I am not normally a crafty motherfucker nor am I particularly clever when it comes to entertaining the kids, so you’ll have to forgive me for a bit of bragging when I say to you: BEHOLD THE BEST IDEA IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, EVER.

You start with a kid’s table that the kids rarely use and you get yourself two fabric-covered bins from Target. Drill those guys right into either side of the table, like so.

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These are now Lego containment devices. It’s all official and shit. This is where the Legos go, instead of sprinkled festively across the carpet or painfully lodged in the instep of your right foot.

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Go for broke and get the real blocks, not those big clunky Duplos. Tell your toddler that if he eats one, he’s going to have to crap it out like a MAN.

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Sit back and crack open a book during daylight hours for the first time in five years, because hot damn, these kids are set.

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Of course then the 4-year-old will start whining because the 2-year-old took Legos from HIS side and the 2-year-old will be crying because the 4-year-old built a helicopter and won’t let the 2-year-old break it and the bins will be bendier than you expected so they’ll start hanging at an angle and you’ll still be cleaning trillions of Legos from the couch cushions and kitchen table and oddly, your underwear drawer, and fine, maybe it wasn’t actually the best idea in the history of the universe when you consider things like the Polio vaccine and cheddar-pizza Combos . . . but for like two whole minutes there you will feel like a parenting GOD.

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Comments

38 Responses to “Girl genius, briefly”

  1. Shana on June 21st, 2010 4:31 pm

    Very clever.

  2. jen on June 21st, 2010 4:35 pm

    Is it wrong that the only thing I really noticed about this post is that I finally have someone to blame for the shortage of dark blue small fabric bins from Seattle-area Targets? ‘Cuz I was organizing my pantry and I couldn’t find enough of the darn things! :)

  3. C @ Kid Things on June 21st, 2010 4:49 pm

    I’ve had a few of those brief moments of genius. Too bad they don’t last longer.

  4. MB on June 21st, 2010 5:03 pm

    Nice one clever girl! In order to preserve the Lego/clean space balance, NEVER let your children see or hear of Star Wars anything. I mean it. The Lego horror that franchise has created in my home is breathtaking. Of course there are days that the kids stay upstairs playing Lego and Star Wars for 4+ hours, so that helps lessen the pain of the blocked vacuum cleaner.

  5. Lisa on June 21st, 2010 5:20 pm

    I do think that’s genius. I only have one girl, who is just shy of 3 and we don’t have a Lego in the house. I kinda want to keep it that way. Did you see The Oatmeal, today?

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/legos

  6. Velocibadgergirl on June 21st, 2010 5:47 pm

    Totally brilliant, even if the kids don’t realize it! You can replace the fabric bins with plastic ones, you’ll just need to drill pilot holes before you attach them to the table. If you want to get really fancy, you can order big flat sheets of base material from the Lego website and screw those to the top of the table, too.

  7. chrisubus on June 21st, 2010 6:14 pm

    ha! And to think, I just read this on The Oatmeal today: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/legos

  8. Kristin on June 21st, 2010 6:22 pm

    That IS a pretty good idea! Maybe with a longer table??

  9. Jen on June 21st, 2010 6:40 pm

    Hot damn if your posts aren’t awesome every single time. I love your writing. My son is only 1 month old, but I already know I will be reading your archives on various boy parenting things. Legos, check.

  10. Farrell on June 21st, 2010 7:14 pm

    One other suggestion – you can get one of those gigantuan pieces of lego – like the 100 nub by 100 nub size, which encourages the legos to stick to the table intead of falling off and getting caught between your toes.

  11. Farrell on June 21st, 2010 7:15 pm

    One other suggestion – you can get one of those gigantuan pieces of lego – like the 100 nub by 100 nub size, which encourages the legos to stick to the table intead of falling off and getting caught between your toes. Glue it on the top of the table, and you are set.

  12. Maria on June 21st, 2010 7:19 pm

    Damn. That’s a good idea.

    I think if I drilled something into my $8 Ikea kid’s table the entire thing would explode into a cloud of particle board though.

  13. Amy on June 21st, 2010 7:54 pm

    Love the idea. Nate uses his raggedy $10 garage sale table all the time, but I’m thinking I could pick up crayons/cars/little people a lot less frequently if we had baskets on the sides.

  14. 6512 and growing on June 21st, 2010 8:24 pm

    “crap it out like a man.” You are hilarious.

  15. thejunebug on June 21st, 2010 8:38 pm

    Hey Linda, get the big flat legos (sorry, Lego people, I don’t know the exact lingo here) – you know, the ones they use as lego base pieces, and glue them to the table. Instant unmoveable lego base AND the pieces stay where they get put. It’s genius! :)

  16. Ness at Drovers Run on June 21st, 2010 10:01 pm

    That’s brilliant! You’re practically Super Nanny! I was so excited when you’re post continued into the realm of ‘then the four year old whined because the 2yr old…etc’ because my boys are 4 and 2 and OMSH not a minute goes by without one of them raining down the whoop-ass on the other one! Seriously! I even called over my hubby to read that part and said, “Look honey! We’re not alone!”

  17. Renee on June 21st, 2010 10:26 pm

    Found your blog via StumbleUpon and holy shit, you are hilarious. That photo entry of your son watching a (I’m assuming) lawn-mower outside had me in tears.

  18. tanya on June 21st, 2010 11:24 pm

    just bolster up those little drawers a little and no more bendy. It’s a million dollar idea in the making. you rock.

  19. wealhtheow on June 22nd, 2010 4:58 am

    definitely a stroke of genius. A better idea than the dollar coin, that is for damn sure.

  20. Allison on June 22nd, 2010 5:15 am

    Great idea! Love the “crap it out like a MAN” line, that is hilarious.

  21. allison on June 22nd, 2010 6:07 am

    well done!

  22. sheilah on June 22nd, 2010 6:18 am

    Haha…too funny. I always wind up with a few in the instep of my foot…usually in the dark…in the middle of the night…on the way to the bathroom…#$%@^…WTF!!???

  23. Ris on June 22nd, 2010 7:12 am

    Brilliant, this is genius. Great re-purposing of a table, plus sounds like you got to use a drill!

  24. Sara on June 22nd, 2010 7:24 am

    Well I’m impressed. After all it’s official and shit.

  25. Kelsey on June 22nd, 2010 7:43 am

    That is awesome – and I think you can probably troubleshoot the bendy bins a little… or upgrade once you’ve got the shortfalls figured out!

    My kids are five and two, a girl and a boy, and I cannot believe how much they go at each other when, in theory, (age not gender) they shouldn’t even be playing with the same toys. Add me to voices that are glad they aren’t the only ones!

  26. Molly on June 22nd, 2010 9:51 am

    At our house, we often fantasize about a vacuum cleaner that only picks up legos (so then they could be dumped into the lego bins). The only thing worse than picking them up yourself is trying to get the kids to help!

  27. lisa on June 22nd, 2010 5:22 pm

    Oh the legos. We haven’t quite graduated to the ‘damn it hurts to step on one of those’ sized legos yet since we still have someone in the house who doesn’t think twice about sticking a seashell in her mouth.

  28. andrea on June 22nd, 2010 7:24 pm

    I still think it is a pretty damn good idea. I have yet to bring any of the non-Duplo sized Legos into the house b/c the thought of stepping on those motherfuckers all day is not very pleasing. Perhaps with a containment system like this I can handle it.

  29. Ginger on June 22nd, 2010 11:50 pm

    I just hope somewhere in this scheme you have a way to get rid of theose dog faced droid Legos because OMG those little fuckers just piss me off.

  30. Lisa on June 23rd, 2010 6:39 am

    i’m stealing this idea TODAY! thank you!

  31. parkingathome on June 23rd, 2010 7:40 am

    I’d totally install lego road pieces. I used to love making lego cities

  32. Steph on June 23rd, 2010 10:40 am

    I think it’s an awesome idea and I am the LEAST crafty person on the planet. I buy those over priced plastic carts on wheels with drawers in them for sorting stuff because I just could not in a million years come up with something this crafty.

  33. Amy on June 23rd, 2010 1:23 pm

    Yeah! I’m so glad I’m not the only one that gets all excited about stuff like that. I get so proud of myself and then my martha stewart like MIL will make some comment on it and it’s all over. Oh well….here’s to the small victories!

  34. wordygirl on June 25th, 2010 2:24 pm

    That is an awesome trick! Well done!

  35. All Adither on July 3rd, 2010 4:11 pm

    Aww, you tried.

  36. J on October 8th, 2010 1:45 pm

    Disappointing with all the profanities. Cute idea though.

  37. Kali on December 12th, 2010 10:12 pm

    Just stumbled on this post, and I love it! The idea is adorable, I’m thinking it would be really good for a craft table too, so I could shove all my scraps off the side of the table. Also loved that you swear in your blog, there aren’t enough like this one out there, not at all stuffy :P

    Thanks!

  38. Moe on January 12th, 2011 9:05 pm

    Festively sprinkled…..your wit is genius as well as your lego storage :)

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