When we still had all the kittens, Tiny Cat started bringing them food she’d scavenged outside, presumably from the neighbors’ garbage. First there was a breaded piece of fish, another time it was a whole raw chicken breast. Once she showed up with an Egg McMuffin, plasticky-cheese-coated wrapper and all.

Then came the snakes. Very small snakes, as if she’d specifically chosen the most tender reptiles for her children.

Nobody was particularly interested in these offerings. Even the kittens, after curiously batting the corpse for a minute or two, would just sit there like, “Uhhhh. Nope.”

I figured that once the kittens were gone, TC would no longer feel the need to provide extra nourishment and her snake-hunting days would come to an end. Buuuuuuuut ….

No, now they’re just BIGGER snakes.


Also no longer dead.


Basically at least once every couple weeks there’s a snake in the sunroom, which is at least not technically inside the house but STILL. The smaller ones I could pick up and dispose of, but these larger still-moving ones require Husband Assistance. Which makes the whole thing pretty entertaining, because while JB would like me to tell you he’s like Samuel L. when it comes to snakes ….

He’s really more like Indiana Jones.

While I do not enjoy finding reptiles in places that should not contain reptiles, I have to admit I’m impressed by TC. She’s just trying to be a good mama, and if her efforts occasionally go wholly unappreciated — well, who among us can’t identify?



22 Responses to “Table for ew”

  1. Aileen on September 21st, 2015 10:59 am

    When I was in my teens, found a fairly big snake in our living room. My parents weren’t home. I went next door and got the Dad. Rather than remove it, like I thought he would, he beat it to death with a broom. I was totally traumatised.

  2. Jenny on September 21st, 2015 1:51 pm

    Oh man….that would freak me out, but it is sort of adorable at the same time.

    Which brings me to my favorite cat ‘hunting’ story that isn’t entirely related to this, but still deserves to be told. My mom has a male cat who is inside 100% of the time. For his entire life he has ‘hunted’ things around the house. For example, you might get home from work an find find several pairs of socks in a living room. Or you might find every kleenex out of a garbage can in various rooms with one lone kleenex on the table. But the funniest thing that he hunts are my sister’s old stuffed monkey collection. He will take stuffed monkeys that are as big or bigger than him and haul them out of a room (that has a baby gate that he has to jump over), down a set of stairs, and into the living room. He’ll do more than 10 monkeys a night sometimes. And one time he decided that he wanted to ‘hunt’ only the white monkeys, so they were all piled on a bed.

    Cats are fun. But cats are weird.

  3. sheilah on September 21st, 2015 2:03 pm

    At least they’re all just garter snakes. Not a lot of poisonous snakes in your part of Oregon.

  4. LLM on September 21st, 2015 2:21 pm

    My cat brought in a live, yet wounded bird and gently laid it beside our dining room table while we were eating dinner. It was a kind gesture, but we quickly returned the poor thing outside. where I like to think it recovered and flew away from it’s resting place on our deck as opposed to any other fate it may have encountered with someone else’s cat.

  5. Angela on September 21st, 2015 3:42 pm

    Aw, fuzzy Pounce head! So far she shows no predilection for snakes, I am glad to report.

  6. Sande on September 21st, 2015 3:47 pm

    So thankful I have an indoor cat. I hate snakes. If my Dad were Aileen’s neighbor, he would have done the same thing. LOL

  7. sooboo on September 21st, 2015 7:56 pm

    That is horrifying! We once had a cat who would bring in not quite dead rats to play with and one time brought in a dove that flew into my husband’s head while we were eating dinner, spraying bird seed all over our food out of a wound in it’s stomach. I thought that was bad. Snakes are way, way worse.

  8. Sally on September 22nd, 2015 4:37 am

    I have a lot of envy about a lot of things concerning where you live, but categorically NOT about the presence of any snakes at all. No snakes ever here in suburban UK, so one plus!

  9. A. on September 22nd, 2015 5:51 am

    OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I’m glad they’re dead, but I would DIE. My worst, absolute worst, fear.

  10. Jen on September 22nd, 2015 8:38 am

    “Just trying to be a good mama…wholly unappreciated.”
    Lol! Yes, I think that may be what I need to do right now. Dial it down a notch and quit bringing home the snakes.

  11. LD's Mom on September 23rd, 2015 7:56 am

    OK, I agree that she’s impressive. But those snakes are HUGE!!!! OMG!

  12. Judy on September 23rd, 2015 5:54 pm

    This reminded me of the summer of the snakes. A screen was broken on one of our windows, and the carpenter husband could not be bothered to fix it (the shoemaker’s child goes barefoot) and in truth I didn’t push, because it was so HANDY, like a cat door! Except the cat started bringing snakes in the house. I’d be in bed reading, hear a lot of feline activity in the living room, and would know it was another snake. We moved before the next summer, screen still broken.

  13. Koa on September 24th, 2015 12:39 pm

    I’ll admit I haven’t read a post in a while, consumed as I’ve been with my own damn life, and then to come back to this, which is why I love your writing so much. It starts off innocent, then it gets funny weird (the McMuffin and the Indiana Jones), but then it ends all poignant. And with kittens!

  14. Alison on September 24th, 2015 3:41 pm

    I’m impressed. Those are some pretty big snakes. Meanwhile I’m over here trying to convince my utterly uninterested indoor cat to catch the bug that is flying right by his face: ” it’s right there! This is your only job!” Nothing.

  15. Joanna on September 25th, 2015 2:44 am

    TC is a survivor! She is such a good mama. I’m so glad you found each other.
    Yesterday I vaccummed the house we just moved out of and there was mouse poop in the corner of every room and closet, including right next to where our dog slept! But I’ll take a lazy dog over dead or alive snakes inside the house.
    I just remembered that my friend’s mom would routinely offer a dollar to whoever found the stinky dead mouse their cat had killed and hidden and once I was the lucky winner. Genius parenting.

  16. Jessica V. on September 29th, 2015 8:59 am

    You had me at “Table for ew”. Also – @sooboo’s story about the wounded bird spraying birdseed all over the place had me in stitches (pun not really intended). LMAO

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