So I have suddenly become weirdly obsessed with ringtones. Because, you know, it’s 2003? Honestly, I’ve always hated customized cellphone noises because I associate them with people who leave the ringer volume at eleventy-billion and take forever to fish their phone from their oversized purse while the entire coffeeshop/library/silently observant movie theater audience is treated to a tinny electronic version of “Mambo No. 5,” but I had to field a shit-ton of phone calls last week and I decided that I needed something that would grab my attention more than the warbly little Apple default doodle-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo I’ve had for years.

I started with Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” but while that is an exceedingly bitchin song, the ringtone version is a little … stressful. FUCK YEAH ANSWER THE PHOOOOOOOOONE *air guitar* Then I switched to AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells” and that was cool for a while but you can really only listen to that dire opening bell tower gong so many times before your inherent phone phobia, assuming you have such a thing, triggers an undesirable Pavlovian response that I can really only describe as “My phone makes me have to do a poopie.”

I then switched to the Muppets’ “Mahna Mahna” because, well, cheery, right? Every time my phone rang the kids would burst out laughing! Ha ha ha ha MAHNA MAHNA! (Doot dooooo do do do!) But yeah that song’ll straight up make you want to kill yourself after a while.

Now my ringtone is the Game of Thrones theme, and it’s like the most epic phone noise of all time. Answer it … or impale someone’s head on it? IN THE GAME OF PHONES YOU EITHER WIN OR YOU DIE.

Anyway, I still hate talking on the phone, but now I sort of like it when the phone rings. Because my brain goes, ooh! Is it Sunday? Huh? Huh? Biscuit?

Tell me, what does your phone sound like?


73 Responses to “Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring BANANA PHONE”

  1. Maricris @ SittingAround on April 7th, 2012 6:48 pm

    ha,ha, mine is kinda weird. I asked my two boys say, “hey, mom! someone is calling you!” for a couple of times.Then I recorded it on my phone and set it as my ringtone :-)

  2. Kirsten on April 7th, 2012 7:54 pm

    HA – mine is currently on the Mahna Mahna song but I need to change it because my kid too does the “doot dooooo doo doo doo” part EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

  3. Paige on April 7th, 2012 8:36 pm

    Bel Biv Devoe’s Poison. Awwww yeeeeah. Never trust a big butt and a smile.

    When I worked at the front desk of a hotel, we had a guy checking in one night whose phone started playing the Imperial Death March from Star Wars. He picked up the phone and said, “Hey mom.” Cracked my shit up.

  4. Gwen on April 7th, 2012 8:58 pm

    Theme from Doctor Who :)

  5. Gwen on April 7th, 2012 9:00 pm

    Oh and when my kid calls me its Stewie from Family Guy saying, mom, mommy, ma, mama” cracks me up every time.

  6. Jennifer on April 8th, 2012 11:47 am

    “Smoke on the water.” I’m surprised not more people have this one, because when random people hear my phone they’re absolutely THRILLED to hear this old 60’s chestnut.

  7. Catriona on April 8th, 2012 1:37 pm

    My phone rings with the hideous default warble because I cannot for the life of me figure out how to download a ringtone! GAH.

  8. Redbecca on April 9th, 2012 7:18 am

    Generic – Girl Panic by Duran Duran
    Mom – Goody Two Shoes by Adam Ant
    Husband – Heart of Glass by Blondie (he LOATHES disco music, but I’m having trouble hearing it so I might change it up to BeeGees Saturday Night Fever or something, heh heh).
    Some friends I hear from rarely have that same Muppet song, but then at least I know when that crowd is calling me.
    I haven’t customized anyone else yet. Some great ideas on here, though! I love the Beastie Boys ideas!

  9. Gina on April 9th, 2012 8:33 am

    Mine is “I’m Picking Out a Thermos for You” from The Jerk. The last one was “Dayman” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

  10. Rebecca (Bearca) on April 9th, 2012 9:29 am

    This made me laugh so hard. Game of Phones. HAAAAAAAAA!!!

  11. Valerie on April 9th, 2012 11:45 am

    I have the Kill Bill whistle. It’s awesome, and makes me want to watch great movies every time my phone rings.

  12. Valerie on April 9th, 2012 11:47 am

    Oh, and for my husband (becuase I am super innapropriate) I have 2 live crew, me so horney.

  13. Mandy on April 9th, 2012 11:52 am

    As a recent divorcee, my ringtone for my ex is the chorus of Miranda Lambert’s “Baggage Claim”. Makes me smile every time.

    I’m named after the Barry Manilow “Mandy” song, so my ring for my mom is “Copa Cabana”.

    As a Red Sox fan, I’m going to have to make my general tone “Tessie” by Dropkick Murphys to try to turn around our 0-3 start to the season.

  14. telegirl on April 9th, 2012 2:08 pm

    Ring tone for husband is “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly” as his name is Clint.

    My ringtone on his phone was “Video Killed the Radio Star” but he had to stop using it because it was annoying people at work… what gives, crankypants?! Now, he’s got a siren and a man announcing, “Warning. Warning! It’s the wife. It’s. THE. WIFE!”. Is that really better? But, I guess in an office full of men it apparently is.

  15. Steph on April 10th, 2012 6:18 am

    My ringtone is currently the theme from Downtown Abby, but in the past it was the opening theme from Dexter! I had it forever because I never grew tired of it. I just LOVE the little bell DING! at the end.

    I have the ringtone from GoT, but it’s just… so big or something that I think it would annoy me.

    I’ve also had the Fraggle Rock theme song.

    Dance your cares away,
    Worry’s for another day.
    Let the music play,
    Down at Fraggle Rock.

  16. Megan on April 10th, 2012 9:26 am

    10 Million Slaves by Otis Taylor. Most people know it from the movie Public Enemies (Johnny Depp & Christian Bale = swoon) I never get tired of it!

    If I feel like switching it up, my other go-to is Superstition by Stevie Wonder.

  17. Larissa on April 10th, 2012 12:03 pm

    I have had that since I got my iPhone last year and love it! It kinda makes you want to keep the phone ringing just to hear the awesomeness.

  18. Amy on April 10th, 2012 12:03 pm

    Mine is Amie by Pure Prairie League. My husband’s used to be Tell Me Something Good by Rufus (Chaka Khan). I need to put that one back on his new phone :)

  19. Katie on April 10th, 2012 8:05 pm

    I have a few.
    Hubby-The Good, The Bad & The Ugly main Theme

    Best Friends-Red Red Wine by UB40

    Everyone else-Shipping Up to Boston by the Dropkick Murphy’s

    I’ve always tried to have different ringtones. That way I actually pick my phone up when it rings!

  20. Sirena on April 11th, 2012 11:19 am

    You know what’s funny is until I read your post, it didn’t occur to me others would have the same ringing-phone-induced skipped heartbeat that’s only made worse by the wrong choice of ringtone (for me, it was Peanut Butter Jelly time).

    My current ringtone is the James Bond theme, and I love it! Makes me want to pick right up every time :-) A cheery upbeat salsa ringtone is my other standby. One of my fave songs, Blue Oyster Cult’s Don’t fear the reaper, was actually a pretty stressful choice (who knew?).

  21. Jennifer on April 11th, 2012 12:00 pm

    LOL on the person with the Stewie ring tone!

    I have one of the standards for everyone, and the Mario Bros theme for when my DH calls. Clearly I should branch out.

  22. shannon on April 13th, 2012 12:47 pm

    “Home On The Range” as sung by my six year old daughter- off key and wrong words “where the deet and the antimope play…” Everyone- including all the execs in the boardroom LOVE it and sing along when it goes off. Just brings that cute and homey vibe I guess.

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