You know what’s more fun than trying to capture a halfway decent family photo? ANYTHING AT ALL, and I’m including blowing Jon Gosselin. After spending an hour last night wrestling with children, tripod, and an eventual raging migraine, here are a few top choices for this year’s holiday card:

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Well, aside from Riley’s gaping baboon mouth and the fact that we apparently spend every waking moment of the day beating Dylan with a Stick of Sorrow, this isn’t too . . . okay, it’s awful. NEXT.

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Whose idiot idea was this? A group thumbs up? AYYYYYYY. And why does Riley look like a Children of the Corn? While Dylan is all, I DON’T KNOW WHERE MY THUMB IS DURRRRR! Next.

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Oh look, we are having SO MUCH FUN! What a FUN AND ZANY FAMILY! We are on a ROLLER COASTER! A roller coaster of FUN! The children are particularly fun-filled, what with their confused, miserable tolerance and all! HA HA HA FUN! NEXT!

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What? Terrible, just terrible. Let’s blame JB for this. Next.

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Aaaaand we have dual crying. Please note my frozen grimace of FUN, while Riley struggles to escape my death grip (OF FUN), Dylan sobs inconsolably, and JB wonders out loud if I remembered to bring the cyanide death capsules to this little photo session. NEXT.

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You know what? SCREW IT. Ladies and gentlemen, Picker Von Nostril and Horsey McHORSE? HORSE? HORSE? Happy damn holidays.

Comments

106 Responses to “A Xanax in a pear tree”

  1. Jules on December 4th, 2009 8:59 pm

    Thank you so much for the great laughs! You have to send out the best of them, the first one and keep one in both of the boys’ scrapbooks to later let them know just how fun, falalalalaa it was! I have a gorgeous pic of my daughter at 4 and I will tell the funny story when she’s older of how she just wouldn’t leave the bow on her dress tied! Happy Holidays!! and p.s. personally it makes me feel better to get one from friends when it isn’t “perfect”, makes me feel as I’m not alone…cuz no matter what we do nothing’s picture perfect.

  2. AmyMusings on December 5th, 2009 6:20 am

    What is the name of that paint on your wall?? What boy picking his nose?? I don’t know what you’re talking about? Just give me the name of that paint sample! Please!!!

  3. Sonia on December 5th, 2009 12:50 pm

    OMFG, I so needed a giggle. I think this was my favorite post EVER.

  4. Shawna on December 6th, 2009 6:43 am

    You know what works well for Christmas cards? Either photos of just the kids or a photo montage of each family member individually. It’s much easier to get great shots of one or two people at a time.

    ShutterSisters.com has devoted a number of entries to the subject of greeting cards (e.g. http://shuttersisters.com/home/2008/12/5/whats-the-word.html) and has a few great examples in their Flickr pool
    (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/greatgreetings/).

  5. Shawna on December 6th, 2009 6:44 am

    Dang it. That last link included the bracket and period. Try this:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/greatgreetings/

  6. diancitie on February 12th, 2010 8:55 am

    Great article.Thanks.

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