  6. Jennifer on February 22nd, 2009 4:12 pm

    Looky there at Dylan walking by the plastic ground-whales!

    And I’m not so sure I believe it’s going to rain all week. It was supposed to rain all day today but we only got a few sprinkles before the sun was out-in-full at 11am. I bet the lots-of-sun-breaks trend continues for a while.

  7. Amanda on February 22nd, 2009 4:13 pm

    Yesterday I almost commented to say that I also have wavy on the bottom stick straight on the top hair but got distracted by something shiny and forgot. Now you’re saying you got yours thinned which I also desperately need. We have the same hair. I’m trying to grow mine out too but I’m not sure why. Virginia summers are no fucking fun with long hair I don’t know why I even want it.

  8. Victoria on February 22nd, 2009 4:21 pm

    They’re not stuck in the ground! They’re surfacing out of the water. The concrete. Water.

    Ahem.

    Love the hair also )

  9. Jess on February 22nd, 2009 4:32 pm

    In regards to the piffle: He’s auditioning to be the Mr. Peanut ringleader in the world’s smallest circus?

  10. Kim on February 22nd, 2009 4:40 pm

    I say this with pure love yet seething jealousy in my heart: You’re one of those lucky hookers who looks great with any hair color, damn you. I LOVE the blonde; it’s like a little ray of sunshine and/or hit of Ecstasy on your head every day. I too got my hair colored over the weekend (RED RED) and am really happy with the results. It’s amazing what such a minor change can do in terms of mood enhancement. I’ll never be magazine-worthy, but I’m finding the older I get, the less I care. That could also be the drugs talking, but I’ll take it.

  11. autumn on February 22nd, 2009 5:19 pm

    I have really been loving your hair recently. I like the shorter, sleeker bob too but the wavy thing is very flattering and kinda flirty/feminine. I really like it. You look great!

  12. samantha jo campen on February 22nd, 2009 5:23 pm

    The hair looks great! And kickin’ Uggs yo.

    :-)

  13. Melanie on February 22nd, 2009 5:28 pm

    If it makes you feel any better (which I know it probably won’t, but I gotta try,) you really don’t want invisible pores- it would mean that your skin doesn’t produce much oil and would get wrinkly and mature so much faster. So horray for normal-size pores!

    Also, LOVE your hair.

  14. Liz on February 22nd, 2009 5:38 pm

    I had a similar epiphany a few years ago wrt the beauty mags and just stopped reading them. Fortunately my salon seems to have a reasonable number of magazines that contain actual articles, so I just read those instead, even if the articles are inevitably things like “25-year-old It Girl Countess Sophia von Pfefferdinger dishes about life at Castle Hohenpfennig and her upcoming jewelry collection, which will focus on jewels the size of small boulders.” At least I don’t come out wanting my nostrils pumiced.

  15. Pam on February 22nd, 2009 6:04 pm

    Super cute!! I like the color too. You have the skin tone which would allow both a butterly blonde or the former darker color.
    Congrats on finally getting what you want.
    I read, and am admittedly addicted to fashion magazines as well as home interior publications. So, not only do I suffer from low self esteem because of my sub par appearance but my home? well, let’s just say it will never appear on the cover of any of those magazines. But my family and friends always feel welcomed and cozy in my house and that is after all, the only thing that really matters.

  16. Marin on February 22nd, 2009 7:31 pm

    I think the hair looks cute; I avoid magazines for the exact same reason. All I think about when I read them is that I’m not rich enough, thin enough…not quite healthy, huh?

  17. Maria on February 22nd, 2009 7:41 pm

    That’s exactly why I spend my hair appointments reading People.

    Love the hair!

  18. jenB on February 22nd, 2009 8:00 pm

    You look freakin’ fantastic and are funny as hell and all around awesome. magazines be damned!

  19. TheGoriWife on February 22nd, 2009 8:08 pm

    I JUST BOUGHT THAT SAME CAMERA AND I AM IN LOOOOOVVVEE!

    whoops. sorry about that.

  20. Swistle on February 22nd, 2009 8:09 pm

    1. OMG thinning is so awesome. I was too nervous to get it done before, and just got it done at my last appointment and LOVE IT.

    2. Oh, wait, is this about YOUR haircut? Love yours, too.

    3. I used to read a number of self/home improvement magazines, and eventually had to unsubscribe because of the overwhelming levels of dissatisfaction they produced. Still read People and US Weekly, even though they consider $150 a shirt for “all budgets.”

    4. ACK WHALES STUCK IN THE CONCRETE.

  21. Erin on February 22nd, 2009 8:32 pm

    Cute hair! and LOVE the little vans. too cute.

  22. Naomi in Oz on February 22nd, 2009 9:07 pm

    I’m just impressed that you can fit a word like “cognizant” into a post about hair and fashion.

  23. mixette on February 22nd, 2009 9:51 pm

    I think it was the NY Times that had a big article last year about just how much digital altering goes into *every* kind of fashiony photograph…it is all faked and tweaked every time.

    Why am I not doing Pilates, too? I did it religiously for two years and still retain the lasting good effects re: posture and core. Probably because it is $$$$.

  24. JMH on February 23rd, 2009 3:34 am

    I love your new hair-do! I really wish I could have mine thinned out too. Alas, every time I have tried that, I end up looking like a monster from “Where the Wild Things Are” Oh well….

  25. Heather on February 23rd, 2009 6:15 am

    UGH! and you had your nails done!! I am green with envy hehe! you look adorable!

  26. Joy on February 23rd, 2009 6:47 am

    Looks rockin’. Good combo of the two!

  27. Christina on February 23rd, 2009 7:05 am

    Like the hair and color – I cannot wait to color my hair again (she says addictively ;) – that is not a word back, I am all about making up words today!

    I stopped reading fashion mags when I was pregnant with my first. I stick to parent mags and People because they only make me feel a little bad (you know the parenting mags like to tell you how crappy a parent you are but I can live with that, not a bad body image, obv!)

    We hear you on getting out of the house. I think we all almost killed on another this weekend as the snow came down. SPRING where are you?!?!

  28. Korinna on February 23rd, 2009 7:18 am

    I find myself confused looking at that concrete/water/whales in/whales out playground. It’s like an optical illusion. Or, at the very least, those weird pictures they used to sell in the mall where you had stare at them really hard to figure them out.

    Ach.

  29. h on February 23rd, 2009 8:26 am

    I gave up on fashion magazines years ago for the exact same reason.
    Have you ever read BUST mag? Very funny, interesting pro-women content, without being too over the top. I’ve been a subscriber since it first started.
    It’s where I find my new music to listen to and books to read.

  30. patois on February 23rd, 2009 8:29 am

    Ain’t you all sexy already? Don’t be reading them thar mags.

  31. Katie on February 23rd, 2009 9:18 am

    Love the hairdo! So cute and easy, great for mommies!

    And that park, why can’t I live closer so my boys could play there too!? Yeah, I live in BFE Idaho and the mountains and lava rocks here are great for my two boys, but I want to play on the Orcas dangit!

  32. Alyson on February 23rd, 2009 9:29 am

    The hair is great. And I never read those magazines. The closest I get to a fashion magazine is Vogue Knitting. I know I’m overweight and getting older. I don’t need some *#&GJ#&*@! magazine to tell me so. That’s why there’s always a book and a knitting project in my purse. I bring my own “waiting boredom relievers” with me.

  33. seadragon on February 23rd, 2009 11:07 am

    That style is very cute. I love it.

  34. Holly on February 23rd, 2009 11:12 am

    Love the hair!

  35. Cheri on February 23rd, 2009 2:05 pm

    EFF the fashion magazines!!! I second what H says – read BUST. Remember _Sassy_ in its better days when we were young? It’s like that only for grown-up (real) women.

  36. Josh on February 23rd, 2009 4:55 pm

    Yeah, so the hair looks great and all that, but have you ever considered going pink? Not that blond is bad or anything, but pink is way hotter. I realize that I am not exactly a “fashion” expert, exactly, but I am a “what I would pork” expert and pink is definitely the sexiest of hair colors in my professional opinion. Of course if pink is too far out there for you, you could always go for the Rogue look with jet black hair featuring silver bangs. I’ll let you mull that one over for a while. You’ll probably need some time to fully absorb the genius of my suggestion.

  37. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com on February 23rd, 2009 5:20 pm

    I like the new haircut! =)

  38. Marieka on February 24th, 2009 10:48 am

    Great haircut, and the color is fantastic!

  39. KB on February 25th, 2009 12:38 pm

    JMH – make them use the thinning shears, NOT the razor!!! The razor equals Seasame Street, the shears equal sleek, fashion mag worthy, in my experience.

    Huh, the first time I comment and it’s not even to Linda…

    Off to check out Bust.

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