Hello, ladies.

Do you enjoy simple pleasures in life, such as the music? Perhaps you would enjoy while I play for you a song of “Music Box Dancer“? No, it will not take long. I only have push this one buttons.

I also enjoy the dancing, do you? Come and join me. I like very much to spin in circles and only occasionally do I get dizzy and smash into nearest piece of furniture. See wooden leg of chair? My face has made good friends with it!

I have many hobby, such as using my pants as the bathroom. Have you tried? It is very easy! I am also liking the loud crying and putting the dog hair in my mouth.

I know many many words in the English but I like best the pointing. Look where my finger can go! Yes also in my own nose! I am many skilled.

If you like for you a companion with who you can share cheese cracker and many many container of milk, please to call. I am not allowed phone yet because of the biting but tell your message and I am sure to be saying hello.


86 Responses to “For no particular reason”

  1. Sharla on May 5th, 2009 9:21 am

    Ha! I love it! This is exactly why you are my most favorite writer of all time! Brilliant!

  2. Kathy on May 5th, 2009 9:39 am

    Bwahahahahaha! Okay, now I’m wondering what my own children’s ads would sound like and which pictures I would use…

  3. Christine on May 5th, 2009 10:17 am

    HA. Also, holy cow does he ever look like a FREAKING BOY and not a baby and aiieee. How did that happen?

  4. Kim on May 5th, 2009 10:26 am

    Maybe he and my many skilled daughter can eventually get together. They can finger point at the cheese cracker together.

    Love this! Thanks.

  5. Frema on May 5th, 2009 10:39 am

    “If you like for you a companion with who you can share cheese cracker and many many container of milk, please to call.”

    The “please to call” bit was my very favorite part. :)

  6. Maria on May 5th, 2009 10:45 am

    Look where my finger can go! Awesome.

  7. mixette on May 5th, 2009 11:13 am

    You, and this, are so very very awesome!

    Thank you for making mah freakin’ day.

  8. Dad Gone Mad on May 5th, 2009 11:18 am

    Linda, that was above and beyond the outer limits of hilarity.

    With all do respect, that boy is a P-I-M-P!

  9. Melissa D. on May 5th, 2009 11:22 am

    Awesome. Is it me or does he look just like JB?

  10. Sarah on May 5th, 2009 12:09 pm

    How great!! He is so adorable!!

  11. Amanda on May 5th, 2009 12:28 pm

    Did he grow OVERNIGHT?

  12. tanya on May 5th, 2009 12:33 pm

    honest to heavens this makes my stomach hurt from the laughing. oh the laughing.

  13. Donna on May 5th, 2009 1:06 pm

    What a hoot! Also, what a cutie!

  14. danielle-lee on May 5th, 2009 1:32 pm

    I want to nom nom nom on his cute cheeks!

  15. Joy @ Big Time Fancy on May 5th, 2009 1:37 pm

    I love that your son is an eastern European ladies man.

  16. Junni on May 5th, 2009 3:23 pm

    So,sorry to give you son a lisp and all, but when I read this, I totally had the “Ladies Man” voice in my head.

    So Dylan’s all: “Helloooo ladeeth. Do you enjoy the thimple pleasures in life?”

    I’m tha ladeeth man.

  17. Shannon on May 5th, 2009 4:02 pm

    Oh, man, he looks sooo much like JB in this photo! And so dang big!

  18. Andrea on May 5th, 2009 8:49 pm

    Off topic: Do you think JB’s company can make antimicrobial stripper poles? http://crasspollination.blogspot.com/2009/05/career-ending-injury.html

  19. kendra! on May 5th, 2009 9:03 pm

    Please let this be the back of the hardcover paper wrap for your book, complete with Dylan’s picture.

  20. Michele on May 6th, 2009 5:16 am

    I keep coming back and reading this again because it cracks me up, and that picture of him is so darn cute! Thanks for another great post.

  21. Dana on May 6th, 2009 6:46 am

    I love this!! But, why does he sound like the Russian dude from Clerks? You know, do you like for making fuck, berserker!?!

  22. Must Be Motherhood on May 6th, 2009 6:49 am

    I keep coming back to read this one. Har.

  23. Jenni on May 6th, 2009 12:51 pm

    Oh my GOD! Pure wonder. And the picture is such a perfect accompaniment.

  24. Red on May 6th, 2009 1:14 pm

    Ha HA you slay me, woman! That was damn funny!

    Also? I grew up with that same Victorian chair, only in hunter green. Wierd.

  25. Laura on May 6th, 2009 1:30 pm

    Doubled over laughing!!!

  26. justmouse (or Chaosmomm..whatever) on May 6th, 2009 2:20 pm

    BWA HA HA HA! *snort* HA HA HA HA

    ilu. seriously.

  27. Janet on May 6th, 2009 2:29 pm

    HAR! Holy Crap, that is funny:)

  28. Sam on May 6th, 2009 7:28 pm

    I adore, ADORE I TELL YOU, this picture of Dylan. And his personal ad just made me shake with laughter.

  29. Mary Helen on May 7th, 2009 9:36 am

    Oh my GOD, you are hilarious. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a LONG TIME. He’s absolutely adorable — and getting so BIG.

  30. The Informal Matriarch on May 7th, 2009 8:30 pm

    SOOOO funny.

  31. C. O'Dell on May 8th, 2009 1:57 pm

    Oddly enough that reads almost identically to an email I got from a Nigerian scammer offering me much love the other day. Course his picture had him holding two loaves of bread and halibut on his head, but hey!

    What happened to the hilarious monkey/banana post?

  32. Maxine Dangerous on May 10th, 2009 4:57 am

    OMG, that cracked my shit up! :D

  33. Jill on May 15th, 2009 1:36 pm

    I almost used my own pants as a bathroom reading this. I’m bookmarking it to read again when I need a good laugh. Thanks for that!

  34. Judy on July 7th, 2009 2:02 pm

    I think I have come back to read this post fifty times now, and never fail to laugh. Brilliant!

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