Last Wednesday Dog had her spay surgery, which went fine except for the part where I had to hand her leash over to the nice vet assistant and walk away while Dog tucked her tail between her legs, tried to follow me, was brought up short, and looked at me, you know, with her face. Then I picked her up several hours later and she walked over to me, all druggy and confused, and pressed her nose against my legs, like thank god you’re back you won’t BELIEVE what they did to me. O, the guilt.

Anyway, she recovered nicely but they sent me home with this GIANT sheet of heavy clear plastic with strips of velcro running down the sides. This was Dog’s Elizabethan collar, a.k.a. the cone of shame. It was intended to stop her from licking or biting her incision, but when I put it on the next day — not without a struggle, getting the ends to overlap enough to attack the velcro was nearly impossible — she just … stood there, head hanging straight down towards the floor. I don’t actually think it was physically too difficult to lift, but she was weighted down with SORROW. It really did feel torturous, and it somehow made it worse that she patiently endured it instead of trying to get away from us.

Labs mostly come in four modes: 1) YAY, 2) derp, 3) zzzzzzz, and 4) WOE. But there’s Lab woe like Oh jesus is that a slice of turkey wow it looks really good by the way I am literally starving to death and there’s I don’t know why you’re hurting me but I love you anyway woe. That’s the kind of woe we were causing her with that ridiculous cone, which I suppose she may have eventually gotten used to but in the meantime all she could do was stand in one place all spooky-like, sort of like the end of The Blair Witch Project. Even JB, who isn’t nearly as much of a sucker as I am, shook his head and said sympathetically, “Legit shits the bed, Dog.”

I found some sort of inflatable donut collar at the pet store to try instead, but then a clever friend on Instagram shared that she’d put an old t-shirt on her dog instead of using the cone. An easy, comfortable, free solution that’s also hilarious-looking? SOLD. So that’s why Dog has been sporting one of JB’s shirts for the last few days. I think she looks quite nice.

dog smock

like, OBVIOUSLY a smock

The Hanes tag? They're branching out. Into post-surgical veterinary supplies.

JB: “Is that my shirt?”
Me: “No, of course not. That is a smock. A medical dog smock. From the medical dog smock store.”

Ruby’s prior owner gave us this massive folder that included her medical records, AKC stuff, and what amounts to a nicer scrapbook than I ever made for my own children. Photos, glittery stickers, the whole nine yards. There are printed poems and quotes scattered throughout, and here is one I can’t read without my eyes getting hot and my nose starting to run:

Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, “I cannot bear to watch,” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there, even my death.

When an animal shows you nothing but love, it’s so hard to cause them discomfort. You know it’s for their benefit, but they don’t. All they know is they trust you. God, it’s a big responsibility, you know? And now I know why dogs get fat, it’s because we want to give them ALL THE TURKEYS to try and tell them, thank you, I’m sorry, I love you too.

I have never had food. It is very sad.


74 Responses to “Everything is easier for me if you are there”

  1. ブルガリ公式財布 on November 20th, 2014 3:54 pm
  2. asics kayano 17 women on November 21st, 2014 6:34 am

    asics kayano 17 women…

    Whats Going down i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads. I’m hoping to contribute & help different customers like its aided me. Good job.
    asics gt 2000 zappos
    review asics gel blur 33

  3. SEO Services on December 6th, 2014 3:52 am

    SEO Services…

    Everything is easier for me if you are there : All & Sundry…

  4. Branta Canada Goose on December 26th, 2014 4:18 am

    Branta Canada Goose…

    Aviator Sunglasses Women Ray Ban GSfdhytu2014…

  5. バーバリー 財布 メンズ どう on February 1st, 2015 8:54 am


  6. Woolrich Primavera Estate 2013 on February 23rd, 2015 10:16 pm

    Michael Kors Watches Rose Gold GSfdhytu2014

  7. ロエベ アマソナ23 中古 on February 23rd, 2015 11:34 pm
  8. オロビアンコ キーケース 迷彩 on February 23rd, 2015 11:56 pm
  9. Woolrich Piumini on March 14th, 2015 10:16 am

    Promo Codes Michael Kors Ry7

  10. pandora jewellery on May 2nd, 2015 7:16 am

    If 100 million households get one of these each week that’s 280 million ounces (7.
    pandora jewellery

  11. pandora charm bracelet on May 2nd, 2015 7:16 am

    As well as online to fid beauty item n the market n the web, you may also need to use the internet to find moneysaving coupos.
    pandora charm bracelet

  12. pandora charms uk on May 2nd, 2015 7:17 am

    por lo tanto lo que se sumará a esta do de la empresa para usted.
    pandora charms uk

  13. pandora jewelry on May 2nd, 2015 7:17 am

    Face-to-face with Erin, Jamie sticks with his partner and off on the bust.
    pandora jewelry

  14. pandora jewellery on May 2nd, 2015 7:18 am

    Among the fish we examined were a red three-spot barb (Barbus candens), an African knife fish (Xenomystus nigri), a blue-spangled jewel fish (Hemichromis sp.
    pandora jewellery

  15. pandora charms on May 2nd, 2015 7:18 am

    OpenStack, however, has matured a lot over the last 2 years and more companies have deployed their clouds on the platform.
    pandora charms

  16. on May 7th, 2015 10:05 am

    This angular Alexander Wang clutch has a smooth leather exterior with contrast edges. The short snake-chain handle connects to a two-way zip top, and sturdy feet detail the base. The lined interior has 2 pockets and an attached makeup mirror. Dust bag included. Leather: Cowhide. Weight: 20oz / 0.57kg. Imported, China. MEASUREMENTS Height: 5in / 13cm Length: 7in / 18cm Depth: 2.5in/ 6.5cm

  17. ニューバランス 靴 韓国 通販 on May 30th, 2015 12:56 am

    General Air Max Shoes Company Dialog : Who cares triumphs .
    ニューバランス 靴 韓国 通販

  18. ニューバランス ホワイト on May 30th, 2015 12:56 am

    The Amazing Nike Air ‘cheat’ which Nearly all.
    ニューバランス ホワイト

  19. on June 28th, 2015 7:20 pm
  20. on June 28th, 2015 7:29 pm
  21. nike jordan after game 2 on September 1st, 2015 1:34 pm

    Its a gift for my best friend, she was quite satisfied. Thank you for best service and good product.—-Sophie

  22. アイムスドッグ 体重管理用 チキン 小粒 5kg[LP][正規品] お取り寄せ on November 23rd, 2015 1:37 am
  23. on August 22nd, 2016 11:22 am
  24. Laila on November 15th, 2020 9:30 pm

    I always feel amazed when I see dogs and cats getting along

Leave a Reply