We had the strangest bout of kid illness this weekend. First JB and I emerged from Cabin in the Woods (my second viewing, it’s that good) on Friday night to retrieve a bunch of text messages from our babysitter describing a dramatically sudden barf attack from Dylan. “But don’t worry!” she wrote, because she’s a sweetheart. Yo babysitter I’m really happy you told me not to worry but a Barf Text is the biggest date night buzzkill of all time!
Apparently Dylan had complained of a headache, then sat up in bed and BLOOORP. Also, I’m sorry to report he’d eaten hotdogs beforehand, and I don’t know what it is about hotdogs, but they never dissolve. NEVER. Barfed hotdogs look exactly like chewed hotdogs, and even the barfdog-pieces will remain in the bottom of the washing machine, wholly untouched by the laundering process, until you call on your last mental reserve and wipe them out with a paper towel.
(I complained about the hotdog disaster on Twitter and several people were like “EWWW” and “THANKS FOR THE MENTAL IMAGE!” and I was like, oh, am I supposed to feel bad about grossing you out? Because I’m pretty sure sharing the burden of my personal trauma and disgust is exactly what Twitter’s for.)
We’d planned a short trip east to Cle Elum for the next day and when Dylan seemed perfectly fine in the morning, off we went to explore some cool graveyards and marvel at the presence of an actual push-button telephone in the hotel room. Fast forward to 8 PM that night—exactly 24 hours after Dylan’s pukeplosion—and Riley suddenly complained of a headache. Dun dun dunnnnnn.
After Riley’s equally dramatic but thankfully bathroom-contained eruption, he too fell asleep and was perfectly fine the next morning. Have you ever heard of a virus like that? Sudden onset headache, Puke Attack, then back to normal the next day? I don’t know what the hell that was all about, but I guess I’m glad it was short-lived.
PS: The front of Dylan’s collarbone brace got barfed on so we had to wash it and then it shrunk and kept coming undone so we drove to the weekend clinic and begged for a new one and they gave us one in a larger size and it doesn’t fit very well either and oh god, he’s going to look like Quasimodo for-fucking-ever, isn’t he?