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Sep
23
A while ago I wrote elsewhere about my efforts to cut back on household expenses, and subsequently choosing drugstore shampoos over the good stuff. In the comments on that article someone told me I was being “penny wise and pound foolish”, which kind of pissed me off because how does that make me pound foolish, exactly? It’s not like I stopped buying salon products, switched to Pantene, then started dunking my head in a vat of truffle oil after my showers.
At any rate, I think I’ve learned that decent shampoo is, in fact, worth the money. Mind you, I don’t think it actually makes much of a difference in my hair. My hair is what it is: a hot mess, for the most part, primarily because I have an annoying high-maintenance haircut which I am doing zero maintenance on. It’s just that using a soap that feels good and smells good is one of those human niceties that somehow seems to make a palpable difference in my day.
Same with skincare crap. Yes, I could use the Cetaphil, or I could pony up for something that doesn’t look like jizz. It’s the little things, you know?
I have followed through on some other budget reductions, though, including finally stopping the cleaning service I have used and loved with all my heart for years. I hated saying goodbye to the ladies who continually managed to make my toaster look like something that should be hanging in the Louvre, but I could no longer justify the cost. Especially since I’m cleaning all the fucking time these days for those ever-entertaining surprise realtor visits.
(I thought I was doing a decent job of keeping the place cleaning-service-clean, too, and then I peeked under the bed today when a rather large mound of Unidentifiable Whitish Fluff emerged. I don’t really want to discuss what I saw, but I will say I spent the next 20 minutes scurrying around like the kids’ Zhu Zhu hamster trying to get under there with the vacuum because my GOD. MY GOD WHO LIVES LIKE THAT. Hoarders, that’s who.)
Oh, and I cancelled our CSA share, finally being honest with myself that I wasn’t really making 100% good use of the entire box of healthful, planet-friendly produce. If only the local farms would offer a box half full of green leafy vegetables, half full of pretzel crisps, but alas.
Then I turned around and bought a CrossFit gym membership, which negates a good chunk of my cutting back. So far I believe it to be worth every penny, but I suppose some might call it pound foolish.
I keep circling our spending like a math-stupid wolf, peering and trying to decide what I can ditch, what I want to keep. I’ve started dividing purchases into my freelance salary, which is a depressing but maybe-useful exercise. Should I buy the giant select-a-size pack of Bounty paper napkins that will take me an article on goddamned Lindsay Lohan to pay for? Or should I maybe . . . use a dishtowel? The entire endeavor reminds me of trying to lose weight, where the process of trying to get to a place where you don’t think as much about your weight, ironically, makes you think about your fucking weight all the time.
I know these are vague sorts of questions and kind of overly personal to boot, but how would you describe your relationship with money? Do you focus on budget issues all the time, or only during certain times of the month, or what? Is one of the larger stressors in your life, or way down the list? Has it changed one way or the other in the last few years?
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109 Responses to “Money, get back”
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She's almost unrecognizable in this video, but wow, what a song.
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Blinc mascara.
I have tried all the mascaras and this is the very best one. Trust.
Honestly? I don’t believe I deserve to have any. That was a fun realization. And explains a lot about the state of my bank account.
Um, that depressing realization aside, I’m totally with you on the shampoo.
I don’t think that cutting back on your spending means that you start using VO5 and cancel your internet and cable. For me, it means that I figure out what my spending priorities are. Crossfit means a lot to you, and it is worth giving up cleaning service for…so that’s what you’re doing! I’m in no way a money expert, I’m very young and do not have any money but I believe in relishing in a few really meaningful things. It sounds like you are doing some things that make you really happy.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
1) I stress about money while my husband never does (even when we have good reason to stress) and stressing never helps.
2) If we have more, we spend more.
3) If we have less, we get creative.
4) And cliche, cliche, cliche, but having a fatter wallet doesn’t ultimately make us happier.
When I first quit my job to stay home with the kids five years ago, it was either cut back or run up the credit card. We were constantly monitoring our bank account and totally lived paycheck to paycheck. I made a lot of tuna noodle casserole. It really sucked. I loved being home, but I hated worrying about money. Luckily, we were at a place where we could make some smart decisions — don’t buy the big house in the super fancy neighborhood, pick the smaller one in the okay area. We opted to have only one car — what a luxury, I know it wouldn’t work for a lot of families. (I still had to drive my husband to and from the commuter train, but when your kids are little, strapping them in carseats and turning up the music is kind of a relief — my down time.) As the years passed, my husband’s salary has gotten better, with a few bumps along the way, of course, but things aren’t nearly as tight as they used to be. We’ve also gotten used to living with less and don’t try as hard to keep up with the Jones’, so to speak. I can’t complain, we’ve got it pretty easy, really, but I still do miss making some of those luxury purchases I could’ve made before I quit my job. Now we use the extra money for vacations, or “adventures,” as my kids like to call them, and try and make memories. Memories are better than a Coach bag or fancy shampoo any day.
That being said, I wouldn’t call your decision to join Crossfit foolish at all. If Crossfit is worth it to you, then you should enjoy without guilt. I will always have good coffee in the house (don’t try and tell me Chock ful of Nuts is just as good as Illy, b/c you’re wrong!) and my husband always has nice shoes. We only get one life, cutting back on money so much that it takes the joy out of it is wrong.
my relationship with money is (to steal one of your phrases) SUCKTASTIC! I am about to turn 43 and have always had a very strong work ethic. I am the “bread winner” of the family because I am forced to be, because my husband never stresses about money or really seems to care at all. I feel trapped and just when I manage to dig us out of a hole and feel like we’re getting on track….I get the text message “they fired me. I can’t believe them” And there goes the savings account again.
So yeah…not where I thought I’d be or want to be, but having a hard time finding a way out.
What and how we spend is always on the radar, because it is so fucking easy to go off the rails, just like with a diet. That’s why I keep a food diary and a budget. YNAB software (You Need a Budget) has helped us TONS. We have been much more organized and prepared for expenses, resulting in about one-tenth the arguments, since buying it.
By the way, I am currently in Tofino, thanks to you. Saw your photos years ago and swore we’d visit one day. So, thank you for the amazing inspiration. It’s so beautiful here it makes my throat hurt.
When my first son was born in 2005, I quit working to stay home with him, and then in 2007 my second son was born. My husband has a pretty good job so I am fortunate to be able to do this. But let’s just say one income still sucks. We do stress about money but we are really smart and humble about it too. We know what we can afford and what we can’t. We do without a lot of time, yet it never really seems like we are missing out on anything. I shop for pretty much anything and everything second hand and garage sales. I am talking everything from clothes to kitchen wares to furniture. My husband wears second hand $1 dockers to work that look brand new but come without the $50 price tag. That shit adds up ya know??
For our personal fun money we each get $45 in cash per month. Anything that is not essential must come out of this. (Let’s be honest though, it really should just be called coffee money heh.)
When we bought our house we looked at what we could afford comfortably each month and then didn’t allow ourselves to look above that asking price. I keep tabs on interest rates and since we plan on being here forever we have already re-financed twice and each time that saves us $120 per month.
I call around every few months and get quotes on things like our cell phones, cable, telephones and stuff from different companies. I check with my car insurance each year and as my car gets older I can lower the deductible if I want to save on the payment.
We don’t buy anything on credit. If we can’t pay cash we don’t buy it. That doesn’t mean we don’t have credit cards, we do and we use them and pay them off every month. I can’t stand to let them make a dime off me.
We don’t have the six months worth of expenses saved up in a saving account like we would like to, but we do have a little nest egg that gets us through the unexpected things like furnace problems and car repairs. So far, so good.
Anyhow, I think you’re on the right path here. I hope you can find a good balance with it and not stress too much.
I get paid just once a month – which actually helps with budgeting. I make all of my ‘intended’ bill payments within the first 5 days of the month, which leaves me with spending money.
We worry about money constantly. We also always have the best intentions..but alas that always never works out well.
Our next goal is to get the 6 mos savings in the bank, including mortgage + car payments. We’ll see if we get there.
I hate budgeting, and am scared shitless about when I eventually have kids, and how I’m going to budget & save for THAT!
For now, however, I have a system that works…BUT, I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to give you a little tip, which may or may not work for you, because you don’t live in LA…and maybe you have already shopped around for the best deals anyway…BUT, if not, check prices of shampoo & other toiletries, pharmacy items, cleaning supplies, household goods, etc…I used to buy shampoo & other iteams above at CVS or the grocery store–wherever I was when I needed them. Then one day I bought shampoo (Herbal Essences) at Target, and my life changed forever…it was HALF the price I had been paying at CVS & the grocery store. And it was not on sale–this was their everyday price. I was shocked, and felt cheated. I started comparing other prices at Target and realized I had been throwing money away on these things! I now make a special Target trip at least monthly for all toiletries & household items, and still wonder every time how I didn’t figure it out sooner…
The hubs and I have also been through the same exercise over the last two years, cutting back where we could, and ultimately where we couldn’t either. What I learned when it comes down to it, is that there are many things that I can do without. But I also learned that I’m the one that kept short changing myself, cheaper moisturizer, home hair colour etc. Who was I helping? Ultimately no-one, because I felt SO craptastic about my self image that everyone suffered because of my resulting lack of niceness. The bottom line is that everyone has to cut back. That means less golf for the hubby (oh but I *must* have my relaxation time sweetheart) BALLS I say, if I can’t afford moisturizer, you can bet your sweet ass you will NOT be playing golf this month, or at least for three months from now. There is a *LOT* to be said for meal planning – and we’ve saved a heck of a lot of money doing that, doing the cook once eat twice thing also helped. We even turned off our satellite TV subscription for two months because we had so much downloaded content to watch that we weren’t watching the rubbish on TV anyway. There are so many places a household can cut back – even switching to cheaper insurance etc. Don’t sell yourself short – moms are classic martyrs, and it doesn’t have to be that way.
I went to school to become a counselor, ideally at a non-profit working with elementary aged kids. Two degrees later I’m dying under the weight of soul crushing student loan debt that I’m pretty sure will never, ever go away. I’m also trained for a job that is surprisingly low paying for how much I paid for it. This makes me constantly worry about money.
However, that makes me dumb about my spending. What’s blowing fifty dollars on Starbucks a week when I’m already in over 100 grand? Starbucks makes me happy! I know I need to get it into gear, but it’s hard. It’s a constant struggle because it feels like deprivation, when it’s common sense. Much like food relationships. Woe.
Money is the singularly most stressful thing in my life. I spend endless hours in therapy talking about my money anxiety issues. It has been this way for me since I was a child, but has intensified as I have aged. Now I pretty much hate money and ignore it (and hire other people to deal with it) the best I can.
The first year we lived together, we lived within but not below our means. We were young enough that it didn’t stress us out much.
But then we got some goals that required a tighter belt, and started the Dave Ramsey thing. Now we live on a budget and really, it’s pretty much stress-free. I like that priorities are set ahead of time and our money goes wherever we decide it should, so there aren’t any decisions to agonize over — just adjustments from time to time.
We went off the budget for a couple of months surrounding a cross-country move, and actually that *did* stress us out. Too much mental energy. By the time all of the first and last bills had shaken out, we were so ready to have things streamlined and self-sufficient again.
Trading rent for a mortgage this year has been an adjustment, and we definitely had more fun furnishing the house than we are now, saving for retirement … But in reality, we know retirement is the most fun thing EVER, so our paychecks get divided up accordingly the day we get them. :)
More power to the folks who manage to simply put saving for the future before coffee, lunch, etc on a daily basis, but neither of us has the willpower. A budget makes it easy.
Ah, money. My husband and I come from very different perspectives. He spends very freely, and I am very cheap. However, since we’re both pretty open to suggestions, this hasn’t caused a lot of strife. We’ve both managed to meet somewhere in the middle and it’s working for us. But here’s one great thing that I learned from my husband. If you want something really badly, and you deny yourself that thing, a lot of times it winds up costing you more in the long run, because you keep trying to buy other things to fill that void. So, through him, I have learned that it’s important to allow myself some luxuries. I think your Crossfit training falls into that category. It makes you happy and is totally worth every penny.
OK, how many readers recognized today’s title as the Pink Floyd song?
I also agree with the “spend on the luxury that makes you happy.” We don’t do much frivolous spending (no cleaning service or yard service and definitely cheap hair products), but we do buy a pricey coffee drink every day. Those coffee drinks are SUCH a treat, the thrill of getting one is worth the silly high price.
Enjoying all the comments. When my husband joined the Marine Corps we took an 80% pay cut. We had so much less but were so much happier. We’ve always lived within our means and had a budget and that’s always kept us debt free. And I was totally a Starbucks-a-day person and then my husband figured it was a good “investment” to buy a $1200 espresso maker…..the thing paid for itself in 6 months! Right now we’re feeling a little more crunched because we spent $6000 on airfare (six. thousand. GOD) for my brothers wedding, and we’re trying hard to save up enough money to pay for a new car in cash (we live in Japan and will be moving back to the US next summer), but, cutting back a little now is better than having a car payment right?
I totally agree with you on the gym membership- well worth it. And good shampoo. Oh- and food. I don’t make concessions on (healthy) food….even if a pear is $3 and strawberries are $6 I still buy them.
Cetaphil DOES look and feel like jizz! Amen. And I just can’t – no matter how good it might be for my skin – wash my face with it. Ew.
Money is the Elephant in the Room at our house – has been since we got married nine years ago. Husband won’t talk about it, won’t budget, won’t “share” other than the barest basic amount to cover mortgage, etc.
So I pay bills out of what we put in the joint, and I put in enough to cover my share of that, then the rest is “mine” as his rest is “his”. There’s no plan of the future, and even though he’s getting ready to retire he’s never discussed that with me – how we’ll make it happen financially.
Weird? Totally. Weirder still I know I will be fine, no matter what happens to “us”.
I’m a budgeter, ever since home-ec class, but now that I’ve been unemployed for over 15 months money is so tight that my only luxury is vegetables.
We’re a one income family. Well, I make like $9/hr at a 7 hr/wk job…
THANKS GRAD SCHOOL.
So really, one income. At least while we have little kids. I have to say the biggest de-stressing change for us was switching to a cash budget for groceries. It means that in months with unexpected expenses (car breaks, have to travel to a funeral, etc) I never have to worry about not having enough money for food.
And it makes me have to pay attention to what I’m feeding the family, how I plan meals, all that stuff that contributes to an overall less stressful house.
We have no extra money. We haven’t been able to pay our mortgage in 2 months. I don’t splurge on anything good for myself because I can’t, cheap shampoo, cheap skincare products, I haven’t had a haircut in a year. Budget, what budget? I lost my job over a year ago and make more on unemployment then I would if I got another job, plus I am home to deal with our Son. My Husband works 2 jobs and doesn’t even make as much as I do on unemployment. The ONLY good thing is in 6 years (if he makes it, he drives a city bus and it is AWFUL) he will be at top rate and making good money. Right now though things are bad, really, really bad. We are used to it though, we never really had any money, just enough to barely get by. Even with my college degree and working at a huge Biotech company for 10 years.
We have two kids and one income. We decided this when the oldest was a baby because by the time I finished paying for childcare I was bringing home $2 an hour. We’ve been cutting corners for the last 10 years and have been quite comfortable up until the economy took a shit. I do my own pedicures, use cheap shampoo, use Clinique but mainly the free samples (I can’t give up my 3-Step) and buy generics whenever possible. If we do spend money it’s almost always on the kids: scouts, sports, school stuff, etc. It sucks not being able to take vacations to Disney or have a time share on the beach like my friends do but I don’t regret it as it was the best decision for us. Now that the boys are older I can look into going back to work…just as soon as the economy picks up. *sigh*
I’m glad to see that everyone has some kind of issue with money. Around here, the money thing is my job, and I do it twice a month. When the economy took a dive, I had to take a hard look at what was going on in our own home. I’m a much better slasher than budgeter.
First, we used up everything we had, whether it sucked or not. We now buy only the things we use, and if some company wants me to change products, they better be sending me a full size sample.
If you think Target is cheap for cleaning supplies, try your local home improvement store. I never thought I’d say it, but I save a ton on cleaning supplies by buying at the Home Despot.
Paper goods are always bought in bulk. And take a look at how you use them. I have never used just “one sheet” of paper towel to clean anything. High end brands make no sense around here.
Slashed the cable to bare bones. Netflix covers everything that we’re supposedly “missing”
We follow the “clothing” rule with the thermostat. Add some or take some off, but do not touch the thermostat.
A final word about insurance. Do look at it, but be careful what you cut. We took a lightening hit a few days ago and while our larger deductible seemed like no big deal a few years ago, it really stings about now.
I wish we were better about money. We have the desire to budget carefully and save thoughtfully, but when it comes down to it, what that means is… we don’t spend money on clothes. Basically. I mean, we buy groceries and books and video games when we want/need them, and the way we justify the “fun” spending is seriously, we never buy new clothes. It… isn’t the best plan.
My hubs & all his coworkers just got their 2nd 10% pay cut in 3 years, however, THANKS ECONOMY, so something more structured is going to have to be done.
My wish would be to have weekly budget “meetings” (a la Dave Ramsey) with each other, pay off and cut up some credit cards, and start saving that 6 months’ worth. We’re also due for a new car, but… we’ll just have to see about that. Good discussion, I enjoy reading everyone’s comments.
We’ve done a lot of little things (cloth napkins instead of paper, for example), but the biggest change has been with our two credit cards. Several months ago, I sat down and tried to figure out what was sucking all of our money away every month and making it so hard to make ends meet. When I figured out it was credit card payments, we (and I know this would make some financial advisers reach for their smelling salts) dug into savings to pay them off. Now, we’ve each got a strict budget about how much can go on our credit cards per month, and the balances get paid off at the end of the month. And we’re still on our previous (asstastic) budget until we repay savings. It’s tight, but worth it to know that we’re not going to get ourselves into such a big hole again, debt-wise.
Money? well, it’d be more of a problem if we had a mortgage to pay but we can never figure out where we’re going to be living in two year’s time (and now it might be London! aaaaaargh mortgages way way *big*!). But what I want to know is: what’s a good fancy shampoo? for long otherwise pretty normal hair? Every time I try one at random it’s not much nicer than pantene whatever from the drugstore …
My husband and I met at work and consequently got laid off on the same day when the company was going out of business. Your analogy with the diet is spot on. We had to constantly assess whether something was worth spending the money, and find ways to not spend money.
At the time, it sucked. In hindsight, it helped us realize how we value money when we are in lean years and fat years. We still use cloth napkins, dishtowels, the library, and free days at museums. Purchases are made with more thoughtfulness now.
But yeah, it sucked getting to that place because you think about what you are giving up, instead of thinking about whether or not you need them.
I’d also agree Crossfit is something for you to stay healthy and sane and you know you will use it.
I’m an accountant, so one would THINK that I would rock at budgeting and money things (since that is what I do for clients all day every day, and I’m very good at it here), but HAHAHA not so much with my own money. I have the same fits and starts of budgeting, the same splurges-I-shouldn’t-do, etc., as everyone else. When I get it in my mind that we are going to SAVE, DAMNIT!, then I think about money all the time for a few months. They I sort of…forget about it for a while. Until the lack of saving gets on my nerves again and I’m back to SAVE, DAMNIT! It’s a process. Some days are better than others.
We did the same thing, dropped the cleaning lady, stopped going out as much, etc. when my husband quit his job to stay home. I seem to go through phases where I think about money a lot and then I don’t. We sort of reach an equilibrium, and then get off kilter and spend too much again, on an off like that. It’s not a huge stressor for me, but I was surprised by how much less we spent (and the fact that it wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be) when we decided he’d stay home.
One good thing about dropping the cleaning lady is I’ve started having the kids help clean the house. They’re learning how to clean. I figure this must build character or something.
I am completely neurotic about money.
When I was a little kid, my family really didn’t have a lot of money. All I wanted in the world was to take horseback riding lessons, but of course, that’s way expensive. So, I got it into my head that if I just saved up ALL of my birthday money and ALL of my Christmas money and ALL of my allowance, and never spent any of it on ANYTHING, one day there would be enough for me to take horseback riding lessons. Except, of course, there was never enough.
Today, I am a master at budgeting money, but it’s wearing on me. I work for a non-profit and I get paid enough to comfortably make ends meet, so long as I abstain from most luxuries. So, I get take-out or go out to eat maybe once a month, eat a lot of beans and rice, get just a few pieces of new clothing a year, and wear shoes well past the point when they have holes in them.
And still, I freak out about how I need to save more money, and how I need a job where I can MAKE more money, because the age of 30 is right around the corner, and there are things that I WANT in my life (like children) that I’m still never going to be able to afford, no matter how much more I cut expenses.
I am also ridiculously neurotic when other people (including fictional characters) waste money. For example, in that episode of Friends where Ross buys a ticket at the airport so he can chase down Rachel to her gate and convince her to stay with him? I was unaffected by the fact that Rachel turned Ross down, but I felt genuinely anxious about the fact that Ross had just WASTED all that MONEY on a plane ticket he wasn’t even going to USE.
I think there is a balance to all of this, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job of finding it–assessing what adds significantly to your quality of life, and making sacrifices where you can. It’s hard to find that balance. I think it may be more common for people to be on the end of the spectrum where they spend money a little too freely, but the other end of it–where you berate yourself for spending $15 more than budgeted on groceries one week–isn’t a good place to be either.
When I quit work 5 years ago to have my son, I was earning 45% of our monthly income (which is why I always chuckle when people tell me they cannot possibly give up the second income–if I can do it nearly everyone can!)
We have about 5 months of saving saved up currently (I did have six months but we just did a home-improvement project)…… we have never owned a new car and likely never will (because I refuse to buy a car until i have the cash to pay for it)… our only debt has always been our mortgage, and thanks to falling interest rates last year, we refinanced our 30 yr mortgage to a 15 yr mortgage only costing us $40 more a month. That said we waste too much money on food….. I tell myself that we are choosing healthier options when we eat out (mostly things like sub sandwiches) but the truth is we can be cheaper and healthier eating more at home.
In the past few years what has hurt us is the rising cost of utilities, our local water gave themselves a 17% “raise” our local electricity provider gave themselves 10% and the gas company gave themselves 12% last year my hubby got 5% increase (and we are grateful for that in this economy) so guess who spent last winter with the thermostat set to 62 trying to save a few bucks… and this summer my thermostat never went below 79 degrees… and still I feel more broke than I did last year. OH well, whatcha gonna do?
I’ve found that if I don’t budget our money down to virtually the penny (well, the last $50, but meticulously record every cent of those $50 spent), we waste money and are broke. I’ve done a fairly extensive budgeting spreadsheet with $X going toward mortgage, $X going toward groceries, $X going toward this specific bill, with $X going toward things like gas, etc. etc. etc. until there is $50 left for unexpected. I also try to make sure things like the Mortgage is covered by the first 3 weeks of the month, and anything extra beyond that $50 slush amount goes into savings. Otherwise there’s NOTHING set aside and we’re fooked. Back to the diet analogy, I don’t lose weight using the “eat less, move more” strategy – I need a super-rigorous program with fixed guidelines or I will fudge it way too much. I’m same with money.
Going through a divorce, and trying to simultaneously set myself up by myself in a smaller house and keep up the payments on the big house so that we can get a few cosmetic improvements done and try and sell that bitch — well, let’s just say that I think about money all the time. I am very fortunate to currently have a well-paying, fairly stable job that allows me to cover everything; but it doesn’t allow much room for unexpected expenses and so I live in fear of the transmission falling out of the car or the AC unit exploding or what-have-you. And then I’m always vaguely afraid in the back of my mind that I’m going to lose my job anyway and then I’m completely screwed. The whole experience is teaching me how much I relied on credit, because operating on what I actually earn (gasp!) is a whole different ballgame. Thinking about all of this all the time probably explains why my skin has gone to shit and my hair seems to be falling out, or at least shedding at an alarming rate. The problem with stress-induced problems is that it’s not like I can say, “Damn, you know what? I should just be happily married with no worries again. WHAT WAS I THINKING?”
So, yes, that gibbering sound you hear in the corner is me.
I think about money all the time, not necessarily in a good or a bad way, but ALL THE TIME. I can quote the exact amount in every one of our accounts at any given time. I’d be like some kind of goddamned savant, except for the fact that I can’t add.
I have developed this habit of classifying every purchase, as I make it, as essential or non-essential. It actually comforts me to spend money on non-essentials like salon hair color, organic groceries, books from Amazon, because I think, well, if one of us lost our jobs we could TOTALLY live without this. But I’m not giving up my fancy shampoo until it comes down to a decision between that or the house.
I focus on maximizing savings opportunities – retirement, education, etc. When I was freelancing, I focused on reducing other costs as well. Now that I have a regular paycheck, it is less of a stressor and less of a focus. As long as the savings accounts get funded and the bills get paid and we are living on what is left, I’m OK with that.
Sadly, I just bought the $4.99 “Top Care” cheapo version of Cetaphil. The brand-name Cetaphil was the luxury item at $8.99.
My husband makes quite a decent salary (and just got a $10K raise – yay!) Still, money is super tight for us because hubby is getting his MBA and opted for a fairly highly ranked, local part time program rather than a cheaper all-online program. It’s a lot of work, but he loves it and will help him take his career where he wants it to go and I think that’s great. But…we are paying for it all out of pocket (all $60K, but no student loans to pay back later) so we are bare bones until he is done. I guess you could say grad school is our one splurge. We don’t have cable at all, we don’t do date night and maybe go out to eat as a family once a month or so. We don’t go to museums or movies, buy music, books, DVDs, Starbucks, or go out to lunch. We are well insured and contribute to retirement, but have no college savings for the kids yet. I make my own cleaning products (love Alice’s Wonder Spray!) I have never had a cleaning service and I use all “cheap” shampoos, skincare and makeup. We have both pretty much given up on hobbies that cost money for now and haven’t taken any sort of vacation since 2005. He’ll be done in May and I am so looking forward to a little more wiggle room in our budget!
I used to spend without thinking, hoping it would fill the void of whatever I thought would make me happy. After I got married we started paying attention and once I moved down here and we’re on one salary, I started keeping track of pretty much every penny I spend in a spreadsheet. We don’t have a huge income and so it has been a very important thing for me to learn to live within my means and by seeing the progress throughout the month I am able to stay where I need to be without going broke.
I love this post! And have been thinking about this quite a bit lately. Mostly because there is SO MUCH CRAP in my house. I have a three and four year old and we live in the house of clutter. It doesn’t matter when I clean, it’s mussed up 5 minutes later. Because NOTHING is more fun than entropy. Except maybe the Wii. Bah. So I’ve endeavored towards the task of reducing the amount of stuff to be sprinkled about the home. Spend less, clean less. New motto. Win. Win. I think about what I lived on in college and am appalled at what I can blow through now. We’re not well to do, but every penny was accounted for, and when it was gone, it was gone. I need to get back to that, or at least turn the debit card in that direction. We will own a home one day, but not if I keep going to the Target every other damn day.
I’m with you on the shampoo – little things that you use every day like that matter! Coincidentally, wrote about this notion just yesterday (in case you wanted more rationalization :) ) http://www.currentmom.com/currentmom/2010/09/the-importance-of-quality-tools.html
I’m a SAHM, and always thinking about ways to save money. One thing I’ve noticed, is that I really appreciate my husband for going out and facing the work world, so that I don’t have to (and so that I can stay home with our 3 kids, which I love to do). He works hard, so that I can live the life that I want. So, when I come to an opportunity to waste money ($5 latte, anyone?), I find myself actually thinking of how long he has to spend at work, so that I can buy that latte. How much of my husband’s sweat equity is in that paper cup? It sure makes me think about money, and the things I buy, differently.
I’ve always been a money worrier, which is good in that it means I hoard it away like a squirrel preparing for winter. But I’ve noticed that the money worries drive me to take on as much freelance work as I can possibly handle, which means that I’m working from 8 am until midnight a lot of days. And while the money is nice, that can’t be healthy.
I do the “purchase in terms of freelance money” too. Like, yes, we can afford to do X because that just means spending Y hours writing. But that creates a weird space in my head… where it’s simultaneously harder to spend money because I know what it takes in terms of man hours, and easier because it seems so simple to just “replace” the money we spent with a few hours of work.
(And also, when I’m ogling a pair of boots, and thinking “I could pay for those by working X hours,” I am not taking the massive taxes into account which will eat up probably half if not more of my income. So I’m probably shooting myself in the foot. Being an independent contractor is a bitch when it comes to the IRS.)
I quit working in April and we have one rather meager income. We decimated our savings so things are a bit scary right now in that something major would cause issues. I have the good shampoo too and nice face lotions but I am asking for those things as gifts going forward so once they are gone, I’ll have to make a decision on it. There just is not room for those things. My blackberry died the other day and I’m not replacing it right now…I reactivated my plain old cell. I do miss those things, mostly I just miss being comfortable but I think it has helped because I’m so much more careful than I was before. The thing that has helped the most? There is no Target in my town. I have to pack up and drive to it and so generally I decide it isn’t worth it.
I don’t think Crossfit is unreasonable at all if that’s what you need you know? I am still doing races though my husband and I did agree I wasn’t going to be signing up for every 5K that comes along. So it’s really just halfs and full marathons that I will be forking over the money for now. It’s the price for my sanity.
Out of the many – many – neuroses I have, money is the top. Will hoard my savings like Scrooge McDuck but have no problem ignoring the credit card debt if I see a shirt at Anthro. Even though I should deplete savings to pay off debt, my chest gets tight because what if something happens omg fall down. Have actually made baby steps towards getting out of the hole. It’s a process and sounds like you’re making the best choices for your life.
A note to Caroline: A good shampoo = Aveda Brilliance
I’m probably the last person to give budgeting advice, but one thing I have noticed is how much we spend on gifts for friends & family, esp. around Christmas. We recently started drawing names instead of buying for every member of the extended family, and now that we have two little boys, I want to start a Santa tradition of four gifts per kid: something they want, something they need, something to play with, and something to read. It’s easy to get carried away over the holidays and I think this will help us keep our spending in-check.
We budget out our monthly bills, and since I get paid 2x per month I have bills that are paid with the first paycheck, and bills that are paid with the second. It’s all set up on an excel spreadsheet.
I’ve also heard WONDERFUL things about Mint.com (from friends who have used it), but it doesn’t work with our Credit Union right now so we can’t use it. One friend in particular said helped them cut their eating out budget WAY down; they hadn’t realized how much they were spending eating out, but the program broke it down for them really well. Obviously that’s most likely not your issue, but it could do other, similar things for you.
I agree with the others that it’s important to have priorities for spending. Bills first, then savings, then whatever’s left is fun money. And for us, it works better to treat money for our savings account like another bill. We don’t even consider it money that’s available to be spent (this is helped by the fact that it’s in an ING account, so isn’t easy to transfer back and forth).
I don’t have any words of wisdom regarding what to keep and what to get rid of. I’m still trying to convince my husband that we don’t need cable. Almost everything is available through either Hulu or Netflix. Except Jeopardy (yes, we are 80 years old) and baseball. Baseball is the bane of my existence, just so you know.
I think about the money ALL THE DAMN TIME. The recession hit my husband’s industry pretty hard, so we are tight. It makes me hope that once we are back on the upswing (please please God, hurry up) we will be more mindful of money wasters that we have gotten along without for this period. It’s amazing to me what we used to be pissing our money away on.
I think about money all the time. My lottery winning fantasy includes paying off our student loans and credit card debt. We are actually doing fine right now, which I feel very grateful for in this economy. I am the CFO of our household, and pay all of the bills, but I give my husband periodic State of the Bank Account reports just so he has an idea of where we stand. He has no interest and listens just to humor me, but it makes me feel better about the decisions I make. I have a similar system to Becky- we get paid every two weeks, so the bills are divided into first paycheck and second paycheck. I also have money automatically transferred into our savings accounts the day after we get paid. Money from the savings accounts then gets automatically transferred to an online account that we have that has a higher interest rate. I am in the process of doing a debt snowball, and it is so nice to see the balances falling.
Great comments and suggestions! The only difference in my frugal lifestyle is that we equate savings and retirement with normal bills. We are 58 and 59. I am employed and he is a self-employed programmer, with all the current suckage that implies. You can really see the difference in our lifestyle when compared to our neighbors on weekly trash days. One half-full trash bin and a small recycling bin is all we ever have to put out. I admit to pricing things by comparing things of equal cost: this dinner/movie out vs paying for yard help or clothing or *nice* yarn or… you get the picture.
I must be really poor, because I use Cetaphil and consider it a “splurge”. (And yes it looks like jizz. ew.)
My JB and I worked for the same company. And both lost our jobs (a little over 2 years ago) right as I was starting a grad program. The company would have paid for half of my schooling. Instead I took out HUGE student loans.
He found a new job almost immediately at about 75% of his previous income. I was unemployed for 8 months, until I convinced a friend she needed my help. I make about 50% of what I used to.
It’s dire, is what it is. I got my first haircut in a year and regret the style I chose because it’s going to require more frequent trips to the salon. God that sounds pitiful.
We budget (or I do) religiously because there’s so little to go around. When we were more comfortable financially we rarely thought about it.
I don’t have a budget because I’m lazy. My budget strategy is to only buy things we absolutely need (utilities, groceries, tickets to the Beauty and the Beast Singalong). We are living on one income plus savings at the moment and so far I’m doing a great job. Although there is more going out than coming in, it’s not going out as fast as I’d feared. I’m really disciplined, though, so the cutback is easier for me than it might be for others.
I have always worried about money and I’ve always saved. Thank goodness because…
I was laid off from my job in July of 2009 and I remain unemployed. My salary was not terribly high so with unemployment plus cutting out some frivolous spending, we were pretty much in the same boat as when I was working. I *thought* I knew what it was to have a bare bones budget – ha ha ha silly girl.
My husband was laid off from his 6 figure job in June of this year and HOOBOY did that ever hit us where it hurts. He has had several interviews and no job offers. It is an extremely stressful time (oh, understatement of the year there) but THANK GOD we have unemployment and savings to see us through – for now anyway.
Even though this has been a very hard time, it has also been a blessing for me to be reminded of what is TRULY important in life and we already have those things: love, health, shelter, food, water.
We moved to a nicer apartment in a not-trendy part of town. As a result, we spend about half the rent we used to. I paid off my car. We shop at the warehouse club and cook at home a lot.
I clean the house and he is an excellent cook. I buy spices in bulk from ethnic markets, I finally got a library card, I use coupons and flip through grocery circulars to find sales that allow me to stock up. Etc.
After years of financial instability, it finally occurred to me that I just plain don’t have to live like that anymore. I talked to a financial counselor and I remember that meeting every time I’m tempted to get a little too spendy. As someone above said, though, you only get the one life and cutting back too severely can be a little unrealistic. So if joining the gym gives you an outlet, keeps you sane and healthy, provides you with motivation…then it’s worth it.
Just like losing weight, we have to constantly monitor until saving money is second nature. It will become regular life soon. Just give it time.
I go in phases. Amusingly, you’re right, I deal with my money mostly like my weight – I’ve never dieted, just step on the scale and if it’s low, I make an effort to eat a bit more, if it’s high I scale back on the junk. Same thing with the money – when there’s a lot in the account, I may end up at the mall. When there’s not, I’m careful not to overbuy the groceries. The savings I find when we’re low on money tend to stay in place when we have free funds, but I can always find something new to spend on..
I actually love budgeting and I am the one in my household who handles all of the money. We are doing well and I never feel deprived and yet there isn’t much left for us to cut if we needed to: we only have one car, live in a small house, don’t go on vacation, buy expensive clothes or electronics and on and on. By far our biggest expense is daycare, it totally dwarfs our mortgage. Only time will make that better, once the kids are in school.
Reading between the lines of your quitting your job and joining Crossfit I’m assuming JB is doing better financially? My husband has a very stable decent paying job and it is a relief to have at least one person in the family in that situation.
Oh honey, hang in there. I think though, that as much as the crossfit is, doesn’t matter. It would be wasteful if you were paying for it and NOT using it — that’s waste.
Have you looked at your homeowner’s insurance? Or your car insurance? Can you negotiate better rates by consolidating with one company or switching companies (without compromising what you get)? If you have enough savings, maybe you can raise deductibles to lower your monthly expense now? Can you call your credit card companies and ask for a lower interest rate (assuming you have credit card debt). I would try to negotiate as much as you can for any of these services, lots of times if you threaten to leave, they’ll all of a sudden make you a deal or at least transfer you to a retention specialist.
Do you clip coupons? Do you make a menu for the week and shop around that menu? Not sure what your meal expense is, but maybe you can make changes there? I made a spreadsheet with basically all the meals I knew how to cook by meat type and then every other week I come up with a 10 day menu. when I go grocery shopping, I limit my purchases to items I need to make my menu.
Is there a consignment shop where maybe you could “sell” the kids outused clothes or at least trade it in for credit for new clothes you need to purchase?
Just ideas….keep kicking ass in the crossfit and keep writing about it. You turned me on to TurboJam and HipHop Abs and now, 50 pounds lighter, I have much love for you! :o)
Ugh. I have so much I could say but just let me say this: Money makes me cry on a very regular basis. Last was last night when I took my 8 year old daughter for swim team try outs (after emailing the coach with a number of questions including “what are the fees and requirements” without an answer) and finding out it cost $350 and having to walk away. I don’t care about shampoo or clothes or luxuries (that’s a lie) but it KILLS me when my kids miss out on opportunities.
As someone intimated up yonder, one of the most important things to keep in mind as a freelance writer is to hold back a third of your pay for taxes. Otherwise, you’ll be hit with a nasty blow come April.
I’m a combination of “actually have had lots of bad surprises come up” and “always expect the worse”, so my relationship with money is to splurge rarely and save as often as possible. It certainly isn’t the best plan for everyone but for me, avoiding worrying about money makes me happier than most things I would buy with it could – if that makes sense. I still worry (because we and we still have surprises that stretch us to the limit but it works for us in general.
You would be surprised what you can go without if you have to. I have a friend who is an adjunct professor and only made about $18,000 last year. Her husband is in grad school so they lived off her stipend. It was rough, really rough, but they managed. They NEVER went out to eat, but she saved a ton by buying in bulk at costco, making their own bread and pizza dough/sauce, pasta, etc. They only did free things (easier in a big city, but still an option). For entertainment they cut out cable but kept the cheapest Netflix and made sure to watch it the day they got it and then return it so they got their money’s worth. They sold one car and lived with only one, thus saving a huge chunk of money. It’s not a great permanent solution but they lived with what they had. She used up every shampoo (even the travel hotel ones), he mended socks, they stretched meals by adding rice or beans. She said it became kind of a game and it was actually kind of fun to see how well they could do.
Really interesting comments, you guys.
Scantee: No, JB’s business is definitely struggling right now. I did quit my office job, but I’m making the same as I did before, when you subtract the daycare costs which we no longer pay for.
Ris: I am amazed by those kinds of stories. Did they have a mortgage? I could (and do try to) cut all kinds of small things but at the end of the day we HAVE to have X/month or, you know, the bank will take our house away.
My financial situation recently changed drastically, and I realized that I needed to have a much clearer picture of where my money was going (beyond “yeah, I’m pretty sure I have enough to cover this purchase”). Mint.com didn’t work for my banks and the idea of handing over my passwords didn’t work for me, so I started using You Need A Budget (because I did). The system is fantastic, and it’s really working for me. I have the iphone app, which means I can track my spending on the go (that was important for me), but mostly budgeting has made me realize what I can afford based on where money needs to eventually go. I now feel like I have less money because it’s all already accounted for, so there’s much less room for fun impulse purchases, but there’s something amazing about opening up a credit card bill and knowing that all the money to cover it is in the bank.
Hm, I hope I don’t sound cult-ish, but YNAB has really helped me do something I knew I needed in a way that is pleasant and easy to use. Highly recommended.
We have been really budget conscious lately, in the wake of having read this great book: http://amzn.to/a8EA8W
My husband is a lot better at actually sticking to the budget than I am though. I tend to go overboard on the grocery budget. A lot. But, I love to cook and if a recipe calls for an expensive ingredient, I’m like WTF we only live once.
The things we have cut back on are really just the luxuries. We go out to eat much less often, we buy less clothing, sometimes we opt for the Two Buck Chuck, we got a Costco membership, stuff like that. But I find myself doing crazy old lady from the Depression stuff too, and I’m not sure any of that helps. For instance, if I reuse a baggie, what have I saved myself, half a cent? (Of course there’s the environmental factor there too…)
We have found that cutting things out doesn’t work, but I do buy generic all the time. Also, and this is the SAHM trick (though I actually work parttime, I do have time to lug the toddler around each week), we visit several different grocery stores for different things. I hit Grocery Outlet first (have you SEEN their prices? Lots of great organics, frozen, yogurt, gooey cheeses), then Wal-Mart for dry goods and $10 shoes for the little guy who beats the shit out of them in a month’s time (if he doesn’t first outgrow them), then the local grocer for quality produce. I also pay attention to the coupons that come in the paper. Every once in awhile I find something great, and if it saves a buck, fantastic! Finally, we don’t have cable or satellite AT ALL. And we have never missed it.
It’s in phases for us. When we made a lot of money, we blew it and would later wonder what happened. We had a savings account but not much in it and really we did put any thought into the idea of saving. (Which was surprising considering how much we made. Guess we partied too much in Las Vegas.)
But now that my husband is freelancing we have to be mindful of his fluctuating income. He pays himself every two weeks and the rest is used for business expenses as well as quarterly taxes.
We’ve really changed our spending habits too. We are really frugal in some areas but it allows us to splurge in other areas. It’s a nice balance and we don’t really stress unless he’s low on work.
when I was a kid my parents had very little money. It’s like that experience seeped into my bones or something because I have always been a saver and concerned about money more than almost anything else, to the point that for a stretch of time in my 20s I was (describing myself charitably) extremely thrifty. My husband was more of a spendthrift. Over the years, we have met in the middle and it’s a very good thing because he’s been laid off twice in two years and both times he’d changed enough to cut back as much as I did and I’d changed enough not to completely come mentally unglued over the prospect of not having enough money. Strangely, him being laid off meant we’ve had to seriously evaluate our spending once every couple of years and that’s not such a bad thing and some of the good habits have stuck even though he’s fully employed again.
I am super fascinated by these comments. I just spent my lunch hour reading them. It seems like the internet is in some ways the great equalizer — when I read blogs, I don’t give much thought to the person’s finances (unless they discuss it, or their situation is otherwise obvious from their writing and pictures), but it’s something everyone deals with.
My husband and I are in our late 20s with no kids. Right now we are more comfortable than either of us has ever been in our lives (neither of us really came from money, or had much handed to us). We are not rich or anything, but we can eat out, take vacations, buy new clothes, save some. We bought a (small) house (that we can afford on one income if need be) and have 2 cars (one is old and paid off, but still). I know I said we’re not rich, but really, in many ways, all this makes us rich.
When I wasin college and then on my own in my early 20s (despite the college degree and decent job) I really really struggled and had to watch every cent. I couldn’t really afford much in the way of new clothes or vacations or going out to eat very often. Now I’m not in that situation (making more, dual income, etc), and sometimes I think I don’t appreciate things as much. As others have said, it amazes me what I blow through now, vs. what I lived off of before. Overall though, I am grateful for having had to count every penny because it taught me a lot. I know what I can live of off – and who knows. Part of it is always luck, isn’t it? Life is great right now but may not always be. So it’s a good lesson to have under the ole belt.
While sometimes I feel kind of guilty for my current lifestyle (why? we both work hard, and we make good choices), I also appreciate it, and feel very very lucky. And I know that nothing is forever.
I can cut back when I think I’m getting something out of it – a trip I couldn’t otherwise afford. My husband’s idea of cutting back sounds punitive to me – cancelling sports illustrated and always remembering to take the &*^*&^ cup to Starbucks to get your .10 off. (Starbucks is a weekend social thing for us.)
That I realise is the difference – does the cutting back come across as punitive or a “worth-it” trade-off?
My biggest money stressor is that it’s two ppl making the decisions and one pot of money, and money is different things for different ppl. For me it’s a security blanket and is to be squirreled away until death, for my husband it’s to buy stuff and experiences. Equally valid views, and everyday we try to meet in the middle. Overall we have a good relationship with money – spend less than we earn, and don’t worship at the altar of money.
We live by the motto ‘live like we have less money than we do.’
Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover book and Smart Couples Finish Rich: 9 Steps to Creating a Rich Future for You and Your Partner book by David Bach a few years back. We still live by many of the things both writers talk about in those books. It is simple practical advice.
Also, if you have never read it, try The Millionaire Next Door. You would me amazed at what people do to live with less is more in order to be worth more. It is really not about being rich at all, it is about worth.
We splurge but we are careful when we splurge. We have to save up for it before we do it. We never carry balances on credit cards and we pay our bills before we pay ourselves and we always overpay on our mortgage. Sometimes I am dying for new clothing or those nice shampoos I used in my 20s but I want other things more. Like money for the kid’s education (or whatever they decide to eventually use it for) and our retirement down the road, etc.
It feels frustrating and hard at first to save money or be careful with money but like working out it because easier over time and you think about it less and less. GL!!
1. You have ruined Cetaphil for me. Boo.
2. I have an anxiety disorder and one of my methods for controlling my anxiety is to control everything I can. So, don’t do as I do, do as I say:
You need to think of things in terms of how much you care. If you really really care about your shower experience, and don’t care about paper towels, then buy the nice shampoo instead of paper towels. Accept that some things are worth it, if not intrinsically, then at least to you. Five years from now you won’t remember whether or not you had paper towels, but you will remember if you were miserable.
Obviously there is some point at which you can’t have everything fancy and stay within budget, but it is up to you two where corners should be cut.
My husband lost his job and decided to go into business for himself. His business still isn’t making money (although I think it’s poised to do that withinthe next six months). I work part-time so I can spend more time with the kids and helping with his business. I still try to buy organic whole foods, we stil have a cleaning person (although I’m afraid she’ll have to go soon), I still get expensive haircuts and hair products (I’ve tried cheaper haircuts, but yeah, then I feel totally craptastic). But we’ve gotten rid of cable, we buy everything we can 2nd hand, we’ve, um, stopped the monthly deposits in the college fund, we avoid coffee shops and restaurants, and my husband has finally stopped drinking pop. It’s always a juggling act. I could choose to work full-time instead of part-time, but I know I would be miserable if my youngest was in daycare 40 hours/week. This is a very timely post for me and I hope you keep writing more on this topic.
Before I had kids, I would obsess about how difficult it was going to be to pay for daycare, and try to do “mock” budgets to come up with the money. And, it has been a bit of a struggle, especially after Kid #2 came along. But, what I found out is that after kids your whole focus changes. And I don’t mean that in a gooey way, but it is true: all of a sudden I don’t care nearly as much about having new clothes, or eating out at fancy restaurants. (I do still like those things, of course, but they’re not as important now). If it’s a choice between going without any new clothes for me for a year and my kids being able to go to, say, swimming lessons, swimming wins hands-down.
So, now we still do go out to eat every weekend, but it’s usually at someplace like Noodles & Co, where our combined bill for all four of us is $20. And I shop at Ross for $12 sweaters and jeans. And resale shops for kids. And Target, before it became a complete asshole.
One thing I do miss is being able to take vacations (soooooo much more expensive for four than two to fly anywhere) but I figure that will come eventually.
(As a caveat–we are solidly middle-class and do not have to struggle to pay the mortgage or put food on the table. I realize that for some people, the “cutting back” I’m describing is more like luxuries for them).
We’re a one income family now that I’m in school full time and we’ve definitely had some financial issues in the past couple of years or so. We just had to learn how to spend money (or to not spend it) and now I no longer think about it. I use philosophy skin care products and urban decay makeup but use pantene shampoo. We eat a lot of rice and beans (to quote dave ramsey) and don’t eat out much and limit our target buying extravaganzas to only once in a great while. It’s all good. I don’t feel like I’m missing out anymore, although I did when we first started cutting back.
I had a similar shampoo revelation. I went on a hippie cleaning binge and whittled it all down to a gallon of vinegar and a bottle of Castille soap. Turns out, sometimes you want the chemical clean, and I’ve discovered I don’t want to replace synthetic conditioner and clorox wipes.
Budgeting used to stress me out. Mostly I make arbitrary rules now. You can go out to dinner IF, you can enroll in CrossFit only AFTER, you can buy that thing WHEN…it all turns it into a game. Because even if my budget is stretched taut, it’s a huge psychological help to feel like you’re winning at it in some small measure. Even if it’s silly, even if it means the reward is an M&M for every dollar you come in under budget, victory is still victory.
Wow. I think i love you. And I love all the comment authors. I stress about money most of the time and we make enough and spend too much. We invest, we have 401ks etc, we’re planning for retirement, but day to day we worry, because we send all the money to bills and investments and then buying a damn dresser for the toddler is like climbing Everest. I think what you’re doing is great and fine – sacrifice what you can to save money, keep the things that make you happy. We worry about money most of the time, but worst around the week we send the house payment, which is a ridiculous amount for where we live, but means we own this house is less than 8 years, before my girls hit highschool or college, which makes our potential for those years so great, i’m super excited about it. I’m rambling. Sorry :)
I also don’t buy organic anything. I don’t know how bad that really is, but right now I can’t justify paying more than double for something if there is a cheaper alternative. I feel like getting enough milk, meat and produce is more important.
As usual, I can relate to EVERY thing in your post. I’m actually SO excited this weekend b/c after cutting back and buying generic drugstore shampoos for a few months now, I’m going to “splurge” and buy a salon brand. Whatever smells the best and is available at TJ Maxx or Marshalls. See, look at me, still cutting back by buying it at an overstock store! Haha.
I go through phases with our finances – I watch it like a hawk and obsess for a few weeks and stress myself and my husband out about it, but as soon as I feel we’re ahead a tiny bit, I relax and conveniently ignore it for awhile, usually until we’re overdrawn again. I need to get this process way more balanced I think!
I stress about money constantly. I have since my boyfriend quit his job two months before our baby was due. Since then, he has been mostly unemployed and rather apathetic about it. He went back to school this year and the GI Bills has been a life-saver but it’s still not enough to live on. I finally got a job, and it’s an absolute blessing because I get to work from home. I only work part time, but it’s enough to cover my portion of the bills. I am very adamant that I will not be late for bills. We have high credit card debt but I’ve stopped using all my cards and pay as much as I can each month. It’s hard for me, because I have always had a savings, even if it was only enough for a month or two. Now I have only enough in the bank to make it each month. I have learned to live without and it’s amazing how little we actually need! But I miss the security of knowing that each month we will have enough money to pay bills and buy gas. It’s made even harder by the fact that my partner does not care enough to take care of his family. I thought I knew him better than that. I am terribly jealous of families where the husband actually goes to work everyday, every week.
It’s always been a big stressor for me. Married 2 years and still hawkishly clutching my own personal account. For some reason I have a very victorian, deep seated shame about the idea that the man I’m to spend the rest of my life with might accidentally glance at my “ledger” and learn *gasp* that I eat fast food for lunch sometimes… foolish, but there it is. Neither of us overspends much, but we don’t have kids and our ultimate demise shall be our own with nobody to take down with us. So I guess the stress could be multitudinously worse. Be that as it may, I still can’t bring myself to set up a joint account. Even if I only ever pay just the mortgage and the odd fast food drive thru clerk. MUST HIDE SHAME!!!! :) You sound like you have a perfectly healthy stride in the money-world. Good on ya!
I was a huge couponer. Then we changed the way we eat -trying not to eat so much processed foods. Now I am huge into pricematching. Here walmart will pricematch all ads except ones that are “with a card” (those silly store cards) so I gather all my ads – usually about 4 or 5- and circle what I want and then go to walmart.
I like to go on wednesdays because it is the last day for ads from the previous week and the first day of the new ads.
I get almost all of our produce this way and some meats. This week I got red bell peppers 2/$1 and green 3/$1. I got green beans and the asparagus was a buck and change per pound, celery 88c.
I did end up going to another store for their buy one get one mushrooms and 1$ bagged spinach. And (because I always look) found some good stuff on clearance (vitamins for 2$, poptarts 1$, dented cans for 50c).
I have heard of salvage grocery stores but there are none nearby. Sure wish there were!
You’re never gonna see this in the pyroclastic flow of comments that erupt from your posts. I did feel it was somehow important to let you know that the HowLifeWorks advertisment next to your Stir column was Why Most Shampoos are a Waste of Money. I must say that it was a very ghetto ad. I didn’t bite. But the irony.
I was raised by a depression-era-anxious parent (who, ironically, did not grew up during the depression..?), so it’s been the bane of my life to figure out a true balance between “keeping to a budget” and “just plain crazy” like my mother. I try to buy the bargains without going to extremes with my own happiness or my family’s.
Anyway, getting my HUSBAND to stop his impulse buying has been the biggest issue. And after YEARS, he’s finally gotten it. To the point where now we realize that we could probably get by with my only working part-time, and not lose much in our lifestyle. We don’t have a LOT, but we’re not completely doing without a few simple fun things, either.
And…I LIKE the smell of V05 and Suave–and the way they work with my hair. But, I refuse to buy the cheap toilet paper. There, I learned–cheap is just plain CHEAP!
Earlier this year we got Dave Ramsey-fied and installed ynab (budgeting software… it’s awesome). Just having a goal to focus on and some easy software to use really helped take the stress level down. And we find that by keeping track of our spending and using cash for groceries, clothes, and entertainment, it almost seems like we got a raise.
I spend about 30 minutes weekly entering purchases, paying bills, and then we review the budget together and make sure we both agree on it.
I definitely feel like we have better control of our money now than we did before, and the whole process is less stressful. Before we started doing this, I remember thinking, “we bring home $xxxx per month and where is it going?”
Since we are paying off the last of our debts, we don’t spend a lot of money on wants. I buy healthy, fresh food and we spend more on groceries than many families, but we feel like that investment is worth it. We buy some organics, like dairy and eggs, because those were most important to me. We shop discount stores for most clothes and housewares, wear out the things we have, and stock up on paper goods and cleaning supplies when they are cheap.
Our financial situation and financial stress has definitely improved since we started budgeting.
I love Aussie shampoo and I but it at Wal-Mart. I’ve tried Aveda, Biolage, etc. and I really do prefer Aussie Moist or Aussie Smooth.
Clean-n-Clear Sensitive is a great cleanser and is so cheap. I order my lotions and potions from Paula’s Choice on-line. They have all the great ingredients without the exorbitant prices.
We haven’t had cable in almost 4 years and don’t miss it (well, my husband does miss sports but he has been a really good sport and watches games that are streamed on-line). We love Netflix. (Although, we could bundle phone and internet and pay only a tiny incremental amount for cable so it’s really the principle of not watching so much TV that motivates us).
I think the first thing most financial planners would say is to pay down credit cards.
I started using microfiber cleaning cloths and have cut way down my paper towel consumption.
I still make so total bone-head splurges at the grocery store…..
Consignment shops are great for buying and selling.
Wouldn’t a CrossFit gym membership be pound smart? After all, it keeps the pounds OFF.
Btw, a trick with shampoo and conditioner is to use a much smaller amount. Most shampoos are pretty concentrated so you can get a lot out of a dime-sized portion.
I’ve been using Oribe which is expensive, but highly concentrated. It lasts a long time.
I make a decent salary. Relative to inflation and expenses, I always have. That said, my wife recently compared me to Mr Micawber (David Copperfield), and I think she is right. We’ve skirted the line pretty close when we had kids, and it wasn’t until after They were Out Of The House that we could indulge a bit.
I dunno. Money sucks. Talking about money sucks. The closest I can some is: if you’re WAY short, it is a major bummer. If you are sort of short, you should be able to deal with it, and if you’re younger, it might even turn out to be a plus, as it brings you together and gives you something to look back on later in life. If you have more than you need, you don’t. And if you have WAY more than you need, your name is probably Hilton or Lohan or some shite and you are a drug addict…
Before we were married, we sat down to make a budget. Then we bought a house and figured out that we were completely wrong about everything, but revamped our budget and have stuck with it for five years. We’ve made changes and adjustments as we went from two incomes to one, but we live and die by that Excel spreadsheet.
It helps that my husband is the responsible one, because I would find a way to justify a little bit more for eating out or shopping pretty much every month if it were left up to me.
I’ve been thinking about money a lot more lately since I’m pregnant and also the only one with an income at the moment.
My husband started his own business about a year and a half ago and it has been…struggling, let’s say. I think he made $450 profit last year. I have a good job that pays pretty well though so we’ve been doing OK although saving less than I’d hoped. But now we’ll have daycare and infant expenses on top of my mostly unpaid maternity leave. By my calculations the childcare expenses will exactly match the amount I had been managing to save every month, so I really hope his business picks up a little.
We don’t have a budget per se, but we each have things we keep an eye on. We don’t carry credit card debt and our rent is exactly half my take-home pay, so I keep a rough mental tally of my spending and if it starts to get out of hand I cut back. My husband never buys anything for himself other than MMORPG subscriptions, groceries, and the occasional beer, so he’s not hard to account for.
I’ve noticed that I tend to spend more, and more frivolously, when I’m stressed at work. This week was easily a 70 hour work week and I did some purse and jewelry shopping that I didn’t really need to do. Curse you, Internet retail.
I was laughing at your shampoo comment, though, since I JUST went through trying to find a new drugstore shampoo to replace the salon product that costs me $200/year–and after trying a bunch of things couldn’t find anything I liked and went back to the salon stuff.
I do think the most important thing, after avoiding consumer debt, is to prioritize your discretionary spending so that you’re focusing your spending on things that will actually improve your quality of life. Sounds like the Crossfit will do that, and the CSA didn’t. I also think it’s OK for those priorities to shift now and then as your life changes.
We went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University at the beginning of the year. It was held in a church and that made us uncomfortable, so after a few group sessions we bolted and finished the program by listening to the DVDs of the lessons.
It has changed our lives. We now know where every dollar is going, and we never “run low” at the end of the month and panic about how we’re going to pay the bills.
We’ve also paid off both cars and a mess of credit cards. The only debt left is a student loan and mortgage.
We still have lots of luxuries, but they’re planned for and purchased mindfully.
The only things we do differently in our everyday lives is faithfully update a budget that we keep in Google Docs, and we have a few envelopes of cash we use for things like groceries, eating out, babysitting, etc. It’s built-in budgeting, because once the envelope runs low for the month, we know the fun is almost over.
I honestly just spent nearly an hour lying bed this morning thinking about money. It’s been a rough year here, combined with some poor choices over the past few years, and money has become nothing but a time-sucking, soul-stealing worry.
I try to remember what it was like when we lived in a no-bedroom, no-shower apartment. We took public transportation because we had no car and paid our bills with money orders purchased Friday mornings on the way to the bus stop. We also had no credit card debt and our rent was $385 a month. I may have stumbled onto something here…
Really happy for your new work situation! And if CrossFit keeps you happy and healthy, then it is a bill worth paying.
I’m pathological about not giving any money to the soul-sucking banks, so I never drop below the minimum you have to have in order to not pay the bank any fees. If I get even close to it I get nervous, like, within a thousand dollars close and I’m freaking out.
Also, despite all outward appearances, I’m a squirrel. I have to save for a rainy day. As a result, I’ve got several accounts that I use auto-deductions to stash money in.
Aaand, I’m kind of cheap. I will do all kinds of small economizing, use coupons, walk an extra couple of blocks to take advantage of free parking, always get tap water in restaurants, etc. This way I get to splurge on the stuff I really want: vacations south in the winter, camera stuff, etc.
I love the comments (and ideas) and wanted to come back to add a few things. While most of the time the money we have at the ready for “surprises” is usually used because the surprises are not welcome ones (husband loses job, car dies, etc.), some are good surprises (like the destination wedding we’re able to attend – a wedding we would never miss).
Also, obviously everyone’s personal preferences and priorities drive what they do. The last thing I would do is cut out cable service but we don’t give a rip about shampoos or conditioners and will buy whatever is least expensive and still does the job.
J and I have a significant amount of debt that we are paying down. It’ll take another two years, but after that we’ll be debt-free except for student loans.
So far we have:
1) canceled cable television, and instead signed up for netflix (savings: $90/m)
2) canceled internet, and instead use open wireless (savings: $30/m)
3) moved from renting a 3-bedroom house with a yard that we had to maintain, leaky windows, and a bad water connection to renting a 2-bedroom townhouse with a yard that we don’t have to maintain, brick walls, tight windows and good pipes. (savings: ~$550/m)
4) started shopping at ‘discount’ grocery stores (Trader Joe’s, Aldi, Super WalMart) for the majority of our weekly grocery budget, in addition to keeping to a tight grocery budget (savings: ~$120/m)
All told, we’ve shaved about $1,000 off our spending every month. We have to pinch a little, but it’s worth it.
Oh, and cable/internet? I don’t miss it at all. Most of what’s on TV right now is crap, and since we’re saving so much each month we can purchase series on DVD that we don’t get on Netflix.
Internet we miss a bit more, but there are plenty of open networks near work/home. And it’s good to unplug from the screen every once in awhile.
1. How would you describe your relationship with money?
Cordial but professional, like when you’re dealing with your boss’s boss. I let my values inform my saving and spending, but I don’t think the sum in my accounts is an accurate character indicator, you know?
2. Do you focus on budget issues all the time, or only during certain times of the month, or what?
We do a weekly check-in just to make sure we’re apprised of the bank balances and which bills just got paid. We also run any plans to make big purchases (i.e. over $30) by one another then, to see if now’s a good time to do it.
I’d say we do a “Let’s reiterate our long-term goals and nail down a to-do list/timeline” talk maybe twice a year. I wish we’d do it more often.
Neither of us focuses on “budget” issues too much daily.
3. Is one of the larger stressors in your life, or way down the list?
Way down the list, mostly because we’re currently in a place where we are spending much less than what we make. During, say, massive remodels, it’s a larger stressor. I expect once our daughter’s here, adjusting to her expenses will ratchet up the stress level until we’re resigned to the outlays.
4. Has it changed one way or the other in the last few years?
It’s about to change, since we’re becoming parents next month. We’ve sat down and figured out what priorities are going on the back burner once daycare takes one of my paychecks every month, but I suspect living the reality will be a lot different than merely talking about it.
I’m a fairly stingy person because when I first moved away from home I had a couple of extremely tight years and it was a very scary time for me. I refuse to ever get back there again.
My husband and I are newlyweds of 4 months, but we lived together for 2 years before that. I’m thriftier than he is, but we don’t exactly look at our money as a common fund anyway. A certain amount of each of our paychecks goes towards the household expenses, and the rest of each is spent by us in whatever way we see fit. One exception is major purchases. We don’t make major purchases with our own money without consulting the other. We always have money for the things that make our time at home feel like time at home.
I define luxuries completely differently than the above commenters. I’ve never purchased expensive shampoos. I think they’re extravagant. I use Cetaphil, or rather the generic equivalent. Generic groceries. Don’t get salon services. Mow my own lawn. Clean my own house. Don’t have cable or satellite TV at all. But the money I don’t spend on the above allows me to spend on tech (I’m a geek), whether it be a new phone, new laptop, or a video game to play with my husband.
We don’t ever feel pinched because we always live below our means. It’s really liberating.
I worry about money constantly. We struggle daily. My husband is a sub-contactor & we’ve taken a HUGE financial hit w/the “new” economy. Currently he hasn’t worked for about 8 weeks. We spent each month deciding which bills to pay & what can wait. We cut out cable a few years ago & use Netflix & Hulu, I get my hair cuts/color at a local school ($45.00 cut & full foil), I shop at Aldi, & watch sales at Target & Cub. I can’t give up Proactive for my face, just won’t do it. I’ve tried & have not been a happy camper. Instead of super expensive hair products, I buy the salon’s brand, ie Great Clips, it’s alittle cheaper. My best find recently was a new Dollar Store that just opened near us. They freakin ROCK!
Basically, I worry, constantly. The thought of trying to do a budget makes me vomit in my mouth alittle & rock back & forth in the corner.
Oh, and Cetaphil, it does SO look like jizz!
We have a pretty stable little situation in my house but still it seems like money is always on my mind. We aren’t hurting but thanks to 3 surgeries in 3 years for my oldest and really shitty insurance when my husband was a IT Contracter, we have a LOT of credit card debt. I hate paying those bastards so I am determined to pay off the cards ASAP. My husband has a good job that is pretty stable and I stay at home with the kids so I have kind of made it my job to squeeze as much as I can out of his paychecks and, sick as this sounds, it is kind of a fun challenge.
One place I kick ass in is grocery shopping. I use coupons like they are going out of style and I have found that if you match them up with store specials, you can get a lot of things for under a dollar. Yes, name brand items. When I find a good sale I really stock up, which means using a coupon for each item. I’ll get coupons in the Sunday paper, extra coupons from my mom (she gives me what she doesn’t use from her paper) and from Internet sites like Red Plum. A lot of stores (Kroger is one) will track what you buy on your frequent shopper card (which bothers some people but not me) and send you coupons based on your purchases-sometimes even free items. If you looked in my pantry and freezer you would think I was a hoarder but I buy multiples of our staple items when they are really cheap and then I have enough to last until they go on sale again. Last week I got $200 worth of food for $90 and that included toiletries, cleaning products meat, fruits and veggies and dairy (most of which will last us for months). I let other people do the coupon matchups for me (couponmom.com, southernsavers.com- just search for extreme couponing.) I used to go to Wal-Mart and Aldi but I realized I didn’t save more and Wal-Mart made me all stabby. I do have a membership to Costco and use that for meats and paper products. We don’t eat organic right now because paying off the debt is more important to me. When I am not sending the credit card companies so much a month, then I’ll dedicate that toward organic meat and veggies.
I also am a member of every frequent shopper, dining club, etc. I can find. I have found that if you join the mailing list for restaurants and stores they’ll give you coupons for free meals, special shopping coupons, etc. I use the free meal coupons when I just can’t stand cooking for another night and it also makes dining out a treat because we don’t do it that often. I also buy my kids’ clothes at Target, Old Navy and Children’s Place because I refuse to spend a ton of money on stuff they are going to outgrow (plus those stores send out coupons). I am lucky because I have two boys so I can buy once and use twice. We’re going to a wedding in November so I’ll hit the consignment shops for dressy clothes for my boys and me and my husband will trot out his 10 year old (but you wouldn’t know it) suit.
One of the best things we did was buy season passes to a lot of local museums and attrations around town (we live in a suburb of Atlanta). Museums are such an untapped resource because they always have events that are free to members and the passes usually pay for themselves after two trips. We’ll pack a lunch and head down to the Aquarium and have a great day that really doesn’t cost anything.
I love my Starbucks but I use gift cards that I ask for for Christmas. I also do that with Sephora cards and other splurge places- it is a gift so I don’t feel guilt. I also belong to the Y because that keeps me sane and also offers free babysitting while I work out and they have a special parents night out program twice a month that lets me have a date night with my husband. Sure, the Y isn’t fancy but it has great classes, equipment and people and it is CHEAP. My husband takes martial arts which is a little pricy but they cut us a deal because my oldest son takes classes there too. My husband has to have that outlet and it is his lifesaver, especially during on-call week when it seems like every server has taken a dump. Unless we were in danger of losing the house, we won’t get rid of the gym memberships because they keep us sane. We’ll cut costs in other areas.
I really think it is a balance- you cut back as much as you can, using as many tricks as you can in the areas that don’t really mean as much so you can have the specials that keep you from going crazy and that help you feel whole.
I like the use of the word mindfully that I saw in these comments. I think in the big picture that’s the key. Mindfulness equals attention but not stress, and that’s the key to how I get along with money. I quit my golden handcuff job almost a year ago and for the first few months I didn’t really know how it was all going to pan out. I basically just thought to myself, “How is it that I contribute to the world? What do I do that I feel is supported by higher purpose as it were?” which in my case is massage and yoga-type stuff. So I told myself I would take whatever opportunities came my way, paid or unpaid, and I would trust that since this was what felt like my path, I would trust that I would be supported in that. It was a scary step, and one that had a Plan B (go back to golden handcuffs if need be, or get a grunt job, or beg my parents for cash if I absolutely must) and thusfar it’s worked out really well. I still don’t entirely know how it’s all worked out really, but I know my bills are paid, I don’t currently have any credit cards, and my car is slowly but surely getting paid off. I know with kids it’s a lot scarier, but what better way to model good financial behavior than by making an effort to do what you love, be present for your family, and make responsible decisions? Stressing out about them, being that circling wolf, that will rub off on them too, and in the big picture, money is so much less important than family, than having a life that consists of what you love, you know? Anyway, I have faith in you. I’m excited for your new adventure. This is just the beginning adjustment time. A year from now this will be much more old hat.
I feel compelled to defend Cetaphil! My grandma is in her 80s and has absolutely amazing skin. I’m talking just a few crows’ feet on an otherwise porcelain and unmarred face. She absolutely swears by Cetaphil.
:)
I think your doing a wonderful job! I still believe in small rewards to make life liveable such as ditching the cleaning lady for gym time.
I remember when I canceled my proactive membership and the lady on the phone wanted to remind me 7 times that acne comes back after you stop using it. WTH! My response was “Yeah but my family can’t eat proactive”….durrrrr.
I budget us to death because We went from
my full time income to part time due to my back problems. We fight medical bills the most and I felt alot of guilt but after seeing many a doctor without many options I have given into the fact that this is our life. If ya got your health, you got it all!
Your not going to do this forever so cut the stuff you don’t need and enjoy the stuff you do.
FYI: A 50 pound vat of mayonnaise isn’t always the best decision. ;)
Money stresses me out so much that I couldn’t read through all the comments and still keep my blood pressure in check. So perhaps this has been said but hit up Marshalls or TJ Maxx for your salon shampoo and conditioner. $10 liters.
CSA thought! Could you do a share with another family and divide the box? Maybe a little more work but it helps with that, oh geez, I have way too much kale/broccoli/etc. thing.
I am always a bit stressed about money. I try to cut back, too, every few months or so but definitely always splurge on the fancy shampoo. Psychological benefits, y’know.
I am the breadwinner of the family with a 6 figure income though between us we both contribute to a healthy income. I have been lucky to be in this situation since my late 20s but in saying that, my partner is just 2 years clean of habit that accrued us $120k in debt.
We have nearly paid this off and now we are looking to start a family and I am wanting to start my own business. I regularly ask my partner how we are going to make it work and his answer is “It’ll sort itself out”. His approach to money is relaxed if not apathetic and I find I am the only one who stresses about where it comes from, where it goes and if there is will be/enough.
The thought of losing a 6 figure income when I leave my job scares me yet I know for ultimate happiness and fulfillment there no question about doing it. And there’s never going to be a good time.
I have always squirreled away and I am pulling in the purse strings even more in the 18 month lead up to making our life changes. I know it’s going to be extremely tight and that worries me but it’s exciting too to see where it will all end up.
And BTW: For me, anything that is deemed Self Care e.g. gym memberships, moisturisers, nutrition plans etc are worth the spending the money on.
After a finanacial and emotionally crushing divorce last year, I had to step up my already good money mgmt skills into overdrive in order to hang onto my home and preserve a decent future for myself and my 5 year old daughter. I was already tracking all my spending in an Excelt spreadhseet broken into categories so I could see trends over time. However without a BUDGET it was realistically just me tracking spending everything I made! I was turned onto Dave Ramsay’s Total Money Makeover and it has totally changed my relationship with money. If I don’t have it in cash, I don’t get it-PERIOD.If its not in the budget, not planned for, or not an emergency , I don’t get it, PERIOD. Credit cards are an absolute thing of the past except for emergencies or things like airline tickets which are a hassle to purchase any other way. I slashed ALL my bills (entry-level cable only, programmable thermostat/slippers/sweaters, strict meal planning, time of use adaherence for cheaper electricity rates)and scrutinize every purchase. That being said, I prioritize so I can go on a trip each year and get my hair done every other month, and in return happily downgraded to mainly secondhand clothes, a used latemodel car, and healthy but frugal meals.
Just like weight management, you MUST put the time and work in (probably takes me 2 hours a week to track and analyse my finances, plan meals etc)if you want to see results. Great comments, good luck!