I remember when we first looked at our house and I was blown away by all the trees and plants in the backyard. Mature landscaping I don’t have to add to, I thought happily. And an honest-to-god orchard! How charming!

It would be far more accurate to say “we have some fruit trees” than “we have an orchard,” but anyway, we have some fruit trees. We sadly lost a beautiful cherry tree last winter in an ice storm, but we have a few apple trees and one pear tree and a plum tree. So charming! Except no. As it it turns out, fruit trees are not charming at all, unless you actually enjoy having the fruit, which I don’t. Our fruit isn’t particularly tasty right off the trees and I haven’t been canning or juicing or whatever-ing with the produce, so basically what we have are several metric tons of rotting fruit all over our yard.

Which wouldn’t be that bad, except for the dog. The dog loves the fruit. The dog will eat an infinite amount of fallen apples. Like, there is no point at which she stops and says to herself, gosh, perhaps I have eaten enough apples for one day. No. She will just walk around gnawing apples forever, CHOMP SLOP CRONCH BLONCH SHLOCK MMMLP, until you drag her back inside.

And that’s how I found myself facing the world’s hugest pile of turds this weekend. It was the apples. The goddamned apples. She’d been eating them all week and we decided to take a family trip to Newport on Saturday and we walked out on a jetty to enjoy the view and she did the thing, you know, the dog thing where they start kind of walking around super fast and their butthole bulges outward and you’re like whew thank goodness I brought a bag and then she humped up in savacrapsanah, the Dog-Shitting Pose, and proceeded to pump out the most enormous amount of feces I have ever seen any creature produce ever. It just kept coming and coming and its GIRTH was unreal and my husband was like “Jesus” and I swear there was a note of pride in his voice and the kids were falling all over the place laughing and ten hours later when she was done I had to try and pick it up with my flimsy little shit-grabbing bag and there was so MUCH of it and I tried to stick it together like Play-Doh but it kept falling apart and there was a family walking towards us so I had to hurry and it was just absolutely indescribable and I could feel the apple pieces through the plastic.

TL;DR: I’m over having fruit trees.

moments before Turdzilla appeared

Comments

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
133 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
carteira michael kors
9 years ago

Quanto aos outros componentes, é principalmente apenas tubulação, tubos e fios elétricos.
carteira michael kors

bolsa bottega veneta
9 years ago

Sua pontuação de escala para cada seção terá uma fração.
bolsa bottega veneta

relógio michael kors
9 years ago

É tudo sobre o amor! A primeira coisa que você deve entender é que, quando o seu filho é diagnosticado com autismo, a criança ainda é a mesma pessoa que você conheceu até então.
relógio michael kors

コーチ 星柄
9 years ago
salvatore ferragamo bags for men

Awesome site you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any community forums that cover the same topics talked about in this article? I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get comments from other experienced individuals that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Appreciate it!

trackback

manchester united womens football shirt…

And your lifestyle needs to be taken into consideration, to tasteful dress because the color should be the most vibrant and wild part of the look. Forever 21 hn’s got the 411 for you, too…..

ナイキ ヴィンテージ

グッチ 財布 激安 本物
GSfdhytu2014 お財布バッグ

ナイキ Vrs アイアン

グッチ キーリング
GSfdhytu2014 クロコダイル 財布 メンズ

http://www.abajournal.com/member/63281

By helping the characters in the lessons reach their goals, learners will gain relevant skills in a safe and
supportive environment. Many zebra crossings are placed within metres of
the junction. Both of these cars would be very good
choices in helping you get gold in the GT World Championship.

trackback

promo codes for e-dreams…

Fiber : All & Sundry…

watch189
8 years ago

The Arizona Cardinals do not want to surrender their first-round pick

価格 ゴルフシューズ スリクソン

メンズ 長財布 人気
GSfdhytu2014 財布 女性 おすすめ

キャラウェイ ケーキ レシピ

財布 がま口
GSfdhytu2014 グッチ激安財布

Sac Longchamp Ligne Noir

Has there been any kind of work around to check out with a zero balance due (either due to coupon use, or by adding free items to the cart)? I know I can set up download now buttons for my free products, but I’d like to be able to capture the person’s contact information rather than just openly downloading. Thanks!
Sac Longchamp Ligne Noir

5linx
8 years ago

What’s thrilling is that their product does work and delivers
some amazing results. This isn’t the only reason that we know Vi – Salus isn’t a scam; the product is
real, and it’s backed by real research in nutrition too.
7 million which was up $ 110 million compared to the year previous.

gwceodpque
gwceodpque
8 years ago

pglr yrtx can be Celine Trapeze move his newsmen don’t do precisely. But right the push positive effects together with the Comcast boss, Which count browsing, As he may soon enough Celine gear pick now have far more politics impact compared with fresh in modern times uwywm
[url=http://www.baruchvergara.com]canada goose udsalg[/url]
[url=http://www.icmj.edu.mx]canada goose norge[/url]
[url=http://www.hrvatskadjecjaknjiga.com]sac celine luggage pas cher[/url]
[url=http://www.quickandeasyenglish.com]canada goose jakke norge[/url]
[url=http://www.bodyhealingcenter.com]canada goose girls outlet[/url]
[url=http://www.eastmeon.net]canada goose udsalg[/url]
[url=http://www.grupolospasiegos.net]canada goose men outlet[/url]
[url=http://www.noriegalegal.com]canada goose jakke billig[/url]
[url=http://www.grawlin.com]hermes borse Italia[/url]
[url=http://www.righttoworkcommittee.org]christian louboutin outlet[/url]

Servicetqt
8 years ago

Добрый день дамы и господа[url=http://vika-service.by/]![/url]

[url=http://www.vika-service.by][img]http://i72.fastpic.ru/big/2015/0721/d6/b34753cd24859e9a072d463a06119ed6.jpg[/img][/url]

Наша контора занимается свыше 10 лет ремонтом и обслуживанием оргтехники в городе Минске.Основные направления и виды нашей деятельности:

1)[url=http://vika-service.by]Заправка и восстановление картриджей[/url]

2)[url=http://vika-service.by]Ремонт и сервис оргтехники[/url]

3)[url=http://vika-service.by]Ремонт и настройка компьютеров и ноутбуков[/url]

4)[url=http://vika-service.by]Ремонт ЖКИ мониторов[/url]

5)[url=http://vika-service.by]SEO продвижение ваших сайтов[/url]

Нам будет приятно видеть у нас на интернет ресурсе [url=http://vika-service.by/]НАЖМИТЕ ССЫЛКУ[/url]

Skype: gorbunov20133

ICQ: 470350686

Всегда рады помочь Вам!С уважением,ЧУП ТЕХНОСЕРВИС ВИКТОРИЯ.

[url=http://vika-service.by/]ремонт ноутбуков ленинский район минск[/url]
[url=http://vika-service.by/]сервисный центр самсунг в минске ремонт ноутбуков[/url]
[url=http://vika-service.by]заправка принтеров[/url]
[url=http://vika-service.by/]ремонт ноутбуков hp в минске[/url]
[url=http://vika-service.by]фирмы по заправке картриджей в Минске[/url]
[url=http://vika-service.by/]сервисные центры по ремонту ноутбуков в минске[/url]
[url=http://vika-service.by/]ремонт ноутбуков минск силуэт[/url]

burberry brit or touch

Other cheap also have to sell, but I assured to buy, or choose this house, did not let me down very mini bag shape, but also very good looking, not back a lot of things can be considered sister, stores shipped quickly. 17:00 Multi-shot, shipped the same day. Like this one. Others have yet to be a trial.
burberry brit or touch