The presents are wrapped, the stocking stuffers have been evaluated and the inevitable item-per-child discrepancy has been rectified, the pine-scented candle has been purchased to supplement the artificial tree (TEAM FAKE 4EVA, by the way; I swear it’s the best gift I ever gave myself and I permanently fixed my vision with Lasik in 1999), the cookies have been baked, the cards have been sent, that one super weird confused-theme religious card (this year: cartoon Native American-costumed children complete with feather headdresses and warpaint huddled around baby Jesus) has been received, the novelty oversized bag is at the ready because do not even come at me with the paper and bag-tossing on Christmas morning it puts the garbage in the bag or it gets the eggnog colonic, the tacky-ass folding table is on hand to provide enough seating for visiting family to have the perfect view of our sunroom at breakfast where I am 99.8% sure the cats will have killed yet another rat and strewn its entrails into a festive design for all to enjoy.

Let’s do this thing. I hope you have a really wonderful holiday, my longtime Internet friends.

Comments

18 Responses to “Fa la la la bleaargh”

  1. Bree on December 23rd, 2017 10:21 am

    You, too, Linda!

  2. Jo on December 23rd, 2017 10:43 am

    Merry Christmas!

  3. Kim on December 23rd, 2017 11:28 am

    Your posts are the greatest gift of all. God bless us every one.

  4. LAURA on December 23rd, 2017 11:32 am

    Merry Christmas!

  5. Jo on December 23rd, 2017 12:18 pm

    Season’s Greetings from NZ! I’m loving reading your posts again and wish you all a wonderful festive season :) x

  6. Trish on December 23rd, 2017 12:46 pm

    Merry holidays to you!

  7. Honeybecke on December 23rd, 2017 1:07 pm

    And a Merry Christmas to you, dear Linda!
    (I still haven’t counted for child discrepancies and I’m totally stressing now lol!)

  8. Megan on December 23rd, 2017 10:49 pm

    Merry Christmas to you as well!

  9. Pete on December 23rd, 2017 11:03 pm

    Happy Holidays.

  10. Pam on December 24th, 2017 8:36 am

    And a merry happy Winter Solstice holiday to you! Thank you for your raw, humorous take on life. Love every minute of it.

  11. Nancy on December 25th, 2017 9:50 am

    Merry Christmas to you and yours Linda – thank you for coming back to write and share the real, nitty gritty reality of your life – which is in parts all of our reality. You help remind me of the positives all around me.

  12. Alison on December 25th, 2017 10:47 pm

    Merry Christmas Linda!

    I laughed out loud and the item-per-child discrepancy. Every year. Thank goodness for late night drug stores and the less than discerning taste of toddlers.

  13. el-e-e on December 26th, 2017 6:30 am

    That is a weird card, for sure. Happy Christmas!

  14. jennb33 on December 26th, 2017 7:15 am

    I survived, and, daresay, even evolved the tradition a little this year. Huzzah to me and to us all, I raise a glass of finest sparkling cider. Thanks queens, for being there.

  15. Alex on December 26th, 2017 11:44 am

    Merry and happy and love love love being sent your direction, always. xo

  16. Anne L. on December 26th, 2017 9:41 pm

    Aw happy holidays from a longtime reader!

  17. K8 on December 27th, 2017 3:07 pm

    Fa la la deee fking la- I’m so glad xmas is over and you made me laugh so hard i snorted with this nugget:

    “it puts the garbage in the bag or it gets the eggnog colonic”

    OCD and holidays don’t mix : )

  18. katie d. on December 28th, 2017 8:54 pm

    Lady, I just can’t stop laughing at “it puts the garbage in the bag or it gets the eggnog colonic.” My god I love you.

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