In the last few days, I’ve been noticing some new additions to our backyard. Like this guy:

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And this one:

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And these fellows:

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Like, every single time I look outside there’s a mess of motherfucking squirrels nearby. It’s almost a little creepy.

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Also, is that a—?

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Yes. Yes it is.

duck

I’m not sure if it’s because there’s no dog in the backyard now or if we accidentally bought the No Mess Wild Birdfeed Seeds: Black Tar Heroin Variety, but at least the kids are entertained. Although having your children constantly talk like the dog from Up gets a little old after a while.

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“Hey Mom do you SQUIRREL! know where my green army SQUIRREL! guy is because SQUIRREL! I can’t find him.”

I bought a fancy squirrel-proof feeder and I put out a special Sweet Corn Squirrel Log (”The compressed sweet corn log keeps the squirrels busy and away from your bird feeders!”) but they’re still there. Everywhere.

Where did they come from? Why have they suddenly set up camp in our backyard? Who knew ducks could be so LURKY? Where did this particular squirrel get a goddamned Eggo?

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No answers. Only questions.

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