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Jun
5
Somewhere . . . maybe close, maybe far away. I hear it. I almost feel that I can always hear it, you know. In my dreams.
The situation requires vigilance. Constant vigilance. The moment I stop looking, that’s when it’ll come to get me. As I’ve always known it would.
Well, I can’t lie. Things don’t seem good. In fact, things seem very, very bad. It’s definitely out there. Probably we should lock the doors. And arm ourselves.
WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARS THIS FUCKING LAWNMOWER I SWEAR I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY SHIT UP IN HERE
Oh wait. Nevermind. I guess if he’s not freaked out, I’m good. Yeah. I’m good. Ha ha ha ha! God, what was my problem? Never mind. Ha ha!
Dooooooooooom.
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42 Responses to “Grass”
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Awesome! Great post!
Best photo sequence ever. :)
D – just remember “We have nothing to fear but fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
Hunh, I almost lost MY shit becasue that post? Was fantastic!
Hilarious. (Sorry, D; don’t mean to chuckle at your pain.)
Maybe someday Dylan will be a Lawnmower Whisperer.
This made me hysterical. That is all. Carry on.
Adorable!
That was freakin awesome Linda!
He’s too cute.
My son is like that with the vacuum cleaner, he goes bonkers when he even hears the closet door open where we keep it.
Amazing.
Bwaaaaahahahahaha! Outstanding.
Hilarious.
What I love about this is that he seems to be WAITING to freak out. Not, like, hearing a lawnmower and then getting scared. NO… LOOKING for a lawnmower so he CAN be scared. So funny!
Frickin HYSTERICAL ! Bout peed myself laughing.
Poor little guy! He looks SO worried! Those are great pictures though.
Whenever I’m on the computer and bust out laughing from across the room my husband says “are you reading that ladies blog again?” LOL
That is so funny my daughter is having similar issues and keeping a similar vigil but it’s because of bugs. She loves the lawnmower but the thought of flies being outside those windows is just too much for her to take.
And this is not limited to our human children. My dog begins the shaking and clinging when I get out the ironing board. The evil iron beeps.
He is just so dern cute! Great post! :)
That was beautiful. Have you ever seen the book “Nuts.” by Gahan Wilson? It came out in the 70’s, and is a comic about a boy making sense of the confusion of the adult world. It is brilliant and funny.
Poor little guy! Too funny (for me, I mean. Obviously not for him.)
Oh, my word, I love you.
Love the photo series, glad to see photo evidence of other kids’ irrational fears.
Too funny!
Kids’ fears can be pretty funny sometimes and a big pain in the ass as well. My daughter, 4, never had a single fear. My son, 2, is suddenly terrified to his core of elevators, frosty air from the freezer and playground tunnels. No scary incidents prompted any of them. Strange little guy…
Oh, little man, it’s ok. If the lawnmowers don’t come get you, the thunder will come get me!
[...] Grass : All & Sundry [...]
too awesome.
My 3 year old son saw those pictures and asked what was wrong with that boy, and I explained it to him. He now wants Dylan to come over and to help him ‘cut the grass’ with his bubble lawnmowers so maybe he won’t be so scared.
Oh that little face is just too cute! Sometimes all you need to be safe is a calm big brother!
Oh, that was so good. I needed this on a Monday morning.
Love this! My almost 2 year old is scared shitless of loud motorized vehicles including, but not exclusively, you guessed, it – LAWN MOWERS. She looks all happy and thrilled to see the lawn mower and the person who is about to get on the riding mower and she waves and is smiling and happy and than they start up. She shrieks and runs and hides her face like OMG THE FUCKING CUTE MOWER JUST TURNED EVILLLLL I TELL YOU EVILLLLL MOMMMMMMEEEE!
It is rather priceless.
bahahahahahahaha. I used to have a severe fear of the bathtub water overflowing. I would loose my shit if I or my mom didn’t watch it while it was filling it up. Poor little guy!
This is like when you know there’s a spider in the room because you just saw it, but then when you turned your head it went missing, and now you can’t stop looking for it so that you know exactly towards which corner of the room to direct your terror.
Poor Dylan. It sucks to be afraid. Hope he finds a way to deal soon!
Oh yes…the irrational fears of children! My almost-6-year-old is terrified of anything that could possibly overflow with water. Toilets? Yep – will only use my toilet because the one in her bathroom got stopped up once and overflowed. And God forbid a piece of TP not flush down properly! I mean crying, trembling, the whole works. The bathtub? Yep – if I leave the bathtub filling up and unattended – even just to run out to the linen closet to grab a towel, she FREAKS OUT! OR – if the tub doesn’t drain fast enough for her liking, it’s meltdown city around my house. Sinks? Oh yeah – don’t even THINK about letting the water run while you brush your teeth. You might flood the world and need an ark, ya know.
But the kid will swim like a fish in any pool, complete with fountains, drains, etc. – including the one in our backyard! So weird.
Dylan is so freakin’ adorable!
Ohmigod, once again you’ve managed to make me laugh out loud. Poor guy – I hope he figures out that the lawnmowers are not coming for HIM.
Best. post. ever. Thanks for getting me through my Monday!
Love it. Thanks.
oh my god, this made me laugh til i cried. and ive re-read it about five times now! Thanks Linda!
Awesome! Loving those cowlicks in Dylan’s hair. Cuteness.
Great photo sequence but my favourite is still Riley with the broccoli.
I used to have a horrible fear of public speaking–like full on panic attack horrible. Now it’s more run of the mill horrible. What helps me most is practicing over and over until I know exactly how I’m going to say certain things, inflections, hand gestures, etc., because what scares me about public speaking is that I’ll somehow surprise myself, or that a sentence I’ve written down will actually sound weird and awkward out loud and I’ll stumble over all my words.
…did that help, or make you more nervous?
Estee Lauder doublewear…I have oily skin and spend all my time in London on the stinky underground. Fabulous. Will. Not. Budge. Slightly expensive, but my bottle *just* ran out and I’ve had it 6 months… and no I’m not one of those lucky types that only needs foundation for ’special occasions’ I slap it on everyday to spare the general public the horror of my real skin ;-)
As for the presentation – try amd remember they’re only people, they put their pants on one leg at a time same as everyone… I’m fine presenting to anyone I dont / vaguely know…. presenting to family and best friends – that WOULD be a killer
Good luck!
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