During the holidays I ate all the things and exercised exactly zero times unless you count all those bicep curls of methodically slotting one cookie after another into my food-hole, so this week is all about getting back on track with diet and fitness (again). It’s the first week of January and I am suddenly re-focused on my health, which I realize makes me quite the special snowflake, but hey, look at all the fucks I do not give about anyone’s tiresome Hipster Ariel attitude towards New Year’s goals.

Screen shot 2012-01-04 at 3.59.57 PM

Anyway, here’s the obnoxious part about trying to sneak in a workout at home with the kids:

Screen shot 2012-01-04 at 3.37.30 PM

That right there is cute for about .005 seconds and then it’s like dude can you please just move out of my way and let me get this shit done because let’s be honest, whatever you’re doing there is totally not even remotely a jumping jack. Way to phone it in, Dylan.

On the plus side, I busted out my ancient Turbo Jam DVD today and when chirpy Chalene Johnson told me to find someone to high-five, there was Riley, hovering nearby peppering me with a thousand questions (“Why does that lady have on gloves? Is this what Daddy’s gym looks like? Do you know all these people? How come your knee makes that sound?”). As I told him, I’ve worked out to that DVD probably 50 times since I bought it, and never once had someone to high-five before.

So that was nice and all, but man, escaping kid-free to the gym is much better.

I know it’s become virtually politically incorrect to talk in terms of pounds, but I need to lose about ten of Those Things Which Shall Not Be Named Because Of Course It’s All About Health and I Have More Important Interests Anyway. Ten TTWSNBNBOCIAAHAIHMIIA ago, I felt better, I looked better, and I didn’t have to surreptitiously undo a jeans button whenever I sat down.

I don’t know if I’d call it an official resolution, but I feel resolved. So long, cookies. It was nice while it lasted.

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