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Apr
11
Oh my god what a relief to finally be able to talk about what’s going on, and thank you so, so, SO much for all your lovely comments. Now it really seems real, you know? It was so weird to have all this major upheaval happening, but having to stay quiet until the final details with JB separating from his current job were ironed out. I mean, the only non-vodka-based coping mechanism I’ve ever developed for dealing with stress—aside from troweling enormous portions of high-calorie food into my carb-hole, that is—is writing about it online. THIS HAS BEEN VERY HARD IS ALL I’M SAYING.
Anyway! JB starts his new gig on May 7, which is . . . yeah, that’s coming right up, isn’t it? Without potentially wading into murky water by calling out the company by name, this job seems custom-designed for him. He’ll be working for a business that designs and manufactures specialized hunting equipment, and I think that in addition to the job itself sounding challenging and awesome, the environment and people will be right up his alley.
It’s a big change from Microsoft, for many reasons. I am so incredibly proud of JB not only for finding this new opportunity, but for being brave and true enough to his own self to take it.
We’re a little up in the air on our immediate next steps, because we do have a rental house squared away, but it won’t be available until the first week of June. JB will for sure be in Eugene on his start date (his new company will cover 2 weeks at a hotel, and his brother will let him stay at his place the rest of the time), but I’m not 100% certain what I’m going to do. His parents offered to let me and the boys stay with them in Coos Bay, and that would actually be totally fine—the kids would love it, and I’d probably find it easier to get my work done with more people around to help—but I’m not sure about bringing our cat to someone else’s house for 3 weeks (especially since they already have a cat). We could stay in a hotel with JB in Eugene, but again: CAT.
So maybe we’ll end up renting our own house from the buyers for a few weeks (they’ve already indicated they’d be open to this) and I’ll stay here with the kids through May? I don’t know. CATS, MAN.
What do you think sounds less insane:
• Moving all of our stuff into a storage place, then everyone, including the frigging cat, staying somewhere temporary in Oregon until we can get in the rental, then moving PART of our stuff back into the rental while leaving things like shop equipment etc in storage, the benefits here being that at least we wouldn’t be 300 miles apart during May
OR
• Me staying here by myself with the boys until June, at which point we move everything straight to the rental and store the extra stuff
OR
• Some better situation I haven’t managed to think of yet?
I’ve already talked to Riley’s teacher about the possibility of him leaving school early, and there’s no problem there. It was funny how tentatively I brought it up—like, will he need some sort of graduation document? And she was sort of like, um, it’s kindergarten. You’re cool.
Our general plan is to rent for the summer while we look for a place to buy, and I’m all kinds of nervous about that upcoming process, but I’m telling myself it’s one step at a time, one step at a time. First: close the house sale here. Next: figure out when the boys and I are leaving, and where we’re going. Also: pack. Rent a truck find a storage facility talk to schools set up short term COBRA call the—
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand breathe. It’s all going to be good, I know it.
(Lovely Eugene-area images courtesy of Don Hankins.)
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113 Responses to “One step at a time”
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I am tearing AGAIN over here for you! Those pictures…wow…YOU’RE MOVING THERE! Oh, I can’t even believe how utterly happy I am for someone I don’t even know…I couldn’t be any happier for you if you were my own sister, I don’t think. Congratulations, you guys. I am so looking forward to reading all about it!
Since JB will be busy getting into the groove of his new job in may and the boys will be in school etc. I would stay put and make the big move in June.
The time will fly by and there will be way less stress at the end of the day. Moving sucks – why do it twice?
Whatever you decide wishing you all the best!
If it were me, I would stay where you are until you get the keys to the rental. Swap weekends if you can (JB home/you and boys there). It gives you the bonus of more packing time (especially since you’ll be moving some stuff to storage), and gets Riley closer to the end of school since I can’t imagine you’ll enroll him for 4 weeks in a new school when you move. Right? Then move directly to rental, bigger stuff to storage. Good luck! The photos of the area are gorgeous and remind me of California. :)
Not an ideal situation, but I’m going to mention it anyway: When I relocated, my two boys and I stayed with a friend in his 1-bedroom apartment, and I kept my two cats in the van (litter box in back). This was supposed to be a 1-week arrangement, but the tenant wouldn’t move out of my soon-to-be rental, and we ended up staying in this situation for a month while they evicted him.
The cats were fine. They liked the van.
During a different relocation (with a different cat), we kept the cat in a bedroom at a friend’s house for a few weeks while looking for a place. She was fine too.
Again — not the best situation, but I thought I would mention it.
Staying put through May might be the best for everyone (CAT), but I know how hard it is to be in transition while also being away from my partner. An extended stay in Coos Bay might be a sweet adventure, but then again, you’ll be unsettled for that much longer.
I wish you the best, whatever you decide!
Chiming in to say I think staying put till June sounds like the better option, rather than moving stuff twice.
Good luck with figuring it all out. Again, really, really happy for you! :)
Daaaaaaang those are purty pictures. I’d stay put until you get the rental, otherwise you are sort of moving twice. JB’s job sounds like a perfect fit. Have you guys been sleeping with a copy of The Secret under your pillows?
Sorry to provide completely unsolicited advice, but on the COBRA thing: how long will you be without health insurance while JB changes jobs? Because if it’s not very long, you may be able to do COBRA only retroactively, if something happens and you need it. I did that when I switched jobs and was without health insurance for about three weeks. Instead of paying the outrageously high cost of COBRA for those weeks, HR informed me that if something happened and I needed medical care, I could just call and retroactively activate it (there is a certain window of time in which you can do this) and there would be no lapse in coverage. Nothing happened so I ended up just moving onto my new insurance plan without having paid that COBRA money, but without having to worry that if something DID happen, I’d be screwed. This is certainly something where you would need to look into the details and whether this applies to your particular situation, but if it does, you could save yourselves a chunk of money if nobody needs a medical visit during the non-covered period.
I’d go for moving everything and everyone ASAP. It will be more stressful in the short term, but I think easier long term. My ten month old is an easy easy baby and I wouldn’t want to be on my own with him for a month, much less two preschoolers. And it sounds like it’s not really moving twice exactly… It’s delaying the move of stuff and living out of suitcases for a month? If you’re anything like me, if you stay behind in Seattle, you’ll figure, “we can put off packing x y z since I have all this extra time” and then suddenly you WON’T have any more time and you’ll be on your own, trying to juggle two kids and pack everything you meant to pack over the course of a month. Living without your stuff for a month will be a pain in he ass, but at least you won’t have the burden of packing hanging over your head.
I’ve actually been in this situation. And, from personal experience, I can say that less moves is better. As in, I’d totally recommend renting your own house for the additional month so you only have to move all your stuff once.
We did it the other way. Stuff in storage for a few weeks, staying with family, getting stuff back out of storage…blah blah +10lbs on my ass blah blah.
Woohoo! Welcome to Oregon! I’ve lived here my whole life and never wanted to leave. Glad you guys finally reached your goal. I’d pick your second option…staying put til June. :)
Jess: interesting, I’ve never heard of that option before (the lack of coverage didn’t effect any preexisting condition clauses, I take it?). Unfortunately JB’s medical coverage doesn’t kick in for 90 days, so I don’t think we can go that route.
(+10lbs from all the stress eating. In case that wasn’t clear)
I cast my vote for moving in with the in-laws for 3 weeks and letting the cats work it out. JB will need you during those stressful first weeks at a new job, and the idea of wrangling 2 boys plus packing the whole house by yourself seems more stressful than living out of suitcases for a couple of weeks.
When we left Seattle for Colorado, we hired 2 Men and a Truck to come pack our moving truck, and then when we got to Colorado, we hired them again to unpack it. No heavy lifting for us, they did a great job, and it was relatively inexpensive.
So happy for you! I’ve never been in Eugene, but we spent 3 months in Bandon and it was like, oh my gosh my soul is HOME. I loved it.
Long-time lurker, and oh! I’m so happy for you! Can’t wait to read of your brand new adventures!
Check into short term medical insurance or temporary insurance. Not sure what it’s called these days but we signed up for it when we moved from CA to CT long ago. It just covers major stuff but definitely alot cheaper than COBRA! It was a quick application, pay your money, get your card and you’re covered.
Tough call on the stay or go thing. I’d probably go at the same time and keep the cat in the UHaul!
I’m so happy for all of you.
Congrats…very happy that you’re moving to where you want to be. That’s a huge step and will hopefully make you feel settled & content with life :) I’m waiting until we make our move!
And I would say stay in your house and just do one big move…less change for the boys is probably best and then Riley could finish kindergarten (or get close) at his current school.
Board the cat at a boarding facility, stay with him in the hotel!
Is finding another rental that is available in May not an option?
Chris: it is, yeah, but I really like a lot of things about the rental we chose — particularly the backyard, nice neighborhood, and best of all, the month-to-month lease.
We just did both of your options in the last 6 months. First he stayed behind while I started the new job, but then he came to stay with me with family until our rental was ready, and all our stuff was in storage, and cat was with a different family member with no pets. The 2 months with him here were immensely better than the the 2 months with him there. And can I say: moving into and out of a storage unit was AWESOME. Moving day out of the old place was great because it all went directly out of the back of the truck into the unit (went so fast) and moving into the new place was even awesomer because dude, everything was already packed.
So, I’d say look for secret option C for the cat (can the cat stay with the in-laws while you stay with JB’s brother or something?). Staying behind–and leaving family behind–SUCKS.
I am just so pleased for you guys.
I’d hate the three months apart, but I also really hate moving. The prospect of moving everything twice sounds horrible. So I think I’d go for staying put until the rental was available.
I haven’t read the comments, so forgive if I repeat, but I say go stay with JBs parents in Coos Bay and board the cat if you have to. It would be better for the cat to be uncomortable than you to be alone for all that time.
Also, maybe there is someone, a frien of JBs parents? A lonely senior? Who might take the cat for the three weeks? Maybe?
I see there is a still problem about the stuff, but the in and out of the storage unit really amounts to two unpleasant afternoons, which is really no big whoop.
And Oh my goodness! This is all so exciting! I fond major life upheaval to be so brave and inspiring. :)
Yeah, not to endorse it, just to stress that it’s a possibility: as kat notes, you could board the cat and take that out of the whole set of equations.
Also, some professional movers will store the container with your stuff in it in a secure facility (for more money, of course), so the move-and-store-and-move steps can be condensed into one big, costly move step. We did that when we moved from Portland to Seattle. (With two children and a cat and a houseful of stuff and an interstate move, you are going to use real movers, right? Not just JB and a 30-foot U-Haul?)
Oh, and relocation costs associated with employment changes were tax-deductible last time we moved in the US, so that helped us cope with the fearsome expenses. I bet they still are but I haven’t actually checked irs.gov.
Congrats! I also vote for you and the boys staying put. I say that even knowing full well that when our kids were small and my husband had to go to Chicago for 2 weeks, I went crazy and was p.o’d as hell when he came home the weekend in between. How DARE he leave me with 2 young ones while I was working full-time, too? Ha
So what does JB say about this decision of whether to go/stay?
Having just done a long-distance move less than a year ago, the work and pain in the butt factors involved are still sorta fresh. I’m in the move it once camp. I say the fewer moves the better. I don’t want to discredit the idea of spending time with your family in two different cities, but it’s a a finite period of time with a clear end in site. I think that makes a difference. Moving is a pain and putting stuff in storage involves moving not once but twice. More opportunities for things to get lost or broken, and it’s definitely more expensive. Keep things as streamlined as possible, keep routines normal where you can knowing what fantastic things await you on the other end!
so happy for you!!!
Congratulations! It is great when the hubby can take a leap like JB is doing and you are behind it all the way. Just think, no more long holiday drives to visit the Grans!
I’ll throw in my two-cents. I used to work for Microsoft Relocation (I was a damned ORANGE badge), and the different permutations for moving self and family from one place to another is as varied as the people who move. I would say go the route that causes you the least misgivings. If you hate the idea of being in charge of the kids – all alone – for the month of May (and being in charge most of the packing by yourself)the most. Go with having staying with the family. If the idea of having to live with family for three weeks – suck it up and go it on your own here. Let’s face it, you will be shouldering the majority of the burden in this move (the wives ALWAYS do) so do what you think will be easiest for YOU. JB is a smart guy and is going to be really busy with his new job and as hard as he tries isn’t going to be a whole hell of a lot of help. So think of yourself and the kids, FIRST, and let JB fit himself in where he can. (geez, do I sound like I’ve been married for nearly 30 years?) GOOD LUCK and much happiness!!
Oh god, stay where you are until you can move into a rental. We moved from Denver to suburban NYC when my son was nearly 2 and we handled it so freaking badly. My son and I lived in my sister’s basement for a month in NY while my husband stayed behind in Denver. I didn’t have everything I needed in NY, our stuff was in Denver, and it was in general a total shit-show. If I had just put off moving back east another month we all could have moved into our rental together and things would have been a million percent easier, less chaotic and stressful.
But that’s just my opinion.
PS – how is Riley’s little girlfriend taking it?
Gingerest: no real movers, no. I figure we did it before on our own, so . . . uh, yeah. It’s gonna suck a whole lot. JB’s brother is going to come up to help us, though.
Emily: I don’t even think she knows yet! I should get in touch with her mom, shouldn’t I? ACK. *looks at to-do list, faints*
OMG those PHOTOS. I’m so happy for you! If it was my decision, I would stay put and only move once. I’ve moved a LOT of times and it is not fun, even if it means being husbandless for a little while.
Ooh, so happy for you anew.
Anyway, we’re in the COBRA hell, too, because of Adam’s new job, and ugh, it blows. Here, have thousands of dollars for insurance I totally took for granted! We could go on the state plan, but for two months, it’s not worth it with me pregnant, only to re-join BCBS again later. And in those two months, you know, BIRTH. Ahem.
At any rate, we did this type of move twice — once from Florida to VT and once from VT to here, and I would nevvvver do a hotel again. It was kind of awful. More than awful, and that was just me and Sunny. I would totally TOTALLY recommend staying where you are and moving everything once. Hassle, yes, but not nearly the hassle of temporary residence, etc. That’s assuming that you don’t mind solo parenting for a little while and you have SOME kind of support system to keep you from blowing your brains out while you’re alone.
Man, I’d just stay in the house till June. Less stress for everybody, I think. Plus you’ll have more time to wrap up the fine details.
You and the kids could meet up in PDX on the weekends…
Holy crap! Congratulations!
The only helpful (or not) idea I’ve got is “cat sitter”. Do you know anyone that can take your cat in for a few months? That might open up more options? Maybe?
I’m sooooo happy for you!
First, I missed congratulating you on the last post, so AIEEEEE! CONGRATULATIONS! This is such great news.
Could you board the cat somewhere? Is that a thing like it is with dogs? Maybe take the cat to Eugene or Coos Bay and board it? Because staying with your in-laws sounds like a nice transitional step.
Having cats and having moved last July, I know the pain in the ass caused by the fuzzy bastards. I would suggest staying in your current house until June. As eager as you are (and I would be) to get on with moving, you can use the month of May to pack, sort/donate, and fight your last traffic jams on 405. Time will fly and then you’ll only have to schlep boxes once. Swear to God, you will not want to carry boxes more than once. Even the nicest in-laws can drive a person insane and there’s no sense in going nuts when you’ll be living much closer to them. Also, it gives JB a chance to hit his stride at work without extra worry about you guys in OR.
Just my 2 cents.
Congratulations. Sounds like it will be wonderful to finally reach Oregon and the next stage of your life! We boarded our cats in between houses a few years back (3 weeks at my mom’s and she’s allergic, so to the vet’s they went). It didn’t seem to bother them that much. Of course, they’re cats, so not really the brightest animals to start with!
Put the cat in a cattery. Or boarding kennel or whatever it’s called where you are. Cat will be fine, LESS stress on the cat from moving constantly and getting used to new people, and you can then do what YOU want. Personally I would choose the in-laws, and every time they do something helpful, you can mentally evaluate how much that was worth to you and mentally subtract it from the cattery bill. Distract fighting kids? Worth $20. Feed a kid breakfast? Would pay $5 for that right now. Bring you a cup of coffee? $30, you can see where I’m heading with this…
I’m jealous, Eugene is so gorgeous! I would give my left two lug nuts (as Mater says) to be moving there!
I’m definitely in the Move as Few Times as Practically Feasible camp. Honestly, the thing I hate the most about moving is that the general pain-in-the-assery of moving always manages to overshadow the excitement of it.
I am so happy for you! You have given me reason to believe amazing things happen out of the blue to great people. How exciting!!!! What is it like to get exactly what you want? YAY for you!!! Congratulations!!!
Have you signed papers on the rental yet? Maybe since it’s just for a summer you could find a different place that’s available sooner…? Just a thought. It would save you from having to essentially move twice in quick succession (been there done that — our house was still in escrow when we had to be out of our rental because IT was being sold, so we stayed with my parents for a few months and ZOMG WE MOVED TWICE I ALMOST DIED) — or actually THREE times in your case what with buying a place soon also. But paying rent to your buyers and staying completely on your own with the kids for an entire month sounds like even less fun, for me, especially when JB will be down in paradise without you.
I dunno. Do your inlaws have other animals who would not get along with your cat? Our cats adjusted OK to the quick-change when we had to do this — better than we did, actually.
And can I say again how ridiculously happy I am for you, that you get to live this dream? SO SO RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY.
Oooh I totally understand about the month-to-month lease. So helpful. Also, this is awkward, but if you need a nanny…let me know! I’ve got great references and I feel like I know your kids after reading so long! I’m the same Chris who commented yesterday about moving back to Eugene this summer after being gone two years. >end creepy stalker comment :)
This is total assvice, but I am here to testify that paying a few thousand for professional movers is one of those So Worth It expenses, really and truly. Especially since you may well be handling the logistics of the move while solo-parenting if you’re up in Seattle and JB’s down in lovely Eugene.
I am of the “move as little as possible” camp, so if at all feasible, I’d try and rent back your “old” place through June, use the time to find a rental house that y’all can use as home base for a year while you figure out where you really want to re-commit to the mortgage grind, then move to the rental with the boys in June. And let the professional movers handle the packing-up-and-moving part.
Look at me, spending your money and telling you how many times to move!
(But seriously: professional movers. Marriage saver. Back saver. And they will love you if you buy them lunch.)
Stay where you are until the rental house is available. We moved country last year – trust me, it’s the right thing to do.
Stay put and move in June. Less stress for everyone.
I’d stay put until you’re ready for the rental place too, less upheaval. And you’ve got the Coos Bay thing so you can the boys can go down for part of the time? (Someone where you are feed the cat for a short time?) I guess if you opt to rent your current house til June and you really struggle, there’s nothing to stop you fleeing for Coos Bay?! Whereas if you commit to Coos Bay now then you can’t really change your mind once your buyers make plans to move…
Good luck, it will all come good. And – professional movers – seriously, look into that, they cleared our (3 bed, 2 children, 1 cat) house in 2 hours. Would have taken us 2 days.
Infrequent commenter here…
Oh, those pictures are breathtaking! So happy for you!
Something that might be in-between the U-Haul and the professional movers options (cost-wise) is PODS. You pack your stuff into the big-ass pod(s) and lock it up, then THEY come get the big-ass pod and store it either in Seattle or Eugene (your choice, I guess) and then bring it to you when you’re ready. No fuss, no muss.
Nope, I’m not affiliated in any way with the company, but I don’t know how to generic-ify their name. “Pod people” sounds so … weird.
Anyway, they saved our shorts when we had to move the contents of my mom’s 3-bedroom place in less than 14 days with no options available on the other end. We were able to store her stuff until we could find a place for it.
Don’t have any suggestions for CAT other than the usual assvice. Try to keep her routine as close to “normal” as possible. Some cats are Meh about anything while others freak the fuck out at the slightest change. If she’s of the freak-out variety, they make calming chews you can get at any big pet store. It calms them down w/o sedating them. FWIW
Wishing all of you the best of luck!
As a teacher, I think it’s best to let Riley finish the school year. Leaving at the same time as everyone else will make the transition much easier!
I would go with the option of staying/renting your house. It sounds like it would make it less stressful of a move.
PS-Can we come with you?
We moved from Detroit to NC almost two years ago and we had TWO, COUNT THEM – T-W-O cats and a dog. My husband moved down here two weeks before us and stayed with a friend. Our rental house was ’supposed’ to be ready for us when my son and I arrived but no, of course, it was not. We ended up staying with the same friends my husband stayed with and it pretty much sucked but was bearable. Surprisingly enough, my cats were happy to stay in the bedroom we were sleeping most of the time. I bought them a couple cat beds, put their litter box and food in there and they were cool for the week we were there. They wandered out a couple times but never caused any mayhem. I made sure to keep the room they were in extra clean and it all went fine. Our dog stayed outside most of the time and hung out with our friend’s dog so that worked out well. The people we stayed with still speak to us and visit often so I guess no harm done. I’d still say renting your own house sounds best, though, if you can handle being alone there until you guys move. Why move twice if you don’t have to? Good luck with everything.
Those photos of Oregon are gorgeous! They remind me a lot of where we live now. I kind of hated moving from the place I’d lived all my life but it’s so beautiful here that I’m okay with it now. My son is growing up in gorgeous surroundings and that works for me.
I vote for stay where you are until the rental is ready in June. You DO NOT want to move twice. Trust me. Plus, JB will be getting settled in the new job and he’ll be able to totally focus on that.
Yes, it’s a month, but it will go quickly and have I mentioned you don’t want to move twice?????
putting stuff in storage and moving twice sounds like a nightmare to me. Even with the ackowledgment that living 300 miles apart for a month will have it’s challenges, I’d still do it just for a month to avoid the double move/staying with relatives…
We did something very similar almost two years ago (wow), and I opted to just stay put with the kids and coordinate the move from that end while my husband sorted out details in the new home town. It worked really well that way for a number of reasons. Moving is stressful no matter what, and sometimes not being up in each other’s grills while you are dealing with the inevitable snags is much healthier. Plus, long distance can be kinda good for your relationship…gives you a chance to really appreciate each other’s presence and role in your life together.
In case it wasn’t clear, I wholeheartedly recommend staying put and minimizing the upheaval for the kids for as long as possible.
I’m with the others on not wanting to move twice. That sounds like a huge pain in the tuchus. It would be hard to be apart for a month, but I bet the time will fly given all the logistics you’ll be scrambling to do.
The photos are absolutely beautiful! So excited for you!
Those pictures are SO beautiful! Having lived in the Northwest most of my life, I really think it is the most beautiful part of the country. So happy for you!
And I would like to gently push for staying in your house until June 1. When my husband and I moved to our current city, we had an apartment all lined up. Our move-in date was about three days before he started his residency program. And then the previous renter just… refused to move out. So we ended up putting our stuff in storage and staying at a hotel while the leasing company scrambled to find us another apartment and it was AWFUL. And that was without pets. AWFUL. (By the way, you’d think being a work from home type would make it easy to work from a hotel. Not easy. Being cooped up all day in a crummy hotel room or having to find a Panera or a Starbucks where you can’t leave your computer to even go to the bathroom. NOT EASY.)
We had to do the whole double move BEFORE, too, when we moved to St. Louis so I could go to grad school a billion years ago. We got to the apartment that we’d rented, and there had been flooding in the apartment ABOVE which had come through OUR ceiling. The place was wet and stinky and thick with mold. So we had to put our stuff in storage and stay in a hotel while the place was put in order. AWFUL. It’s basically moving TWICE when you do that, and moving is horrific enough when you have to do it ONCE.
Okay, obviously it can be DONE. And staying with family seems infinitely preferable to staying in a hotel. But if you can avoid it, oh please do!
Without a doubt, Oregon is the prettiest place on earth. I miss the mountains.
I’d stay in the house in Washington. You’re only talking a month, but it would be one upheaval instead of two. And I’d hire movers. The last time I moved, I hired movers for the first time ever and OMG it was so much better! I only moved 25 miles, but from the minute they arrived at the first place until I swiped my debit card in their portable machine at the new place was 3.5 hours, and they set up the bed and put everything where I told them. I was left only with the boxes to unpack. Cost me under $250.
As for the COBRA, it’s been a lot of years since I had to deal with this, but I’m thinking you can retroactively get it up to six months after you leave your job. You need to check that out. COBRA is hideously expensive.
You know…cats. They are supposedly the most uncomplicated pets, don’t need walking, born potty trained, etc. etc. etc. But they don’t do well with being moved around. Just recently I was planning to go spend a couple days with friends about 2 hours from here, and was saying that I needed to see what would be convenient for my daughter to come and feed the cat while I was gone, and the friend said “Can’t you just bring the cat with you?” I haven’t quit laughing yet.
Long time reader, so excited for you and your family! On the move front – move once. We went through this last summer. I moved to temp housing while my husband took care of the move. Our stuff went into storage and then when we were in our home, we were able to get it out. I can’t imagine having to move a household full of stuff twice. If it is doable, movers make life much easier. One other thought – I hired an organizer to come over for an afternoon and help me sort through closets. She was invaluable in convincing me to finally get rid of the clothes that hadn’t fit in years, but would if I just worked out/ ate better/ had a completely different life. Less stuff to move and a more organized closet.
Oh, holy crap this is SO EXCITING!!! I’m absolutely thrilled for you guys!!!
I’m with the majority on this. Move once. Stay behind with the boys until June. It’s going to suck. Moving all your shit more than once will for SURE suck worse.
Good luck!!! Can’t wait to read all about it!
Option 2. The fewer moves, the better — ALWAYS.
Good luck. I am SOOOO happy for you guys!
Move once move once move once OMG moving sucks. As a military brat I can say I’ve gotten good at it, but it doesn’t make it any less stressful. Stay put and do it once. With so much to do to get ready for the move that solo parent month is going to fly by. Call in favors from local friends to help give you time without the kids, but it will fly, trust me.
And HIRE MOVERS. Take out a loan if you have to! Even if they just pack the crap in the truck and you drive it up there and pay more people to unload it for you. Our last 3 moves we packed all our boxes (so we’d know what was where) and hired folks to load everything, drive it there, and unload it again. Then we unpacked. Not nearly as $$ as a totally professional pack/move and you and your family/friends are still on speaking terms when all is said and done. :)
And I’m so jealous! My now-husband and I did a trip to Oregon while we were dating and loved it! That area is so beautiful.
We were in a similiar situation last year when we moved from DC to Colorado. My husband had to be at his job in DC through the end of the year (Dec 31) and we had to be out of our house by Thanksgiving. Ugh.
Because I could work remotely, I ended up spending ten weeks at my parent’s house in Minnesota, which was FINE, except I will say that it was a hugely stressful time – the seperation, the having everything in storage, the not having a place to call home. It was hard.
I should point out that — much like you — almost EVERY SINGLE MAJOR LOGISTICAL DECISION was made based on … the dog. Seriously. It was absolutely ridiculous, but… yeah. I’m not even kidding. The dog decided almost every major movement in those ten weeks.
So! I guess my advice would be: Stay in your house, ESPECIALLY if you don’t have movers that are going to store your stuff and then bring it to you when you want it. (We had that, they were amazing, and the idea of doing what was ALREADY REALLY HARD with out that help boggles my mind). In some ways I look back at that time and am all “hey! ten weeks! whatever, it all works out!” but the reality is that it was REALLY hard, and I wouldn’t do it that way again.
Well, I would, if it was best for the dog (apparently), but I wouldn’t RECOMMEND it.
My favorite part about this whole decision, which has gotten ridiculously difficult, is that the choice of me staying here in Seattle is being viewed as SELFISH because it would mean JB would have to drive several hours to see us.
So, you know. THERE’S THAT.
BLINK
BLINK
BLINK
you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me
I’m sorry, I meant to say: “What a rational thought process that completely takes into account all sides of the equation. Especially the sides that include the hassle of moving all your shit twice and being homeless.”
(remind me sometime to tell you how I drove each of our cars BY MYSELF from DC to Minnesota in the space of 2 weeks (two trips, 18 hours each) while working full time and how I was later accused of ‘not prioritzing family time’)
(Long time reader, infrequent commenter, two-boy mother, experienced mover)
Who on earth is saying it’s selfish of you to stay? What the…???
I would ABSOLUTELY STAY PUT until you and the boys and the cat and the bulk of your things can move to Oregon to the rental house. You can be PRODUCTIVE if you stay behind — more time to wrap up all social and administrative details, etc. (OMG you can purge things ALL BY YOURSELF AND JB WILL NEVER MISS THEM — er, okay, maybe that would just be me and my pack rat spouse. *ahem*) If you’re staying with someone in OR but can’t get into your place, what exactly are you going to be doing with all your free time besides wishing you could be unpacking in the rental home? And trying not to impose on whoever you’re staying with? And losing your mind with the boys out of their routine, etc.?? Whoever is giving you a hard time is not thinking the REALITY of the situation through.
It WILL be un-fun for you and JB to be apart. It’s possible that I have a similar husband in some ways who would very sincerely wish me to move mountains just so he wouldn’t be “lonely,” but…you can email and talk on the phone and have phone sex. It is hard to start a new job, and while it may seem like it would help him to have his beloved family with him, the truth is that you’d all be stir-crazy and probably end up being far less helpful, no?
Also, MOVERS if you can swing it. If you can’t, ask for donations! You’ve got a lot of loyal readers who can’t wait to hear about the new adventure, and who would surely pony up a fwe bucks to help out if they can. I would/will.
Congrats on the move — it will all be behind you in a few short weeks, anyway. I promise.
Stay where you are till you can move for real, for SURE! Moving is such a pain, you’re not going to want to do it twice. It’s like ripping off a band-aid — you don’t wanna draw it out. :-) Plus, as someone else already said, JB is going to be busy getting adjusted to the new job, and you’ll be so busy packing things up and the like that those few weeks apart will fly by.
Oh, and whomever views that decision as selfish should go suck eggs. :-)
Having done this SO many times in my married life, I vote for staying put and moving one time only. JB will be so busy and absorbed in his new job, it’s just better to let him settle in. Moving one time is plenty. It’ll be easier on all of you, trust me.
Congrats!
I endorse what others have said about hiring movers. I’ve made big moves (thousands of miles) three times. The second time I hired movers to load and unload the truck, but we drove it. It’s an affordable option (hundreds instead of thousands) that speeds things up, but most importantly it’s amazing how much it reduces the stress involved in the move.
Even if you are a master strategist in terms of loading the truck, these folks do it every day and are professionals. Totally worth the money! I used emove.com (from there choose MovingHelp) to get quotes for loading/unloading. Good luck!
Um, WHO’S saying it’s selfish? That’s … well. That’s crazy talk. I was commenting specifically to say that I think you should absolutely stay put until June. It’ll be hard for you – from the single parenting perspective – but it involves the least upheaval for your SMALL CHILDREN. And it means the least moving around of all your stuff.
Meant to comment yesterday, never got a chance. So CONGRATS! What great news.
If it were me, I would stay put until June. Moving sucks, and moving twice would suck even more. And I am sure JB can handle the drive. :)
So, so, happy for you guys!!! Part of me says to stay put, but then the other part of me says to go. It will be an adventure you guys won’t ever forget. Sorry, I’m no help. But whatever you decide I’m sure it will work out. It’s only 3 weeks. Just keep telling yourself that.
i know it will be hard on you and the boys to be away from JB/dad for a month, but moving is such a HUGE ass pain. I’d stay put until the rental is available. You’re already going to have to move twice, why torture yourself by moving thrice AND having easy access to only a tiny bit of your stuff for a month + ?
just my 2 cents.
Anyone who criticizes your decision, whatever it turns out to be, should automatically be volunteered to move the heavy, awkward furniture.
Were it me, I would stay in your house until the rental is ready. It halves the risk of your stuff getting damaged in transit. It gives you extra time to go through your stuff and cull and pack neatly so that unpacking is smooth and simple. Moving is nearly as stressful as a death or divorce, moving twice in a month and being half homeless in the interim with two young kids and a cat? I would have to check myself into the funny farm if I did that.
The best thing I have done for myself in a move was to buy a bunch of Rubbermaid totes (Rubbermaid lids are more secure than any other brand I’ve tried). They stack neatly and they can be closed and reopened as much as you want without getting bent and losing structural integrity. That way you can start packing stuff now and adding more as you get closer. If you get ones that are partially clear, you don’t even have to open them or write on them to know what’s inside.
If you all would be comfortable with it, you might have JB bring the kids down to their grandparents a week before you move. That way they’ll be having fun instead of stressing over the sudden inaccesibility of all their stuff and the upheaval of their space.
I’d also recommend serious house shopping now. You have a couple of months to find a place. There might be something perfect that you could move right into instead of moving again right after you get settled into a rental.
First time commenting here but wanted to join in. Congrats on your move to Oregon! I know you guys have been wanting to do it for awhile now.
I vote to stay put through May and do one big move. Animals can get very stressed out in those types of situations, even just packing can cause stress so doing it once will reduce Cat’s stress levels. It gives the kids a chance to finish up school and say goodbye to any friends they will leave behind.
Fuuuuuuuuck. That’s selfish? Bullshit.
Granted, I don’t have kids and perhaps I’m missing something, but isn’t it best for the kids, as well as cat & the assload of boxes and furniture to stay in your current house until your new home is ready? Seems like getting routines established in a new place would be a bitch and not fair for them when things would be completely changed again once you’re in your Eugene house. Grandma and Grandpa’s house is fun for them now, but perhaps not so fun after a month of sharing half a banana each morning.
Besides, paying movers and the cost of storing your house, only to move it again from storage seems like extra expense. You’ll have to pay rent in your current house for a month, but sanity has a price tag and it’s worth it.
I had a taste of some of this about 10 years ago. It’s not as far as Seattle to Eugene, but my husband and I lived apart for 4 months and had a 5 1/2 hour drive to see each other on the weekends. He was hired by a new company and we moved across the state from the Bellingham area to Walla Walla area. We tried to take turns on who made the trip. Sometimes we’d meet mid-way and sometimes we just skipped a weekend.
While my husband was gone, I was “selfishly” still working, plus mowing lawns, handling home repairs and maintaining our finances so he could settle in at his new job and find a house for us. He lived in a hotel much of the time, but his Mom and Dad acted like he was orphaned. An orphan…with room service. He had my back though and “explained” the situation to his parents and they clammed right up.
Sorry for ranting. Not sure why, but that selfish shit really crawls up my nose. Hang in there. By mid summer, those photos will not just be a file on your computer, they’ll be your life. Congrats!
I was thinking move already, stay in the hotel, your in-laws UNTIL you mentioned packing and un-packing. I did that one time. Packed and sort of unpacked and in storage and into a different storage. 3 TIMES in 8 weeks. Don’t do it.
Viewed as selfish by who? Someone willing to pack and un-pack for you? Let ‘em put their money where their loud mouth is.
As someone who has moved often and usually quickly (had three weeks to move from Olympia to Anchorage Alaska) I feel like the less times you can move the less stress you’ll feel.
If you can stay in your current house until June I’d recommend it. That way you’re not living out of a hotel, or moving one month and then moving again.
Basically, moving sucks. Do it as infrequently as possible.
Congrats on the big move. Eugene is lovely, and Seattle will miss you.
I’d take the cat out of the equation by assuming he can stay somewhere for the time. (Or will work it out with whatever situation you choose.) I’d take him, but my husband and kids would never let me and neither does my landlord (no pets clause…)
Then do what is best for you. 300 miles for a month (and only for the weekend) isn’t that bad. Is there no Amtrak or whatever running at least part of the way? (So JB doesn’t have to drive tired if he want to come for the weekend?) If you would like to stay close to him, do that – if it is easier and less overwhelming to stay put, do that. (I’d stay put for Riley’s graduation sake but that’s just me…)
I echo another sentiment of others: Last time my mom moved, she did the packing and had professional movers move the loot (a couple of streets down the road). She spent 3 weeks nostop packing. Seriously ridiculous. I would do it the other way around: Pay someone to help with packing. Lots of companies do this. My husband hired the “Starving Students” years ago to pack up 2 of his rooms which were then stored in the garage. (Needed to do this for staging for a house sale. Worked.)
We did the storage thing while staying in temporary housing and it sucked. OH SO MUCH. My god. It was expensive, and stressful to be in a new place without Xander’s stuff and with a dog (in someone else’s house).
It may be kind of lonely to stay where you are for three extra weeks, but it would be exponentially easier (and cheaper – storage is astronomical).
Just moved locally with my six year old (also in kindergarten) and our three cats – tried to keep things as consistent for her as possible – I totally agree with those who say stay put and only move once.
Also I’ll echo the comments on COBRA – been there too, my plan was very flexible and offered back coverage for several months, definitely worth looking into.
Good luck with the to do list!!!
It’s going to be better than good … it’s going to be great. YAY! For the cat – is kenneling for a couple weeks a possibility?
I am firmly in the “stay put until June” camp.
And…boarding the cat is not a great idea.
Finally CONGRATULATIONS!! Very exciting.
Wow. Congratulations. I am so glad that your dream came true. Looking forward to posts from your new location!
Ps. For what it’s worth, I’d stay put until you absolutely need to. Moving is so exhausting so best to only do it once….
The hair on my arms stood up and I sort of got teary reading this. YOUR DREAM IS COMING TRUE! I can’t think of a more deserving person. YAY!
Congratulations! So, so happy for your and your family!
I was so happy for you and your family when I read the news. Good for you guys! I feel your pain on the strategy stuff. We’ve got something similar going on. We have to sell all of our stuff and move the family from Colorado to England. To add to the stress, we don’t have jobs! We leave in a few months and I don’t know how it’s all going to get done. Can’t wait to see how it all turns out for you!
FYI, as someone who has dealt w/COBRA in the last few years, I can tell you that all timelines associated with it are federally set rather than set by individual plans. Once you hear from your plan administrator re: COBRA, you have 60 days to elect coverage, then you have an additional 45 days after electing coverage to actually pay. So you could technically go for over 100 days before paying a premium…
http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/faqs/faq-consumer-cobra.html
Find a place there where you can board the cat, especially if you do it a few days before the big move – way less stressful for everyone. I did this with my two so they basically just moved into a new unpacked house and it was so much easier than when I tried to do everything at once.
P.S. So in theory anyone could choose to take the retroactive approach others have described. I did it with a recent job change, however my gap between coverage was only a month and a half. With a gap of 90 days or more, that might not work out for you since you have to make the decision to elect COBRA within 60 days.
Aw, yay Linda! Congrats, that’s so exciting. :) My sister & brother both live in Eugene, and my brother hunts, so if you guys want to meet some new friends, drop me a line. My sister has two kids, in middle and high school, but she’s pretty awesome. :)
So, SO happy for you guys!!!!!!!!!!
I would chose moving Option B if it were me and my family…
Here’s to waiting for what’s worth waiting for . . . awesome news.
I’ve done cross country moves with two kids, two dogs and a cat a few times and they sort of suck. A lot. However, in your situation, based on my experience, I’d move with JB and put the stuff into storage. Yes, you have to move twice. But its a stressful time and being together will help. Also, you will just end up doing a ton of packing up by yourself. If your in-laws can tolerate the cat, then go for it. It’s going to be kinda crazy no matter what, so I would choose the option where there are people are to help. It will be hard no matter what, but it’ll be over in the blink of an eye.
My mantra, when moving with 3 small kids, was this: “Pretend that this is a condo and we are on vacation…pretend that this is a condo…”
I think the best thing we did for our young kids was to tell them “This is an adventure!” Truly, this put their mindset on FUN versus unrest. You might try it.
SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS!!!! I missed that last post – but man, Eugene is one place we thought we could live when we were looking out of state. So gorgeous there!
I personally would stay – that way Riley could finish school. In reality it’s only a few weeks, right? Moving everything twice seems like too much work….BUT, the bonus of being with the inlaws is that you’ll have help and be closer to JB during this major upheaval in your lives. Might be really hard to be so far away from each other with all those changes.
Cat will survive!
‘Grats!
Augh, I’m so sorry for the ridiculous “‘Grats!” above. (Was in a great big hurry…and it turned out my husband wanted to watch a TEDTalk.) Linda, it’s a joy to read these–I was SO hoping after your post about big dreams that whatever it was, you wouldn’t let it go. YIPPEE!!!
UGH..we have done this SEVERAL times..as in 5 times over the last 8 years. The last move was the hardest as we now have two kids. We did a split. Hubby in Pa for 8 weeks and the boys and I in IL for those 8 weeks. Then all of us in a rental for 10 weeks with most of our crap in storage. The rental SUCKED BIG TIME…it was SO SMALL and we were right on top of each other. Meanwhile being 500+ miles away from one another was MUCH easier. Especially since I had a sitter for 3 hours one night a week.
My assvice on the weekends…don’t have to see each other every weekend and when you do see each other take turns. In the 8 weeks we were apart we were only “together” twice. Once for a long weekend with Thanksgiving (I drove to him) and then another long weekend before the move (he drove to us). We skyped on non-bath nights. The nice part was it really gave hubby a chance to get familiar with his new job (an environment VERY similar to microsoft, except WAY more moving) so it was ok if he had a night where he stayed really late. The biggest adjustment was when we finally had room to roam in our new house…we were so damn excited to not be right on top of each other anymore!
Add to the mix a 80 lb yellow lab and a cat. The cat we could keep with us at the rental for an additional fee. And the dog stayed with my parents (150 miles away) for the time we were in the rental.
So there you go..free assvice!
I’m so happy to hear that you’ve got this huge thing you wanted going on, yay! I wish all good things for you, and don’t get to crazy during the transition even if it’ll be hard. Remember: temporary, temporary! Best wishes to your whole family.
Hi Linda,
I guess you could call me a lurker. I’ve been reading your blog for several months, and have enjoyed every post. I’m inordinately thrilled by your upcoming move, and how it represents the hopes and dreams of so many of us who read your blog. Anyway, I wanted to offer an option in making your decision for May…my family would be very happy to watch your kitty for 3 weeks, or however long it takes, for you to make your move. We have a cat who we were told was very good with other cats by PAWS. He’s been with us for 1 and 1/2 years, and is a very calm kitty–no other pets. We live in Kingston, in Kitsap county. It wouldn’t be any trouble for us, and we would be thrilled to help. Just one obstacle removed for you in making your move.
Congratulations on the move – it sounds fantastic! Just to add another thought to the mix: would the new owners of your house be open to cat-sitting for you for a month? I suppose it depends whether they have pets of their own, etc; but that way you and the kids could go down to Oregon without disturbing the cat, then come up and collect him when the rental is ready.
We’ve been in a similar situation here and my preference is always for keeping the humans together wherever possible, fwiw…
Just by reading the first comment, it seems I’m not the only one who teared up for you and your family reading the last 2 blog entries. This online community is so happy for you and everyone always likes to see “dreams” coming true. That said, my first instinct was to say stay in your house longer and move to Oregon in June – seemed like fewer details and hassles. But, what if you moved with JB wherever he is staying so everyone is together, and find somewhere for the cat to stay? Can the cat stay with JB’s brother? (Someone probably already mentioned this but I didn’t have time to read all the comments) Again, I’m so so so happy for you!
Stay here through May. So many reasons – better for JB (to get settled into a new job without distraction), better for the boys (finish up the school year before making a huge transition), better for you (any money you save by not doing this twice, spend on movers and/or packers).
Can’t figure out who was calling you selfish. Must be a twitter thing, which, yeah, not the best place to ask such things.
I have a guess as to who’s the selfish-sayer, but… moving right along… and JB wouldn’t have to drive up every weekend, right? Isn’t that what SKYPE is for?
I’d vote for the inlaws stay as (#1) and let the cats work it out. If that doesn’t work, then (#2) kennel the cat right there in Coos Bay so you can visit her. If neither of those choices is feasible, stay put until you can do the one move. Don’t look for yet another temporary place in Eugene just for 3 weeks unless it’s the “staying with family” option.
Sooo … what if you rented your current house from your buyers til June but went ahead and packed everything up now as if you were moving in May? Then you can stay one or two weeks alone w/ the kids, finish packing, etc. And then one weekend in May, JB can come home help you finish packing, pack everything as if it is ready to move and then just leave it and go back to Coos Bay for the next 2 weeks until June? And then on moving day (first of June) you can move everything from your home to your new rental in Oregon (ie your home = storage = you are paying rent on your home rather than renting a storage unit). I dont’ know … just another thought. :) Good luck with everything!
I just read all the links to this story. I am totally inspired. My husband and I want to move our family to our dream neighborhood, and sometimes, I just wonder if it will ever happen. (The post about giving up on your dream – totally hit home).
Thanks for sharing your story! I can’t wait to read more!
I didn’t read the eleventy billion other comments, so excuse me if I’m redundant here…
but in my experience, being home without a husband and two kids sucks…doing it in someone else’s house sucks too, but you’re in someone else’s house. I have found that rarely does the extra help outweigh being with your own stuff.
I would stay put and just move once.
Sorry you’re in such a tough situation, there isn’t really a great choice…but it will all be past soon enough and you can put a notch on your belt for surviving it. :)
Oh,so good for you. Congrats! For me, better you stay with the boys until the rental house is available. I think it won’t take long.
Oh, congratulations!! What wonderful news. I’m so happy for you that your dreams are coming true.
Isn’t it funny how one person’s ideal place is another person’s horrible fit? We made that leap of faith to move here to Seattle(ish) three years ago, and it couldn’t be more perfect. At the same time, people wondered how we could leave Atlanta, the place which was absolutely perfect for THEM. I finally started saying, “It’s a good thing we all have different ideas of the best place to live, or it would be awfully crowded.”
All that to reiterate – Yay YOU!! Congrats!!!
I would have to say staying at your current residence through May and going to Eugene in June makes the most sense and would be my first choice. But it really depends on if you and JB are cool being apart for that month.