The other day Dylan and I were talking about what the plan was for the weekend and he suggested that we go bowling and when I started to remind him that wasn’t an option he snapped his fingers with irritation and said, “Right, the global pandemic.”

Oh RIGHT. That. It’s obviously not really forgettable — but sometimes it somehow is? Someone wrote in the comments a while back that it’s like when the power goes out and you find yourself bumbling around still flipping switches and feeling bamboozled when nothing happens. That feeling was more prevalent at the beginning but even now with actual weeks under my belt I still occasionally find myself thinking things like, Ugh the kids are driving me nuts I think I’ll go work from a coffee shop this afternoon OH RIIIIGHT.

One thing I am not remotely capable of forgetting is that I can’t see my hairstylist, which is a fact I am reminded of every time I look in the mirror. The roots are bad enough, but what exactly is happening to the ends of my hair? It’s like they’re just dissolving into dried-out frizz, my split ends have split ends and the whole effect is very Phil Spector, But Worse. Meanwhile my scalp has revolted/become revolting; thanks to a steady diet of dry shampoo, anxiety, and glucose, I am always itchy and flaky, and I have tried every dandruff solution available including the no-nonsense chemical kind that smells like DEET, and the hippie kind that’s full of tea tree and vague witchy promises, and nothing works. Please send all your suggestions that do not involve changing my eating plan from routinely loading up a Nerf gun with Cheese-Its and M&Ms and firing them directly into my mouth.

Comments

16 Responses to “Oh that”

  1. Amy on April 26th, 2020 10:41 am

    Mmmmm…Cheez-it’s are my binge carb of choice!

  2. joaaanna on April 26th, 2020 11:02 am

    My mom used to use Neutrogena Tgel. It smells awful and is the consistency of motor oil, but it worked for her.

    https://www.neutrogena.com/haircare/tgel-therapeutic-shampoo-extra-strength/6809466.html

  3. Trish on April 26th, 2020 12:00 pm

    Have you tried Epsom salts for your scalp? Massage 1-2 tablespoons in dry hair (over the tub or sink) for a couple of minutes, then shampoo as normal. Even table salt works! Good luck~

  4. Jennifer on April 26th, 2020 12:38 pm

    I have just given up and have embraced the “baseball cap with ponytail stuffed through the adjustment strap opening” as my go-to. It especially matches well with the surgical mask facial covering motif.

  5. Chloe on April 26th, 2020 1:19 pm

    I had wicked dandruff through my second pregnancy and that shot started after the baby left. I tried a bunch of stuff and I ended up using pine tar shampoo that got rid of it for good (so far, baby is 10 months and I’m slowly using up all the damn shampoo I purchased trying to get rid of the dandruff.

    I got Amazon cheap generic t gel (solimo original strength pine tar shampoo). It smells like men’s shampoo and tar but it works. My hair actually really liked it but I can’t stand the smell.

  6. Kim on April 26th, 2020 2:26 pm

    I second the Epsom salt trick! I’ve had the flakey-flakes on and off the past few years (another treat brought to us by getting older?) and tried some expensive stuff my hairdresser sister-in-law swore worked wonders – spoiler alert, it did not. I went from there to Google and found it under some home remedy type list.
    And yes, I really need to get a grip on this whole carb and sugar monthlong binge…even the leggings are getting tight now.

  7. sooboo on April 26th, 2020 4:17 pm

    Don’t know about dry scalp but for dry hair or brittle ends I do a hot oil and honey mask once a week or every other week. Most cooking oils will work. I use coconut but you can use olive or avocado oil too. Heat 1/4 cup or so and then add a tablespoon of honey. Let it cool a bit so you don’t burn your hands and then apply it to the ends. I put it on most of my hair except my scalp. Leave it on for 15 minutes and cover with a shower cap if you have one and then wash normally. It smells good too!

  8. Trena on April 26th, 2020 6:20 pm

    I lived in Idaho for many (dry, zero humidity) years and have now lived in humid VA for almost 2 decades and my scalp is still not amused every May when the humidity descends and I spend every Summer with gross scalp/hair. I’ve never tried Epsom salts (they’re good for just about everything else though, so why not). However, something else I’ve found that works WONDERS is from Lush (https://www.lushusa.com/hair/hair-treatments/superbalm/9999903743.html). It may initially leave your hair more on the greasy side (usually it takes just a few more washings to go back to normal) but relieves the gross scalp so it’s totally worth it!!

  9. Rose on April 27th, 2020 4:08 am

    I get itchy scalp a lot in the winter. I use nizoral shampoo. as recommended by my doctor I let it sit for at least a minute or longer before washing out. After 3-4 days you should notice a difference, if not try something else out.

  10. Hillary on April 27th, 2020 6:51 am

    I have no dandruff tips, but just this morning I woke up and had full-on Phil Spector/Sideshow Bob hair, so you are not alone in this :)

  11. CT Mom on April 27th, 2020 9:54 am

    I just want to compliment this phrase, which is just so good “the hippie kind that’s full of tea tree and vague witchy promises”

  12. Katelyn Reilly on April 27th, 2020 10:22 am

    I use an acid treatment on my scalp every so often and it feels AWESOME, gets rid of any itchiness, and is cheap (I use The Ordinary’s glycolic acid). https://www.fanserviced-b.com/how-to-wash-your-hair-with-acid/ You can buy fancy scalp acid treatments now too (example: Drunk Elephant has one) but I don’t feel like they’re worth the extra $$ for the same results.

  13. Erin on April 27th, 2020 3:09 pm

    Stop. Shampooing. Your. Hair.

    Conditioner is enough. Just put conditioner in and rinse like normal. Know that it’s going to be a weird (and slightly greasy) 2 weeks while your skin/scalp/hair balance themselves out, but it’s 100% worth it. Never shampoo again – not at the beach, not after a workout, not if you roll around in mud. Rinse really well, condition and massage the crap out of your head, rinse. Live your life with amazing hair.

  14. Eryn Goodman on April 27th, 2020 7:53 pm
  15. Pam on April 29th, 2020 6:35 pm

    I’ve been using Aveda Scalp Benefits shampoo and conditioner. At first I scoffed at the price but I just ordered my second set. :)

  16. Shawna on April 30th, 2020 6:10 am

    I feel like the “stop shampooing your hair” advice is great for people with curly hair, but if you’ve got fine and/or straight hair YMMV.

    Have you considered trying to trim the ends? Also, we’ve used dry shampoo on my stepfather when we was in the hospital and desperate for a solution to his hair being dirty, but even then it wasn’t satisfactory and I’m not sure I understand why it would be used regularly when one was able to wash it. But I’ve always gotten the impression you are much more savvy than I with your beauty lotions and potions, seeing as I don’t really wear makeup, so I’m sure there’s a reason to use it.

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