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Jun
24
A while ago I did one of those online Myers-Briggs personality tests (this one, I believe) and my result was ISFJ: Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging. The ISFJ is characterized as introverted, empathetic, hard-working, practical, timid, sensitive, insecure, intolerant, easily embarrassed, prone to jumping to conclusions, fearful of confrontations, and needy.
I was reading and nodding in recognition until I got to the part that said ISFJs are likely to have beautifully furnished homes and are extremely good interior decorators. Ha. Ha ha ha! MY CLUMPS OF ARTISTICALLY-PLACED DOG HAIR, LET ME SHOW YOU THEM.
So I don’t know about that part, but the rest sounded uncomfortably familiar. It was kind of depressing, to be honest—I mean, not like I didn’t have any self-awareness about these things, but seeing it all laid out in a tidy description was sort of . . . well, I don’t know, I suppose it would be nicer to read something chirpy like “You have an unrelenting zest for life! You love people! You would make a fantastic leader! Your thirst for adventure is eclipsed only by your positive outlook and self-confidence!”
Instead, I got: “You’re kind of a whiny, reclusive doormat. Ideal career choices include martyrdom and anonymous internet commenter.”
Have you ever done one of these tests, and if so, did it ring true? And do you think it’s ever possible to change your basic personality type? I don’t mean fundamentally alter who you are as a person, but tweak your settings to dial yourself a bit closer to the sort of personality you tend to admire? Or do you think we are who we are, and any forced behavior is simply a surface change?
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I’ve done this thing and I’m an ENFJ. An idealist. Most of it definitely rings true.
I sincerely hope I can recalibrate. I’d like to think it’s possible. Lately, I really feel like everyone is more laid back than me. I aspire to taking life as it comes and being better at that, and I REALLY hope it is possible to do that. I’d like to think that if a certain trait is something you value than you have it in you to do it.
Just knowing what I do from reading your blog, it is DEFINITELY possible for you. You’ve already done that. You’ve made so many huge changes in your life and your self. You are really capable of anything and you are fortunate enough to have a record of how you have actually already accomplished that. So I think if there is something you are aspiring to, you of all people can do it. I think it is like exercise. In the beginning it is forced behavior but over time, it becomes natural, and you move on to the next step. Hope that makes sense!
I took one of those tests a few years ago, too – it said I was Extroverted and Kind of A Dick. Which I was. I think I’m a bit less of a dick these days, so take that as you will. From what I’ve noticed, we as people rarely go through huge personality shifts that stick – sooner or later we come back to who we really are; we just learn to sand down the rough edges and develop the parts of ourselves we like the best.
I came out as an ISFJ as well and yes, I was nodding along to nearly every characteristic. I DO think it is possible to change your personality, a little anyway. As my own example, I’ve never been a patient person. Now I am still not exactly patient but I have learned to be patient with my toddler at least. So little steps.
Also?
“Ideal career choices include martyrdom and anonymous internet commenter.”
Best line ever. It made my afternoon.
I’m an ENFP. My counselor (I totally go to therapy!) told me I should find out what my fiance is and see if we match up. She said if we have more than one letter different, we were headed for divorce…. um. We have every letter different.
So you know what I say about those tests? They are fun and I love taking them. They can be insightful in many ways, but not true in EVERY way. There is no way a single test can truly assess the many facets of our personalities. Or the many ways in which people connect with one another. But I still can’t stop myself from taking them…
I’m ESFJ. And just after I wrote a post about wanting to think the best of people and not judge, JUDGING is the highest percentage of my personality!
I’ll let you know if that kind of trait can be changed. Sigh.
I would highly recommend the book Motherstyles (not enough to buy, but good for library use). It maps your Myers-Briggs personality type to your mothering style. The book reflects things in a positive way, the things you EXCEL at with this personality type. That helped me see my personality type in a whole new way!
I am ISTJ, it pointed out that I am good at:
* highly developed sense of responsibility
* providing kids with order and routine
* industrious, detail-oriented, organized
And it helped me see that I struggle with being too hard on myself and being drained by the chaos of children.
I think we are who we are but I also feel like understanding why I’m like that helps me go outside my bounds. As an Introvert, I have a tough time meeting new people. So I just fake it when I first meet people and if I like them, then I try to get 1:1 time with them.
Completely unrelated to this post to your other posts, I struggled with trying to see my friends while working, my husband traveling for work, and taking care of day care sick kids. I set up a weekly ladies’ night with my closest friends to watch SYTYCD and it’s been going for over a year now. I started it bc two women had husbands out of work so we can’t meet to go out to dinners. It has been amazing this past year to have that one night a week where I see whoever can make it and chat in person.
I have way too much to say about this, but my personality test DID ring true, and in terms of “fixing” it … I don’t think that’s possible. But I always think of snorkeling in the ocean. You can stand upright and crash about and nearly get knocked over and get salt up your nose, or you can find a way to not be at cross-purposes with it, to let the wave roll through you, and suddenly it’s all peaceful and beautiful and there are adorable turtles, even.
I have not changed a bit, no, but I have stopped fighting myself in so many ways, and the result has been a surprising amount of productivity/satisfaction. I guess I always thought it would amount to surrender and stasis, but the truth is quite the opposite.
I’m an ESFJ but the E is only 1%, so.
I don’t think you can change completely, but you can make choices that leave you at peace with yourself. I think?
ESFJ, but the strengths of my preferences are all 25% or less (with the J being a whopping 1%).
IMHO, unless there is a hard driving reason most people after 20 don’t change much, we just polish the surface.
I did this test twice while I worked 2 different jobs for the same company. The first time, when I worked on a R&D project I came out as ENTP. I loved this job. It was the best job I’d ever had. Then, I ridiculously accepted a promotion and worked on a different project and after a year of being in that job,which I hated took the same test as a “team building” experience. I came out INTJ. Amazing how your environment can influence your personality.
I’m an ISFJ, too, and I think it’s pretty spot on. Personally, I don’t want to change who I am (I like being a sensitive hermit!), but I do think it’s possible to change aspects of one’s personality. I don’t know, though, if most people are self-aware enough to either see what should be changed and/or have to fortitude to do so.
I did one once on a staff retreat and found it super surprisingly accurate not just for me, but also some of my interns. There were several staff members who have done these tests before and they all explained that absolutely, you can have a different result overtime. Dude, as a teenager I would have been “stick head in sand” introvert, now I am very much a social butterfly :)
I’m INFJ so we’re somewhat similar. High five. Just go with it. That’s YOU and reason enough to celebrate.
You are an ARTIST for chrissakes. This website & twitter actually ARE art. Van Gogh would probably have the Meyer Briggs profile. As would David Sedaris and Jane Austen.
Last I remember, I think I’m an INFJ, which is fine with me. I could definitely excel at being a hermit.
I did make a personality change and overcome my crippling fear of confrontation around the time of my divorce, which was nice. It didn’t feel like I was making a huge change, but it allowed me to feel more in charge of my life (also, it allowed me to finally tell off an old jerkhat of a boss without being reduced to tears).
I am also ISFJ, with sensing being my highest. Because, well, I am a crybaby. My gut reaction to any kind of emotion is to burst in to tears. Oh yeah.
And my house is not impeccably decorated at all. In fact, in May when we (after being in our house for 11 years) built a flower bed and did some landscaping out front, 2 of our neighbors asked if we were putting our house up for sale. Haaaa.
I am also an ISFJ, and yeah, I think it’s a pretty good description of me. However, I also know if I’d taken this test in my early 20s I would have gotten a very different result. It is possible to change who you are, either through conscious effort or through circumstance. I used to work in a corporate environment as a trainer; I was always around people and was much more extroverted. Since quitting my job and becoming a homemaker, I have become much more shy and introverted, I think because I am not forced to be around people.
I have done these tests, and they are uncomfortably familiar – to say the least – and I’ve recently had an idea about that.
I noticed that when I’m taking these tests, my answers are based on what I know and what I am comfortable with. However, just because I’m more comfortable having all of my office supplies organized does not mean that I actually prefer it that way. It might mean I’ve just trained myself to auto tidy.
When faced with the choices, I go with the known because the unknown gives me a strange feeling in my belly. I am scared of the feeling, scared of the choice that makes me feel that feeling, and therefore I’ve assumed it was wrong for me. But what if, instead, it means that I’m really geared towards being an actress and NOT an office manager?
Also, just because you don’t have the “perfect” house doesn’t mean you don’t want it. You could have it, but if that meant getting rid of what makes it that way I think you’ll agree you’re happy with it the way it is :-D
I’ve done these at three other times in my life – first one when I was 15. I’ve been an INFP. I just did the one you linked out of curiosity. It is definitely not as thorough as the ones that counselors, psychologists and other such people have. But the biggest thing I have always learned about these is that while we tend to lean strongly or moderately to one side, we do learn to use the other when it is necessary. We’re adaptable.
I just took the test and am the same thing you are. It’s not super flattering, but at least it shows how much we value the safety and well being of those we love. I can live with that. I wish that I weren’t a natural doormat though.
I took the test (more than once) and I am either ISTJ or ESTJ which means I am either a reclusive, whiny, judgemental bitch staring at a computer screen or I am a whiny, judgemental bitch who is either staring at her computer screen or is getting into bar fights.
Your call.
Just took the test you linked to… I’m ENFP. Totally fascinating to read the personality descriptions! It’s cracking me up! I’m not sure how much we can change… I’d be willing to entertain the idea that as we mature/age/live longer our letters might shift around a bit…
I am an ISTJ, I think it made sense.
It’s not what I want to be, I don’t want to be an introvert but I am. I believe people can change, I just haven’t yet.
I want to add to my previous comment now that I’ve gone down memory lane and read all the ENFJ profiles again..
One of the things it says about me is that everything I do has to be about the people aspect. It says don’t like cold, unfeeling analysis. This is 150% true. But in my current job some would say that is exactly what my job description is and I think I excel at it. I do always consider the human element in the analysis I do and “How is it *useful*” and blah blah blah and I think it adds something to my skillset as an analyst. I guess I wanted to clarify because I am not saying you can or should lobotomize yourself or something but I do definitely think you can take your “weaknesses” or things you might interpret as weaknesses and re-envision them as strengths.
We match. I’m ISFJ, too.
I don’t know that I can change my letters, so to speak, but I can work around them to a degree. For example, I will force myself to talk to people at Blogher and not hide in my room, even though I’ll sort of need a few days to recover afterwords because the I in my ISFJ is, shall we say, much stronger than any of my other letters. I’m a hermit by nature, but a hermit who just really, really wants people to like her. Thus – I try to work around it when I can and go to the party/conference/whatever anyway, then go crash in my room later.
My husband faked his Meyers Briggs at his first job out of college. It was pretty cut throat place and he didn’t want anyone to know he was introverted. All the type-A aggressives were Extroverted so he wanted to fit in. He left that job unhappy in a few years…if you don’t fit you don’t fit.
It said I am an ENTJ which qualifies me as being in only 2% of the population and calls me a “fieldgeneral” about a a hundred and ten times. Truthfully it’s probably not too far off as it said I tend to be a leader and can easily block out “personal” relationships when needed…. hmmm oh and my examples were Hilary Clinton and then like 50 men, so I’m not exactly sure if I am happy about that. : )
That being said, I think you are who you make yourself to be and that you have everything you need to change your “path”
: )
I took that test in elementary/jr high school and tested as a INTJ and last year took it again as a ISTJ. I like the younger version of me better.
But I will say that comparing the change and my life events, it makes sense that the shift occurred.
If one starts with an assumption that personality comes from the brain, change also makes sense. Over time, the pathways that are the biological manifestation of being an “E” or an “I” are either stimulated or atrophy, in response to one’s environment.
For example, we know that victims of chronic abuse exhibit much more introverted behavior initially, which may shift to extroversion once the victim is removed from the abusive situation.
I’m an ENTJ right here. It IS eerily close, that Myers Briggs….
Truly, not to be a Debbie Downer, but my training in psychology taught me that most hardcore psychologists/psychometricians say that Myers-Briggs is for entertainment value only. Sure, my MB type sounds a bit like me, but so does my astrological sign description and that doesn’t make me a believer in astrology. Myers-Briggs is hugely popular but really, truly, it’s not good science. Don’t feel locked into your type, we are all so much more than these categories.
I’ve taken many of these and there is no fooling. Everyone has pretty much rang true. I think we can always change some aspects of our personality- basically, how we respond to other people and how we feel about ourselves, but I think it’s nearly impossible to change the core.
I think you’re born with personality traits, but any trait can be either positive or negative depending on how you choose to go with it. I definitely believe my mother positively influenced how my traits would develop, and that I’ve continued to make changes as an adult. I took this test in college and was a slight I, today I am apparently a slight E. This probably has everything to do with my conscious effort to become more comfortable in social situations and my marriage to a man who is a complete E and helps me have the courage to step out.
I totally believe that you can tweak your personality! When you learn something about yourself that isn’t what you expected, you either accept it or try to change it. People change all the time.
They made us to these all the time in high school to see what career choice would be good for us and if we were actually interested in any of them.
I remember when I was growing up that I was ridiculously shy. I saw the people who were outgoing and had friends and I wanted to be like them. So being the analytical sort I just did what they did.
I definitely fake the funk, but it really hasn’t led me astray. So at home I’m me. Meeting new people I turn into someone slightly different- a little more social and outgoing.
I’m an INFJ, an “Idealist Counselor.” The description definitely hit the nail on the head – I prefer solitude, and close-knit non-superficial relationships. I’m hard to get to know, but blessed with a vivid imagination.
We had a similar discussion over at lucymarch.com the other day, about flaws vs quirks. You might enjoy reading what the commenters had to say there, it was really fascinating.
I don’t think any personality trait is hard and fast throughout life, if the person really wants to change. By honing certain traits and distancing from others, our perceptions and reactions CAN change. Look at yourself, and what you’ve done with your personal goal-setting and… well, shit, the ACHIEVEMENTS you’ve racked up over the last year. Do you really think the 10 year younger version of you was the same, personality wise?
I did one of these in a supervisor training course.
Basically, what I got back was that I’m Rain Man/Robot. They said I would be a good supervisor because I didn’t let personal problems get in the way. But that people find me “cold” or “unapproachable.”
I promptly began reading up on how to “appear” that I wasn’t a robot. I feel like you can change behavior. But, not necessarily your basic personality traits.
INFJ (aka “oversensitive speshul snoflaek”) here.
It’s definitely possible to develop other sides to your personality, though your type will always be where you’re most comfortable. I used to have ZERO tolerance for ambiguity but I’ve gotten much better at dealing with and even embracing situations where I don’t know where things are going. Everything nailed down and lined up in neat little rows will always be my happy place, though.
I am the most INFP person who ever INFPed. It depresses me to think that a stupid test could pin me so accurately, like a butterfly on a board, but true’s true. I try to bring it up early in the dating game so my beaux can read it and know my inner soul but none of them ever take the bait. It’s almost like they’re interested in something besides my soul, but what could it be?
INFP. It was dead on. I struggle a bunch with the introvert part. I have been trying, for my kid’s sake to stretch myself in that area and really get to know other families with kids. But it’s always extremely uncomfortable for me and I invariably walk away kicking myself for being such a spaz.
I really identified with your post about blog-her. It’s hard to make time for the few friends I do have even though I stay home with the kids. I honestly can’t imagine how you do it all. I think if I was working my head would explode. I have such admiration for people who can do it.
I am the same as you and reading the description was challenging. I’m even judging what my personality type is!
I just did the test and I’m the same as you. Um, hello.
Well, crud. I thought I was a lively, talkative, laid-back fun-type person and I ran and took the test and I am also an ISFJ, and I think the J bothers me more than anything because I really do not want to be a judgmental person.
On the other hand, I find you, Linda, to be a lively, talkative, laid-back fun-type person, so either it’s a birds of a feather thing, or the test is not scientifically precise. I vote for both the former and the latter.
From what i read on that site, INFJs sounded warm and caring. Just saying.
I always come out INTJ/P (about 50% each on J/P) although not that strongly for anything except the “I”. I work in an environment where INTJs are substantially overrepresented compared with the general population, which can be…interesting. Yeah, those tests are sort of useful in telling you about ingrained habits and preferences, but they certainly don’t capture all the nuances. For example, I’m DEFINITELY an introvert by preference but I make an effort to do social chitchat with my colleagues and be friendly to my patients.
On the other hand, I know myself well enough to know that I would be the worst salesperson in the world, because I would hate it and hate all my clients and never make a sale. I’m also not that great at nurturing–I tend to be like a guy, all “How can we SOLVE this problem without talking about our feeeellings?”. But I’m actually not bad at motivational talks with my patients, mostly because I’m willing to listen to them. Go figure.
So really, it’s about knowing yourself and your flaws and good points, and trying to change your style or stretch out of your comfort zone a little when you have an aspect of your personality that you’re not that happy with, or where you see a need to change, without feeling like you need a complete personality transplant.
I’m ENTJ. Judgy, judgy, judgy. Sigh.
I have not read the rest of the comments so I do not know if someone has already said this BUT Give Yourself a Kick in the ASS for even thinking this.
You have taken yourself from where you felt you were not a fit person who did not challenge themselves (bad a school etc) To someone who ENJOYS taking on impossible sounding challenges. Someone who gets A in diffcult college courses without being able to study at liesure (I cannot spell). Someone who pushes themselves to be a better parent all the time instead of just coasting by. Someone who looks at what is going on in their lives that they do not like and changing it for the better.
You have already tweaked your personality a TON.
I’m ESFP. It fits, for the most part.
I just wanted to say for the record that Introverted doesn’t automatically put you in the “anonymous internet commenter” category (but that made me laugh). The difference between extroversion and introversion isn’t necessarily friendly vs. shy. It’s where we get our energy. I’m an extrovert…I get energy and new ideas when I brainstorm with someone else. An introvert typically comes up with these things on their own, of their own thoughts. Oftentimes I don’t even realize I HAVE a thought until I say it out loud.
And I”m an extrovert but not nearly so adventurous as you. So there you go.
INFJ. Counselor. Idealist. Mad introvert. Yeah, it fits. It was a little sad, but I comforted myself with the notion that INFJs are the most unusual combination, so I am a unique, special, little misanthropic flower.
GAWD I’ve wrestled with this a ton. I was a weird kid: I did that rorshach test really early – inkblots and all – and figured out that I was *pause for drama* a weird kid. Then there were more tests: “Oh she’s sensitive” “oh she’s smart but she’s not applying herself” and then the dreaded “she might have add but she can’t pay attention long enough for us to be sure” followed by my favorite “it may not be in this child’s interest to pursue any degree of higher education. she appears to be much better suited for mechanical and manual labor.”
GAH.
My grandmother’s head exploded on that one. (she was a dedicated victorian to the core)
Now? Well yeah, I like working with my hands. My best performance – academia-wise – was when I went to college. I love logic and language and I suck at math. Like ubersuck. I am a black-belt at social awkwardness.
A person’s personality and capacity for integration will fluctuate wildly over the course of her life. I’m finally at a place in my own little life where I’m okay with that but for the last 30ish years (the first 4 don’t count) I’ve been struggling to try to be someone that I’m not, and be something different from what other people thought I was supposed to be… all this time I’ve been desperate to just find that happy balance between what I CAN be and what other people think I SHOULD be.
And yes. I’m still a weird kid.
I finally love that about myself. FINALLY.
(Turns out I’m an INTJ today. Go figure.)
I’m always right on the line between Introvert and Extrovert. For example, this time I’m ENTP with a 1% stress on the E part, sometimes I’m INTP. So in other words, yes, I think it can and does change. I know I lean more towards the emotional end of the spectrum at certain time and can be super cold and logical at others. Active effort to change makes a difference, I think, but so does mood, time in your life, time of the month, etc.
I’m an INFJ. I think people can try to trick themselves into behaving differently, but that ruse will eventually wear off and the true self will re-emerge.
I sometimes wish I could be different than I always am, but when I discover myself being awfully ‘I’ and ‘J’, well, there’s just no escaping it. I can only try to be more extroverted and bat away the judgmental thoughts for so long. I guess it says something, though, that I can take steps outside of myself, even if they’re only temporary. Still trying to figure out who I’ll be when I grow up, I guess :)
I took one of those tests about 10 years ago and was an ESTJ, and I took one a few months ago and was an ISTJ – so yes, I think you can change your fundamental personality type.
I don’t know if I took the same one you did or not, but the one I took didn’t have many nice things to say about my personality type either – not spontaneous, not adventurous, dependable, punctual (which I’m not). Yes, apparently I pretty much just like to sit at home and pet my cats, thanks.
Yeah, I’ve taken those tests. And every single time I end up with a different result. Every. Single. Time.
Granted some of it’s always the same – but the rest of it changes depending on the mood I’m in – either that or I have a multiple personality. The jury’s still out on that.
What the what? Every time you show pictures of your house I think how beautiful it looks and have actually considered stealing your look.
Yep. INTJ. I had the same reaction as you, yep, yep, yep, yep, oh yes — wait. This is depressing. In particular: “While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.” Yeah, that. LOL.
ENFJ in the hizzy. I’m not sure, but it seems to be telling me that I can be a real asshole when I’m dancing on the table with a lamp shade on my head.
AND! Ooh, this important: We are all both. You are both Introverted and Extroverted, Sensing and Intuitive, Thinking and Feeling, Judging and Percieving. We all possess all of these qualities, and we all must use them all in our lives. MBTI tells you about preference. OF COURSE an introverted person can succeed in a job where they talk to people all day, they just might have to be alone for an hour or two when they get home. I as a Perceiver do not get a pass from being on time to meetings and can show up for work whenever I feel like it, it just means that I would prefer it if I could :) You can be whoever and whatever you want, you are in charge of your choices…but oh it’s helpful to understand your innate preferences.
I am just like you, INFJ. And nope, don’t think it’s remotely changeable but I am OK with that.
I have done them several times – the first time in HS – and almost always come out INFJ. However, over the years I find that my preferences for almost all portions of it except J have waxed and waned. I remain a strong J no matter where I am in my life, but my I, N, and F factors have changed over time depending on whether I was in a job that required me to be extroverted rather than introverted or I was doing more rational work rather than emotional work. I love the Myers-Briggs stuff mainly because it finally helped me to understand (in my 20s) that my mom wasn’t acting the way she was just to drive me insane, it was because she is an insane ESTJ and could be harsh without realizing it. It was a relationship changer for me just understanding her.
ISFJ here as well. I think you can tweak your personality, but you are who you are.
I took the test (thanks for posting the link!) and I got INFJ. I think it’s very similar to your result. I read the description as complimentary. Click on some of the other links to see other famous people with the same results as you. I’m not sure that you can really change your personality (not that you would want to — because you’re totally awesome), but maybe there are individual things that you could work on if you’re unhappy with them.
I don’t think anyone with small kids can have a beautifully furnished home…? That doesn’t speak ill of your personality, it just means you’re smart enough not to have nice things they can terrorize and ruin, yes?
I’m always an INTJ (the Scientist), this time with 100% on the Judging – yikes. Ironically enough, I am a scientist, so it turns out I made the right career choice.
I was nodding my head and agreeing with everything, until I read that INTJs have a tendency “to become arrogant and elitist” and “when under a great deal of stress, may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, sensate activities, such as over-drinking”. Wow…..isn’t that complimentary?!
hello, sister ISFJ…I’m right there with you and it’s perfectly nice and cosy here, don’t you think?
I don’t buy the Myers Briggs stuff, but I totally believe this:
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
We had to do it at work for a leadership training…it was dead on, and not depressing.
The professor in charge of the Honors program at the university I attended was OBSESSED with Meyers Briggs. I took that thing a million times during college, and said professor constantly attributed all life decisions her students made to their MBTI.
I believe someone mentioned this earlier, but what I found was that the MBTI tested for what you PREFER, not what you actually ARE. There are a lot of questions using the word “enjoy,” “like,” “believe,” etc. While I may enjoy things a certain way, I may not see to it that they happen that way. While I may have preferred quiet and solitude, the responsibilities that I took on dictated different behavior at times.
So take it all with a grain of salt, or better yet, throw it out the window and don’t worry about it.
I took it a few years ago, as part of post-layoff career counseling. I believe I was INTJ. Though I was near the middle on some of them, I was so strongly “I” that Extrovert might as well have been on Mars. Introvert all the way, baby!
Cat hair and dust makes tumbleweeds. You’d love my house!
For my job we had to do what was called a TKI assessment that analyzed our personalities and specifically how we dealt with conflict. There were five categories- compete, collaborate, compromise, accomodate, and avoid. Most people have a little bit of each characteristic but tend to favor one or two more than the others.
Turns out I am a 98% accomodator. In other words, I’m a freaking doormat. And I totally realize it now too. It drives me crazy that I never stand up for myself or even give an opinion.
The thing is, now that I realize that I accomodate all the time, I can now try to fight that natural inclination in times that I should stand up for myself. It isn’t easy, and I don’t know that we can change our core personalities, but I do think we can change our behaviors if we put the effort forth.
Also, I definitely believe we can change who we are. People do it all the time. The problem is that it is an extremely slow process. The same as with changing how you eat or developing an exercise routine. You take one little step and do it until it’s easy and then add another one.
I use this for everything. I even have a graph. And the goals are ridiculously tiny. Things like Organize something for 10 minutes every day. This is how I workout, how I improve my relationships, my work, everything. It’s slow but, in my experience, it’s been very successful.
I am pretty sure that it’s a recognized Myers-Briggs fact that YES, you can change (even significantly). That’s why you’re supposed to retake the test every so often. I took it years ago and my J was high – and it was true, punctuality etc were of SUPREME importance to me and I could be a jerk about it to my friends. Years later, after I had lived in a place where nothing is on time (a second-world country), I’m so relaxed about time that I hardly wear a watch anymore. Ok, so it’s a silly example, but for me it was a big switch in a major portion of my personality that I didn’t like – and now I think I would likely test differently (haven’t done it recently, but should; I suspect I’m still a J but the being-a-jerk-about-it part is waaaaay lessened).
Just as an interesting (to me, at least) follow-up: I did just take it again and I’m still scoring as an INTJ, same as years ago. But I still maintain that I’ve softened some of the harder edges of that personality type (which, at root, is dead on for me).
So funny how my job really kind of affects the results. In a challenging work environment, I’ve always come out ENFP and in a work environment that I’m super comfy in but not necessarily challenged, I come out INFJ.
Weird!
It’s hard to picture you as introverted because you’re extroverted (no holds barred) here.
I hate to admit this, but since I’m an anonymous Internet commenter and no one can see me blush…
My astrological chart rang truer than anything. Particularly this “North Node of the Moon” stuff. Jan Spiller’s book New Moon Astrology described me to a T. I use it for the affirmations and higher conscious awareness.
oops, the book is Astrology for the Soul.
I’m an ESFJ with a very high strength percentage on the E and the J. So I guess that makes me loud and bitchy? Awesome.
Mine says I’m ENFP, although I did it in a hurry and am not positive about all my answers but I’ll take it for now, just for this description:
“They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence.”
CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool. Wicked.
Also, I just noticed that the person who wrote that description is named “Joe Butt” and that pretty much flipped my switch.
I’m an ISFJ too! I’d say its pretty accurate. At least we are in good company with Mother Teresa.
I’m an IFJS too and I totally related to your post the other day about friendships etc.
I think its pretty accurate. Often i wish I was more outgoing, outspoken, etc. Like you, I feel more comfy emailing/writing than calling people.
I’m going to go crawl back in my shell now…
I’ve always found that test to be pretty dead on, I’m an INTJ: Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging.
Honestly, I think it fits me. But I admit that I do have to try to reach beyond my stay at home, introverted persona in order to meet people and form relationships. The internet is good for that. I can come and go as I please, but still connect with people.
I have typically come in at INTJ in these tests, though the I is sometimes an E and the N is sometimes an S, depending on the test since both are borderline.
I have a friend who is strongly INTJ and she puts a lot of stock in these tests; I find them merely interesting where she regards them as a clear map of how to understand people.
Someone may have mentioned this above but the Enneagram is an awesome test/guide. My mom used to lead workshops and they were the most hilarious things because they were so true it was sad! They would do this whole ‘getting ready to go to a party’ scenerio and act it out with all the personality types and it was just so true it was painfully funny. Yes I have done these tests and on the E-gram I am a 2, Helper and when you read the section about all your ’short comings/negatives’ I seriously wanted to curl up in a ball and wither away, that section made me feel horrible (and it was true, very true for me & my personality) and then I asked my mom for examples of people I knew who were also 2’s and that just made it worse because these were people I NEVER wanted to be like. BUT then you read your positives and how you can be if you grow & work on your strengths etc…and it feels great and is inspiring…Mother Teresa is a 2….so I felt better, kinda :-)
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
I forgot to mention, as a fellow ISFJ, that the part about a beautifully furnished home and good interior decorator is clearly NOT me, in any way. I can’t even IMAGINE anyone ever describing me as such. So, I don’t know what to make of that but I might, just might, be able to artistically arrange a few clumps of dog hair.
martyrdom and anonymous commenter– that made me laugh!
I do think you can modify your personality, I think some of the things you listed (timid, sensitive, introverted) are just a matter of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Way easier said than done but it does get easier the more you do it I think.
I got INFJ. I’ve already forgotten what it means lol.
Combine your Myers-Briggs result with the StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment. I use this combination with all of my employees. MBTI = self-awareness; StrengthsFinder = when you ‘play to your strengths’, your job/life/whatever is more enjoyable/effortless, etc.
I am an INTJ and it’s very true. It’s also very rare, which explains a lot. If I remember correctly, the INTJ’s motto is “Always room for improvement.”
I’ve always loved tests of all kinds, especially personality tests. I tend to wind up at one extreme or another. It’s fun and it’s nice to think there is someone (or some computer) who can define me and make sense of me, which is not an easy task for mere humans.
I have changed over the years. Mainly I have become more and more accepting of who I am and how others are. I used to be almost afraid of “people,” but now I think they are really cool to study and even bullshit with, most of the time. I will never be charismatic or gregarious, and I’m fine with that. Like I told my kids today, animals love me, so I must be good deep down; and besides, today my daughter said I’m her boyfriend and she’s going to marry me. So how bad can I really be?
I’m a INFJ too! We should be BFF’s…but I won’t call, and neither will you. Humph.
I have to swim against the tide here, I guess. I’ve taken those things 3 or 4 times and each time it comes up with a different answer. I don’t think I’ve changed that much!
I’m pretty skeptical of these things. I remember a psych class in college where we all took some sort of test (I forget what exactly). The “analysis” results were handed out two weeks later and we were asked whether we thought the results were accurate. Everyone except me and one other person said yes, they were accurate.
Turns out that everyone got the SAME analysis result, and simply read into it what they wanted or expected to hear.
I don’t know that you can *purposefully* change your personality type, but I know for a fact that events in your life can cause your personality to change.
I used to be a total doormat with zero self esteem when I was married to my first husband (which is how I wound up married to him in the first place). A series of events led me to the realization that he was/is an asshole and it gave me the courage to leave.
After that, it was amazing how much my personality changed without me really having to do anything.
I highly suggest the book, “The Hero Within” by Carol Pearson. She describes six archetypes that most all people have within them somewhere and how to recognize them in yourself and others. Sometimes just realizing that you are how you are or that someone else is how they are helps you learn to deal with yourself or them better. Wow, that was a confusing sentence.
I once read something about the strongest parts of the personality being almost impossible to change. The elements more toward the middle are more possible. I also read somewhere that it can be more productive to focus on making use of the strengths of your personality type (everyone has them) rather than trying to correct the perceived weaknesses.
So I’m ISTJ.
67% Introverted, 12% Sensing, 1% Thinking, 67% Judging
I guess I agree with that, I’m a quiet judger apparently. Sounds sort of awful, but it is what it is I guess. I’m a little offended i’m only 1% thinking :)
I’ve taken the test a couple of times, and the answers have changed a bit in terms of their percentages over the years – I’m an INFP and I used to be an “I” so far to the end of the scale I was almost off it. That was high school and over 20 years ago (crap, I can’t believe I just typed that). I’m still an INFP, but I’ve noticed over the years that the percentages have changed quite a bit. I’m more towards the middle of the range on almost every one of them, particularly the “I.” Do I think it is possible to change? Not at the true core of you. Socializing will always be an exhausting experience for me. It is why I don’t have a lot of close friends and don’t go out much. However, folks at work would never think in a million years that I’m an introvert. I’ve learned to be social in smaller group settings. Large crowds still overwhelm me.
There are tasks that I have to do at work and at home that aren’t my strong side, but I’ve learned to flex those underdeveloped muscles, and I think that is what has brought me more to the “middle” of the road in terms of scoring percentages. So we all have our reflexive “core” preferences, but that doesn’t mean we always have to go with them. Like anything else, it can be learned; it just won’t be your preferred way of doing things.
But I agree with PPs: don’t focus on the perceived weaknesses, but rather focus on the strengths. When you are at peace with your personality, you and those around you are going to be a lot happier.
I recall my psychology major friend in college doing a project showing that most people, when given a personality description after answering a few questions, immediately agree it sounds like them- the catch was that she never changed the description, ever. You might find that some other personality descriptions resonate with you too -maybe even your ‘ideal’ personality. Who knows? I doubt anyone ever fits perfectly into a box.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that when I took the test the first time and read the results, I took them to my parents and said “You want to know what is in my head? What to know how to deal with me? Here you go. They’ve nailed it perfectly.” Things got a little easier on the home front after that. They stopped pushing me to join clubs and stuff!
I’m an ISFJ, too — and apparently we’re in good company here, judging from the notes. =) It’s interesting to think about how my life circumstances of the past few years affected the way I answered questions — I’ve been kind of isolated, and my career path became a career dead-end. Four years ago, I might have come out as a different type. Still introverted, though, definitely, but with stronger leadership tendencies, I bet.
I can’t remember what I was the last time I took one of these (I’m going to follow that link and take it again now!), but I know that I’ve taken it a bunch of times in my life and I’ve gotten different results, if not every time then at least part of the time. So I’m not sure what that says about whether one’s personality is changeable, but it suggests to me that we can be slightly different people depending on our circumstances.
I don’t know if you can fundamentally change who you are, but I definitely believe that altering your behavior can, over time, lead to somewhat changed tendencies — sort of a “fake it til you make it” theory.
For example, I am (or was) by nature a fairly unassertive, conflict-avoiding person, but since I became a litigator I have had to develop — how should I put this? — a fairly ironclad pair of cojones just to get by in the profession. Sometimes it has made me sweat and want to throw up to have to be combative and argumentative, but it’s become so much more natural to me over ten years of practice that I think at some level I’ve actually changed myself in that regard.
On the other hand, my lifelong abhorrence of the telephone appears to be something that will never change.
I got INTJ, which seems to be code for:
Reclusive Unromantic Judgey McJudgeyPants who spends too much time in her head and sucks at social situations.
Pretty much spot on, unfortunately.
I’m the same. I learned a lot about myself. I’m a protector. I don’t get credit at work but, I work hella hard. I do everything around here. I’ve got to change that!
I’ve taken these tests a few times. I’m always IN, but the last two tend to change around depending on where I am in life. Mostly I’m INTP, I think, which is close to me, but a little too “rationalist” to be true all the time.
I do think that personalities change throughout your life – they have to, a bit. But that doesn’t mean that the core of who we are changes. If that makes any sense. Sometimes I’m much more emotional than rational. Other times I have no trouble distancing myself from emotions.
The introvert part, however, is always true. Screw parties and answering the phone. Those things will always give me anxiety attacks.
I took the test twice several years apart and got two similar but different results. So… you can either change, or be a bit more X at one point ant Y at another point in your life… I don’t know if you can restructure the core of your personality, but you can definitely influence thinking and perspective. I’m reading a book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy now and it’s backed as literally changing the firing of synapses (from, say, catastrophic thinking ["I skipped my workout so I'll get fat an wind up living under a bridge and no one will love me!"] to positive thinking ["I skipped a workout. It happens. I'll do it tomorrow."]
I’m not saying YOU need this by any means, just commenting on whether or not change is possible. I think it probably is, and I agree with the others that believe there are light/shadow sides to every personality trait, and none of them are all or nothing. For example, you’re a self-described shy, introvert. But… you’re not TOTALLY an introvert, because you have 7 gazillion Twitter followers and put yourself out there all the time (yes, that counts). So you’re both, I think. (And I don’t know about anyone else, here, but I see zest for life, love for people and thirst for adventure here all the time.)
Turns out I am an ISFJ as well! HOLLA!
I actually see a lot of it as positive, although I was reading the part about being taken for granted at work and was all, YEAH, DUDE, WTF.
I just took the test and came out as an ISTJ (though with considerably more I and J than S and T). It all rings pretty true, apart from the bit about my house being tidy and organised – THAT is TOTALLY wrong, though I do accept that deep down I would love it to be. I’m not wild about being an introvert and I know I missed out on a lot of fun, or at least positive, experiences when I was young because of it, but I’m not sure I’m ever going to change much. I have improved a little, but not much. The two things that pain me about introversion are 1) that my elder daughter (now 8 and a half) is exactly the same – her class made a year book and her description was “the silent one”, it broke my heart because there’s so much more to her than being quiet and studious! – and I hate to think of her suffering as I suffered in middle and high school; 2) the famous people with the same ISTJ thing included Warren Buffet, Donald Rumsfeld, Lance Armstrong and George HW Bush – none of whom I even like, let alone admire. *sigh*
I’ve never taken one of those tests. I worry that whatever mood I happen to be in at the time (confident or depressed or what-have-you) will totally skew the results.
They had us do Myers Briggs in management training, and I do think there is something to it. I’m an INFJ. In high school I was an INFP, but then somewhere along the line I switched to J. Probably because of the list making.
The lesson in management training was something along the lines of “an introvert will be miserable if managed in way y, but an extrovert will think you hate them if they don’t get face time with you” and so on — but the letters aren’t a life sentence. They’re more guidelines (much like the pirate code) that help you figure out your basic starting point. And then yes, what you do with yourself after that is up to you, and you can change if you want to.
For that matter, you’re a totally different person than you were whenever I first started reading your site years ago. You’ve always impressed me as such a strong person. I think you’ve proven you can successfully make changes.
I’m an INTP, which is one of the rarest personality types along with INTJ (supposedly) and have tested that way since I was 16, when I first encountered MBTI.
Being introverted doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be reclusive. I was actually in a very social profession that required a great deal of communication and interface with clients (transactional attorney) and am switching to an even more social field (financial services). I just need more time to decompress from social interaction.
I’d encourage you to look at CareerLeader and Gallup or tests like the color Q. My MBA program gave me a free pass to the Career Leader test and it was pretty reassuring in that I tested as a high match both for my previous career and for the one I’m attempting to transition to in the future. They’re all sort of broadly based on the MBTI and Carl Jung, but they might provide more insight into careers and how to handle career/social conflicts than the base MBTI test.
And if it makes you feel better-I test as the “asshole” category almost across the board in these tests, so pretty much everyone gets some sort of result that makes them look like a jerk. I just came back from a conference for women in financial services and was the only Blue-Red in the room (the most erratic and aggressive combination) and CareerLeader told me I was fit for such high-minded careers as “Investment banking” or “Equity Derivative Sales” or (and this is their words) “anything that allows you to pursue money and project the illusion of prestige.”
Doesn’t testing as a hermit sound better now? :)
I have taken this test (and others like it) more than once and always for school or work purposes. I lean towards ESTJ, but only because I was taking the test for school/work purposes. In Real Life I have two very different personas: the “Work Me” and the “Home Me” are total opposites. So, yeah, I agree with previous commenter that these tests are for “entertainment purposes” only.
I’m an INTJ and the MBTI description is “spot on.” The research says that our type doesn’t change, however, we can develop our “lesser strengths” and I think the basic profile is a good indication of our strengths, and thus, a road map for developing our lesser strengths. Type theory has been a very powerful assistance in my life as I’m very “big picture, analytical and logical” and understanding what that means has helped me developed the “Feeling” preference and be able to relate to those people easier. I’ve learned to not be so direct that people feel they’ve been “punched in the gut”.
I took one of these once and it said I was too nice and people were going to use me. I haven’t ever taken another one but I did open this one in another tab because now I’m curious.
I don’t think it’s possible to completely change who you are fundamentally but it’s definitely possible to change habits if you really want to. Unfortunately for me I must not really want to because I still get used as a doormat constantly.
i took it and i’m an ISFJ, too…maybe that’s why i like your blog and you’re writing so much???
Also I will say that over time, my extroversion has gone down. I used to be like 99% extroverted, but now I’m under 50%. And I feel like I’m different that way, with or without test results.
I’ve pretty consistently tested as an INTJ every time I’ve taken the test sincerely and not tried to game the results just to see what would happen. My greatest disappointment with this is that despite being labeled a “mastermind,” I have yet to achieve the volcano-based lair, sharks with frickin’ lasers on their heads, or complete control of the U.S. economy.
But to answer your questions:
“Do you think it’s ever possible to change your basic personality type?”
I think it’s possible to change how to deploy the strongest traits in your personality. And by doing, perhaps you are changing your personality. I prefer to think of it as maximizing who you are.
“Do you think we are who we are, and any forced behavior is simply a surface change?”
One of the most depressing things I ever read was Sopranos creator David Chase explaining that the point to that series was that “people don’t change.”
That said, you know how people often cluck, “You can’t control people — you can only control how you react to people?” I do think there’s a corollary that’s “you can’t control everything that’s hard-wired into who you are, you can only control how much you maximize or suppress it.”
I mean, massive inefficiency drives me batty (hi, INTJ!), but I have had to learn how to deal with the fact that lots of people are comfortable with a disorderly status quo, and just look for the opportunities to maximize my natural affinity for optimization when I can. (After all, what’s more inefficient than banging one’s head against the wall?)
I think that if we at least maintain a sense of familiarity with our tendencies, then we can call ourselves out on it on occasion. Kind of like the whole “fat day” thing. If we are in a “my weakest self rut” we can nod, and chalk it up to autopiloting on the road we know is shitty and bumpy. Turn.
I’m a ISFJ as well. I’m currently out of work and going to school so I checked out the suggested occupations. It was scary. The two previous careers and current training plan were on the top of the list. Scary crazy.
There are many different personality indicators, I tested a lot of them as part of the management curriculum in an MBA program. Different tests seem to ring true for different people, and in my case the Myers Briggs is spot on. I’m an ESTJ and my personality profile isn’t exactly the most flattering (basically it says I’m a blunt, in-your-face, impatient, no-feelings jerk). But rather than feeling insulted and depressed about this assessment, I can use it to be aware of my strengths and weaknesses. Then I can take control and put myself in situations to take advantage of what I do well (I’ve been rewarded countless times for being incredibly detail-oriented), and avoid (or be careful in) those where I tend to be a total ass.
So agreeing with Emily (your #2 commenter wayyy up above), I don’t really think we can escape who we are, but we can understand who we are and figure out which rough edges we need to sand down a bit.
I took this test 4 years ago when I first started a new job and the result was ISTJ. Then I just took it again right now: ISTJ. It’s strange to me because I think I’ve changed a LOT in those 4 years. But I guess it’s true that maybe you can’t change your core personality, which probably develops when you’re very young, but you can change how you deal with the world.
INTJ here. Every time* I take the test, whether it’s an official one or a free 5-minute internet knockoff. And it’s eerily accurate, for the most part.
* Except once. Took it when I was in grad school and teaching freshman comp. I used to joke that I needed a personality transplant to teach, and sure enough, at that moment in time I tested as an ENFP. But not to worry. Once I quit academia, I snapped back to INTJ.
Wow, I am ISFJ too! Funny you had that reaction to the description. I’ve taken several and depending on the test, ISFJ’s can actually be described as very cool people. I like this one, particularly: http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html
I like these tests not because it defines who I am, but b/c it helps me “get” me sometimes, and figure out why I do things and think things the way I do. And then find out what the other people I know stack up as, and it really helps to deal with people knowing why I tick and why they tick and why we don’t tick on the same page.
But don’t take it too seriously, we’re all still our own individuals – use the knowledge as a tool and not as a label to box yourself in.
Still, I’m proud to be an ISFJ – we’ve got a lot of positive things about us!
I haven’t done the myer-brigs one but my husband and I did personality plus. The terms used are sanguine, choleric, phylegmatic and meloncholic. It hit way too close to home. My husband and I were complete opposites. He was choleric meloncholic (a leader/boss that was detailed and meticulas). I am phylegmatic- melancholic (conserve energy and prefer chilling out to moving anywhere in a hurry. I have detailed lists to conserve energy.)
While it was fun and all that. It did give us an understanding of each others strengths and weakeness. And I would go so far as to say it saved our marriage.
ESTJ represent! I just took this last week. Mine is spot on – quote from the “pontential pitfalls” section of the analysis: “Might become opinionated to the point of losing reason.”
Umm, yesh. (sigh) It was spot on – my only quibble is that I was almost flat on T versus F for the third preference dynamic – little to no clarity whatsoever. So apparently I’m a nice mix of Thinking and Feeling.
Interesting, but ultimately, I’m not sure how I’ll ever use this information past the occasional side conversation at a cocktail party.
Mine is INFJ. And the descriptions just confused me.
I’m an INFJ, apparently one of the rarest personality types. The description rings frighteningly true. I’ve fought many of the characteristics my entire 30 years. I think it’s a losing battle so while I think we can work on self-improvement, the deepest part of our true selves is ingrained in us by Mother Nature. And she is one cruel bitch of a jokester, apparently.
I’m an ENFP, have taken the test three times- once at 14, once at 26, and one again last year at 37. So for me, it’s been very stable (with a little wiggle on the E/I dimension). I also find it fits me perfectly.
THAT SAID, the Myers-Briggs test is complete bunk from a scientific perspective. It’s nothing more than a parlor game. So it’s basically like astrology.
i ADORE the myers-briggs; i’m an INFJ and the results were creepily accurate to a get-out-of-my-head degree. the person who gave us the test (in a grad-school class) emphasized how the test results can change based on the environment in which you take it, how honest you are with yourself, and basically, how you are feeling that day. so yes, it can change. for instance, my housemate at the time said that hers sounded like her “in a meeting” but not actually like HERSELF. could have been a side effect of taking it in a classroom setting.
oh, and my buzzword? complicated. yeah. not exactly what i was hoping for.
The first time I took one of these, was at a team building retreat for the support staff in the office I’d only worked in about a month. The coordinator discussed the numbers of this and that result amongst all of us. Then mentioned two that were unique, the only people with each of the combos. He said, ‘boy, I hope these two don’t work together, and if they do, I hope THIS one is the boss because the other way around would be a nightmare.’ THIS, was me. The other? My boss. And yes, even then I already knew a nightmare was coming. We worked for three people, 2 of whom were as bad as her, and one of whom rolled his eyes from behind their backs when he knew I wanted to.
Years later, we did this again with the whole dept, execs too. Luckily, I didn’t work for that woman anymore, having transferred myself into a more agreeable work group. Once we had our result, we were supposed to sort ourselves out into like groupings. This time, I was one of 3. Me, the guy I used to like to work for, and his boss, the department head. He was surprised to see me. In 8 years we’d hardly exchanged hellos, him being in that front corner office and me being way in the back in the opposite corner of the building. We’d pass in the elevator and such, and suddenly, now, he was speaking to me and giving me some projects a step up from what I’d been getting. I was already planning to move that summer (spouse’s new job) so I’ve always wondered if that woulda been my ‘big break’ after all that time.
Oh, what was my score? damned if I recall. These are 20 and 25 years ago.
btw @julia — most “personality tests” (what’s your favorite color – that means you’re this type of person) ARE like that. what makes the M-B stand out is that it basically asks you what you’re like, then restates that information back to you in a usable format.