8:15 PM, bedtime

Me: “Okay pookie, night night. Now remember, no—”

Dylan: “CWYING!”

Me: “Right. Just—”

Dylan: (delighted) “SWEEPING!”

Me: “Exactly! No crying tonight, just sleeping. Okay? Okay. I love you, sweetie.”

8:49 PM

Dylan: “LA LA LA LA WE ALL LIVE IN A WELLOW SUBMAWINE . . . . LAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Me: “Dylan. Shhhh. Riley’s sleeping. It’s night night time, remember?”

Dylan: “Just SWEEPING!”

Me: “GoodNIGHT.”

9:12 PM

Dylan: (incoherent yelling)

Me: “Hey, hey hey hey! What’s going on in here?”

Dylan: “Uhhh. I don’ know!”

Me: “Okay, come here. Listen, you. It’s bedtime. You need to close your eyes, okay? Think of something nice.”

Dylan: “Like CHICKENS!”

Me: “Oookay. Sure, like chickens.”

Dylan: “An’ a horse. An’ a COW. An’ a BUFFALO. An’ . . . an’ a coyote.”

Me: “Right. Sure. You think about coyotes.”

Dylan: “Where COYOTE go? Dat coyote RAN OFF! He’s inna WOODS!”

Me: “Yep. Probably sleeping.”

Dylan: (indignant) “No! He’s eating GWASS!”

Me: “GOODNIGHT.”

9:38 PM

Dylan: (standing up in crib, peering around room)

Me: “Dylan, did you poop?”

Dylan: (slyly, waggling eyebrows) “Yeaaaaah!

Me: (sniffing) “You did not. Now go. To. Sleep.”

9:45 – 2 AM

Blissful silence

2:12 AM

Dylan: (incoherent shrieking)

Me: “Mmmfff. Dylnn. Wassa. Plz gobackto. Sleep.”

Dylan: (chirpy) “Okay!”

3:45 AM, 5:12 AM

Repeat of above

6:00 AM

Dylan: “EHHHHHHHHHH. EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Me: “?!?!?!”

Dylan: “I got a LEAFBLOWER!”

Me: “WHAT? IT’S NOT TIME TO GET UP YET. GO BACK TO SLEEP. OH MY ACHING GOD, KID.”

7:15 AM

Dylan: “Hi Mommy! Wake up now? Wake up?

Me: “Dylan. We can’t keep on like this. You have to start sleeping better. DYLAN. SERIOUSLY. ARE YOU LISTENING TO—”

Dylan: (bouncing happily) “Just SWEEPING! Iss okay Mommy. Shhhh! I’m lookin for COYOTES. An’ horses, an’ buffalo, an’ . . . an’ CHICKENS.”

Comments

53 Responses to “Reasoning with a toddler”

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